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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26149828">XCOM- Enemy Unknown (Aftermath)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rdy4fn13/pseuds/Rdy4fn13'>Rdy4fn13</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>XCOM [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>XCOM (Video Games) &amp; Related Fandoms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Depression, F/M, Gen, Multi, PTSD, Self-Harm, War, extraterrestrial</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 11:53:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>97,592</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26149828</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rdy4fn13/pseuds/Rdy4fn13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The last mission on the Temple Ship has been completed. The Commander has successfully driven his assault team to the very heart of the alien invasion. They've won, right?<br/>If you have played XCOM, then like me you've customized your soldiers, giving them ridiculous names, colouring them into the rainbow squad, and bonded with them. You've also agonized over the death of them, which is a minor inconvenience reversed by save-scumming (we've all done it). This fiction is written as if the events were real, happening to real people; a world where there is no grenadier named 'Mr.HappyBananaPants' dressed in fab yellow, where save-scumming doesn't exist and death is permanent, and the soldiers remember. This book is technically finished and has been published on another site, but I will be uploading 1-2 chapters at a time to proofread again. Feel free to comment on what you think will happen next, but no insult to my imagination.  If you don't like the book, that's fine. You find an error, point it out to me please! Enjoy!<br/>PS- I wrote this before XCOM 2, so I did not know about XCOM EU being a simulation.<br/>Edit- XCOM 2 is when you lose XCOM EU: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Gd7_Quyza0</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>XCOM [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1898929</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Aftermath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Two possibilities exist: either we are alone in this Universe or we are not.  Both are equally terrifying.”<br/>
- Arthur C. Clarke</p><p> </p><p>“We have only progressed so far and so fast because of war; we wish to find a way to kill as fast and as efficiently as possible until we are nothing more than the machines we create.  Isn’t there a way to work war out of the equation?  After all, what will become of humanity when there is nothing left to kill?”<br/>
- Unknown</p><p> </p><p>   I looked up at the fiery evening sky streaming with black smoke as I failed to process what I saw; everything was fading.  “<em>Hurry!  We need an evac!  Now!</em>”  I felt myself tremble, then I realized how cold I felt.  It was starting to feel so cold that it seemed to burn.  Shadows moved across my field of vision, one of my mates, and I slowly registered more of my surroundings.  I turned my head to the side, immediately feeling the strain on my neck, but I soon ignored it as I saw the setting sun reflect on the waves of the water.<br/>
   I saw my left arm stretched out from my side, red plastered on my hand.  I tried to move it to have it twitch and realize how much blood had dried on.  From my experience, it had been out for less than half an hour, but who’s blood was it?  Then I felt the stab to my chest and I immediately turned back and cried out in pain.  I looked to see Kit’s blonde hair shooting out of his red headband and his hands on my chest, one of them holding down the knife.  What was he doing?!<br/>
   I gasped in pain as I felt the blade drive in deeper and looked to my left hand.  Come on… Move… Move!I continued to pant as my hand slowly lifted and I put it to Kit’s hand gripping the knife, and I tried to push it off, push him off.  “Come on Jon.  It’ll help you.”  I gasped as the pain in my chest faded, slowly making me numb, and I even felt myself stop trembling.<br/>
   Then I looked closer and saw a syringe pulled out.  It wasn’t a knife; he was trying to save me.  My hand fell back to my side as I continued to pant and stare uselessly at the metal ceiling and all the frayed wires and cables.  “<em>Will he make it?</em>” a distorted voice said.<br/>
“<em>I don’t know,</em>” Kit said as his mouth moved and he blurred out.</p><p> </p><p>   “<em>Don’t worry man.  Don’t worry.</em>”  I slowly opened an eye to see Kit lean over me, holding back the tears welling up, and he continued, “Everything will be fine.  She’s fine.  Don’t worry about it.”  I just said something to him; I felt my lips move.  That’s why he’s crying, but what was it?  What did I just say?  I felt my eye slowly close again, and I lost track of time.</p><p> </p><p>   I opened my eye again to see white lights wheel over me and the commotion certainly got me awake and lucid.  I panted to feel something tickling my face and looked up to see running nurses and doctors.  “Blood pressure’s holding, but only eighty over sixty,” a woman said.<br/>
“Come on people!  Hustle!” a man said.  What’s going on?  What’s happening to me?<br/>
   I suddenly felt myself beginning to panic, and I tried to put my hand to whatever was on my face, only to come up with an arm wrapped in slithering tubes and wires.  “He’s conscious!”  Then I slowly felt the shredding pain on the right side of my face and arm, and I began to hyperventilate; wherever I am or whatever’s happening, I don’t want to be here.  “Going tachycardic!”<br/>
“He’s gonna be in v-fib!”<br/>
   I lifted my head, only to have it pushed back down, but not before I saw the red seeping through the patches of white on the right side of my body.  “Jon.  Jon, can you hear me?”  I was looking into the eyes of a male Indian doctor and I tried to speak, but I only managed a breath.  I swallowed and cleared my throat to manage, “Yes…”  I read his name as, “Dr. Laavi.”<br/>
“Okay.  Just relax.  We need you to stay calm, okay?  Can you do that?”<br/>
   I wasn’t sure what to say.  It was like my mind couldn’t even register what was being asked, and couldn’t even think of anything to respond with.  Dr. Laavi continued, “You’re safe, okay?  You’re home.  You made it back.”  Home.  My home.  I fixated on that clear picture of my home in Russia and felt myself relax; forcing myself to forget about the shitstorm that was going on around me.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   When I woke up, I was gasping and felt the warmth of sweat on my back.  It was a feeling I’ve gotten familiar with; I was in bed for over a day.  I tried to sit up and cool my back, but my side stabbed at me painfully, keeping me down.  I grunted as I breathed in pain and put a hand to my side, which also burned in pain.  I looked down to see the hospital clothes dressed on me, along with the white bandages wrapped around my entire right arm like a mummy.<br/>   I looked to my left arm, which had little more than a few scratches.  I felt my eye droop in exhaustion, then I realized I was only using my left eye.  I slowly brought my good hand up to my face and felt the bandages on the entire right side.  I tried to keep myself calm, but I was desperate to see what kind of damage I took.  I looked down and felt the bandages continue down my neck and around my shoulder, then I lifted my shirt to see white wrapped around me.<br/>   “Mmfh...” I mumbled as I tried to gasp for breath, and the attempt left me in burning pain.  I panted as I slowly lifted my right arm to watch it tremble with weakness and pain as I felt the fire continue to burn me.  The white was thickest at my right side, and I gently laid my hand on it to feel the thick bandages plastered on me.<br/>   “Hey, hey!  Look who’s awake!”  I looked to my left to see Hank, a large black man with a friendly face, sitting on the edge of his bed.  I tried to say something, but it only came out as a muffled attempt and I had to stop as my face burned with pain.<br/>“Don't talk man.  Just rest.”<br/>   I grunted again as I tried to sit up, but was kept laid back with my hand at my side.<br/>“Whoa man.  Don’t even,” Hank said, “You were hurt real bad.  Got hit with a lotta shrapnel.”  I closed my trying to relax, but there was something... missing.  I saw the alien ship break apart, then I saw Sofia getting farther and farther away as she stood watching.  “Sofia,” I forced out of my mouth.  I slid off the bandages covering my mouth and repeated, “Sofia… Where is she?”<br/>   “…”  I registered Hank’s face and growled through the pain, “Where’s Sofia?”<br/>Hank closed his eyes and shook his head as he said quietly, “She didn’t make it.”  I felt myself caught in a loop; <em>“Where is she?”<br/></em><em>“She didn’t make it.”<br/></em><em>“Where is she?”<br/></em><em>“She didn’t make it.”  </em>Didn’t make it.<br/>   I found myself springing out from my bed painfully, but I didn’t care.  I grabbed Hank by the shoulders and growled, “Sofia.  Where is she?!  She was with us!”  Hank stared at me in surprise and sorrow as his eyes began to fill with tears, and I felt myself beginning to crumble.  “No…” I breathed before I let Hank go, who slumped forward with his arms on his knees.  “No,” I repeated, then I limped towards the door.<br/>   I suddenly felt something hold me back, and I fell on my fours to hear Hank call, “Jon!”  I followed all the tubes and wires keeping me tied to the bed, which I yanked out and threw to the ground.  Alarms went off and doctors and nurses flooded the room.  I breathed heavily and gripped my side tightly as I began to crawl up to the wall and heard, “Jon, get back in bed.”<br/>“… Not until I see her,” I snarled as I dragged myself back up.<br/>   “Jon,” Dr. Laavi said, “Just take a seat, calm down.  You’re gonna rip out your stitches.”<br/>“Not until I see Sofia!”  I felt my mind crumbling as I looked around the room, only seeing Hank and the hospital staff that came to the alarm.<br/>“She’s dead,” Dr. Laavi said, “… I’m sorry.”<br/>“No… I… I gotta see it for myself.  Show me!”<br/>   “She blew up with the alien ship.”  I blinked as I remembered the mission; flying over to that ugly piece of metal over the Atlantic, looking through my scope, and Sofia right by my side.  I saw my good hand, my left hand, reach for her as the ship broke off and she watched us fall.  I took shallow breaths as I fell onto my knees and looked down at my hands.  “No… I promised her…”  I shook my head and continued, “I told her I’d protect her!  So how?  How did she die?!”<br/>   I felt my arms grabbed as the nurses pulled me up onto my feet and brought me onto the bed.  I couldn’t help but lay down and bury my face into the pillows as tears came out.  “No!” I cried as I clutched my chest.  I felt myself heaving for breaths and couldn’t hold back the tears, only imagining how pathetic I must look, but I don’t care; Sofia was gone.  I continued to sob and clutch my aching chest as all the memories I shared with Sofia, all the feelings, would never be shared with her again; ever.<br/>   I went through the first time we met, all the missions we watched each other’s backs on, when she needed support during the Psi Trials, our first kiss, and the last mission.  I remember she was so worried and frightened about the last mission; if anyone would get killed, or if the aliens were going to target her.  I told her everything would be alright.  We could protect everyone together, even each other, and I’d make sure she wouldn’t have to sacrifice herself.<br/>   My mind and body continue to quake as I felt myself destroyed by the torrent of emotions rampaging through me.  Why couldn’t I save her?  Why couldn’t I keep her safe?  What went wrong?  Was there something I could’ve done differently to have prevented this?  If anyone was going to die, it should’ve been me, so why?  I don’t know how much time had gone by, how long I had stayed like this, but I felt a hand on my back as Dr. Laavi said, “Come on, soldier.  Pull yourself together.”<br/>   I buried my face deeper into the pillows as I took double breaths and could barely control my breathing, and I was burning hotter.  “Come on, don’t do that.  Up, up, come on,” and I was forced to turn onto my back.  I quickly used my arm to cover my sweating face and wipe the tears that kept running out of my eyes.  I continued to take gasping breaths as Dr. Laavi said, “Come on, deep breaths, deep breaths.  Follow me.  Deep breath in,” and Dr. Laavi inhaled.<br/>   I inhaled, but then I took two breaths and found myself struggling to exhale.  “Deep breath out.  Push it all out,” and Dr. Laavi exhaled deeply.  I opened my mouth and forced the air out, finally getting a grasp on my breathing.  “Okay, again.  In… Out,” and Dr. Laavi took a deep breath.  I took two breaths, then gave a shaky breath as I exhaled.  “In… Out… In… Out…” Dr. Laavi repeated.  After a few minutes, I managed to take one deep breath, then one breath out.<br/>   I took deep breaths, still a bit shaky, but I wasn’t gasping or choking anymore.  “You okay?” Dr. Laavi asked.  I looked at my good hand, damp with sweat and tears, unsure what I was feeling, and replied, “It’s strange.  It’s like… it seems like it’s a dream, but I know it’s…”<br/>“Don’t worry, it’s just from the stress.  It’ll pass.  You feel any dizziness or pain?”<br/>“… No, I... I don’t feel anything.”<br/>   I sighed as I leaned back into the pillows, my body still burning in anguish to reflect my feelings, and it seemed as though time meant nothing.  I felt Dr. Laavi rub my back as he said, “I’m sorry.  It must be difficult for you to have lost a squad member.”<br/>“…”  I felt the bed bounce as Hank sat down on my other side and say, “Jon.  It wasn’t your fault.  You’re not… You’re not the only one who’s like this.”</p><p> </p><p>   The Commander wandered the base when all the required duties were finished, often checking up on the soldiers to prepare for future deployments.  The Commander went to the Barracks and to the infirmary, where Jon lay in his bed with a face of anguish as he struggled to live.  The respirator on Jon’s face hissed as he breathed, “Sofia…”  As Dr. Laavi checked Jon’s vitals, the Commander asked, “Is he alright?”<br/>   “He’s out of danger for now.  The surgery went well, but I can only imagine the pain he’s in.”<br/>“If there’s anyone to blame, it’s me.  I called the shots and they all paid the price.”<br/>“You did your best Commander.  You can’t save everyone.”<br/>“Just… take care of him.”<br/>“Of course.”</p><p> </p><p>   I held in my laboured breaths as I limped through the infirmary and towards the Barracks.  My right arm was tight against my chest in a sling to prevent me from moving it, making it harder to keep my balance.  I stumbled a few times, but I simply gritted my teeth and forced myself to keep going.  “Where do you think you’re going?” I heard Dr. Laavi ask.<br/>I stopped and replied, “To look.”<br/>   “She’s not there.  She’s gone.”<br/>“I know.  I… I just wanna make sure,” and I continued to walk.  I could feel my entire body stabbing at me as I walked, and with each step I realized Hank was right; I wasn’t ready to get out.  I was suddenly pushed down by my shoulders from behind and I sat on a wheelchair, immediately relieved.<br/>   “If you’re that antsy, just say so.  I’ll just wheel you around until you’re satisfied.”  I looked back to see Dr. Laavi, who continued, “But, once we’re done looking, you’re back on full bed rest, deal?”<br/>I nodded and he finished, “Good.  So, where did you want to go?”<br/>“… The lounge.  If she’s not injured, she’d be there.”<br/>   “Alright, but keep your cool.  Don’t be running around or losing your emotions.”<br/>I sighed and replied, “I know.”  Some part of me was desperately clinging onto the illogical hope that Sofia was waiting for me to see her.  I can’t bring myself to believe it unless I see her dead, but I don’t even want to see that.  I’m not sure what’s worse; knowing whether she’s dead or not knowing she’s alive.<br/>   The double doors to the lounge swung open as I was wheeled through the doorway and saw Kit with a few others by the pool table.  “Hey!  It’s Jon!” one of the soldiers said.  Kit immediately turned around and hurriedly walked up to me, then he slowed down and his face seemed to be filled with regret.  Kit asked, “How you doin’ man?”<br/>I gave a light laugh and replied, “It’s been pretty boring.  Looks like you don’t have a scratch on you.”<br/>   “I know.  Pretty freaky, considering we took a bit of a rocky landing.”<br/>“So, Sofia… I heard she didn’t make it.”<br/>“No, she didn’t.  I’m really sorry man.”  I recalled the ship being torn apart again, then I saw Sofia with her hands out towards us.  I saw the trails of energy and I realized what she was doing; the ship seemed to fall slowly as Sofia kept her eyes and hands fixed on us.<br/>   Then there was a crash as we landed in the water, then the rest of the ship flew higher and higher until it went past the clouds and couldn’t be seen.  I shook my head and said, “It’s okay.  She meant for us to live; she saved us.”<br/>“I know.  I still can’t believe it.  She was really amazing.”<br/>“Yeah…”<br/>   I turned to Dr. Laavi and said, “Let’s go to the gym.”<br/>Kit asked, “Wait, you’re not gonna train like that, are you?”<br/>“No, it’s…”  I sighed and looked away, then I replied, “I’m just getting some fresh air.  I just felt like travelling around.”<br/>“Want me to come with?”<br/>   “If you don’t mind pushing me around,” I said jokingly.<br/>“Alright.  Then let’s go!”<br/>As I was pushed down the hallway, I said to Kit, “I didn’t think you’d seriously do it.”<br/>“Come on, I’m a nice guy.  Besides, I’ll get to tell the rooks that I escorted a war hero.”<br/>“You won’t have to tell them that.  You’re a war hero on your own.”<br/>   “Yeah, but not as badass or scary.  Anyway, you said you wanted to go to the gym?”<br/>“Yeah.  Maybe if I watch them working out it’ll be like exercising for me.”<br/>Kit snickered, then he replied, “By the way, when you get out, I heard there’s gonna be a few ceremonies.”<br/>“Ceremonies?  For what, not dying?”<br/>   “Well, that too, but… There’s also gonna be a memorial service.”<br/>My breath was caught in my throat until I said, “So… she’s really gone…”<br/>“Yeah.  Gonna be one for her, and the others we lost throughout the war.”<br/>“Commander made sure to minimize casualties, not to mention that the Commander’s a hell of a tactician.”<br/>   “Yeah, there aren’t many, but…”<br/>“They stayed until their end, and that’s still worth respecting.”  Before I knew it, we were already at the gym.  I scanned the weights, the treadmills, and firing range in the back, but I didn’t see the face I was looking for.  In fact, there wasn’t even any faces to see.  “Huh. No one in,” Kit commented, “Sorry man.  Guess your workout’s cut short.”<br/>   “… Let’s go back,” I suddenly said.<br/>“Okay.  I was gonna drop by and see Hank, so this is pretty convenient.”  As I was pushed back down the halls to the hospital, I asked, “So how’s Jerry?”<br/>“Jerry’s fine-”<br/>“Of course he is.”<br/>   “But Sam… He got a bit dinged up.”<br/>“Oh, that’s what’s gotten you down?”<br/>Dr. Laavi asked, “Who’s Sam?  I’m not familiar with any soldiers with that name.”<br/>I replied, “Oh, Sam is Kit’s best friend, and a robot.”<br/>   Kit sighed and explained, “Yeah.  His name is S.A.M.  Super Assault Machine.  I’ve always taken a liking to machines, so I grew attached to him.”<br/>I snickered and replied, “With how you treat him, he’s like a robo-dog.”<br/>“Hey!  He’s very good at killing things.  And besides, he spots most of the enemies for you.  And he’s not like a dog; dogs don’t fly.”<br/>   “Whatever.  He’s still a robot.”<br/>“You see him as a robot, but to me, he’s an awesome friend.”<br/>“More awesome than me?”<br/>“… Maybe.”<br/>Dr. Laavi suddenly gasped and said, “Commander!”<br/>   Kit and I looked to see the Commander was in the hospital, waving at Hank while passing by.  The Commander looked our way and said, “Ah, Colonels.  How are you?”<br/>“Doin’ just fine, thanks,” Kit replied.<br/>“Could be better,” I said.<br/>   The Commander chuckled and said, “I’m glad to see you’re up and around.  I just came by to check up on your status.  I… I wish I could say the same for Colonel Lito.”<br/>I looked away and said, “It’s okay.”<br/>“No, it isn’t.  That’s why I’m going to make sure she’s never forgotten.”  The Commander put a hand on my shoulder and said, “You soldiers, you’re all we’ve got.”<br/>   Then the Commander continued past us as he waved and finished, “I hope to see you back in the field!”  My mind went blank as I processed what happened, then Kit said, “Holy shit.  The Commander…”<br/>“What about the Commander?” Dr. Laavi asked.<br/>“The Commander’s so… normal.”<br/>   I blinked, then I replied, “Yeah, Kit.  The Commander’s human, so… kinda has to be normal.”<br/>“No, I mean like, the Commander’s so… chill.  Not to mention supervising the entire base, so seeing the Commander here is like… a privilege.”<br/>“True.  But then again the Commander’s probably just making sure we can still kill aliens.”<br/>“That doesn’t mean the Commander doesn’t care,” Dr. Laavi said.<br/>   “Just bring me back.  I wanna lie down.”  Kit slowly wheeled my back to the infirmary with Hank, who waved and said, “Look who’s back!  You talk with the Commander outside?”<br/>“Yeah,” I replied, and I pushed myself up from the wheelchair and slowly sat down on the bed.  I grunted as I slowly laid back, making my abdomen stab and my body burn as I used the muscles, and I put a hand to my side.<br/>   I asked, “Man, how the hell did I get shredded up so bad?”<br/>“You don’t remember?” Kit asked.<br/>“Not much.”  I remember the assault was going well.  Next thing I know Sofia’s gone and we’re floating in the water.  I turned onto my good side and finished, “I’m sure it’ll come back.  Just need some time.”<br/>   “… Jon.  We need to talk about some of the stuff that happened up there.”<br/>“Can we do it tomorrow?”  I sighed as I held my hazing head and continued, “I’m still pretty beat; ironic, given that I’ve been sitting all day.”<br/>“No prob,” and Kit rubbed my shoulder, then I heard him walk away.<br/>   I sighed as I lay curled up on my side; she really was gone.  “Hey man, you okay?”<br/>I looked to Hank and replied, “I’m fine.  Just… need to think.”  I turned onto my back, my right arm still tied up in its sling and resting on my chest, then I closed my eyes.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Tang!  Tang!  My mind was a blank, except for the target and the rhythmic sound of firing my gun.  I took a slow breath in, exhaled quietly, then I held up my pistol and fired.  Tang, tang, tang.  Tang, tang!  I put down the pistol and groaned as I brought my burning arms down and rotated my sore right shoulder.  I looked down at the target of the alien to see the holes slowly closing in on the alien, the Sectoid, but hadn’t hit it.  I always thought the Sectoid looked like something out of a comic book; short, grey, large purple eyes on a large head, and chittering like an insect.<br/>   I panted as my right arm burned, then I took another deep breath to bring up the gun, and gave a steady exhale.  Tang, tang!  Tang!  Empty magazine.  I took out the magazine to see one bullet left; guess my counting was off too.  I reloaded my pistol, feeling the weight of it, then I took a deep breath as I held up my gun again.  I aimed, put my finger on the trigger, and as I pulled I saw the Ethereal alien staring right at me; a slender grey figure cloaked in red robes, as if it were royalty.  I quickly put down my gun and blinked to see the paper target of the Sectoid again.<br/>   I put up my gun again, feeling anger boil up from inside me, and pulled the trigger again to see the Ethereal’s energy reach out towards me.  At the same time, I felt myself lock up and freeze, unable to move.  I tried to put down my burning arms, but the gun stayed held up and my hands began to shake.  What the hell was this?  I breathed through clenched teeth as I tried to move, tried to speak but there was nothing.  I panted as my frozen body began to cramp up and threatened to break.<br/>   <em>“It’s time…”  </em>I gasped as I heard, <em>“The New One emerges to face the rigors of our collective…”  </em>I recognized this grating voice, nothing more than a hushed whisper; the Uber Ethereal.  <em>“An enduring physical form, paired with an equally adept mental capacity-”<br/></em>“The rarest of traits, finally within our grasp,” I finished.  I already heard this; back on the assault of the ship.<br/>   I saw the green glow of the dark ship again as we moved into the final room.  “I’ll scout ahead,” I said.  I padded up to one of the metal shelves and pressed my shoulder up to it as I looked around.  I gestured with my head for Sofia to come up and she slowly looked around, swivelling her head as she pointed her gun, then came up beside me and we both sat with our backs to the metal.  “Anything?” I asked.  I remember she held a hand to her head as more whispering came.<br/>   “Don’t worry about it,” I said as I quickly reloaded my sniper rifle, “I told you.  I’m not gonna let them get you.”<br/>“W-what?”<br/>“Everything they’re saying… It’s a load of bull.”<br/>“You mean, you can hear them?”<br/>   “Yeah, of course,” and I cocked my gun and turned to look through the scope as I continued, “They’re annoying little pricks.  Just have to get the right shot on them.”<br/>“Jon… if you can hear them, then you should know, there’s more to them than you think.”  Now that I think about it, why did she say that?<br/>   After all that we went through to kill every single one of these things, why did she say that?  Like she understood them?  Even more, why did she expect me to understand?  “Jon…”<br/>“What?” I asked.<br/>“Jon!”  I blinked to see blurred faces, and I held up my good hand to shield my eyes from the bright lights.<br/>   I groaned as I tried to sit up, only to feel my side stab at me and hands hold me down.  “Hey, relax man.  Just relax,” I heard Kit say.<br/>“Kit?  Wha- What’s going on?”<br/>I blinked to see Kit stand over me with two medics as he replied, “I just found you here man.  Just… found you here, lying…”<br/>   I looked down to see the red at my side and heard, “Come on, easy,” and my head was pushed back down.  I was lifted up on a stretcher and I replied, “I can walk, you know?  Got two good legs on me.”<br/>“Dude, come on,” Kit said, “Just… Don’t hurt yourself any more than you have to.”  I just laid back as I watched the ceiling go by, then I said, “I was just at the gun range.  I’m fine.  Just a few more bandages…”<br/>   “You’re not fine,” Kit said.<br/>“How do you know?  Did Sam tell you so?”<br/>“I know enough.”  I sighed as I laid back and saw the lights wheeling ahead.  “Blood pressure’s holding, but only eighty over sixty,” a woman said.<br/>“Come on people!  Hustle!”<br/>   I tightened my eyes and held my head as my ears rang and blinked again to see the hospital room.  “Ahh, der’mo,” I suddenly swore.<br/>“Nice to see you too,” Dr. Laavi said.  I looked down to see him dabbing the swollen flesh, crisscrossed with black lines, that was my side.  “Told you to take it easy,” Dr. Laavi continued as he wrapped up my side and put my arm back in its sling.<br/>   “I was just at the gun range, and-” I was silenced by my thumping head.<br/>I put a hand to my head as the thumping and ringing got worse and heard muffled, “Jon.  Jon, are you okay?”  I suddenly felt my eyes opened and a bright light in my eyes as Dr. Laavi asked, “What are you experiencing?”<br/>   “Something like…”  I saw flashes of the Ethereal, the energy flowing from them, then an explosion that sent me reeling back.  “I think it’s back on the ship,” I said with difficulty, “I’m… I’m seeing it all again.”<br/>“Don’t worry, it’s normal.  It was a mission where you lost a friend.  Your mind is just stressed.”  For some reason, I felt anger and annoyance.  “No,” I said, “This is not normal, okay?”<br/>   I pulled down my shirt and stood up as I continued, “I don’t get stressed, okay?  I’ve learned how to use a rifle since I was six years old.”<br/>“Jon, just calm down,” Dr. Laavi said as he also stood up and held his hands out towards me.  “You’re just having another episode, calm down.”<br/>   I scoffed as I said, “Another episode… They’re not episodes.  They’re… feelings.”<br/>“Yes they are, but sometimes, you let them get out of control.”<br/>“I don’t care what they are.  They keep me alive.”<br/>“They’re controlling you.”<br/>   “Look, I know.  But, sometimes it just…”  I sighed and covered my face as Dr. Laavi asked, “It just what?”<br/>“Like you’d understand.”  I walked past him and out the door, then I just kept walking, unsure of where I was going.  I panted as I rested by the Mission Control to see the Hologlobe, Bradford, and all the workers at their desks; I could only guess where the Commander was.<br/>   I continued through another hallway to come to the Hangar, and I looked up at all the Interceptors and Firestorms.  I saw a few of the staff coming along and I quickly moved to the lower levels.  I slowly walked around and looked up at all the aircraft, ready to fly away at a moment’s notice.  “… Hushhhaaa… Isssaaar…”  I turned and looked around, but there was no one.  “… Anaaaah… Sssshooo…”<br/>   I gave an exasperated sigh as the whispering continued and I angrily walked towards the source, ignoring my burning body.  As I continued, I felt myself beginning to calm down and walked back towards Mission Control.  Then I heard the whispering continue, below me.  I looked down, trying to determine where it was coming from, and I took a lift down.  As I continued, I slowly began to realize where I was going, but I also hoped it wasn’t where I’d end up.<br/>   I soon stood before a set of dark purple doors and my fears were realized as I knew where I was.  The Gollop Chamber; the place that housed the Ethereal Device we had risked our lives to take, and why Sofia…  I closed my eyes and turned to walk away when I heard it again; the faint whispering that called to me.<br/>“… Sofia?” I asked.<br/>   “… Help me…”  I gasped as I heard the breathed words, raspy and delicate.  My body refused to move as I listened to the faint whispering.  Why couldn’t I move?  What was stopping me from running the hell away from this place?  Move.  Move!  I slowly saw my hand rise and reach for the doors.  “What are you doing here?”  I jumped as I turned around to see Dr. Vahlen, a woman who was the lead scientist at XCOM and probably one of the sternest people I knew.<br/>   “This place is restricted,” she said, “even for you, Colonel.”<br/>“… I apologize,” I replied, “I’ll be going.”<br/>As I walked past her, she asked, “You’re already up and about?”<br/>I stopped and defiantly replied, “Yeah, why?”<br/>   “It’s only been a few days.”<br/>“The medicine’s good.  I thought you’d know that by now, Doctor.”<br/>“And your hair’s become more white.”  I looked to see Vahlen put a hand to my hair.  I stepped back and ran a hand through to fix my hair and replied, “It’s just the stress.”  She was right.<br/>   My once coal black hair in my youth had started to gain traces of white.  By the time I was transferred here, I looked like a middle-aged man from behind.  Now my hair was half and half.  “You know it’s strange,” Vahlen continued, “I came down here because I received reports that the Ethereal Device was showing signs of activity, and I find you here.  What are your thoughts Colonel?”<br/>I glared at her and replied, “Odd coincidence.  I was just leaving,” then I turned and walked away.<br/>   I rode the lift back up to the Barracks and found myself staring at the floor as I walked.  I walked through the lounge, where a few of the soldiers were at the bar or playing pool.  Some of them gave a wave to me; I held up my hand to give a passing wave and I continued to the rooms.  I opened the door to my room, staring into the emptiness, and sighed.  It was a five-meter room in length and width, holding a bed, a desk and chair, and a closet.<br/>   I slowly eased down onto my bed, putting a hand to my side as I sat down, and stared at the sling holding my arm.  My body immediately felt grateful and the burning pain all but stopped as I relaxed.  I slowly laid down on my side, then turned onto my back, and stared at the blank ceiling of my room.  I wasn’t sure what I wanted to think about; all I wanted to do was lay back and stare.  Then my thoughts went to Sofia; the way she looked, the way she smelled, and her laugh.<br/>   I saw her smiling face in front of me, with her auburn hair in a ponytail.  I remembered the streak of white hair on her head from all the Psi experiments, but it seemed to make her more valiant.  She smelled faintly of flowers, even after a mission.  I slowly closed my eyes and took a deep breath to see her lying down beside me in the Hangar.  “Come on.  Show me,” she said.<br/>   “Alright…”  I rubbed my hands together, then I slowly split them apart and formed a small ball of purple energy in my hands.  She giggled and said, “That’s so cool.”<br/>“What, you can’t do it?”<br/>“It’s so beautiful.”<br/>   I put my hands behind my head to make the ball disappear and asked, “Promise you won’t tell anyone?”<br/>“Of course,” and we held hands as we looked up at the cave ceiling and the Interceptors in their bays.  I opened my eyes, then I looked at my watch to read “2:34 A.M.”  I sat up and groaned as my entire right side went stiff with pain and I breathed to help make it fade away.  I put my hand on the desk to reach for my canteen and only grasped at air.<br/>   Come on, where was it?  Where was it?  I could just imagine the sweet liquid going down and putting out the fiery pain tormenting me.  Then I suddenly felt the rugged cloth bottle and grabbed it tightly as I brought it up to my mouth.  I tipped my head and the bottle back to only come up with a mouthful of metallic tasting water.  I groaned as I threw my head forward and swung my legs out onto the floor.<br/>   I groggily walked through the dimly lit halls of the Barracks with my canteen in hand, heading to the lounge where I could drink from the fountain.  I leaned over the fountain and pressed the button to drink in the stream of water.  When I finished, I yawned as I held my bottle to the stream and let it fill up, slowly feeling sleep draw my eyes closed.  “… It’s starting… It’s starting.”<br/>   I opened my eyes and looked around as I heard the whispering, then I groaned and noticed my canteen was filled up.  I closed the lid when I heard it again.  “The New One approaches…”  I blinked as I recognized that; New One.  I began to walk back and heard, “You hear our voice, New One, now listen well…”<br/>   I slammed the door as I entered my room and sat down on my bed to lean forward and hold my head in my hands.  I took deep breaths, then I said, “No.  Just, shut up.  You’re not real.”  I laid back in bed and closed my eyes to embrace sleep, but it didn’t come.  I turned onto my good side, only to keep hearing the whispers.  “Shut up…” I whispered again forcefully to finally feel exhausted and don’t remember falling asleep.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I heard the billiard balls clack, followed by laughter and cheers as I walked into the lounge.  “Hey!  Colonel!”  I looked to see one of the Squaddies wave to me and call, “Wanna join us?”  I decided to walk over and they continued, “Wow, we still can’t believe your assault on the Temple Ship!  You stopped the invasion!”<br/>“Mmm, yeah,” I replied.<br/>   “You okay?  You seem a bit more down than usual.”<br/>“Mmm, yeah.”  I don’t care; I just feel the way I do right now.<br/>“Well what’d you expect?” another Squaddie said, “We lost Sofia and he got half his body blown.”  I blinked as I looked away and heard him continue, “Oh, sorry Colonel.”<br/>“He doesn’t care.”<br/>   Everyone looked to see one of the Sergeants at the bar throw back a shot and continue, “He doesn’t care he got hurt.  He’s upset he wasn’t strong enough.”  I was silent as we listened to him continue, “We know what happened Colonel; you let one of those aliens take control of you, didn’t you?”<br/>“…”  I saw the energy from the Ethereal flow into me and control my body, willing me to walk closer and closer.<br/>   “I get why you pulled out the grenade; to take them down with you.  But it backfired, didn’t it?  Because it made the ship unstable and threatened to self-destruct, and take Earth with it.  So Sofia had to sacrifice herself to save you and everyone else-”<br/>“Shut up!” I suddenly yelled as I exploded.  Then there was a violent shattering sound as the Sergeant’s shot glass suddenly exploded into sharp shards.<br/>   The Sergeant fell out of his chair and everyone stared in shock.  I gasped, then I looked away and said, “Don’t ever talk about her like that again.  Not ever…”  I held my fists in quaking fury, then I let them unclench and calmly said, “I’m going to the firing range,” and I turned and walked away.  “Wait, Colonel!” one of the Squaddies called, “Your arm!”<br/>“Don’t talk to me,” and I held in my wrath as I walked out of the lounge.<br/>   In the firing range, I took deep controlled breaths as I looked down at the target from fifty meters; the maximum distance this facility could afford.  I held up my pistol, using only my far-sighted eyes, then I fired the trigger.  Tang, tang, tang, tang, tang!  Tang!  Tang!  Tang!”  I put down my gun to have my right arm burn, but each bullet hole was clustered at the Sectoid’s head, leaving a giant hole in the target.  “Well, well, looks like you’re feeling better.”<br/>   I looked to see Kit walk up with Sam hovering up beside him.  I asked, “The bot feel better too?”<br/>“Yep!  All ready to rock!” and Kit patted Sam on his metal head to have him chirp and whir.  I looked back down the range, held up my gun, and continued to shoot.  When I emptied and began to reload, Kit said, “So I heard you were in the lounge this morning.”<br/>I slowed down and replied, “Yeah.”<br/>   “You wanna talk about it?”<br/>“… I don’t know what happened.  If that’s why they sent you, then you can go away.”<br/>“I came because you’ve got your arm out of your sling again.”<br/>I slammed down the gun on the table, turned around to him with my arms folded across my chest, and said, “Here I though you were just a gearhead.”<br/>   “The tissues in your arm suffered contusions, and you’re recovering from a serious burn injury.  You gotta take it easier.”<br/>“Fine, I’ll take it easier,” and I picked up my gun with my good hand, looked down the range and fired to hit the Sectoid’s head, but more scattered around the first hole I made.  I emptied the clip again, then I panted as I put down my gun and said, “See?  I can still shoot.”<br/>“Come on man, you’ve been down here the whole morning.  Let’s get something to eat.”<br/>   “… Fine.”  I was feeling a bit hungry.  I put away my gun, carefully put my sling back on, and gently laid my arm to rest.  We both walked back to the lounge to see two military police standing in front of the two doors.  “Jon Ryumin?” one of them asked me.<br/>“Yeah?”<br/>“Go on in.”  Kit and I reluctantly walked in to see the Squaddies and the Sergeant talking with the military police and Dr. Vahlen.<br/>   “Aww, blyat,” I groaned.  Dr. Vahlen looked to me and said, “Colonel, good to see you.”<br/>“What’s going on here?”<br/>“We’ve heard some… interesting reports concerning you.”<br/>I narrowed my eyes and asked, “What kind of things?”<br/>“Well, they said you had another outburst…”<br/>   I sighed as I looked away; damn it, people are always trying to rat me out for pissing me off.  “What else?” I asked.<br/>“They said at the same time a glass exploded.  Care to call it a coincidence?”<br/>“Can we do this later?” I asked mockingly.  “Because I’m still recovering,” and I held out my right arm in its sling.<br/>   “We were wondering if you wanted to take part in the Psi Trials.”  I felt my insides melt as I remembered the Psi Trials.  Sofia was gone for ten whole days, and when she came out…  My eyes were fixed to the ground as Vahlen continued, “You’re one of the few who haven’t undergone this trial yet, and I’m afraid it is mandatory.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>   “Because the Psi gift is valuable, but very rare.  If there are any soldiers who show potential, we must be able to identify and nurture their abilities.”<br/>I chuckled and replied, “I’m not gonna be your lab rat,” and I began to walk past her when she suddenly grabbed my arm.  I glared at her as she said, “Look, we can’t force you, but we need you to accept.”<br/>“You’re doing a great job convincing me,” I said sarcastically.<br/>   “Why are you afraid?  If you prove to have the Gift, then you will have unimaginable power at your fingertips.”<br/>“What if I don’t want it?”<br/>“Are you being humble Colonel?”<br/>   I gave a mocking laugh and replied, “No, not humble.  I just don’t wanna take another step to being like them.”  I pulled my arm away and walked up to the bar and sat at the stool.  Vahlen followed and sat down beside me as she said, “Look, I know you’re skeptical because you saw what it did to Lito, but she was our best.  Can you imagine what would’ve happened if she never made those sacrifices?”<br/>   “Yeah.  You’d have chosen someone else to go through that, and they’d be the hero… And she’d still be here.”  The bartender handed me my black mug with the usual and I gulped it down.<br/>“She didn’t regret any of it,” Vahlen continued.<br/>“No, she just couldn’t.  She knew everyone was depending on her; that’s why she kept going.  She was always soft, but she wasn’t weak.”<br/>   I looked at Vahlen and continued, “She knew there was no choice; either she had to accept that burden, or let humanity suffer until someone else with the guts came along.”  I finished my mug and said to the bartender, “I’ll just have some chips.”<br/>“… How bad are the visions?”<br/>I put my mug down and asked, “What?”<br/>   “Lito got them too; about the Ethereal Device, and the Temple Ship.”  The bartender put down my basket of fries and I got up with them to have Vahlen continue, “If you’d just take part, let us help you, you’d be able to control them.”<br/>“Bother me some other time when I actually give a damn,” and I walked into the hall towards my room.  As I walked up to my room, I looked down to Sofia’s room to see the open door.<br/>   I quickly tossed my fries into my room, then I slowly walked towards the light coming out of the room to see someone walk out with a cardboard box.  I quickly walked up to see two soldiers cleaning out her room.  “What are you doing?” I asked.<br/>“Cleaning the room out,” the Corporal said, “Need to make the room available for any new members.”  Then I saw one of them open up a book to reveal pictures.<br/>   I quickly snatched the book from him and flipped through the pictures.  “Hey!” the Squaddie said, “That’s hers.”<br/>“Don’t worry, I’ll keep it safe.”<br/>The Squaddie grabbed my arm and said, “Dude, those are her pictures; not cool.”<br/>   I sighed and thrust the open book into his face as I asked, “See that?  That’s her, and me, and everyone else.  It belongs to everyone.”  I angrily took the book, walked into my room, and slammed the door shut.  I sat on my bed with my back against the wall and a pillow in between.  I grabbed my basket of warm fries and brought the book onto my lap.  As I ate the fries, one by one, I flipped through each page of pictures to see her entire adventure.<br/>   She started with her picture in the Hangar as she arrived, then to the guys in the lounge and the gym.  I flipped through all the smiling pictures until I came to the first one she took of me, when I transferred here.  It was during XCOM’s mission in Russia, my homeland.  It was like this; they killed the aliens, they’d get me.  Of course I was already on the site, watching them through my scope to make sure they weren’t getting their asses handed to them.<br/>   I lay silently on the rooftop as I watched the five squad members move up the dark streets.  One of them held up their arm and said, “Contact!  We’ve got movement!”  I followed their line of sight to see the glow of the plasma rifles.  “Go, go, go!”  I watched one of them move ahead and throw a grenade, lighting up a car and killing three Thin Men; the aliens’ attempts at making themselves look human, topping it off with a black suit and tie.  “We’ve got more!”  I looked to see three Mutons and I whispered, “Oh, der’mo.”  The Mutons were green armoured bodybuilders with grenades and decent aim; essentially, a pain in the ass.<br/>   Then I heard shots fired, but it only pissed off the Mutons; they beat their chests and began to run up when I saw the red Muton.  It gave a screech and it began to run towards the squad.  “What the hell is that?!” one of them yelled.  A rifle went off to hit the Berserker, and it immediately charged with its claws swinging.  I gently put my finger on the trigger, and the Berserker ran closer and closer.<br/>   Tang!  Everyone jumped as the Berserker dropped dead at the squad’s feet.  One of the soldiers held up their rifle and said, “Control!  Unknown contact!  I repeat, unknown contact!”<br/>I whispered, “Negative.  Friendly in vicinity.”<br/>The soldier put a hand to his ear, then he asked, “Friendly?”<br/>   I aimed at the crouching Mutons and I pulled the trigger again to drop another Muton.  The remaining two began to run away, but I took a breath, then aimed, and fired; Tang!  Another one down.  “Kills confirmed,” I said into the mic.  The last Muton hid behind a building and peeked around the corner.  “One more.  You guys got him?” I asked.<br/>“… Where is he?”<br/>   I looked to the squad and said, “Two hundred meters ahead, red brick building on the left.  He’s peeking out… and holding a grenade.”  The Muton held a green and purple grenade in his hands and I asked, “Commander.  What’s your move?”<br/>“… You may fire.”<br/>   “Copy,” and I immediately pulled the trigger to have the Muton’s grenade explode and make the building shake.<br/>“Good job team,” another man said, “Sweep the area and finish up, then you’re clear for extraction.”  I watched the squad looking around the rooftops for me, and I said, “One hundred fifty meters ahead, top of the building on your right.”<br/>   Everyone immediately raised their guns as they looked up at me, and I took my eyes off the scope to look down at them.  I slung my rifle on my back and immediately slid down the pipe at the side of the building.  “I suppose you’re my new team,” I said.<br/>“Yeah,” a gruff man said, “You the new guy?”<br/>“New here, but not to the battlefield.”<br/>   I looked to see Sofia glare at me and I asked, “Why the angry face?”<br/>“You fired at close proximity to a squad member.”<br/>“I never miss.  And besides…” I walked to the Berserker and kicked it as I continued, “I didn’t want it to scare you off.”  Sofia brushed against me roughly as she walked past and said, “Come on, let’s sweep the area.”<br/>   I spread out my arms and said, “Alright, no need to get upset,” and we all swept the area, then climbed onto the helicopter and flew out.  This was my new life; killing aliens, working with a team, and saving people.  Back in the Barracks, I was still dressed in my gear, drinking from a black mug when I heard, “Smile newbie.”  I looked to see the flash of a camera and blinked when the picture was taken.  “Why so serious?”<br/>   I looked to see Sofia behind the camera and I asked, “What are you doing?”<br/>“Taking a picture.  It’s just something I do.  Usually the first unexpected pictures of new people tell you a lot.”<br/>“Oh yeah?  And what can you tell from mine?”<br/>“You get pissed off easily.”<br/>   I scoffed and replied, “You could get that without a picture.”  As I stood to leave, she continued, “It’s because you’re hurting all the time, isn’t it?”<br/>“… So?”<br/>“Doesn’t that upset you?”<br/>“Whatever,” and I walked to my room.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Memorial</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I looked up at the Memorial Wall as I stood in my military jacket with its ribbons and stars.  I placed down the photo album on the coffee table and opened the page to Sofia’s pictures.  I knelt on my good knee in front of the table, looking down at Sofia, and found myself sort of talking.  “Hey,” I started.  I looked up at the Memorial Wall and asked, “Never thought we’d lose any more… especially after what happened with Sergeant Tomas.”<br/>   I stared at the pictures, unsure of what to say, then I continued, “They cleaned out your room a few days ago.  I got the album, as you can tell.  You said you were gonna fill it up, share it with everyone when it was finished.”  I sighed as I covered my eyes with my good hand, then looked down at my right arm in its sling, and I said, “I’m sorry.  You were right; I’m a selfish brute.  I should have looked for another way, other than… Well, I certainly have the looks for it now.”<br/>   I took another breath and continued, “You were right,” and I put a hand to my head, “It’s getting worse and I… I don’t know what to do,” and I found myself beginning to cry.  I sniffed as tears ran down my face, seeping into my wounds and making them burn, and I said, “They’re… We’re all holding a service… Just for you, and all the others,” and I looked up at the pictures on the Memorial Wall.  I brought down my left hand to say, “I’ve done things… Things I can’t explain, and I can’t control them.  I don’t know what to do...”<br/>   “… Jon?” I heard Kit ask.<br/>I quickly held back my sobs and calmly asked, “What is it?”<br/>“It’s time to go.  We’re gonna go out into the fields.”<br/>I stood up, making sure my face was still hidden, and said, “Right, I’ll be there.  Just gimme a sec.”<br/>“… Okay,” and I heard him walk away.<br/>   I sniffed, then took a deep breath, and I quickly wiped away my tears.  I went into the bathroom and splashed my face with cold water.  I sighed and looked to see my eyes were still a bit red.  I lightly slapped my face, put on my cold look, and I kept my composure as I felt myself crack again.  I closed my eyes and growled in frustration, then I muttered, “Come on, come on, keep it together.”  I walked out of the bathroom and out of the lounge.<br/>   I stared at the floor as I walked to the Hangar and saw a crowd of people were still waiting.  “Hey!  Jon!”  I looked to see Kit wave at me, and I walked over with my good hand in my pocket as my right arm remained in its sling.  I looked away and asked, “What’s the holdup?”<br/>“We’re waiting for Bradford and the Commander.”<br/>   “Sorry for the wait everyone!” Bradford called, “Everyone please get on the appropriate vehicles.  We’ll be flying out shortly.”<br/>I felt a hand slap me on the back and I looked to have Hank ask, “You okay brother?”<br/>“Fantastic,” I said as I walked past him and onto a Skyranger.  As I sat down at the end of a bench, Kit sat down beside me and said, “It’ll be alright man.  Just-”<br/>   “Kit, just shut up,” I said, and I heard the quiver in my voice, the weakness.<br/>“Jon…”  I quickly turned away and covered my eyes as I felt my chest grow heavier and the tears threatening to break the dam.  I felt a hand on the back of my shoulder as Kit said, “Dude, just let it out.  Let it out if that’ll stop you from being like this.”  I even heard Kit start to break.  It seemed like it’d be okay; we were all friends, and we lost someone.  It’s okay to cry, right?<br/>   “… No.”  I suddenly recalled an old memory.  “Dad,” I said, “I made it.  I made it.”<br/>“Good…”  I breathed heavily as I gripped his hand while he lay weakly in his bed.<br/>“Come on now, don’t cry,” he said, “I told you this day was to come.  Don’t mourn for me.  There’s nothing for you to be sad about.”<br/>“But, I’ll never see you again…”<br/>   “That doesn’t matter.  What matters is the time we shared together.  I want you to remember me as your father, your mentor, and I want you to be proud of who you are now.”<br/>“I… I never got to show you.  I never got to…”<br/>He shook his head and replied, “I’m your father.  I just want you to carry on.  Find your pack; lead them.”<br/>“Will I… Will I ever?”<br/>   “We always find each other.”  That was the last time I spoke to my father on equal grounds.  A year later, he died as a completely different person.  I watched the man I knew crumble away while I built my life in the army.  It was rough, but I heeded his words, and did my best not to cry.  I was alone, the last wolf of my pack, and I had to move on, and I did.  I couldn’t let myself fall into that pit, not again.  I breathe through my teeth and regained my composure, then I said, “I’m fine.  Just, don’t talk to me.”<br/>   After an hour, we were all assembled a few kilometers from the base, out into an empty field.  The soldiers stood in neat rows, from highest rank in the front to lowest rank in the back.  As we were arranging ourselves, Bradford walked up to me and asked, “Colonel Ryumin?  The Commander wants to see you.”  I nodded and followed Bradford up to the front, the whole event still ethereal to me.  I looked up to the Commander, who said, “Jon… I’m sorry.  I wish Lito- Sofia, didn’t have to go like that.”<br/>   I nodded and looked back down as the Commander continued, “Well, we were wondering, if you wanted to hold her picture up.”<br/>I looked back up and blinked as I asked, “Huh?”<br/>“We’re having family and friends hold up the pictures, to show who The Fallen left behind.  We were wondering if you wanted to hold Sofia’s picture.  I know you two were close.”<br/>   I clenched my right hand and I said, “Thank you, but… I need two arms.  Can I have someone help out?”<br/>“Sure, of course.”  I looked to Kit, and I gestured for him to walk up.  When the ceremony started, the bagpipes played as the Interceptors and Firestorms flew over us, and I held Sofia’s picture with help from Kit.<br/>   I ignored everything as I focused on keeping my tears behind my eyes.  Then I heard a mic come on and I heard the Commander say, “Thank you all for coming.  Today, we commemorate those who gave their lives to defend not just family, friends, but everyone on this planet and for their peace.”  As I listened, I felt my body begin to crack, my chest grow heavy, and my eyes burning.  I closed my eyes and kept my head down as I tried to ignore the words, but they were ringing into my head.<br/>   “We lost more than just soldiers.  We lost a family member, a friend, a loved one.  Their sacrifice was not in vain.  We remember that each day as we fight a world war.  That is how we honour them.  Thank you.”  When the ceremony finally ended, Sofia’s picture was gently lifted from my hand, and I was surprised to see my hand shake as I let go.  My whole body was shaking as I stepped back and Kit held my shoulder as he said, “Come on, let’s get back to the Skyranger.”<br/>   By the end of it, I felt like I was on autopilot; I saw where I was going, but I didn’t remember how I got there.  It was all so numbing with my brain just turned off.  My mind seemed to be tucked away in its own corner in the dark while I tried to process everything.  It all replayed in my mind; the Temple Ship assault, my body taken over, my decision to pull the grenade out, but why did I throw it?  At the last minute, I threw the grenade, but I planned to keep it on me to blow up the Ethereal beside me, so why?<br/>   I was sitting on one of the benches of the Skyranger and suddenly realized it was her.  Sofia made me throw the grenade at the last second so I could have a chance.  How could I have been so foolish?  She was right; I was just a selfish brute, and she paid the price.  I wasn’t sure what to feel; horrible guilt for getting Sofia killed, or that she wanted me to live and that I should keep going.  I felt unsure and filled with sorrow no matter what I thought.<br/>   “Hey,” Kit said as he put a hand on my shoulder, “We’re back.”  I followed everyone off the Skyranger and walked out of the Hangar alone.  “Jon!  Wait up!” Kit called.<br/>I heard myself say, “Just leave me alone, for a bit.  I need some time to think,” and I continued alone.  I walked throughout the empty base and walked into the lounge in the Barracks.  I walked to the Memorial Wall and knelt on my good knee again, looking at Sofia’s picture.<br/>   I slowly reached out with a hand and turned the page to see group pictures.  There were pictures of other soldiers playing billiards together, drinking, and of course there was the picture of all five of us at the table.  We were all sitting at the bar when Sofia gave her camera to Greg to take the picture.  Jerry was on the far left, beside him Hank.  At the right end was Kit, grinning with his hand up in a peace sign.  Sofia smiled happily as she stood in the center, with her arms wrapped around me, and I faintly smiled; one of the few times I smiled.<br/>   I gently put my fingertips to the bottom edge of the photograph, hoping she could see me, hear me.  “Sofia,” I said, “… I promise.  I promise I’ll never let this happen again.  I’ll protect everyone, and I won’t need to kill myself to do it.”  I gave a light smile and continued, “Like you said before, I have strength, I just need to use it.”  I stood up, then I walked quietly to my room, hung my jacket in the closet, and lay back on my bed.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   “The New One’s kin falls, and our fear grows, as we question the worthiness of our selection…”  Where am I?  What am I doing?  Sleeping?  I suddenly saw Sofia look down at me, at us, as we fell towards the ocean.  I looked to see the tears in her eyes as she turned away and the rest of the ship began to rise.  No.  Don’t go.  Don’t go…<br/>   “Weakness… we did not expect this… weakness… another of the new breed fails to pass…”  What will I do without you?  Without you, I feel even more anger than I did before; anger and hatred that only you could stow away.  Where will I end up?  “… Jon.”  I turned my head to listen; was it really her?<br/>“Jon!” I heard someone yell.<br/>   I opened my eyes groggily as I moaned in exhaustion and heard, “Good.  You’re back,” and I felt a hand lightly hitting my face.  I was sitting up and I saw Dr. Vahlen and the other researchers.  I held my thumping head and asked, “What’s going on?”<br/>My head cleared as Vahlen said, “You were sleepwalking Colonel.”<br/>“Sleepwalking?’ and I blinked and looked to see the Ethereal Device only meters away.<br/>   I gasped and stood up in surprise to have my arms grabbed.  I looked to see military police and Vahlen said, “Colonel, you’re not safe.  We can’t let you do any rash, whether its intentional or not.”<br/>“Let me go,” I said, “I’m going back to my room.”<br/>“Jon… I’m sorry.”  I suddenly felt myself move and realized the Military Police were dragging me.<br/>   I felt my heart pound as I resisted and I asked, “Wait.  What are you doing?  Stop!”  I was dragged down the halls and futilely hoped I wasn’t being taken there.  The doors opened and I saw the chambers arranged in a circle, with an observatory room above; the Psionic Labs.  “No,” I said, “No.  No!  Stop!”  I was thrust into one of the chambers and held down by the Military Police as the researchers strapped me into the chamber.<br/>   “No, please, no,” I pleaded as I continued to struggle.  Then one of the researchers reached in and jabbed me in the neck, making me cry out and immediately weaken, then the MPs let go of me.  My arms trembled as I forced them to move, but I was kept laid back in the chamber.  I gasped as the chamber doors closed with a hiss and darkness moved in on me.  The chamber was pitch black as I lay in the dark, but I knew I was awake by the sound of my breathing.<br/>   “No…” I said, “Let… me… ooouut!”  I grunted as I broke the metal bands on my arms, and bashed my fists against the metal walls to hear a creak.  I yelled as I bashed them again to hear the metal bend, but I didn’t feel anything.  Then I just waved my hand to have the chamber lid fly off as a heap of crumpled metal.  I fell out onto my knees and gasped as I saw purple gas and coughed.  I looked up as I struggled to stay awake and saw a figure standing over me.  “Amazing… To have this extent of power, and without the experimentation process!”<br/>   I fell forward and passed out, and I could hear muffled voices around me, my body being lifted again.  No… Don’t put me back in that metal coffin.  My vision was suddenly filled with white and I looked to see a gray sky and white snow with bare trees everywhere.  “Jon, focus,” I heard.  I looked down the rifle to see the deer slowly moving through the bushes, then paw at the snow and nibble at the grass underneath.  “Now then, remember what I taught you.”<br/>   I breathed in slowly through my nose, then exhaled and ignored the white puffs.  I aimed carefully, and I knew where the bullet would go even before I pulled the trigger.  Tang!  I lay unblinking as I watched the deer drop onto its side and painting the white snow red.  As I leaned off the gun, we heard the rustling through the snow.  I quickly looked to see a large grey dog; a wolf.<br/>   I began to aim my rifle when my father grabbed the barrel and said, “No Jon.”  I watched my father slowly walk up to the dead deer and he drew his knife.  The wolf stood and watched as my father slit open the deer’s belly and let the body drain with its entrails.  I watched him work on the deer from afar when I saw another wolf, a bit smaller, trot up to the first wolf.  My father carried part of the deer and laid it towards the wolves.<br/>   He stepped back and the wolves carefully stepped up, sniffed the meat, then one of them howled and picked up the meat to carry it away.  The second wolf did the same while my father continued to carve up the deer.  When I was sure the wolves were gone, I pulled the wooden sleigh to my father and the deer carcass, and I said, “You’ve known those wolves.”<br/>“Yes, I do.”<br/>   “Grandpa did the same with you as you are with me, right?”  My father stopped and looked up at me as he said, “Nothing escapes you my son,” and he gave a faint smile as he rubbed my head.  When the deer was loaded on the sleigh and pulled by my father, I scooped up the snow with both my hands to pack it into a lump.  Then I concentrated and the snowball began to hover off my hands and spin against my hands to shave off the lumps.<br/>   I laughed as I held the perfectly round snowball and said, “Dad!  Look!” and I ran up to his side and showed him the snowball.  “Oh,” he said, “How did you make it that round?”<br/>“I’ll show you!  I’ve been practicing it.”<br/>“Maybe when we get home, okay?”<br/>“Yep!”<br/>   Later in the day, my father was chopping wood and I was playing in the snow again.  I picked up more snow with both my hands, then I asked, “Dad, can I show you now?”  He grunted as he swung his axe once more to split a log, then he panted and set the axe down.  “Alright,” he said, “Let’s see it then.”  I packed the snow into its usual lumpy form, then I felt my heart pound as I felt my father watching me.  I took a deep breath and concentrated as I made the snowball hover and spin.<br/>   I slowly put my hands to the snowball and let the snow shave and become smoothed out.  I let the perfectly round snowball drop into my hands, then I presented it with both hands and said, “Ta da!”  Instead of pride or amazement, I saw a look of horror on my father’s face as he grabbed my hands and asked, “What was that?  What were you doing?!”<br/>“W-what?  I was just-”<br/>   I squirmed and said, “Dad, stop it, let go!  You’re hurting me!”  He suddenly let go and I stumbled back to hold my hands to my chest.  He exhaled and closed his eyes, then he replied, “I’m sorry, but Jon…”  He looked at me and said, “You can never show this to anyone.”<br/>“Huh?  Why not?”<br/>He walked up to me, knelt down, and held my cold hands as he replied, “Because this isn’t normal.”<br/>   I blinked and asked, “So… you can’t do it?”<br/>My father held his head down and shook it as he replied, “No son, no.  No one can.”  He looked at me and asked, “Now listen… Is there anyone who taught you this?  Showed you?”<br/>“No,” I replied as I shook my head.<br/>   “Did you hear or see it somewhere?  Anywhere you could have gotten the idea from?”<br/>“No!”<br/>My father patted my shoulders, then he hugged me and whispered, “Sorry.  I’m sorry.  Promise me you won’t show it to anyone, ever.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>   “Because people won’t like it if you’re not normal; strange.  I want you to grow up having people like you, admire you, want to be like you.  You can’t have that if you show that you’re different.  They may come to fear you, and try to hurt you, and I don’t want anyone to ever lay a hand on you.  Promise me Jon.  Promise me you won’t ever do it again.”<br/>“… Okay, I promise.”<br/>“Good boy,” and he stroked my hair and continued, “Good boy…”<br/>   I was only five years old then, the winter before I started school.  I was often sick as an infant, which is why I was put off school, and instead taught of the cold.  I became stronger, smarter, but unfortunately, I had to hide what I could do.  As I grew up, I ignored the part of me that made me strange and it worked, but at the same time I felt myself filled up with rage for no reason.  By that time, I was in high school, and my black hair started to turn white.<br/>   My father told me the same thing happened to him, and that soon I’d need glasses for my far-sightedness.  Unfortunately, he was right, and I ended up being strange even without the powers I had.  The only reason I kept it together was because he told me it was nothing to be ashamed of.  We possessed the keen senses, particularly our sight, and the grey coat of the wolves.<br/>   By the time I enrolled into the military, my father passed away from Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease; I was alone in the world, just like a wolf.  My father told me my mother was missing; she’d been missing since my second year of life, beyond my memories.  I entered the military to look for a pack, so to speak; my own pack that I could follow and live with.  I wouldn’t stay long before we fought, got transferred, or died.<br/>   I’d always have ‘the Devil’s Luck’ with me, as all of my old mates said.  I could always dodge bullets or they’d miss me, I’d always be in the right place at the right time, and my bullet would hit its mark every time.  I think it’s the power I have; now I know what it is.  But my power is weak.  It protects me, but I could never use it to save anyone; I use my bullets to protect my squad mates.<br/>   I always wondered what drew Sofia to me, but I’m beginning to realize it now.  She was different too, and when she gained the height of her power, she could tell I was different too.  I never thought we would have met as two of the same, but when I was around her, my anger seemed like it had never existed, and I was happy.<br/>   Sofia used her powers for good, I just ran away from mine.  Maybe that’s why I couldn’t use my bullets then; why I couldn’t save her.  “Were we… mistaken…,” I heard, “Could this be another failure in the face of such promise?  How can the New Ones’ pack fall to these… lesser beings…?”  I began to seethe with rage and growled.<br/>   “Jon…”  They don’t deserve to talk to us, not after attacking first.  I’ll show them, I’ll show them all; what it means to be part of the pack, and what happens when you mess with them the wrong way.<br/>“Volkov…”  I slowly turned around to see the Uber Ethereal standing behind me and continue, “Ryumin… You are the one,” and it slowly reached out to me with its hand.  I watched my hand slowly rise and reach out for the Uber Ethereal.<br/>   Then a sudden jolt made me free fall through the darkness and I gasped in shock as I sat up.  I found myself in a bed, surrounded by researchers.  I saw the wires from the machines snaking up my arms and chest, and I quickly ripped them off and panted.  “Hey!  Take it easy!” one of them said as they reached for me.  I blinked to see the Uber Ethereal and I yelled, “Don’t touch me!” and I hit his hand away.  I backed to the head of the bed and growled, “Don’t touch me.”<br/>   I pushed myself off the bed and saw I was in the casual wear, a beige t-shirt and dark brown pants, and frantically scanned the room; where was the exit?<br/>“Colonel, please.  We have to monitor your condition.”<br/>I glared and replied, “Yeah, my condition.  You just want me as your little lab rat.  Well guess what?  I’m not gonna be your toy.”<br/>   “Why are you so afraid?”  I looked to see Vahlen, who continued, “You don’t have to hide anymore.”<br/>“W-what?”<br/>“We caught images, scraps of your memories,” and she gestured to one of the monitors, the same ones used in the interrogations.  My eyes widened with fear as I saw the perfectly round snowball I had created as a child.  I shook my head and said, “You had no right… You had no right!”<br/>   As I stormed away, I felt a hand grab me by the arm and Vahlen continued, “Jon, please-”<br/>“Just leave me alone!” and I shot my eyes at the researcher who grabbed me to send him flying into the equipment.  I blinked and gasped in horror as I realized what I did.  The researcher groaned as he slowly got up with help and Vahlen said, “Jon, just calm down,” and she took a step back.  I looked down at my hands, then I looked up at everyone to see the fear; fear of me.<br/>   I quickly turned and ran out the doors.  I panted as I ran, my vision blurring as tears began to well up.  I roughly wiped the tears away and growled in anger; why the hell was I crying?!  I’m scared.  My mind blanked out for a moment as I returned to that thought; I’m scared.  Scared of what?  Was my father right?  No one will like me?  Fear whatever it was I had?  The Psionic abilities?  Fearing me?  That they’ll kill me if it’ll put them at ease?<br/>   What do I do?  What do I do?!  “RRAAAAAHHHHH-AAAAHHHHH!” I screamed as I continued to squeeze out tears and dash through the hallways.  What do I do?  What do I do?  What do I do?!  Sofia!  I panted as I continued to mindlessly run and soon found myself sitting on one of the upper levels of the Hangar.  I was sitting with my legs through the rails and hanging over the platform, with my arms lightly hugging the cold metal rails, and my shoulders leaning into them.<br/>   I brought my hands up to grip the warmed metal and stared at the expanse of the cave.  I watched a few people walk around on the main platform, like they were ants, and I felt myself go numb.  I wasn’t sure what to think, what to feel, and just continued to stare into the space.  Then I felt their presence; they were everywhere, watching me.  “I know you’re there,” I said, “Are you so afraid of me that you have to hide?”<br/>“… I’m not afraid of you.”<br/>   I didn’t even look as I heard Kit walk up and sit down beside me and ask, “Rough day, huh?”<br/>I asked in a hushed voice, “What are they making you do?”<br/>“Nothing.  I came because I got worried.”<br/>“… At least you’re honest.”<br/>“What, you can tell when I’m lying?”<br/>   “More like, a feeling.  All those doctors, they’re all lying.”<br/>“About what?”<br/>“… About me.  They’re all afraid, you know?  They’re afraid I can’t control it, or I’ll get set off by the tiniest thing.  That’s why they’re hiding, and letting you talk to me.”<br/>   “Well, yeah.  What’d you expect from a bunch a’ weak doctors and scientists?  They’ve never even imagined the heat.”<br/>“I know what they’re gonna do to me.  They’ll make me go through their little tests, so I can control whatever it is I have, and make me use it until I’m dry.  Just make me into another freak.  That’s what they did to her.”<br/>   “… Was she a freak?”<br/>“No,” I said forcefully, “Sofia was… She was different.  She was strong, made it a part of who she was, and she was okay with it.”  I looked at my taped right hand and continued, “All I’ve done is run away from it my whole life.  I never wanted a part of it, and I don’t want to be a part of it now.”<br/>“Did she know about you?  What you had?”<br/>   “… Yeah.  But she didn’t care about that.  She didn’t try to convince me it was good or bad, or whether I should use it or not.  She just wanted me to be me.”<br/>“So, what do you think; is it good or bad?”<br/>“… I don’t know.”<br/>“Well, did you hurt anyone with it?  Did you save someone with it?”<br/>   “… The only person it keeps safe is myself.  I’ve been wondering, maybe if I had just stopped running away, Sofia would… I could’ve saved her.”<br/>“You don’t know that.”<br/>“If I was stronger, I could’ve prevented myself from being controlled.”<br/>   “I know you Jon.  You did everything you could.  You were even willing to take them down with you.  That’s more than most people can say.  Sam and Sofia were the only ones who weren’t controlled.  You did everything you could.”<br/>“Yeah, and I ended up making things worse; I made the ship go haywire, and Sofia had to… She had to pay for my mistake.”<br/>   “You did what you thought was right.  You were trying to save us, and you did.  I don’t know what would’ve happened to the rest of us if you didn’t make that sacrifice.  You killed the Uber Ethreal and gave us a chance.”<br/>“I just… I just wish it could’ve gone another way,” and I held my head down and held back sobs.<br/>“… It’s in the past brother.  And it’s definitely not your fault,” and I felt Kit put his hand on my back.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   “Hey, Jon.”  I looked up from my Sudoku puzzle to see Kit and he asked, “Gotta break in the new guys.  Wanna help out?”<br/>“I thought they were already broken in.  They got the badge.”<br/>“Yeah, but we still gotta train ‘em.  They’re only Squaddies on paper.  Come on,” and he slapped my arm as he continued, “I hear one of ‘em’s a sniper.”<br/>   I sighed and tossed the book onto the table and replied, “Fine,” and I took off my glasses to tuck them away in my belt bag.  Kit said, “I didn’t know you played Sudoku.”<br/>“I didn’t.  Just picked it up.”  I stood from the couch and followed Kit out of the lounge.  We both walked to the gym, where the four Squaddies were standing casually and talking to each other.  “Attention!” Kit announced; the Squaddies immediately stood in line with their backs straightened.<br/>   Kit said, “Hello, I’m Colonel Walker,” and he gestured to me and continued, “and this here is Colonel Ryumin.  Now I hope you’re not too nervous to tell us your names or your class.  Start from the left,” and Kit gestured to the left side of the line.  “Squaddie Yin, Assault!” the first one said, a young Asian man with short cut black hair.  The next soldier was a tan woman with blonde hair, and she announced, “Squaddie David, Support!”  Just like Sofia.<br/>   “Squaddie Luto, Heavy!”  I walked in front of the soldiers as they each said their name, then I got to the last one, who looked like he was just a kid.  “You?” I asked him.<br/>The boy seemed to flinch and said, “Squaddie Wolf, Sniper.”<br/>My interest piqued as I asked, “Oh, a sniper?”<br/>“Yes sir.”<br/>   “Alright,” I said to the Squaddies as I stood in front of them, “Any of you have combat experience?”<br/>“I have experience sir,” Yin said as he raised his hand.<br/>“Where?”<br/>“Kalahari Desert; team extraction and one confirmed kill.”<br/>   “Alright.  Something’s better than nothing.  Was it an alien?”<br/>“Yes sir, a Floater.”<br/>“Okay, even better.”  Floaters; a mix of flesh and robot with jets instead of legs and a mask covering their ugly faces.  I looked at all the Squaddies and said, “I’ll be honest with you all.  One in the four of you will die.”<br/>   I felt the composure in the air begin to quiver as I continued, “But that doesn’t mean we won’t try everything we can to keep you alive.  Because we need you to be the most powerful weapon that XCOM has at its disposal.  That means you’ll be able to track from the slightest sounds, constantly being aware and taking in your surroundings, use them to your advantage, and kill every single alien that tries to take anyone’s life.  Is that clear?”<br/>   “Sir yes, sir!” the Squaddies all announced.<br/>“Good.  Then let’s get you to try out some of our plasma weapons.  Get you used to the weight and recoil.”  As the Squaddies all lined up and fired at the paper targets, I leaned with my back against the wall and my arms folded across my chest when Kit walked up and stood beside me.  “Way to get them on their toes,” Kit said.<br/>   “This isn’t school.  This is real life.  They have to learn that before they go out there shooting things and getting shot at.”  I listened to the whizzing of the plasma as the Squaddies all fired, then I looked up to see Yin and Wolf were the only ones that were hitting their targets perfectly.  I saw Wolf was lying down on his front and firing with the plasma sniper rifle.  I walked up to him and said, “You won’t have time to get comfy on the battlefield.  Do it standing.”<br/>   Wolf glanced up at me, then he replied, “Yes sir,” and he immediately stood up.  He brought up the rifle to rest on his left arm, then he fired to hit the Sectoid target right in the head.  “You think you can hit it while it’s moving?” I asked, getting more interested.<br/>“Of course.”<br/>“Alright then.”<br/>   I announced, “Everyone stop!”  The plasma weapons stopped firing, then I hopped into the firing range and continued, “Okay!  Now your target isn’t just gonna sit still for ya’, so that means this…” and I gestured to one of the burned paper targets, “This is child’s play.  If you’re going to hit something, it’s gotta to be while it’s moving.  I want you all, all of you, to fire at me,” and I stood with my legs apart and my hands behind my back.<br/>   Everyone stared at me in disbelief and nervousness, then I said more forcefully, “Come on.  If you’re worried about killing me, don’t worry.  You won’t even scratch me.”  Then I saw Yin hold up the alloy cannon shotgun and slowly take aim.  There was a whiz as he pulled the trigger and I simply turned to have the plasma pass by me.  I looked to him and said, “Missed.  But I suppose I’ll have to give you credit for trying.”<br/>   Yin blinked, then he stared down the gun harder and shot again, but not before I ducked low and ran to the side.  “Come on, people!” and I held up my left hand and pointed my finger like it was a gun.  I pointed at Yin and said, “He’s in danger.  Anyone gonna give covering fire or support?”  Luto quickly brought up his heavy plasma, and David her plasma rifle.  I dodged all the fire, stood in front of Yin, and put my finger to his head as I said, “Dead.  Sit down.”<br/>   Yin sat down and I quickly ran up the wall and flipped to avoid the incoming plasma.  I ran up to David and said, “Dead.”  Luto began to fire rapidly when his gun suddenly clicked and I said, “Out of ammo!  Dead!”  I slowed down to a walk in front of Wolf, who stood with his rifle aimed at me, and I asked, “You gonna shoot?”<br/>“… If I pull the trigger, you’ll die.”<br/>   “No I won’t.  Now fire, soldier.”  Wolf gave a shaky breath and fired to have the plasma whiz past my face, barely singing the side of my hair.  I took a step as he reloaded and fired again, the plasma flying past my shoulder.  I continued to walk closer and closer as Wolf repeatedly fired and missed, until I grabbed the gun and put it up to my forehead.  “If you can’t kill a human, how do you expect to kill an alien?” I asked.<br/>   “Alien’s aren’t humans; it’s not the same,” Wolf argued.<br/>“No.  The only difference is which side you fight on.”  I glared into Wolf’s eyes and asked, “Are you going to shoot?”  Wolf’s eyes looked away, and I threw the barrel down and said, “Out there, you may have to shoot.”  I looked to Kit and called, “Hey Kit!  Get your pistol, show ‘em how it’s done.”<br/>Kit just stared at me and I glared at him and said, “Now.”<br/>   Kit immediately scurried away and returned with a regular pistol.  I pointed at myself and said, “Show these noobs how it’s done.”<br/>“Seriously?”<br/>“Do I look like I’m joking?”  Even Kit looked uncomfortable as he held up the gun, then I said, “Just trust me.  You won’t hurt me.”<br/>   “Okay.  Well, it’s been nice knowing you,” and Kit pulled the trigger.  Everyone jumped, but then stared in jaw-dropping surprise as the bullet stopped in front of my shoulder.  I held out my hand and let the bullet fall and said, “Shoulder.  Nice.  A non-lethal shot.”<br/>Kit sighed and chuckled, then he said, “You bastard…”<br/>I held up the bullet to the Squaddies and said, “Told ya’.”<br/>   “I think we’ve done enough for today,” Kit said.<br/>“Agreed,” and I threw away the bullet.  “But one more note,” I said, “None of you thought to jump in here and shoot me.  You just stood at the firing booths.  Dismissed.”  As I walked to the exit, Kit followed me and said, “Smooth.”<br/>“I told you to trust me.”<br/>   “Yeah, well I wasn’t gonna take the chance that I might end up killing you.”<br/>I patted his back and said, “You had more guts than the rest of them.”<br/>“… I think that was a bit harsh for a first day.”<br/>“Better than having them thrust right into the action.  You told me that.”<br/>“Yeah, I suppose that’s true.  Anyway, how’d you do that?”<br/>   “Huh?  What?” I asked sarcastically.<br/>“Come on man.  I only saw Sofia do something like that; stopping bullets.  How’d you learn to do it?”<br/>“I just… can.  I can’t explain it, but it’s like a will; a feeling, or a command.”<br/>“But, why are you using it?  I thought you didn’t want it.”<br/>“I said I didn’t wanna be a lab rat.”<br/>   I looked down at my scarred hand and continued, “Sofia had to go through her training, alone.  I’m gonna make myself stronger, so I never have to see another one of my comrades die.  I’m going down this path alone.  In a way, I feel like I’m atoning for what I’ve done, but at the same time I know I’ll protect, maybe save everyone with this power.”<br/>“She wasn’t alone though.”<br/>   I looked at Kit, who continued, “You were there with her, every step of the way.  You’ve seen what she’s done, you know the training, and we’ll be there for you too.”  Kit put one hand on my shoulder and put a fist to his chest as he said, “I give you my word.”<br/>“Jon,” I heard a new voice say; I immediately recognized it.<br/>“Oh boy,” I said as I turned to see Vahlen and asked, “What?”<br/>   “I was hoping to see if you had reconsidered your decision to go through the trials.”<br/>“You’re not gonna force me?”<br/>“We can’t have you breaking another chamber.”<br/>“Hold up,” Kit said, “The trials are supposed to enhance your potential, thus activating and giving you psionic powers.  Isn’t Jon already… well, beefed out?”<br/>   “That’s what I thought, but his energy levels are unstable compared to the others.”<br/>I scoffed, but she continued, “You’ve noticed it too, haven’t you?  That your power has grown and become influenced by your emotions.  You cannot truly harness the psionic potential you have.”<br/>“I know… That’s why I’m going to work it out, alone.”<br/>“What?  You can’t be serious!  The risk you’d be putting yourself and others at-”<br/>   “There won’t be any risk.”<br/>“How are you so sure about that?”<br/>“I have my ways.”  I turned back and walked away as I finished, “Don’t follow me.”  Kit quickly walked up to my side and said, “So… you have a plan?”<br/>“I’ve worked it out.”<br/>   “… You gonna leave me hangin’?”<br/>“I… I don’t want anyone else to know.”<br/>“Come on,” Kit said as he put his arm around me, “What would you do without me?”<br/>“… Alright, come on.  We’re headed to Engineering.”  I followed Jon to Engineering, where we entered the workshop and I called, “Shen!”<br/>   The old balding engineer shuffled up to us and said, “Ah, hello boys!” then he called, “Malcolm!  Your brother’s here!”<br/>Kit said, “Oh, don’t worry, you don’t have to call-” but Malcolm, slightly older than Kit and having a beard, walked up and said, “He-hey!  What’s up little bro?!”  Both high-fived and Kit said, “Jon and I are here on a personal errand.”<br/>   “Oh.  Oh!  Okay, I’ll talk to ya’ later then!” and he ran off again.<br/>Kit said, “Thank God he’s laid-back.”<br/>Shen asked, “What can I do for you boys?”<br/>“Shen,” I said, “We need to talk somewhere more, discreet.”<br/>“About what?”<br/>   “About…” and I held out my left hand.<br/>Shen blinked, then asked, “What?  Really?  You have it?!”<br/>I nodded and Shen said, “Of course.  Let’s go to Interrogation.  It’s abandoned, as usual,” and he shuffled off.  Kit and I followed Shen to the next room to see the large glass containment for the aliens, empty and cleaned, and the control board that surrounded it.<br/>   Shen sat down behind the board in one of the chairs and said, “Sit.”<br/>“I’m fine,” I replied.  I slowly walked up to the alien containment with my arms across my chest, and Shen asked, “How?  When?”<br/>“… As long as I can remember.”<br/>“Wait, what?” Kit asked.<br/>   “How is that possible?” Shen asked, “Psionic abilities were only recently discovered.”<br/>“Ask Vahlen, she’s seen images of my memories.”<br/>“Ah, that woman.  She’s ever so curious, I worry she’ll go too far one of these days.”<br/>I stared into the glass, focusing to see my own reflection, and Shen asked, “What is it you need?”<br/>“The containment room,” and I tapped on the glass.<br/>   “What?  What for?”<br/>I turned to Shen and replied, “I don’t want Vahlen to run her tests on me, but I also need to control the power.”<br/>“What do you mean control?”<br/>“Well, I can’t exactly… use it to my will.”<br/>   Shen took off his glasses and closed his eyes as he replied, “I see.”<br/>“If I train in there,” looking into the alien containment, “There’s a chance to contain it in case…”<br/>“In case what?” Kit asked.<br/>“… Nothing.”  I looked back to Shen and asked, “What’ll it be?”<br/>   “Ahhh… You know how I feel about these things.  I never really went along with the Psi trials; that’s why I didn’t want to get involved, but now, what you’re asking me to do…”<br/>“Please,” I said, “If I don’t, Vahlen’s gonna find a way to get me under her thumb.  And her reputation’s bad enough for the aliens.”<br/>I stared hard at Shen as he sat deep in thought, then he replied, “Fine, but under my direct supervision.”<br/>“Thank you.”</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I panted as I bent over in the alien containment with my hands on my knees.  “One more time,” I said as I held out my hands.  I held my right hand over my left and concentrated to see the purple energy gather into a ball.  I took deep breaths and slowly turned to the paper target of a Thin Man.  Die.  I slowly let my right-hand return to my side and held the ball stable in only my left hand.  I held out my hand to have the energy spiral towards the target.<br/>   Come on, faster!  I felt sweat run down my face and tickle my nose, then I thought I heard someone call my name.  I kept my concentration as the energy surrounded the target, then closed in and reduced it to pieces, destroying it entirely.  Then I felt the world spin as I became light headed and felt numbness.  “Jon?  Jon!”  I opened my eyes and blinked to see the floor right by my face and Kit hauled me onto my feet.<br/>   “You okay dude?” Kit asked.<br/>I held my head and replied, “Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”<br/>“You’re bleeding.”<br/>“Huh?”  I checked my side and scarred arm, then I shrugged.<br/>“Dude, your nose.”<br/>   I wiped my nose to see red and sniffed as I repeated, “I’m fine, don’t worry.”  I waved off Kit’s arm as I stood on my own and walked out of the alien containment.  I walked out to have Shen glare at me and say, “I never agreed to this.”<br/>“To what?  I told you I’d be trying to control this.”<br/>“Yes, not destroy yourself in the process!”<br/>   “That’s not what I’m doing.  Sometimes I just need to… push myself, to progress.”<br/>He pointed at me and said, “No.  If this is what I have to watch you do, then you can forget about doing… ‘this’ again.”<br/>“… I’m sorry.  I didn’t want you to feel that way.  I won’t do it again, promise.”<br/>Shen waved his hand as he shuffled out of the room, then he said, “We’ll see.”<br/>   As Kit and I walked back to the barracks, I sighed and said, “Man, it seems like it’s really getting to him.”<br/>“You mean Shen?  Well, what’d you expect?  You’re undergoing secret government research on your own.”<br/>“It’s not research.  It’s training, and it shouldn’t be secret.”<br/>“And yet you’re keeping it from Vahlen, Bradford, and even the Commander.”<br/>   I shook my head, then I replied, “I can’t do it with them.  I… I just can’t.”<br/>“So what?  This is gonna be like a spare-time hobby?”<br/>“Not a hobby, training!”  We walked into the lounge to see the Commander look at us and say, “Ah, Colonel Ryumin, Colonel Walker, perfect.  I need you two to go on a mission.”<br/>“A mission?” I asked, “So they’re back?”<br/>   “No, just the remaining resistance.  I need you two to take in the new Squaddies.”<br/>Kit asked, “Commander, with all due respect, is it fair to send them all out at the same time?”<br/>“Well, that’s why I’ll be having two of my best watching them.  Don’t worry, we’ve scanned the area and the worst you’ll see is a Sectoid Commander.”<br/>“That’s… not really good.”<br/>   “Ah, but we do have Colonel Ryumin.  How’s your training been going?”<br/>I straightened up and asked, “What?”<br/>“The experiments?  With Dr. Vahlen?  I heard you were undergoing trials.”<br/>“Oh, well… It’s, been alright.”<br/>“Then will you go?”<br/>   “Of course, sir.”<br/>“Good!  Then I’ll get you all geared up.”  I stood with Kit and the Squaddies, getting prepared in the arms room.  I checked my phone to see the equipment we were ordered to wear, and I said, “Make sure you carry your equipment as specified by The Commander.”  Yin put on his armour easily, but the others struggled and Kit showed them how to put them on.  I gave a slight huff as I prepared myself for the fight.  I always held it in the back of my mind, no matter how easy the mission seemed; the chance that I may not return.<br/>   Until now, I looked forward to having another day with my friends, with Sofia.  Now, it didn’t seem to matter whether I lived or died.  All that matters to me is killing every single one of these bastards, and making sure no one else has to die.  I loaded my sniper rifle, the black, glossy SVDK I had kept from my previous service, attached my scope, and made sure my belt bag was equipped when I caught a glimpse of someone sitting beside me.  I looked up to see Wolf ask, “So… what’s it like?”<br/>   I looked back to my rifle and cleaned it as I asked, “What’s what like?”<br/>“Watching from afar.”  I looked up as Wolf continued, “I don’t know.  Sometimes when I look through my scope, I wonder: ‘Shouldn’t I be out there, helping them?’  How can we just sit back and watch?”<br/>“… We don’t.”  I snapped my pistol into my holster and continued, “We’re the ones who take out the tough assholes before they have a chance to shoot at us or our mates.  We’re also the scouts who spot our enemies before they spot us.”<br/>   I stood and asked, “You got your ghost armour on okay?”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>I faced him and said, “Stand up.  Let’s see.”  Wolf stood and I looked at his sides, then I saw the neck plating and said, “Neck’s open.”<br/>“Oh,” and Wolf put his hands up to it, then I said, “Here, I got it,” and I fixed the latch.  “Good?” I asked.<br/>   “Yeah, thanks.  Why aren’t you wearing ghost armour?”<br/>“I want to be the first and last thing the enemy sees before I put a bullet between their eyes.”<br/>“Oh…”  I swung my rifle onto my shoulder and began to walk to the Skyranger as I remembered the preparation for the Temple Ship Assault.</p><p>   I fumbled with the neck latch and Sofia said, “Here, I got it,” and she fixed the latch.<br/>“I’m never wearing this again,” I replied, “Too uncomfortable.”<br/>She giggled and said, “Come on.  It’ll keep you safe, save your life.”<br/>I grumbled and replied, “Whatever.  Let’s go kick some alien ass,” and I swung my rifle onto my shoulder.  I rubbed my scarred shoulder as I remembered the damage from the grenade blast and sat in the Skyranger.<br/>   When everyone else got on, we flew off.<br/>We sat in silence, until Wolf said, “You said we’d have to shoot.”<br/>“… Yeah,” I replied.<br/>“Did you mean, we’d have to shoot our comrades?”<br/>I looked up and said, “You catch on quick.”<br/>“What?” David asked, “Why would we have to shoot each other?”<br/>   I sighed as I sat back and closed my eyes.  Then I heard Kit explain, “Well, have you heard of Psi?”<br/>“Psionics?  Yeah,” Luto said, “They’re like, psychic aliens.”<br/>“Yeah, and do you know what they can do?”<br/>“Well, not really.”<br/>   “They’re very dangerous.  They can damage you with pure energy, make you panic without even realizing it, and they can invade and control your mind.  If you see any, even if you’re not sure, you report it and get the hell out of there.”<br/>“That doesn’t always work,” I said.<br/>“… Yeah.  If we can, Colonel Ryumin and I will take care of them, but be careful.”<br/>   “Hey, Colonel?” Wolf asked.<br/>I asked, “Which one?”<br/>“Well, I guess you, Colonel Ryumin.  Your scars look… awfully new.  Were they from the mission on the Temple Ship?”<br/>“Yeah.  Now leave it at that.”<br/>“Right.”<br/>   Everyone had fallen asleep during the ride, except for me; I stared hard at the copied picture of me and Sofia surrounded by Kit, Hank, and Jerry at a table.  It was one of the pictures I had actually managed to smile in, although faintly, and Sofia was always looking to make others smile.  I guess that was what they meant by a ‘contagious’ smile.  I suddenly heard the radio come on and Bradford say, “Hello?  You up soldiers?”<br/>   I nudged Kit, who fell to his side, then immediately jolted up in surprise, waking up everyone else.  Bradford said, “Come on, shake it off.”<br/>I put a finger to my earpiece and replied, “We copy Control.”<br/>“Alright.  This mission will be taking place in the United States.  Satellite data indicates a UFO has touched down in a sparsely populated area; high probability of enemy operation in progress.  Expect to face a full complement of enemy crew.”<br/>   “Copy Control.”  I felt the Skyranger slowly hover down and land, and we stood ready at the doors.  The platform was slowly laid down and Kit and I immediately stepped out and looked around, then motioned for the Squaddies to come out.  “Alright,” I said, “Follow the Commander’s orders, and Colonel Walker and me.”<br/>“Aye, aye,” Wolf said.<br/>   “Okay, running ahead,” and I began to sprint through the forest and up to a higher elevation.  I found myself behind a row of boulders and said, “No visual on enemy.”<br/>“Copy that,” Bradford replied.  I watched Kit and Yin move up and go into Overwatch, then Wolf went to the next hill and took cover behind a tree.  I was surprised to see David run up and take cover beside me, and I asked, “Giving me support?”<br/>   “That’s the idea.”  I lifted my head up and set up my rifle on the rocks, then I looked through the scope and David asked, “Anything?”<br/>“Nothing yet.  But I do see some good cover up ahead for Kit and Yin.”<br/>On the radio, Kit said, “Yeah, thanks.  Make sure the aliens don’t jump us.”<br/>“That’s why I’m here.”<br/>   Kit began to run up, followed by Yin, when I suddenly saw movement and said, “Watch your eleven.”<br/>“… Roger.  Enemy in sight,” Kit said.  I looked ahead to see a group of Thin Men and Floaters.<br/>“Aw, sh*t,” I said, “Six of those bastards.”<br/>“One for each of us then.  Who’s taking the first shot?”<br/>I got an idea and said, “Hey, Luto.”<br/>   “… Yeah Colonel?  What’s up?” he asked on the radio.<br/>“You got any explosives?”<br/>“Yeah, but too far for a grenade.”<br/>“What about your rocket?”<br/>“Huh?  Oh, yeah.”<br/>   “If you shoot it right, you should be able to take them and the cover around them out.”<br/>“You sure?”<br/>“Don’t worry, we’ll pick off the stragglers.”<br/>“Roger.  Commander?”<br/>“As he said.”<br/>   I watched Luto haul the rocket launcher from his back onto his shoulder, aim, and fire.  He staggered back as the rocket flew in a trail of bright smoke and exploded right at the two groups of aliens.  “Oh yeah!” Luto said.  I looked through the smoke to see shredded alien flesh and goo and said, “Kills confirmed.  They’re all down.  Move up.”  I picked up my rifle and kept my head low as I moved to the edge of the hill and behind a tree.<br/>   David followed me to a boulder beside me and I said, “Word of advice, when we’re fighting enemies with grenades, it’s usually best to stay a few meters apart.”<br/>“Right,” and she continued up to bring the ship into view.  Kit and Yin advanced, as well as Wolf and Luto, and I continued to watch through my scope when I saw movement from the ship.  “Hold up,” I said, and I listened to hear whispering and asked, “Do you hear that?”<br/>   “What?” Kit asked.<br/>“… Yes… The New One has returned.”  I gasped and saw the Sectoid Commanders scurry across the doorway.  “Der’mo,” I said, “We’ve got enemy contact!  Sectoid Commanders!”  I kept my eyes around the ship as Kit jogged up and said, “I’ll get a visual.”  Suddenly a couple of Sectoids came out of the left side and I yelled, “Watch it!” and I quickly fired.<br/>   The Sectoid screeched as I sent it onto its back.  I recocked the rifle and was about to fire again, then I said, “Where are my manners?  David, you take it.”<br/>“What?” she said.  I saw she was almost flanking the Sectoid and I said, “You’re almost in the perfect position.  Flank it.”<br/>“Yes sir, on it.”<br/>   David ran behind a tree, surprising the Sectoid, and quickly fired plasma to have the Sectoid screech and fall back.  “Wait,” I said, “Those aren’t the Commanders, so… where are they?”  I quickly looked to see two more Sectoids appear from the right side and I said, “Right side!  We’re being flanked!”  One of them suddenly held out its head as he glowed purple, using its Psionic abilities, and I heard grunting and Wolf say, “Urgh!  I… I… need to kill!”<br/>   I looked to see the purple energy flowing into Wolf and said, “Oh blyat.  Wolf is compromised!  I repeat; Wolf is mind-controlled!”<br/>“Oh God, no!” Luto said, “Get us outta here!” and I heard him beginning to hyperventilate.  Then I saw the other Sectoid stare at Luto, and the energy flowing towards him.  Before I knew it, I was hearing frantic radio chatter as I sprinted across the ground and met the Sectoid Commander’s mind control.<br/>   “Colonel Ryumin, stop!”  I was in front of Luto when I saw nothing but purple, then flashes of light, and I was groaning as my head thumped painfully.  Then I felt cold and heard a voice hiss, “New One…”  I grunted again and held my head, then I heard, “Jon… You’ve come so far now.”  I exhaled slowly and looked to see the Sectoid Commander replaced by the Uber Ethreal.  “No,” I said, “No… I killed you.”<br/>“You honestly didn’t think there was only one, did you?”<br/>   “You- You’re the reason Sofia died.  The reason she got messed up.  The reason why I’m messed up.”<br/>“No child, don’t you see?  You are precious; the result of multiple failed<br/>experiments.  Perfected to be the ultimate species.  You only need to harness the power, and we will show you the way.”  I felt my hand reach out, then I closed my eyes and shook my head as I replied, “No.”  Then I seemed to regain sense of my body and I yelled, “Never!”<br/>   I roared and charged to tackle to Uber Ethreal.  I suddenly saw myself in the forest again to see I was sitting on top of the Sectoid Commander.  I yelled and gave a heavy punch to the alien, then another, and continued to bash my fists into its soft head until it became a pile of swollen flesh and goo.  I growled as I looked up to see the other Sectoid Commander still control Wolf.  I snarled as I brought up my rifle and shot it right through the head.<br/>   As I looked around, I saw two Heavy Floaters roar as they flew around me; bigger and faster than the usual buckets of flesh and metal flying around, but still easy targets.  I quickly shot the one hovering above me, then I spun and rested on my knee to shoot the one trying to land behind me, sending it spiralling and crashing into the ground.  I panted and quickly reloaded my sniper rifle, then I heard sobbing and Wolf saying, “No, no!  I can’t do this!”  I blinked and looked back, then I quickly ran towards him.<br/>   “Wolf?  Wolf!” I called as I jumped over the log Wolf hid behind and sat back to be beside him as he squatted against the log.  He gasped and said, “C-Colonel… I can’t do this.  Just take me back.  Take me back!”<br/>“Hey, hey, just calm down.  It’s just your reaction to the mind control.”<br/>“No, no!” and he hyperventilated as he continued, “We’re gonna die!”<br/>   “Hey, just take deep breaths.  They’re dead, okay?  They’re all dead.”  I put my hand on Wolf’s shoulder as he continued to take shallow breaths and said, “Come on kid, just breath in…” and I inhaled through my nose, “then out…” and I exhaled out my mouth.  Wolf began to slow down his breathing, taking deeper breaths, and I said, “Good, better?”<br/>“Colonel, I… I’m sorry.  I almost…”<br/>   “That’s why we’re here,” I said as I kept my hand on his shoulder.<br/>“I… I couldn’t… I felt myself wanting to kill everyone.”<br/>“That’s mind control.”<br/>Wolf held up his shaking hands and I said, “Don’t worry.  It’ll pass,” and I put a finger to my earpiece and asked, “Control, any more?”<br/>   “… Negative,” Bradford said, “Well done team.  Sweep the area, then return for extraction.”<br/>“Loud and clear.  Out.”<br/>Wolf asked, “How do you know about mind control so much?”<br/>“It’s the enemy’s weapon.  You want to know what’s in their arsenal.”<br/>“… Have you been mind controlled?”<br/>   “Yeah, I have.”<br/>“… Did you kill anyone?”  I went silent as I became lost in my own thoughts and saw the entire last battle.  “Colonel?” I heard as I was shaken.<br/>“Huh?” I asked.<br/>“Sorry.  Forget about,” and Wolf got up and cradled his rifle as he began to scan the area.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   As the Skyranger flew us back, I thought about what Wolf said to me; “Did you kill anyone?”  Yes, I did; I killed the one I loved.  I cradled my sniper rifle, grateful to use it again.  Whenever I had to use the plasma weapons we developed from the alien’s technology, it felt unnatural and unnerved me; like I was losing my humanity.  Now I just want to do everything I can to not be like them in any way possible, but the power I was trying to control…<br/>   “Colonel?”<br/>I looked up to see Wolf staring at me through the dark, and I asked, “What is it?”<br/>“I noticed, why don’t you use the plasma rifles?  They do more damage.”<br/>I looked ahead and replied, “Because I don’t need to.  Get some sleep.  You went through lot today,” and I sat back and closed my eyes.  I listened to Wolf position himself as he relaxed in his seat.</p><p> </p><p>   I grunted as I found myself frozen in place, the purple energy flowing into me.  “Jon!” I heard Sofia call.<br/>“The New One is nearly within our grasp…”  I felt myself slowly move forward, taking a step with one leg, then the other, and I was moving closer and closer to the Uber Ethereal and the other Ethereal.<br/>“So close… Finally, after all this time, all our efforts… Now, to get rid of the others.”<br/>   When I stood beside the Ethereal, I slowly turned back to see my teammates being controlled too, except for Sofia and the bot.  I began to raise my sniper rifle, making me pant as I tried to fight back.  “No,” I said, “No!”  I quickly took my hand off the trigger and felt it grab a grenade on my belt.  I yelled as I pulled as hard as I could to have the grenade come off and quickly brought the pin to my mouth.  “Jon!  Stop!”  I pulled the pin out with my teeth and saw Sofia stand up with purple energy flowing from her as I turned to the Uber Ethereal.<br/>   “What?!  No!” the voice hissed.  I shouted as I stood between the two Ethereal and prepared for the blast.  Then I suddenly felt myself throw the grenade, and felt it explode at the same time, sending me flying back and the ship teetered.  My head rang as I lay on my back feeling nothing, almost numb, and saw the black smoke.  My chest was heavy as I struggled to breathe, then I coughed and I slowly heard the ship creaking and moaning.<br/>   “This is not your path!  Not your purpose!” I heard, “You need our guidance to hone this power… without us, what are you?”  The orange sky was cloudy, then I saw Sofia and Kit standing over me.  Then I was almost picked up when I saw Sofia standing at the Ethereal Device, and I quickly pushed off whoever was on me and stood on my own.  I nearly collapsed, but I caught myself as I leaned forward, blood dripping from me.  “Sofia…” I said as I reached out with my left hand.<br/>   She turned to me, her eyes filled with the purple psionic energy, and she yelled, “Go!” and she waved her hand.  I was suddenly propelled back and the door closed.  “No…” I managed to say as I put a bloodied hand to the door.  “Come on man!  Get back!” I heard as I was pulled back.  Then the ship rumbled and I fell back, unable to move again.  Then the entire wall tore off as the ship broke and I saw Sofia look down at us.<br/>   She turned away as a tear ran down her face and she disappeared.  No.  I couldn’t speak, only watch.  Don’t go.  Don’t go.  Please…<br/>“… Jon.”<br/>I stood for a moment, registering the voice, then I asked, “Sofia?”<br/>“… Help.”<br/>   “Sofia?  Where are you?”<br/>“Jon, I’m sorry.”<br/>“Sofia?  Sofia!”<br/>“Jon…” then I heard someone else say, “Jon.  Jon!”  I opened my eyes and lifted my head to see Kit shake my shoulder and say, “We’re back at base.”<br/>   I blinked, then I quickly stood up as I became lucid and replied, “Right,” and I immediately jumped out of the Skyranger.  In the war room, everyone handed back their weapons and removed their armour.  I sighed with relief as I took off my carapace armour and rotated my sore shoulders.  I put the armour away, pulled out my phone, and confirmed the equipment was returned.   As I put on my t-shirt and cargo pants, I heard, “Damn, Colonel.  Your scars look badass.”<br/>I looked to Luto, then David added, “Yeah, and painful.”<br/>   “Yeah, I get it,” I replied as walked away and I waved a hand, “I’m good-looking.”<br/>“Hey Jon,” Kit said, “I’m gonna grab a beer.  Want some?”<br/>“I’ll drink ‘with you.’  Not having any beer though.”<br/>“Aw come on!”<br/>“What can I say?  I’m a boring guy.”<br/>   “Right,” and Kit said to the Squaddies, “Alright everyone!  Drinks on me tonight!”  Everyone clapped and cheered, then I shoved my hands in my pockets as we walked to the Barracks.  As we walked, Kit wrapped his arm around me and asked, “Why the long face?”<br/>I just looked away to have Kit continue, “Come on, you don’t want them to see you as a hard-ass, do ya’?”<br/>   “… Like I care.”<br/>Kit suddenly glared at me as he said, “Come on, man.  What if we never had Sergeant Tomas?”  My mind went blank as I remembered Sergeant Tomas.  Sergeant Tomas was the commanding officer that always looked after the rookies, looked after Kit, and looked after me.  Then he was dismissed after nearly being killed so many times.  I recalled all the times he guided us, giving us another life apart from the only one we knew.<br/>   “Now you get it,” Kit said as he grinned and patted my back.  I guess I never thought of it that way; that I’d have the same responsibilities and duties to the Squaddies like Sergeant Tomas did with us Rookies.  Except, we weren’t Rookies anymore.  Most of us were Colonels, and if not, Majors.  He gave us more than training to be soldiers.  He also trained us to be good people, friends, and wanted everyone to have a life after war, without having to kill to make a living.<br/>   But… I wonder, was he able to make a life out there, after everything he’d been through?  “Hey Jon, is your hair more white?”<br/>I snapped to attention and asked, “What?”  We were at the doors to the lounge as Kit asked, “Did your hair get more white?”<br/>I put a hand to my short-cropped hair and replied, “Oh, yeah that.  I suppose it did.”<br/>   “… Didn’t Sofia also-”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>“Who’s Sofia?” David asked.<br/>“None of your business,” and I opened the doors to the lounge.  Kit said, “She was a good friend of ours.  She’s… not here anymore.”<br/>   “Oh, I see.”  I sat myself down at the bar and held up two of my fingers; drink number two.  Kit sat down on one side, and Wolf sat down on my other side, to my surprise.  I figured I’d made it clear I didn’t really like people, but I guess there’s always gonna be one or two who don’t care.  When my black mug came, I immediately took it and drank from it, and Kit asked, “Hey, it’s not milk again, is it?”<br/>I put down my mug and asked, “What if it is?”<br/>   “It is milk,” Wolf said.<br/>He was peering into mug and I replied, “Yeah, I said I’d drink with you, so I’m drinking with you.”<br/>“You know what I meant man,” Kit said.  Kit said to the bartender, “Beer for all of us.”<br/>I replied, “After my drink.”<br/>“Sure.  Whatever.”<br/>   As my empty mug was filled with beer, Luto said, “Dang Colonel, I didn’t take you for a man who drinks milk,” and he chugged back his beer.  I held the mug between my hands in silence and David said, “Maybe there’s a reason he drinks it.”<br/>“It’s not to grow any taller.”<br/>“It reminds him of his home,” Wolf said.<br/>   I looked at him as he continued, “You had it as a delicacy, and enjoyed it whenever it was available.”<br/>“Yeah,” I said, “… How did you know?”<br/>“I figured it had to be something you enjoyed for a long time.”  I drank from my mug, momentarily forgetting it had beer, and held back my grimace.<br/>“You okay?” Kit asked.<br/>   “Fine,” I said.  Then I cleared my throat and explained, “Forgot what I was drinking.”<br/>Kit chuckled and said, “Come on.  You can’t be that drunk already!”  By the time I was drinking from a full mug again, we had moved to the pool table and lazily trying to hit the balls.  My head hung low as I aimed with my cue stick and thrust to fall forward on my face and barely graze the ball.  I groaned as I looked up and asked, “What time is it?”  How many drinks did I have?<br/>   Kit said, “It’s half past midnight.”<br/>Luto said, “You suck, Colonel.”<br/>“Aw, shut up,” I mumbled.<br/>Kit added, “You kinda do.  And you said you’ve been shooting since you were… uh…”<br/>“No, no.  You got it messed up; not shooting cue balls.  Shooting; like, guns.”<br/>   “Oh yeah!  Since you were a baby!”<br/>“Not a baby!  I was like, six!  Or seven… I dunno.”<br/>Wolf asked, “You’ve been shooting rifles since you were six?”<br/>I turned my head to him and squinted in the light as I shrugged and said, “I wasn’t killing people.  It was hunting.”<br/>   I yawned and said, “Had to hunt to eat,” then I swooned as I stood up and chuckled as I continued, “Yeah, same with wolves.  They were cool though.”<br/>“What?”<br/>Kit explained, “He won’t make much sense, don’t bother.”<br/>I retorted, “Like you’re any better?”<br/>   “Yeah, I am.  I’m still standing, unlike you.”<br/>I straightened my composure and said, “See?  I can still stand.”<br/>“Without tipping.”<br/>I wrapped my arm around Kit and leaned on him as I said, “You’re the one who wanted me to drink.”<br/>“Yeah, like good old times.”<br/>   “Whatdya’ mean, good old times?  I hardly drank.”<br/>“You drank with Sofia.”<br/>“Yeah, because she’d make sure I could still climb into bed.”<br/>Luto asked, “Was she your lady?”<br/>   “Hey,” and I took my arm off Kit and pointed at Luto as I continued, “She was more than ‘just my lady.’  She was even more than my best friend.”  I grunted as my head began to thump and I put a hand to my temple.  “Man… I think I had too much to drink,” I said.<br/>“Tell us more about your lady.”<br/>“You don’t need to know about her cause you’ll never meeting her.”<br/>   “Why not?  You shy?”<br/>“No, because she’s dead,” and I turned to leave, but ended up stumbling and I managed to catch myself.  I chuckled and said, “Man, I’m so wasted I can’t even walk.”<br/>“Oh… sorry about that man.  I didn’t know.”<br/>“Whatya’ mean?  You’ve been watching me knock back the drinks.”<br/>   “What?  No, I mean about…”<br/>“Oh…” I shrugged, “Whatever.  But it’s weird, ya’ know?  It only happened a few weeks ago… maybe?”  I stood, trying to remember when it was, but now I didn’t care.  I waved my hand again and continued, “Sometimes I feel like I don’t remember.  Like she’s been gone for a long time now.  I dunno.”  I walked to the couches and sighed as I dropped back into one of them.<br/>   Wolf sat across from me and asked, “So, what was she like?”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“I mean, if she put up with a guy like you.”<br/>“I know.  It escapes me to this day.”<br/>“Well, what about the first time you guys met?”<br/>   “It was on a mission.  She didn’t like my first impression.  Probably because I killed an alien that was right next to her.  She seemed surprised.”<br/>“I thought snipers were supposed to do that.”<br/>“Well apparently you’re not supposed to fire in their direction, although I did save her a couple bullets.”<br/>David sat across from me and said, “You at least warn them first.”<br/>   I looked up at the ceiling and said, “Hmm, I didn’t want to give my position away.”<br/>“Okay, what happened next?” Wolf asked, “Did you date?”<br/>“I just told you she hated me and you think we somehow made it work and went on a date?”  Wolf shrugged, then I replied, “Well, we did work around it, but it was after she kicked my ass in the gym.”<br/>“What?” Luto asked as he laughed, “She kicked your ass?”<br/>   “Yeah, I think I said something to her, then she got pissed.  Then we slugged it out, but she managed to pin me.”<br/>“You slugged it out?  You telling me you hit a girl?”<br/>“Why not?  If you fight an enemy soldier, their job is to kill you.  Women are no different.  In fact, they’re probably more dangerous.”<br/>   “Why’s that?”<br/>“Guys like you underestimate ‘em, and they give you the slip.  Next thing you know, you have a knife in your back.”<br/>“Come on, give us some credit.”<br/>“I’ll give you credit when you don’t see them as just women.”<br/>   I yawned and closed my eyes to have Wolf ask with skepticism, “You guys started dating after that?”<br/>“Well… not until our second mission together, after my defeat.”  I opened my eyes and continued to stare up at the ceiling as I started, “It was a crash site.  We happened to be put on the same team.  Of course, we didn’t get along initially, given our history.”<br/>“Naturally,” Kit said as he listened in.<br/>“And you weren’t a part of it,” I said as I pushed away Kit’s face.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   While we were being flown on the Skyranger, I sat back with my rifle in my lap when I sensed something.  I looked around when I saw her glaring at me.  “You got something to say?” I asked.  Sofia just looked away, making me growl and continue, “You got something to say, say it.  We won’t have any time for it on the field.”<br/>She looked back at me and said, “Fine.  I don’t like you.  You’re a selfish brute.”<br/>   I wasn’t sure how to react as I stared at her, and I heard the others laughing.  I leaned back and closed my eyes as I replied, “Whatever.”<br/>“What?  That’s it?”<br/>“You don’t like me.  So what?”  I opened my eyes one last time as I shot a look at her and finished, “Just don’t let it get in the way of our job.  We’re a team out there, got it?”<br/>   After about an hour, I heard Bradford on the radio.  “XCOM Interceptors have splashed a UFO.  Intel indicates some surviving crew.  Exercise caution when engaging the enemy; the craft may contain usable salvage.”<br/>“… Copy,” I heard one of the guys say.  I felt the Skyranger land, then heard the doors hiss as they opened, and I opened my eyes as I stood up and held my rifle to my chest.<br/>   As we spread out, I looked around to see debris and said, “Up ahead, hundred meters.”  Then I looked to the hill on the left and said, “I’ll get us some eyes.”  I ran up the hill and stood behind a tree to make out the craft.  Then I heard rustling and saw Sofia run up behind a log a few meters from my side.  I asked, “You following me?”<br/>“Like you said, we’re a team out here.”<br/>   “… Right.”  I watched the rest of the team advance when Sofia said, “You don’t have to watch every move, you know.  They can take care of themselves.”<br/>“… That’s not what I’m worried about.”  I looked towards the craft to see movement then I heard whispering and said, “Hold up,” and held up my arm.<br/>“What?” Sofia asked.<br/>   “Quiet.”  I listened to hear, “… Wrrraaaa… hhhhsssss…” and I asked, “Do you hear that?”<br/>“… Hear what?”<br/>I closed my eyes as I listened and said, “They’re… talking…”  I opened my eyes as I realized what they were saying and said, “Sh*t!  Sofia, behind you!”  We both looked to see a Cyberdisk and two repair bots.  My reflexes made me fire and destroy one of the repair bots, sending it to the ground in pieces.<br/>   I yelled, “Sofia, get outta there!”<br/>“We can take it down!” she said as she aimed with her assault rifle.<br/>“No, wait-” and I heard a screech to see two Mutons run out of the craft and take cover behind a log.  I said, “Sofia, run.”<br/>“We can take ‘em-”<br/>   “Commander,” I asked, “Orders?”<br/>The radio was silent for a moment before the Commander said, “You two fall back, take cover, and if you can, take a shot.  The others can flank the Mutons and you’ll have a chance to push back.”<br/>“Aye, aye,” I said, then I looked to Sofia and said, “Go, I’ll cover you.”<br/>“What?” she asked, “What about you?”<br/>   “You cover me on the way back.  If we could knock them all out, I’m in a perfect place to take out those green bastards.”<br/>“You heard the Commander, we need to fall back.”<br/>“You fall back.  You can run and shoot.  I can’t.  I can only run or shoot, and I’m kinda feeling trigger happy.”<br/>   “You’re insane!”<br/>“Just do it!”<br/>“… No.  If we’re taking these bastards down, we do it together.”<br/>I blinked, but I found myself grinning and replied, “Okay then!  Let’s kill these assholes!”  I was starting to like her more and more; she had guts.<br/>   Sofia took aim at the Cyberdisk and shot her laser rifle, making it smoke and rattle.  I took a deep breath of the night air, then I quickly raised my sniper rifle, aimed, and fired.  The Cyberdisk gave a dying whir as it began to hover down, then it exploded, sending up splinters of wood.  I coughed as dust flew into my face and asked, “You okay?”<br/>“… Yeah.”<br/>   I looked to see the log Sofia had taken cover behind was only bark and I said, “Oh blyat.”  Then I saw the repair bot and Mutons take aim at her.  “Shiiiit!” I yelled as I quickly threw myself onto Sofia and more dust spat up as the enemy fire rained down on us.  “Control!” I yelled, “Heavy fire!  It’d be nice if you could kill ‘em right about-” and I cried out as I was thrown forward.<br/>   I put my hand back to my earpiece and yelled, “Guys!  Fire your damn weapons and kill ‘em or something!”  I quickly ducked as I saw more plasma fly by and finished, “Anytime now would be nice!”  I pressed Sofia down as more plasma flew by and she yelled, “What the hell?!”<br/>“Shut up and stay down!”  As the plasma stopped screeching past us, I panted, then put my hand back to my earpiece and said, “Thank you.”<br/>   I groaned as I slowly stood up and said, “I hope we never have to go through that again.”<br/>“Same- Oh my God.”<br/>I turned around and asked, “What?” but then I felt it.  I gasped as I put a hand to my left shoulder and felt pain radiate from within it.  “Jon?  Jon!” Sofia exclaimed as I fell onto my knees.  My eyes were fixed on the ground as I registered, and my body registered, what just happened.<br/>   I was suddenly looking into Sofia’s eyes as she held up my head and asked, “Jon?  Can you hear me?”<br/>“Y-yeah,” I replied.<br/>“Okay, just take deep breaths, okay?  Deep breaths.”  I slowly took a breath in, then exhaled shakily as she stepped around to my left side and brought out a medkit.  I heard her spraying, making the back of my left shoulder feel like it was on fire.<br/>   I groaned as I gripped my shoulder and asked, “What the hell did you do?”<br/>“I stopped the bleeding.  It’s good for now, but try not to do too much.”<br/>“Yeah, right,” I replied as I picked up my rifle and stood up to see the drops of red on the ground behind me.  I just turned back to the crashed ship and asked, “Control, any more of these alien bastards?”<br/>   “… Negative.  Rest of them have been neutralized.  Sweep the area, then head back to the Skyranger for extraction.”<br/>“Copy.”  I felt myself getting light-headed when Sofia took my arm around her neck and said, “Come on, let’s get you back before you pass out.”<br/>“… Right.”<br/>   As we walked back, Sofia said, “You’re more of a selfish brute than I thought.”<br/>I blinked and asked, “Excuse me?  There’s a hole in my shoulder because I was making sure you were safe.”<br/>“Exactly.  You keep trying to do it all by yourself, and you don’t care if it hurts or destroys you in the process.”<br/>   Sofia looked at me and asked, “Why?”<br/>I looked ahead, thinking for a moment, then I replied, “I guess… it’s the only reason I have for existing in this world.  To protect others.  I can’t watch another person die when I can do something about it.  It’s the only time I truly feel alive as a human, and not just some soldier on the battlefield.”<br/>“There’s more to life than just altruism.”<br/>   “Altruism?”<br/>“Self-sacrifice.  What you do.”<br/>“Right.  You were saying?”<br/>“There’s more to life than the path you’re on.”<br/>“Oh really?  Like what?”<br/>   We both stopped, then she looked at me, and I asked, “What’re you-” and my eyes widened in surprise as Sofia leaned in and kissed me.  After an eternity passed, she looked up at me and said, “I’ve been looking for someone like you.”<br/>“You mean a badass?”<br/>“You know what I mean,” and we continued to the Skyranger.<br/>   I finished, “And that’s how we started.”<br/>“So you did work around it!” Wolf said.<br/>I put a hand to my eyes and replied, “Yeah, I guess.  Now will you stop bothering me?  I’m starting to get a headache.”  I closed my eyes and breathed slowly and quietly as I heard Luto say, “Seems he’s not too happy talking about her.”<br/>   “Whadya’ expect?” Kit said, “He… he still hasn’t gotten over it.”  I lay back quietly, slowly feeling everything around me disappear, and I suddenly heard, “It’s time…”  I lay back, unable to move, and heard, “Yes… He’s almost done.  A prime candidate; the perfect species.”  I suddenly felt my whole body become wracked with pain, like my body was fragile as glass to its very core.  I grunted and tensed up in pain, then I opened my eyes to find myself in front of the Memorial Wall.<br/>   I breathed heavily as I got on my knees and looked around to see the lounge was dark and empty.  My entire body pulsed with pain again, making me groan and wrap my arms around my body to try to ease the pain, but it didn’t seem to help.  I tried to stand, but it hurt too much to try to stand.  I shivered as I felt myself beginning to freeze and coughed to have a horrible rattle.  I swallowed to have a dry and painful throat, and I slowly managed to stand on my legs.<br/>   I began to tremble under my own weight and quickly leaned on the walls for support as I made my way to the fountain.  I moaned and put a hand to my head to have it pulse and make me dizzy.  I quickly leaned over the water fountain and drank in the cold water, then ran my face through the stream.  This happened every time I had alcohol; my head pounded sharply, and it seemed worse than usual.  When I finished washing, I gasped and coughed again as I wiped my face.  I groped my way down the dark hall, still groggy from my sleep, and managed to unlock the door to my room.<br/>   I quickly entered and locked the door, then I sighed as I fell forward on my bed and realized how hot I felt.  I continued to groan and curled up on my side as I lay in pain.  I panted as the pain subsided, returned, subsided, then returned stronger.  I was soon lying on my back and clutching my chest and belly as I was strewn with sweat and agony.  “Will he survive?” I heard.  I turned my head to look around, but saw no one.<br/>   “Yes.  He always has.  We can’t afford to have him expire.  Not when we’re so close.”  I turned to my side and breathed, “Who’s there?  Show yourselves… you bastards.  Just what do you want with me?”  I cried out as my body felt like there was glass coursing through my veins, and each time I tried to move the pain intensified.  As my head thumped with increasing pain, I felt my eyes close in exhaustion and passed out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Knocking.  That was what I heard as I lay weakly in bed.  “Jon?  Jon, you there?”  I sighed as I lifted my head to find my neck was stiff and sore, and I was lying on my front.  The knocking seemed louder and I heard Kit.  “Jon, if you don’t come out, I’ll hav’ta break in!” and he continued to knock.  I moaned loudly and yelled, “Shut up!”<br/>I let my head fall back onto my pillow, then I heard Kit ask, “You still sleeping man?”<br/>   “What do you think?”<br/>“Come on, it’s the middle of the day.  Get up!” and Kit knocked again.<br/>“Kit, just shut up and leave me alone-” and I suddenly coughed into my arm violently, then I heard, “Dude, you don’t sound so good.”<br/>“I-” I coughed a few more times, “I’ll be fine.  Just let me rest.”<br/>   “You need anything?”<br/>“Just go…” and I could no longer force my eyes open and I passed out again.  As I slept, I could hear myself pant, felt the heat and the pain ravage my body, and kept thinking about drinking water.  I opened my eyes and looked to my desk to see the canteen.  I tried to push myself up, but it was no use; I was too weak.  I reached out with my hand and growled, “Come on…”<br/>   Just looking at the canteen made me imagine how cool it would feel to the touch, and the water reviving my scorched system.  I closed my eyes in exhaustion when I felt the cloth surface of the canteen in my hand.  I opened my eyes to see the bottle in my hand, and I immediately unscrewed the top and gulped down all the water inside.  When I finished, I gasped and panted, wiping the water at the corner of my mouth, and lay back satisfied.<br/>   The canteen fell out of my hand and onto the floor, but I didn’t care.  I just felt like lying in bed and sleeping.  I slowly closed my eyes again, ignoring the heat and pain quenched by the water, and returned to the darkness of my mind.</p><p> </p><p>   “Jon?  Jon, can you hear me?”  I suddenly saw light in my eye, making me grumble and bring up my hand to block the light.  I felt my hand graze something, and I made out a silhouette of someone in my room.  “Uhhnn…” I moaned, “Go away…”  I suddenly felt my body lifted and I tried to cling onto my bed, but I was too weak and it hurt too much to fight.  As I was laid on another bed and lifted on the stretcher, I felt my chest begin to tighten and weakly grasped it.<br/>   “Jon?  Are you okay?”<br/>I groaned as I turned onto my side and curled up in pain.  I panted heavily as my chest became heavier and I heard, “I.C.U., now!”  I felt the stretcher move and bump faintly as I pass through my room door.  Then I felt something put on my face; an oxygen mask, but it wasn’t helping.  I put a hand up to rip it off my face and breathed, “Wha… Where are you taking… me?”<br/>   The mask was put back on my face as I heard, “Jon, just relax.”  I recognized the voice as Dr. Laavi, who had treated me before.  The stretcher bumped and I cried out involuntarily as my bones shattered and I gripped my hands around myself to try to contain the piercing pain again.  I opened my eyes again to be laid down in another bed, and I sighed in relief as I laid down in the stationary bed.  “Just leave me alone next time, save us both the trip…” I said as I panted.<br/>   “If we left you any longer, you’d be dead.”<br/>I groaned again and said, “I’m starting to wish I was.”<br/>“Tell me, when did this start?”  I looked up to see him put on his glasses and hold a clipboard in his hands.  I cleared my throat and swallowed before saying, “After drinking with Kit and the others.  It was after our last mission.  What day is it?”<br/>   “It’s been almost three days since your last mission.”  I groaned and put a heavy hand to my eyes when I realized how hot I felt.  I coughed into my arm as I turned on my side and heard, “Come on, let’s have a look at you.”  I felt the stethoscope on my back shock me from the cold, sending more waves of pain through my muscles.  I shivered and said, “Will you make it quick?”<br/>I felt his cool hand go on my head as I continued to clutch my chest and he said, “This is not good.”<br/>   “Huh?” I asked as he came back with a thermometer and stuck it in my mouth.<br/>“Whas this for?” I asked.<br/>He just put the thermometer to my cheek and said, “Quiet.  Keep it in there.”  After a few minutes, he took out the thermometer and said, “No… how is it that high?”<br/>“Wha?  What is it?”<br/>   “We need to get your body temperature down, now.”  I heard him run and call, “Need help over here!  Bring cooling blankets!”<br/>“Cooling blankets?” I asked.  I heard water running and something cold was put on my head.  I began to bring my hand up when Dr. Laavi said, “No, just lay back and rest,” and I felt the cool cloth soaking through my hair.<br/>   I saw Dr. Laavi and nurses put blankets over me, and I began to draw them in when I felt the cool air.  I shivered and asked, “You gonna freeze me or something?”<br/>“Jon, your body temperature’s way too high.  If we don’t lower it, you could fall into a coma.”<br/>“Well… der’mo.”<br/>   “What?”<br/>“Shit.”<br/>“Right on the money.”<br/>I just laid back, trying to shiver as little as possible around these doctors and nurses.  “Jon.”<br/>   I lifted my head and asked, “Huh?  What?”<br/>“I didn’t say anything,” Dr. Laavi said.<br/>“Oh, okay.”  As I laid back, everything around me seemed surreal and I heard, “Jon.”  I looked and blinked hard to see someone sitting on the next bed over.<br/>   “Jon.  It’s me.”  I blinked, then my eyes widened as I saw the thin young man and his brown hair.<br/>“No…” I said; was that Nikolai?  Nikolai was leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees, smiling as he looked at me.  My head was suddenly turned to Dr. Laavi, who flashed a light in my eyes and making my head explode.  I grunted and swatted away the light, holding my head and closing my eyes in exhaustion.<br/>   “Jon, can you hear me?”<br/>“… No.  You’re not real.  Go away.”<br/>I heard muffled, “Jon?  Are you seeing something?”<br/>I opened my eyes to see Nikolai stand up and I asked, “What do you want?”<br/>“You remember how it feels, dontcha?”<br/>   “Why are you here?”<br/>“I’m just a product of your mind.  You’re not in a good position right now, my friend.”<br/>“What exactly do you mean?”<br/>“You’ve felt this before, haven’t you?  When you were young?”<br/>“Yeah, but I’m not a kid anymore.”<br/>   “Your body is in a critical state, it’s shutting down.  I’m just here to help you get past it.  You remember, don’tcha?”<br/>“How could I forget?” and I suddenly found myself grasping a metal wire fence.  I looked up to see the playground faintly dusted with white, then looked back to see the school towering over me.  I slowly walked down the steps of the school and stepped into the schoolyard.<br/>   The children were all laughing as they ran around and chased each other.  Some were playing with a Frisbee and I stepped onto the dirt as I heard Nikolai say, “School was so boring.  I preferred it when we stayed home.”  I suddenly heard shouting and quickly turned to catch the Frisbee right before it could hit me.  I looked up to see the children were all still and silent as they stared at me.  “Here,” I said as I threw the Frisbee back to have it float to the children.<br/>   When it clattered on the ground, another girl picked it up, then passed it to another child, and they all ran off again.  I stared ahead as they all ran off and Nikolai whispered, “You had no friends at all, did you?  I was the only one.  The only one who stayed by your side all these years.”  I stood, alone, just watching them all from the side.  I walked to the wire fence and stared at the road.  I didn’t feel like playing, like doing anything; I just wanted to stand and think.<br/>   I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and looked up to see my teacher’s blank face.  I was brought to the center of the playground, where I was left standing in the middle of the chaos as he stepped back and watched.  I looked around me to see everyone playing; passing a ball around, throwing the Frisbee, swinging on the jungle gym, and riding down the slide.  I looked back at the teacher, who just stood and watched with his clipboard.<br/>   I suddenly found myself squatting down and putting my hands over my ears; I didn’t want to be here.  I just came to learn.  If this is all it is, school sucks.  “Hey buddy,” I heard.  I looked up to see my father and let him pick me up and hold me in his arms.  I felt the winter chill brush off me and gently wrapped my arms around my father’s neck.  He suddenly turned around and I looked to see my teacher again, who asked, “Jon.  Why aren’t you playing?”<br/>   “Why do I need to play?”<br/>“Everyone wants to play.  Don’t you want to have fun with everyone?”<br/>“… No one will have fun with me, and I don’t want to have fun with them.”  Nikolai laughed as he said, “Man, I can’t believe you said that.  And you were seven.”  I was silent as I watched my teacher make note of it all, then the memory vanished.<br/>   I suddenly felt myself standing and staring up at the blue winter sky.  I took a deep breath of the cold air, then exhaled to watch the puffs of white travel up.  Everything was so… still, peaceful.  I didn’t feel like moving, or even breathing as I embraced the moment.  Then everything went dark.  I jolted and straightened up in surprise, then I felt myself beginning to burn.  I panted, barely able to breathe, and fell on my side as I clutched my chest to breathe.<br/>   “This isn’t the first time this has happened,” I heard Nikolai say, “Is it, Jon?”<br/>I gasped, then replied, “No.  That one time, during school…”  I panted as I put one hand to my chest and the other gripping the wire fence.  I was hypnotized by the blanket of white on the ground, then it slowly came closer and I hit the ground.  I lay on my side and took shallow, rapid breaths, struggling to just get enough air.  It was almost like no matter how deeply I breathed, my body…<br/>   I looked up to see the other children had all gathered around me.  I trembled as I tried to stand up, but I was stuck on the ground.  “Let me through!  Out of the way!” I heard my teacher yell.  My small body was easily picked up by him as he carried me inside.  I lay inside the nurse’s office, continuing to have a hard time breathing and staying awake.  “Jon!  Jon!  Oh, my boy, come here.”  I felt familiar hands pick me up and cradle me as I reached out for him.<br/>   I naturally nestled into my father’s arms as he held me close to him.  “Just take deep breaths son, deep breaths, remember… remember…<em> remember?</em>”  I opened my mouth wide as I took in a deep gulp of air, and my father rubbed my back as he said, “In… then out… In… then out.”  He put my head to his chest and said, “Remember?  Like a heartbeat, keep it nice and steady.  Remember the training I taught you?  Calm down… relax… Be one with the wind.”<br/>   I listened to my father’s heartbeat, soon breathing to the rhythm of the beat.  In… thump-thump… Out… thump-thump…  I soon began to breathe regularly through my nose and I heard the nurse ask, “Is there any medication he has?”<br/>“Oh, well… I tried, but nothing works.  Just doing this brings him back better than anything.”  I stirred from my father’s lap, and he asked, “Hey, you okay?”<br/>   I jumped down and said, “I’m fine.  I was just… a bit nervous, but I’m fine now.”<br/>“School’s almost over anyway,” my teacher said, “Why don’t you go home for the day?”<br/>“No.  Don’t worry, I’m fine.  Besides, it just means I need to get stronger.”<br/>   “You still tried,” I heard Nikolai say, “You wanted to stay so you’d seem as normal as possible.  You didn’t want to be the sick kid who had to miss class.”  I kept a hand on my chest as I continued to watch.  “Hey, you!”  I was sitting on the front steps of the school as I waited for my father, and looked up to see three boys walk over from the playground.  “What happened?  Did you pass out?”<br/>“No, I just had a hard time breathing.  It happens.”<br/>   “Why?”<br/>“I don’t know.”<br/>“Should you be at school if you’re sick?  Why are you still here?  Not like you’d even miss out on anything.”<br/>“… No.  I actually enjoy watching you play.”<br/>“Huh?  Watching us play?  What for?”<br/>   “Well, it’s interesting.”<br/>“Then why don’t you play with us?”<br/>“I said I was interested.  I never said I wanted to play.”<br/>“Heh, you’re pretty weird.  Hey, what’s that on your chest?”<br/>   “Huh?” I asked as I looked down to have the boy suddenly flick his finger into my face.  I leaned back in surprise, making the boy and his friends laugh.  I asked, “What?”<br/>“What?  You don’t know a trick when you see one?”<br/>“Trick?  What trick?”<br/>“Come on, are you dumb or something?”<br/>   I tried to walk away; I didn’t want to be here.  “Hey, I’m not done talking to you weirdo!”<br/>“My name is Jon.”<br/>“I don’t want to know your name.  Get back here.”<br/>“I don’t want to.”<br/>“Come on,” and I felt an iron grip on my wrist.<br/>   I angrily turned around, twisted the boy’s arm, and pushed him to the ground.  The boy cried out as he fell onto his fours, then he jumped back up and yelled as he charged at me.  I quickly stepped to the side as he came at me, and he continued to stop at the fence.  I remained passive as the boy was held back by his friends as he continued to growl and tried to come at me.  “Come here and fight!” the boy yelled.<br/>   I calmly walked away when I heard footsteps and jumped back as the boy swung a fist at me.  “Hey, hey!” I heard my teacher yell as he stepped between us, “What is going on here?”<br/>The boy pointed at me and said, “He just threw me to the ground!”  I remained silent as the teacher asked, “Jon, is that true?”<br/>“… Yes.”<br/>   “Well, why would you do that?”<br/>“Because he wouldn’t let go.”<br/>“He wouldn’t let go?”<br/>“I didn’t want to talk to him, so I tried to walk away, then he grabbed me.  I didn’t want to talk to him.”<br/>The teacher sighed and said, “Both of you, apologize to each other.”<br/>   “What?!” the boy asked, “Why me?!”<br/>“Because you started fighting too.  You’re both at fault.”<br/>“Sorry,” I said, then I turned to leave when the teacher said, “Hey, not yet.”<br/>I turned back and asked, “Why?”<br/>“Because he needs to apologize to you.”<br/>   “I’m not interested in an apology.  It won’t happen again.”  I looked to see my father, and I began to walk away when my teacher grabbed me and said, “Come on, don’t be like that.”<br/>“… Let go,” and I glared at my teacher, who let go of me in surprise, and I continued towards my father.  “Hey,” my father said as he looked at me, then to my teacher, and back to me, “Everything okay?”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>   My father wrapped his arm around me and asked, “So how was school?”<br/>“It was okay.”<br/>I felt him lift my backpack and he asked, “Any homework?”<br/>“I finished it.”<br/>“Huh?  When?  It’s supposed to be homework.”<br/>   “I took it outside during recess.”<br/>“Hey,” and my father knelt in front of me and asked, “Is there a reason why you don’t want to play?”<br/>I looked away and replied, “Not really.”<br/>“Hey, come on,” and he turned my head to him.<br/>“Well, I suppose…”<br/>   “Yeah?”<br/>“… It doesn’t make me feel good.”<br/>“Huh?  Do you feel sick?”<br/>“No.  It’s something else.  When I watch them play, it looks interesting, but when I try to play…”  I put a hand to my chest and finished, “It’s like, there’s nothing in here.”<br/>   My father sighed, then he turned and said, “Come on, I’ll tell you about it on the way home.”<br/>I heard Nikolai say, “Your dad was a good guy.”<br/>“… Yeah, he was.”<br/>“Do you remember what he told you?”<br/>   “Of course.  He said I was feeling loneliness, and that the only way to fix it was to find my own pack.  A group of people I could call my friends.”<br/>“And you did.  He’d be proud if he could see you now.”<br/>“You think?”<br/>   “If you’re not looking for anything in here, you should try to get out as soon as you can.”<br/>“I would if I could.  I don’t really have a choice in the matter.”<br/>“Yes you do.  You just need to find a reason.”<br/>“A reason?  For what?”<br/>“A reason to live.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I slowly opened my eyes to find myself panting and soaked with sweat.  I blinked to see the white ceiling more clearly and moved my eyes to see Jerry sitting beside me.  His head was down and two wires ran down from his ears; listening to music even when he slept.  I coughed and swallowed to still have a sore throat, although it was more mild, but my throat was so dry.  I slowly sat up and looked to see the table at the foot of the bed with a cup and pitcher.<br/>   I groaned as I moved and reached for the cup, making my head spin.  I panted and held my head down as I put my hand on the table to grab the cup while I tried not to pass out.  I suddenly felt the cup in my hand, felt the weight of the water as I lifted the cup, and tilted it back.  I gasped as I finished, then I looked to see a nurse stare at me, and that was when I saw the shock in her eyes.  “Hmm?” I asked, “What is it?”<br/>   “Y-you…” she said, “What… How did you… You moved the cup.”<br/>I processed what she said, then I replied, “Yeah.  I just lifted it and drank it.  What’s the big deal?”<br/>“No, no.  The cup moved into your hand… on its own.”<br/>I tried to hide my fear and casually replied, “Whatever,” and I sighed as I lay on my side with my back to her.<br/>   I listened to the nurse run and I kept my eyes wide open.  If I’m using it without even thinking about it… It’s getting stronger, faster.  Worst of all, someone had to find out about it.  I suddenly stood up and held my head as I began to feel light-headed.  I stood for a moment and I saw I was in a light blue hospital shirt and pants.<br/>   I took a step from the bed, then I began to take more steps towards the exit.  I lumbered out of the infirmary and into the empty halls of the base.  As I walked, I heard footsteps coming towards me, and I quickly stared down at the ground and stood by the corner.  I saw a couple of scientists walk out from behind me and turn to the hall across from me.  I breathed slowly through my nose as I turned to where the scientists came from and continued to walk.<br/>   Why?  Why do I have this power?  I’ve had it since I was child, so was I born with it?  Was I born a freak?  Destined to never be normal?  I soon found myself in the Hangar, staring at the cave ceiling, and burying myself deeper into my thoughts.  “… That’s why I’m here,” I heard Nikolai say, “I’ve always been with you, since the beginning.”  At my lowest point, he was always there to catch me and pick me up.<br/>   “Yeah, I’ll always be there for you,” Nikolai said as he punched my arm.  I stepped away and said, “I know now.  You’re not supposed to be here.”  I put a hand to my eyes in exhaustion and said, “Just go away.  I need time to… think.”<br/>“… Come on man, don’t be like that.”<br/>I gasped as I turned to see Kit and asked, “What’re you doing here?”<br/>   “You were gone,” an accented voice said.  I looked behind Kit and saw who I expected.  Jerry was Chinese, and he was one of the others who had an accent, just like I do.  “Oh,” I said, “You seemed to be enjoying your nap, so I decided to take a walk.”<br/>“Very funny,” Jerry said, “Do you have any idea how worried you made us?”<br/>   “Well as you can see, I’m fine,” and I held out my arms, quickly gripping the rails as I turned, “Just need some time alone.”<br/>“We can’t leave you alone.”<br/>“Why not?”  I suddenly felt myself swoon and gripped the rails with both hands as I closed my eyes and heard Kit say, “You’re sick.  You had a bad fever man.”<br/>   I felt a hand on my head as Jerry said, “He still has a fever.”<br/>I stepped back to reply, “And like I said, I just needed to think.  If you’re hounding me this much I’ll go back.”  I leaned on the rails as I stared out at the resting ships, and asked, “You think… there’s any chance… she’s still alive?”<br/>“What?” Kit asked, “You can’t be serious.”<br/>   “Think about it.”  I turned and said, “A body wasn’t recovered, not even a piece of armour or anything.  Don’t you think it’s highly unlikely a blast would totally obliterate anything, and that we wouldn’t find any trace even after searching thoroughly?”<br/>“Jon,” Jerry said, “That wasn’t a normal blast.  It was going to become a black hole and swallow up Earth, maybe even our entire system.”<br/>   “But it didn’t.  If Sofia had time to do that much, don’t you think she would’ve made time for herself?”  I looked back out at the cave and said, “She’s smart, and tough.  It would’ve taken much more than that to kill her.  She’s got to be alive.”<br/>“And what if she isn’t?” Kit asked, “You’re fooling yourself man.  Don’t go there.  She can’t be alive.”<br/>“I… I just can’t… I just can’t believe she’d let herself…”<br/>   I began to take heavy breaths, and I put a hand to my fluttering chest as it became warmer and harder to take in air.  “Jon?  You okay?” Jerry asked.<br/>I walked past Jerry and Kit as I said, “Let’s just go back.”  When I walked back into the infirmary, I saw Dr. Vahlen and Dr. Laavi standing by my bed.  I growled at Vahlen and asked, “What’re you doing here?”<br/>   “I heard strange rumors,” she said, “That you were moving objects with your mind?”<br/>“Heh.  Rumors are twisted versions of the truth.”<br/>“Then what is the truth?”<br/>I took my hand off my chest and snidely replied, “I picked up a glass of water and drank it.”<br/>“How?”<br/>   “With my hand,” and I waved my left hand, “Now if you don’t mind, I just want to rest.”  As I sat on the bed, Vahlen continued, “If you don’t let us help you, you will lose control of your power.”<br/>I glared at her and asked, “How the hell are you so damn sure?”<br/>“Because it’s happened before.”  I felt myself burn as she continued, “Do you remember what you did eighteen years ago?”<br/>   My breath froze as I was forced into my memory.  I was sixteen, walking down the cold silent streets of my town.  It was the middle of the day, but it always seemed so dark and gray in the fall.  I was walking back from school and took my shortcut through the old construction site.  I hopped over the slumping metal wire fence and walked across the barren ground.  I looked around at the metal skeletons of buildings and all the metal lying scattered around.<br/>   I sniffed the air and sensed something different.  I sighed and said, “You can quit hiding.  Come out.”  I looked to see three boys older than me emerge from all sides and I asked, “What do you losers want?”<br/>“Don’t be so cocky,” one of them said, “We still gotta pay you back for last time.”<br/>“Not my fault if you got not bite.”<br/>“No, because we’ve got more than that,” and I suddenly saw him draw a handgun.<br/>   “Whoa,” I said as I took a step back and held up my hands, “Easy.”<br/>The boy smirked and asked, “Yeah, not so tough now, right?”<br/>“Look, guns are only for killing.  You want to get charged for murder?”<br/>“Like anyone would care if you disappeared.  I mean, your dad is already too crazy to recognize you, so why should we-” and I silenced the boy by running up and punching him in the face.<br/>   I growled, “I don’t care if you talk sh*t about me, but you crossed the line talking about him like that!”  The boy exhaled as he stood up and I suddenly saw his two friends kick me in the stomach and the leg.  I cried out and quickly jumped back as my body burned.  I saw a puff of dirt spray up beside me, followed by a gunshot.  “Sh*t!” I said as I quickly ran and hid behind a pile of metal pipes.  As I tried to run, the boys blocked each side and I quickly climbed up the pile of pipes.<br/>   I suddenly felt the pipes slide and there was another gunshot, and I lost my footing and grunted as I hit the ground hard.  I groaned and couldn’t move.  I turned my head to see the pipes were all piled on my body.  I slowly tried to stand up, using all my strength, then I heard clanking as a boy stood on me, making me groan as I was crushed.  I looked up to see the gun pointed at my head and the boy said, “Now then, mercy?”<br/>   I clenched my teeth, then I asked, “Just how pathetic are you?”<br/>“You asked for it.”  I looked down the barrel of the gun, realizing what would happen if I actually died.  I can’t die, not here, not now.  I needed to see him again; even if it was just one more time.  I roared as I summoned all my strength and the boy was suddenly propelled back.  I couldn’t stand, but I locked onto the boys, then I raised my left hand with power.<br/>   Suddenly, metal rods and pipes lying around clanked as they rose and hovered into the air.  I growled and yelled as I threw my hand out and all the metal was launched towards them like spears.  I remember the screams as the metal plunged into them, spraying up spurts of red.  I panted as I lay, still trapped under the large pipes, until I realized what I had done.  I stared wide-eyed in horror as I saw the red soak into the earth and gasped, my breath caught in my throat.<br/>   I tried to take a breath, but my lungs were being crushed.  I struggled to push myself up, but then I ran out of breath and began to suffocate.  I took shallow breaths as I tried to stay awake, then there was darkness.  “You’ve had this power, ever since you were a child, didn’t you?”  I snapped back to reality as I heard Vahlen speak, then I stood and said, “You don’t know anything.”<br/>“No, but you do.  Even you know it’ll happen again, and the next time it may not be an enemy.”<br/>   I suddenly found myself in Vahlen’s face, grabbing her by the collar of her coat, and seething with rage.  I felt myself panting and said, “I am seriously fighting the urge to kill you.”<br/>“…”  I continued to pant, then I took a step back and continued to have trouble catching my breath.<br/>“It’s why you’re always sick,” Vahlen suddenly said.<br/>I panted and breathed, “What?”<br/>   “Your respiratory problems, getting sick so quickly and badly.  Even when you were a child, you weren’t completely healthy.  As soon as you started to get better, there was always a problem.”  She suddenly walked up, taking Dr. Laavi’s stethoscope from him, and putting it on herself.  She suddenly put the scope up to my chest and I asked, “What the hell are you doing?”<br/>“Just breathe.”<br/>   I stood confused, then I continued to breathe, trying to take deep breaths and slow down.  Vahlen soon stepped back and said, “If this were asthma, you would’ve grown out of it by now,” and she handed the stethoscope to Laavi, who also checked me the same way.  “His history could indicate it as chronic, even now,” Laavi said.<br/>   “An asthma condition in someone with Psionic abilities, and with recurrent illnesses.  Not to mention it could be stronger than Lito’s.  You think it’s a coincidence?”<br/>“Why?” I asked, “You think it’s something else?”<br/>“If your asthma isn’t natural, it could be a result of experimentation.”<br/>“Huh?  Experimentation?  From what?”<br/>   “How long have you been able to hear them?”<br/>“What?”<br/>“Or see them?  Could be both?”<br/>“Whoa, wait,” I said as I sat down on my bed, “Just what are you talking about?”<br/>“How long?”<br/>   “I… I don’t know… I mean-” I froze as I remembered and said, “Well, I had…”<br/>“Yes?” Vahlen said.<br/>I looked away in embarrassment as I continued, “It’s kinda stupid, but… I had an imaginary friend.”<br/>“How did you know he was imaginary?”<br/>“Well, no one else saw him, but he seemed pretty real.”<br/>   “How?”<br/>I sighed as I rubbed my head and replied, “I know it’s not normal.  I learned to hide it, but I’d hear him, see him.  Usually when I was alone or got sick, like over the past few days.”<br/>“Is that who you were hallucinating about?” Dr. Laavi asked.<br/>“Yeah, Nikolai.”<br/>   “Then it’s just as I thought,” Vahlen said.  I looked up at her as she continued, “Jon, I think you may be the product of a long experiment.  And I think you know who’s pulling the strings.”<br/>I slowly blinked, then I said, “No…”  I stood up in surprise and staggered as I continued, “No!”  I looked to see Kit was holding me by my arm and I said, “No… it can’t be true…” and I looked at Vahlen and said, “It can’t be!”<br/>   “Your hair, it started turning white as a teenager, didn’t it?  And it’s been turning more and more with your powers.”  My entire core rattled as she said, “It’s can’t be a coincidence that you got white hair as a result of genetics.”<br/>“No… My father… My father had it too!  He said the same thing happened to him!”<br/>“… I wonder.  Is it possible your father was also-”<br/>“No!” I yelled as I shook Kit off, “That can’t be it!  How have I been used as a guinea pig… for all these years?!”<br/>   There was a sudden explosion and shattering of glass, followed by the dimming of lights.  We all looked to see one of the overhead lights was destroyed and scorched.  “Jon, just calm down,” Vahlen said, “Your power is already unstable with its sheer power levels.  Emotional instability will make it worse.”<br/>“Calm down?” I asked.  “Calm down?!  How the hell do I remain calm knowing that… That I’m just being used?!”<br/>   Kit suddenly grabbed my arm and said, “Come on man!  Don’t bring the building down on us or anything!”  That’s right; what if I hurt someone, hurt Jerry, or Kit?  I turned away and stood at the wall, putting a fist up to it as I leaned on my arm.  “… Is there a way to know?”<br/>“What?” Vahlen asked.<br/>“Is there a sure way to know… that what you said is true, is real?”<br/>   “… Yes.  We’d need you to recall all your childhood memories with as much detail as possible.”<br/>“And what happens if you’re right?”<br/>“Well, we could try to see what their plans are.  Why they’ve done this.  Who knows; there may be others like you out there.”  Then I gasped as I realized something; it was subtle, but it was there.<br/>“Jon?  What is it?” Kit asked.<br/>   “… Something’s just, not right.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“Now that I think about it, I did start school when I was maybe seven or eight, but all the kids were eithers years older or younger than me.  There weren’t really many kids my age.”<br/>“Wait,” Vahlen said, “You may be onto something.  You’re thirty something years old, correct?”<br/>   “Thirty-four.”<br/>“Let’s see, then that means you were born around 1981?”<br/>“Yeah; July 7, 1981.”<br/>“Hey, that was a few days ago!” Jerry said.<br/>Kit slapped my back and said, “Happy birthday man.”<br/>   I looked away and replied, “Yeah, whatever.”<br/>“Wait, that’s impossible,” Vahlen said.<br/>I turned and asked, “Huh?  Why’s that?”<br/>“From 1965, up until the 1980s, was when Russia suffered high mortality rates of infants and children.”<br/>   “What?” I breathed, “Are you sure?”<br/>“I’d have to check, but I remember it was a bit of a buzz back when I was a child.”  Just how old was she?  “But I remember the data was only a concern and not a crisis.  It still seemed natural, from disease and infections.  But like I said, I’d have to check.”  I dropped down onto my bed as I continued to process everything I had just heard.<br/>   “Jon?  You okay?”<br/>“I just, need to lie down,” and I sighed as I laid down on my side with my back turned.  I stared at the back of my scarred hand and reached back into my past, to the very first memory.</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   “How long is this gonna take?” I asked.<br/>“Only a half hour at most,” Dr. Laavi said, “Now just relax, close your eyes, and take a deep breath.”  I was lying back in an infirmary bed, and I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes.  “Focus on my voice.  Listen to it slowly fade into the air when I finish… Now, think back to what you were doing this morning… Now back to yesterday… Two days… Three days… A month… A year… You’re a child.  How old are you?”<br/>   “… I… I can’t move.”  I looked around the living room of the log cabin that was my house, and I heard, “Why can’t you move?”<br/>“… I’m too small.”<br/>“Come here son,” I heard my father say as he appeared in front of me and picked me up.  I panted as I struggled to breathe and heard, “What’s wrong?”<br/>   “I-” then I was suddenly in a dark room.  I looked to see I was in a large crib, but I was able to stand and grab onto the rails.  Something woke me up, or someone.  I suddenly saw shadows move across the window, followed by whispers, and I began to cry.  Then loud bangs shattered the silence, making me cry even more and cover my ears.  After a few minutes, I was lifted up to feel the cold brush off my father as he walked in with his coat; he had been outside.<br/>   “Hey, hey, its okay,” he said, “Shhh… It’s alright.  I’m here.”<br/>“What happened?” I heard.<br/>“… Someone was… he scared them away.”<br/>“Who?”  I was suddenly walking through the town with my father, bundled up in a coat, and I took gentle steps on the white carpet of snow.<br/>   I followed my father to a small shop, and I saw the old couple on the porch.  “Oh, little Jon, if I recall,” the old woman said.  I hid behind my father’s leg, making him chuckle and say, “Yep.  He’s going to be four this year,” and he rubbed my head.  I began to cough and heard, “Oh, we’d better get you inside,” the old man said as he opened the door.  As the old woman brought out a cup of warm milk, my father said, “Thank you.”<br/>   “Of course,” the old woman said, “I haven’t seen too many cuties like this one around for a while.”  I sat quietly as I drank my milk and my father collected his supplies.  The old woman sat with me as she asked, “So Jon, you going to school yet?”  I shook my head, and the old woman said, “Come, I want to hear you speak.  I bet your voice is beautiful.”  I sat with my empty cup, looking around the store in curiosity.<br/>   I began to hear more whispering and stood up to wander around the store.  “You want to explore?” I heard.  I followed the whispers to a high shelf at the back with multiple glass orbs of varying sizes and colours.  I looked to the light purple one slightly off to the side from the rest of the orbs.  I reached out with a hand and I heard, “Ah, you have a good eye,” and I was picked up by the old woman, who brought me up to the orb and continued, “We found this one long ago in an old mine.”<br/>   I continued to reach for the orb as she put me down and said, “I’m afraid it’s not for sale though.  It’s… too dangerous.”<br/>“Why did she say that?” I heard Dr. Laavi ask.<br/>“I… don’t know,” I mumbled.<br/>“Alright, let’s see your work,” my teacher said.<br/>   I handed her my piece of paper, which she took into her hands, then smiled as she marked the paper with her red pen.  “Good Jon.  You got it all correct!”  I gave a slight nod as I took my paper back and continued with more work.  After school, I began to walk home in the warm weather; it wasn’t too hot or too cold.  I was even wearing shorts and walked through town.  As I walked, I looked around to see the other children embraced by their parents as they stared at me and I glanced at them whispering.<br/>   “They thought I was strange,” I said, “They thought there was something different about me that let me live; the only child my age.”  I walked into the general store to buy some groceries for back home.  “Hello Jon,” the storekeeper said, “What’ll it be?”  I handed him the list, which he picked up and read, then he said, “Alright, just give me a few minutes,” and he walked out from behind the counter.  As I stood and waited, I heard the door open and looked to see two women walk in.<br/>   Their eyes lit up as they saw me and said, “Look!  It’s Jon!  He’s one of the blessed.”  I turned away in embarrassment and looked up as the storekeeper came back with a paper bag and said, “Here you are.  Have a good day.”<br/>“Thank you,” I replied as I put the money on the counter and left.  As I walked out the door and past the two women, I felt a hand brush my shoulder and I quickly stepped out.<br/>   I reached the edge of town when I suddenly heard a howl.  I gasped and looked to see a light brown wolf on the hill, sitting with its head up, then it slowly stood up and stared at me.  I walked to the bottom of the hill and asked, “Why are you sad?”  The wolf turned around and slowly walked over the hill.  I followed the wolf and stood on the hill to see my home and the forest right behind it.  The wolf trotted into the forest, and I quickly followed.<br/>   It wasn’t very far when I saw another wolf lying by a tree.  When both wolves looked at me, I felt a twinge of fear.  No, I couldn’t.  I had to be confident.  I kept my back straight as I walked up and heard whimpering from the wolf lying down.  I gasped as I saw the red splashed with the wolf’s paw stuck in a metal trap.  “Wait here,” I said, “I’ll be back, I promise,” and I ran off.  I quickly sprinted back to my house and burst through the door.  “Dad!” I yelled.<br/>   I brought my father to the wounded wolf, and he quickly pried off the trap and treated the wolf.  “Is she gonna be okay?” I asked.<br/>“How do you know she’s a girl?”<br/>“It’s her eyes.”<br/>“Eyes?”<br/>   “Yeah.  They’re like a girl’s eyes.”<br/>“Heh, you make interesting observations son.”<br/>“How did you know?” I heard.<br/>“… I just did.”<br/>“Okay.  Keep going.”<br/>   I rode on my skateboard on the sidewalk and picked it up before walking into the small shop.  “Hello, Grandmother, Grandfather.”<br/>“Oh, Jon!” Grandfather said, “Haven’t seen you in a few days, but it looks like you’ve grown in such a short time!”  I gave a light smile as I scratched my black hair with its traces of white.  “Is that Jon?” Grandmother said as she walked out.<br/>   Neither of them seemed to have changed with time.  Even though we weren’t blood, it was like we were still somehow related.  “How’s your father?” Grandfather asked.<br/>“He’s doing fine.  Been out scouting these past few days, so he’s been a bit busy.”<br/>“And look at you,” Grandmother said as she put her hands on my shoulders, “You look more like your father every day.  Any plans for the future?”<br/>   “Yeah, I was thinking of joining military, maybe.  I’m still kinda on the fence.”<br/>“Explore the world if you have a chance, before you get too old like us, eh?”<br/>“You bet!”  I looked to the purple orb and said, “Huh, you still have it.”<br/>Grandmother followed my gaze and said, “Yes.”<br/>“Is it special?”<br/>   “Oh, you could say that.”<br/>“We just kept it here so everyone would stop fussing,” Grandfather said.<br/>“Fussing?” I asked, “Over what?”<br/>Both became silent, then Grandmother said, “Well, you realize you’re the only child your age around here?”<br/>   “Oh, yeah.”<br/>“It happened right after we found that,” and she looked to the orb.  “It was found in an old cave, deep in the forest.  When it was brought back, many people became ill, and many young were taken.”<br/>“So why is it in here?”<br/>“This shop has many curious items, but mainly it has to do with the ground.”<br/>   “The ground?”<br/>“This shop was built on a purification site.”<br/>“What was purified?”<br/>“People.”<br/>   I blinked as Grandfather explained, “Back when we were still small, we thoughts devils were causing problems, so people would come to this site to seek purification.  Even now, some still cling to the old legends.”<br/>“So, you don’t believe them?”<br/>   “Of course not!  You know what’s going on out there, don’t you?  There’s new medicine, technology.  The world’s changing, but we’re not gonna let it leave us in the dust to wither away.”<br/>Grandmother asked, “Jon, you’re sixteen now, is that right?”<br/>“Oh, yeah.”<br/>“Isn’t it your birthday today?”<br/>   “Huh?  Oh yeah, it is.”<br/>“You forgot your birthday?” Grandfather asked, “Come on, you can’t be that old!”<br/>I laughed sheepishly as Grandmother brought out a wrapped box and said, “This is for you.”<br/>I gasped and said, “Oh, Grandmother.  Is it okay?”<br/>“Of course!”<br/>   “Thank you!” and I took the box; it was in the shape of a book, and I peeled away the paper to see cloth.  I took out the object and saw it was a small square, dark green belt bag.  I quickly put it on and said, “This is great, thanks!  It’ll be really handy when I’m out hunting.”<br/>“Of course,” Grandfather said, “And it will be your companion for a long time.”<br/>“Thank you both.”<br/>   Then I quickly checked my watch and said, “Oh, Father should be back home.  I’ll see you later!” and I ran out with my skateboard as I waved.  Both waved as I left, and I threw my board onto the ground to jump on it and sail down the street.  I wore my belt bag proudly as I rode to the edge of town, then got off my board and walked on the rugged dirt trail.  I walked peacefully until I saw the front door to my house was open.<br/>   I quickly ran down the hill and into the open house.  “Dad?” I asked, looking around the empty living room and kitchen.  “Dad?” I called.  I stepped in to see his rifle lying on the ground, which I carefully picked up.  He’d never leave his rifle lying around like this.  I kicked off my shoes and brought the rifle to the brackets on the wall and hung the gun.  I called, “Dad.  I’m home.”  I began to panic as I looked around and saw my father lying on the kitchen floor, behind the counter.<br/>   “Dad?” I asked.  I stood in shock for a few seconds as I processed what I saw; my father lying on the ground.  “Dad!” I exclaimed as I knelt at his side and checked his pulse.  I quickly grabbed the phone and dialed, then I said, “Hello?  I need a doctor.  It’s my father… He’s… I don’t know what’s wrong with him!  Just send a doctor!”  I continued to tremble and pant as the operator said, “It’s alright.  An ambulance is on the way.  Just take deep breaths.  What’s your name?”<br/>   I continued to pant, unable to speak, unable to move my lips.  “Jon?”  I blinked as I stepped back and stood in darkness.  “Jon.  Jon!”  I moaned as I slowly opened my eyes and shielded my eyes from the light.  I turned my head to make it stop thumping as I heard, “You okay?”<br/>“My head hurts.”<br/>“That can happen.  Take some ibuprofen.”<br/>   I sat up and looked to see a couple of pills and a glass of water; I put the pills in my mouth and drank down the glass of water.  I sighed as I laid back on the bed and covered my eyes.  “You did good,” Dr. Laavi said as he patted my shoulder.<br/>“Yeah.  Did you get everything?”<br/>“We’ll make do.”<br/>   “Then I’m just gonna go back to the Barracks.”<br/>“Are you well enough?”<br/>I grunted as I sat up and replied, “Yeah,” and I stood up and walked out of the infirmary.  As I walked, I thought about my father, and the orb in the shop; I felt like I had seen it before.  I just sat down on a couch in the lounge, picked up a Sudoku book, put on my glasses, and began to fill in the puzzle.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   “Jon.”<br/>“Huh?” I asked as I turned around from my usual of syrniki and kotlety; the equivalent of pancakes and meatballs.  I looked to see the Commander, and I immediately stood up and asked, “Yes?  What is it?”<br/>“I’m sending you on another mission.  An alien abduction site near the Russian border.”  I immediately felt my stomach burn as the thought of my hometown being victim made me restless.<br/>   “Be ready in half an hour.  The rest of the team will be waiting,” and the Commander walked away.  I immediately pushed away my plate, drank down my mug, and ran to my room.  I burst in and grabbed my canteen and strapped on my belt bag, then ran out again.  As I walked out, I looked to the Memorial Wall and stood in front of it.  I looked at the pictures of The Fallen, then I looked down to Sofia’s photo album.<br/>   I just stood, contemplating and arranging my thoughts, until I snapped out of it and brought myself back to reality.  I checked my watch to see I only had ten minutes, and I ran out of the Barracks.  I tried to stay calm as I walked quickly to the war room.  As I walked into the armoury, I saw Wolf and David getting ready.  “You’re on the mission?” I asked.<br/>   “Yeah, but Luto’s out on this one.”<br/>“So’s Yin,” David said, “He got hit on his last mission.”<br/>“Okay,” I said, “Then who’s gonna replace them?”<br/>“That’d be me,” I heard Jerry say.<br/>I gave a smile as I turned around and asked, “Had enough of playing your guitar?”<br/>   “You wish,” Jerry replied as he took out one earbud and replaced it with an earpiece radio, “Let’s go out there and give ‘em a show, huh?” and he held out a fist.<br/>“You bet,” and I bumped his fist with mine.</p><p> </p><p>   When we boarded the ship, I looked around to have Jerry beside me, Wolf and David across from me, and two other Assault soldiers.  “Alien Abductions are in progress at the Ukraine-Russian border.  Site is clear of civilians; collateral damage is not a concern.”  I gritted my teeth as I put a hand to my belt bag and hoped that everyone was okay.  I saw Jerry was sitting back, his leg bouncing as he listened to his music, and I heard, “Why did you have a grenade?”<br/>   I looked up to see Wolf continue, “You usually carry a scope, so why did you have a grenade during the Temple Ship Assault?”<br/>I looked away as I replied, “I… I didn’t think I would’ve needed the scope.  It was figured there’d be a lot of close quarters fighting, so I equipped a grenade instead.  If I had the scope instead of the grenade, then maybe I could’ve shot that bastard dead in one shot.”<br/>   “Then, why?”<br/>“… Because it worked before.”  I looked up and continued, “When I was still learning the ropes, I favoured my grenades rather than my scope.”  I put a hand to my eyes and explained, “I’m extremely far-sighted, so scopes usually get in the way unless my target is… maybe at least, two hundred meters away?”<br/>   “What?” Wolf asked in surprise.<br/>“Most of the time I don’t even look through it, but, if I just had it that day… I don’t know what would have happened.  Maybe I still wouldn’t have killed him.  All I know is I became arrogant.”  I looked to Wolf’s rifle and asked, “What about you?  You don’t have a scope.”<br/>“Oh, well… I’m more of a closer range type.”  I saw Wolf look away as his eyes filled with worry and said, “I just… I just want to get through this mission alive.”<br/>   “I’ll make sure of that.”  I locked eyes with Wolf as he looked up and I said, “I won’t let another one of my comrades die.  I give you my word.”<br/>“Colonel…”<br/>I felt the ship slow down and land, and I said, “It’s time,” and I gripped my rifle as I walked out and followed Jerry out.<br/>   “See anything?” Jerry asked.  I stepped out, holding my rifle up, took a deep breath as I closed my eyes, then opened my eyes to slowly scan the area.  It was just like my town; the same cracked streets with faded lines, the small buildings trying to creep out from the darkness, and the dim orange lights overhead.  “Nothing,” I said, “And I don’t like that.”  I brought out a small metal orb from my belt and said, “Eyes on the field!” and threw the scanner far over a building and down to the street around the corner.<br/>   “There they are,” The Commander said as the scanner activated.  “Three Thin Men.  Get into position.”<br/>“Right,” I said, and I watched everyone move up.  I soon followed and saw a pipe going up the back of a building, bringing me right above the Thin Men.  I gave a smirk as I said, “Rolling out,” and I began to climb the back pipe up to the roof.  I quietly crept up and had my back against the ledge as I whispered, “In position.”<br/>   “Roger that,” Jerry said.<br/>Wolf said, “I can take out one of them from where I am.”  I glanced to see Wolf was behind a car, with another soldier beside him, Jerry was by himself at the side of the building, and David and the last soldier were further down the street watching Wolf’s flank.  “Okay,” I said, “Wolf, can you and your friend take out one each?”<br/>   “Sure thing.”<br/>“Jerry, cover them if they miss.”<br/>“Copy,” Jerry said.<br/>“Alright… Now!”  I turned to aim with my rifle, surprising the Thin Men, and there was a plasma burst as Wolf hit one of them.<br/>   Then there was a laser burst as the second Thin Man was hit.  “I got him!” I said as I watched the last Thin Man run.  I aimed, then I fired to make the Thin Man explode and release blue vapour.  “Alright,” I said, “Let’s give that gas a few minutes.”  Then there was warbling and screeching, and I heard whirring.  “Do you guys hear that?” I asked.<br/>“Yeah, I heard it,” Jerry replied, “And it doesn’t sound too goo- Oh sh*t!  Jon, your left side!”<br/>   I looked to see a Cyberdisk had floated up to me, and I said, “Well… this isn’t good.”  I saw a couple of drones flying alongside it, and smirked as I said, “I’ll take ‘em all out.”<br/>“Look out!  Up the street!”  I looked to see two Mutons were coming down the street, flanking Wolf.<br/>“Oh boy,” I said, “Commander, any advice?”<br/>“… Jerry, you have your Holo-targeting on?”<br/>   Jerry replied, “Yes, of course.”<br/>“Good.  You fire at a Muton.  David and the others will shoot to kill that same Muton, and Wolf will headshot the final one.  If all fails, Jon can cover.”<br/>“Got it,” I said.<br/>“Then let’s do it.”<br/>   Jerry held up his Heavy Plasma and said, “Prepare to be blown away!” and he fired heavy shots of green plasma.  I watched the plasma hit the car beside the Muton, setting the car on fire, and Wolf said, “That thing’s gonna blow!”<br/>“Now!  Fire!” The Commander ordered.  David and the two other soldiers shot at the Muton; David missed while the other two hit the Muton and sent it to the ground.<br/>   “I can’t get a clear shot,” Wolf said, “I’ll have to move up.”<br/>“Negative,” I said, “There’s no cover between you and that second Muton other than the time bomb that is the car.”<br/>“… Jon,” The Commander said, “you think you can deal with your plate?”  I looked away from my rifle as The Commander continued, “If you’re fast enough, and lucky, you can cover Wolf.”<br/>   “… Gotcha.”  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, then I opened my eyes and quickly aimed and fired.  A drone shattered and fell to the ground, then I aimed and fired to take down the second drone.  Then I looked to the Cyberdisk and said, “Just you and me big fella.”  I aimed carefully, took another breath, then I fired to have the Cyberdisk whir and spin, but it continued to hover.  “What?!” I exclaimed.<br/>“Colonel!  I got you!” Wolf said.<br/>   “No,” I said, “Kill that Muton.  You’ll be at risk of having a grenade thrown at you.  Separate yourself from the others, and shoot that bastard.  I’ll be fine.  Now do it.”<br/>“… Yes sir.”  I looked to see Wolf run down the street, take aim at the Muton, and fire to have its head thrown back as goo spilled everywhere.  “Good job,” I said.<br/>“Jon!”  I looked to see the Cyberdisk transform and become a mass of sharp metal and needles.<br/>   I gave a worried smile as I said, “Well, guess today just isn’t my day.”  Then I suddenly saw the Cyberdisk swivel and I recognized the blue sparks as it pulled out something that looked like our arc throwers.  I was prepared to dodge a laser blast or something, but why an arc- I suddenly choked as I was paralyzed by the blue streaks of electricity and I fell forward onto the ground.  I gasped as my head rang and my body felt like it was shattered and slowly went numb.<br/>   I still felt myself shaking and could barely see the Cyberdisk hovering over me and continuing to whir.  “… Yesss.”  I grunted as I tried to lift an arm, a leg; just move anything.  “Long was our search… and now… with success so close at hand, we witness the fruits of our endeavor.”  I soon lay still in exhaustion and pain and panted heavily, barely able to breathe.  I grunted again as I tried to get up, feeling my arms return.<br/>   I slowly pushed myself up to see the Cyberdisk look down at me and whir.  My armour had taken most of the electric currents, but one more shot and I’d be out cold.  I grabbed my rifle by my side, unable to feel it in my hands, but I gripped it tight and growled, “You little son of a bitch.”  The Cyberdisk pointed its arc thrower at me.</p><p> </p><p>   I gave a slight groan as I felt myself waking up, trying to open my eyes.  “The hunt draws to a close.”  I slowly opened my eyes to darkness to hear, “It was not a vain undertaking… but a necessity, as our physical form has grown… ineffective.”  I was suddenly blinded by a bright light, making me squint and try to bring up my hands, but they refused.<br/>   “Huh?” I breathed, “Where… am I?”  I let my eyes adjust as I slowly opened them to see green tanks on either side of me to make a path, filled with people.  I gasped in horror and quickly looked to see I was strapped down to a metal table with my arms and legs spread apart.  I weakly clenched my fists as I tried to break, or even weaken, the metal bands on my wrists.  “Our search for a perfect specimen was driven by our own crippling limitation, and now, at long last…”<br/>   I suddenly saw a shadow over me, and I looked up and froze in fear as I saw the Uber Ethereal stand over me.  “No…” I said, “No!  How?!”<br/>“…”  The Uber Ethereal simply reached towards me with its pale, thin hand, coming closer and closer to me.  I tried to back away, but remained fixed to the table.  I screamed as I looked away and closed my eyes.</p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   “GAAAHHH!  Aaaahh!  No!  Stay away from me!” I felt myself scream.  I felt arms holding me down, and I twisted and turned to escape, and continued, “No!  No!  Nooo!”  I panted as I continued to fight and heard the whispering, until I just couldn’t take it anymore.  “Nooo!  Noo,” I cried as I continued to take panicked breaths while I kept my eyes shut and covered my ears.<br/>“Shut up, shut up, shut up!” I yelled, “What do you want?!  What do you want from me?!”<br/>   As I sat in the dark, my hands clamped tightly on my head, I flinched as I felt something wrap around me.  I tried to shrink back, but then I realized it felt…  I began to relax and slow my breathing, then I heard, “You’re safe.  You’re safe.”  I recognized that voice.<br/>“S-Sofia?” I asked as I slowly took my hands off and opened my eyes to see Sofia.<br/>I gasped and blinked to see David, who smiled and said, “Good.  You’re back.”<br/>   I quickly stood up, and looked to see Vahlen, Dr. Laavi, and a couple of nurses.  I turned away and faced the wall as I realized I was in the infirmary and said, “This place again, huh?”  I continued to pant and shudder as I stood, and looked down at my hands to see them tremble.  “Colonel, let’s just sit you down first,” and I felt hands on my arms guide me to sit down on a bed.  I sat hunched over as I put a hand to my eyes and processed what I just went through.<br/>   It felt so real, but surely it was just a dream?  “How did the mission go?” I asked.<br/>“What?” David asked.<br/>“The mission.”<br/>“Yes, it’s been a success.”<br/>“… But?”<br/>   “… Wolf was…”<br/>I slowly looked up and asked, “What?  What is it?  What happened to him?”<br/>David looked away and replied, “We’re not too sure.”  I quickly stood up, making my head spin and I quickly caught myself as I fell.<br/>“Jon, just get some rest,” Dr. Laavi said.<br/>   “Not until I know Wolf is okay,” and I looked around to see someone occupying a bed across from me.  I gasped, then I slowly walked up to the bed to see Wolf lying on his back with his face in anguish.  “No…” I said.  I looked at David and asked, “How did this happen?”<br/>“There was an Ethereal.  It attacked him.”<br/>   “What?!  Did you get the Ethereal?”<br/>“… No.  I’m sorry.”<br/>I looked back at Wolf and snarled as I said, “Those bastards.  I’m gonna make ‘em pay.”<br/>“… Colonel…”  Everyone gasped as Wolf took a breath, then turned in his bed and opened his eyes.<br/>   I quickly sat at a chair beside him and took his hand as I said, “Hey, don’t get up.  You’re in pretty bad shape.”<br/>“Yeah, but…” Wolf smiled as he said, “We made it back, didn’t we?”  I lowered my head as he finished, “You kept your promise.”<br/>“… I was… This isn’t… This isn’t what I meant,” and I kept my head down.<br/>   “Colonel… Something… weird… is happening to me.”<br/>I looked up and asked, “Huh?”<br/>“It’s strange.  I don’t know how to describe it, but…”  Wolf put a hand to his chest as he said, “My entire body is burning, and my head… it feels like its gonna explode… And… I keep hearing them.”<br/>   “Them?”<br/>Wolf suddenly groaned and turned onto his other side, and I stood up and asked, “Wolf?  What is it?  What’s wrong?”<br/>“Step back!” Dr. Laavi said as he rushed to Wolf’s side and examined his eyes.  I was pulled away by David as I saw the curtains drawn on Wolf screaming in pain as he curled up in pain.<br/>   I was sat down my bed and David said, “He’s been like that for almost three days now.”<br/>“Three days?” and then I realized, it was just like-  “Just like you,” Vahlen said as she walked up.  “Judging by the report of Wolf’s contact with the Ethereal, he’s been ill.”<br/>“Contact?”<br/>David said, “It was when you were stunned.  An Ethereal suddenly appeared, and Wolf was running towards you to shoot down the Cyberdisk.  That was when he got flanked.”</p><p> </p><p>   Wolf gasped as he saw the Ethereal rush onto him and pin him against the wall of a building.  “Quick!  Take it out!” Jerry said.<br/>“We can’t!  We might hit him!” David yelled.  Wolf groaned as he was caught in the Ethereal’s grip.  Suddenly the Ethereal thrust its hand onto Wolf’s head and chest, and purple energy flowed into Wolf as he continued to struggle.<br/>   Wolf suddenly screamed as he dropped his gun and was paralyzed with pain.  “AAAAAHHH!”<br/>“Fire, now!” Jerry yelled.  One of the Assault soldiers aimed, but the Ethereal held up Wolf to itself as it walked back.  “Hold fire!  Hold fire!” the Commander said as the Ethereal kept Wolf up.  When it was well into the darkness, Wolf fell forward as the Ethereal vanished.  “Sh*t!” Jerry said, “Control, we’ve got two men down!  What are your orders?”<br/>   “David, take a man and scope the area.  You two take care of Ryumin and Wolf.”<br/>“Copy,” Jerry said.   One of the Assault soldiers ran up to Wolf, who lay on the ground groaning, and he looked up to have a purple glow from his eyes.  The soldier gasped, then Wolf closed his eyes as he groaned and flipped onto his back as he clutched his chest.  Wolf was picked up by an arm and the Support soldier wrapped Wolf’s arm around his own neck as he said, “Easy.  I gotcha.”<br/><br/></p><p>   I was sitting with my hands folded in front of my face, my arms resting on my knees as I was hunched forward while I finished listening.  So, it’s not just me they’re using; they’re getting bold.<br/>“I’m surprised they didn’t kill you,” Vahlen said, “Do you have any idea why?”<br/>I stood up and replied, “Like I’d ever tell you.”<br/>“Excuse me?”<br/>   “I’m not dragging any more people into this.  This is the last straw,” and I looked to Wolf.<br/>“Jon, if you know why, we could help you, and help him.”<br/>“…”<br/>“Colonel,” David said.  I felt my arm grabbed and I looked to see David continue, “We’re not letting you do this alone.”<br/>   “…”<br/>“She didn’t die because of you.  She died because of them.  We need to take them down, together.”<br/>“…”  I looked away and replied, “From what I know, they’re looking for a ‘perfect specimen.’”<br/>“What?” Vahlen asked, “How long have you know this?”<br/>“They’ve been saying it since the Temple Ship Assault.  Don’t tell me you didn’t record the mission.”<br/>   “No, it’s just… We never heard anyone other than ourselves.”<br/>I looked and asked, “What did you say?”<br/>“We were aware Colonel Lito was hearing them, but if you also did…”  Vahlen looked up and continued, “You could tell us what they were saying!  We’d know what they were planning!”<br/>I looked away and replied, “Like I could remember all that.”<br/>   “We could use the hypnosis again.”  I stood with my head down and moped as I recalled the last time I went into hypnosis.  “Are you okay Colonel?” Vahlen asked.<br/>“I’m fine.  Just… getting prepared.”<br/>“Prepared?”<br/>“You know… Mentally.”<br/>   I sighed as I turned around and continued, “I’m not really looking forward to this.”<br/>“You don’t have to,” Dr. Laavi said as he stepped out from the curtains, “The hypnosis is best done if you do it willingly.”<br/>“… It’ll help us bring down these bastards.”</p><p> </p><p>   “At long last, YOU have succeeded where WE have failed.”  My eyes widened with fear as I saw the Sectoids, the Thin Men, Floaters, Mutons; every alien we fought.  Then I saw cities; our cities.  “What do you see?” I heard.<br/>“… Everything,” I breathed.<br/>   “You hear our voice, New One, now listen well… Long have we watched… and waited. So many promising subjects, so many failed efforts. And now, after untold trials, the New One emerges to face the rigors of our collective… An enduring physical form, paired with an equally adept mental capacity – the rarest of traits, finally within our grasp.”  I peered through the darkness to make out the Temple Ship and saw myself aiming at the Sectoid hiding behind an obstacle.<br/>   “The New One faces the earliest effort of the Ethereal Ones, the first… failure. Though possessed of a certain… brilliance… they are marred by their cowardice and frailty… which made them cruel… and ultimately useless.”  I fired my rifle to have the Sectoid screech as it was thrown back.  I took a shaky breath as I felt how cold it was; I don’t remember it being this cold.  As I saw another Sectoid run out, I quickly brought up my rifle and fired to have it lie in a pool of yellow goo.<br/>   I slowly walked up to it, then put my foot to its head as I said, “You messed with the wrong planet.”  Sofia walked up to me and said, “Come on, it’s already dead.”<br/>“How are you so sure?” and I raised my foot to stomp on its head when she put a hand to my chest and said, “Stop it.  There is a difference between them and us.”<br/>“…”  I huffed as I walked past the dead Sectoid and replied, “Whatever.”<br/>   I quickly ran into the next chamber to see nothing but darkness, and I heard the rest of the team move up; still nothing.  “Kit,” I said, “Send out the bot.”<br/>“Copy.  Go ahead Sam.”  I watched Sam hover up as he whirred and scanned the ship from the air.  Then he beeped loudly and Kit said, “Enemy spotted!”<br/>I saw the Cyberdisks and drone and said, “Aw der’mo.  Kit, can’t the bot be more discrete?!”<br/>   “Come on man!  He spotted ‘em!”<br/>“Yeah, and alerted the whole armada!”<br/>“Another attempt,” I heard, “this one inspired.  Two subjects, each with a glaring weakness- brought together in the hopes of a symbiotic strength.  And yet, this newfound power left them devoid of higher thought.  Lacking in comprehension.  Another… useless effort.”<br/>   Sam shot at a Cyberdisk, making it whir and concentrate at him.  The Cyberdisk morphed and fired at Sam, making him fly to the side and beep as he continued to hover.  “Damn it,” Kit said, “Quick, fire before they kill Sam!”<br/>“Already on it,” I replied as I took my shot and destroyed the Cyberdisk, making it drone and power down before exploding.<br/>   “Now watch how it’s done!” I continued.  I quickly stood up and aimed at the two drones, hitting them in succession.  Then I turned to the other side to fix my sights on the two drones.  “Jon!  Look out!”  I saw the Cyberdisk and both drones all aim their weapons at me.  “Heh,” I whispered, “bring it on.”  As I rested my finger on the trigger, I suddenly saw a spiral of purple energy grow and begin to take the form of a twister.<br/>   “What the-” and I looked to see Sofia’s eyes were glowing purple as she held out a hand.  The Cyberdisk and drones exploded, then I heard them again.  “It is as we hoped… the New One has surpassed all that have come before… and with such great confidence… so skilled with the Gift.”  We continued, seeing all the aliens we had ever killed and hearing the voices; telling us the story, the history.  Like I cared.<br/>   “I’ll scout ahead,” I said as I moved into the bridge.  I padded up to one of the metal shelves and pressed my shoulder up to it as I looked around.  I gestured with my head for Sofia to come up and she slowly looked around, swivelling her head as she pointed her gun, then came up beside me and we both sat with our backs to the metal.  “Anything?” I asked.  I remember she held a hand to her head as more whispering came.<br/>   “Don’t worry about it,” I said as I quickly reloaded my sniper rifle, “I told you.  I’m not gonna let them get you.”<br/>“W-what?”<br/>“Everything they’re saying… It’s a load of bull.”<br/>“You mean, you can hear them?”<br/>   “Yeah, of course,” and I cocked my gun and turned to look through the scope as I continued, “They’re annoying little pricks.  Just have to get the right shot on them.”<br/>“Jon… if you can hear them, then you should know, there’s more to them than you think.”  I think, I understand now; she didn’t think I could hear them, because only those with Psi could’ve heard them.  I wonder, did she know who I really was?  What I was?  Is that why she thought it was okay to leave us?</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I was suddenly panting as I ran through the dark hallways lit by the dim green glow of the ship.  My whole body was on fire as I sprinted, then I doubled over in pain and groaned as I leaned against a wall.  I looked down to see red was dripped down all over my shirt and pants.  Where am I?  I heard footsteps and looked back to see shadows, and I quickly turned and continued to run.  What… am I running away from?  Why am I so desperate to get away?<br/>“What does it matter?!” Nikolai yelled.  “Just run!”<br/>   I turned down a hallway and froze as I saw the Mutons blocking the path.  I took a step back, only to hear the footsteps stop and I looked to see two Ethereal and two Sectoids.  I gave a half-hearted smile and said, “Sorry, but I don’t wanna stick around to find out what happens next.”  I quickly sprinted down the hall towards the Mutons to see them holding their own Arc Throwers.  Surges of blue electricity was shot at me, but I quickly ran along the side of the wall and kicked one of them in the head.<br/>   I quickly grabbed the Arc Thrower and fired it at the second Muton, then I stomped on the head of the first.  I kept the Arc Thrower as I continued to run when I saw plasma pass by my head, then my hand was stung and the Arc Thrower was destroyed.  “Aw, blyat!” I swore as I breathed heavily and turned left at a branching hallway.  I continued to sprint madly when I suddenly came up to a solid wall.  “No,” I said as I put my hands to the wall.  Then I banged my fists against them and said, “No!”<br/>   My breath froze and I slowly turned around to see two Ethereal standing behind me.  I stood with my back against the wall.  Think.  Think!  I gotta get outta this, but… how?  How?!  The Ethereal seemed to glide towards me, and I said, “Stay back,” and I held out my hand.  The Ethereal drew closer, making me yell, “Stay back!” and I roared as I swiped with my hand to send a vortex of purple towards the Ethereal, sending them flying like pieces of paper.<br/>   Then I felt it.  I gasped as my insides felt like they were being shattered, making me fall onto my fours in pain.  I coughed to see flecks of red on my hand, and I took away a hand from my chest to see more red.  I looked up to see another Ethereal tower over me.  I quickly backed away, keeping my hand to my chest, and I said, “Keep away, you bastards…”  I heard more whispering, and I backed up into the corner and said, “No.  Stay back… Don’t.”<br/>   “Jon… Jon,” I heard muffled.  Then I saw a light flash in my eyes and heard, “Jon.  Jon!”  For a moment, I lay in a daze; unsure of what to think or feel.  I gasped and blinked, then I heard, “Can you hear me?”<br/>“Y-yeah.”  I looked to see Dr. Laavi, Vahlen, and David, and I asked, “W-wha… What’s going on?”<br/>“You were deep in the hypnosis,” Dr. Laavi explained.<br/>   I groaned as I was sat up and closed my eyes in a wave of dizziness.  “You get what you needed?” I asked.<br/>“Yes,” Vahlen said, “You did well.”<br/>I looked down at my hand, flexing it to make sure it moved, then I said, “I had the strangest dream… but it felt so real.”<br/>   I stood up and scratched my head as I said, “Anyway, I’m gonna kick on outta here.”<br/>“Jon,” Vahlen started.<br/>“What?”<br/>“Your hair.  It’s nearly white.”<br/>“So?”<br/>   “It’s getting more powerful.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“Your powers.  Will you be able to handle the amount of energy you have?”<br/>I looked away and replied, “I’m going to the firing range.  Like I care about any of that,” and I shoved my hands in my pockets as I began to walk away when I heard, “What about Wolf?”<br/>   I stopped, then I asked, “What about him?”<br/>“He’s not doing too well.”<br/>I turned back around to see the curtains were still drawn around his bed, and I was silent.  What could I do?  When he was screaming in agony like that, like I did, there was nothing to be done.  “He’s tough,” I said, “He’ll pull through.”<br/>   As I turned back around, Vahlen said, “You can stay by his side.  That’s what you can do to help him.”  I glanced back at the curtained bed, unsure what to do.  I slowly walked towards the curtains, raised a hand to grab the blue curtains, and carefully drew it back to see Wolf sleeping a bit more peacefully.  I sat down in the same chair as before, studying him as I sat at his side.  “… You give him enough?” I asked.<br/>   “What?” Dr. Laavi asked.<br/>“The pain… It’s almost unbearable.”<br/>“Yeah, I’ve seen.  We’ve got him on the maximum dosage.”<br/>“Same as me?”<br/>“Of course.  It’s the maximum dosage.”<br/>   “It’ll get worse.”  I turned and asked, “It’s been almost four days, right?”<br/>“That’s right.”<br/>“He’ll feel it tomorrow.  It’ll start to fade after that, if he survives.”  Wolf groaned again as he put a hand to his chest, and I stood up and said, “I’m gonna go to the firing range now.  Do some training.”<br/>“You’re not going to stay?” Vahlen asked.<br/>   “He doesn’t need a babysitter.  And besides, he’s got you guys,” and I walked out.  As I walked through the hallways, I put a hand to my head as I felt more dizziness.  At the gun locker, I took out my rifle and stared as I sat with it on my lap.  The SVDK I had kept since my earlier days in the Russian service.  I put a hand to the cool scope, then I stood up with it in my arms and headed to the range.<br/>   As I stared down at the target, I fired to have a clean hole right through the center of the target.  I was at the maximum range of one hundred meters, but it was still too easy.  I guess there was no better, but dangerous, experience than the actual combat.  After firing my rifle for a half hour, I sighed as I took my sights off the gun and began to clean up.  In the gun room, I cleaned and oiled the gun when I heard a door open.<br/>   I put away my rifle and peeked out, but there was no one.  “Hey!” I called, but no one replied.  I huffed and said, “Whatever.”  I took out one of the laser pistols and holster and strapped it to my left leg, then walked out of the gun room.  I went to an electronic door, typed in a passcode, and walked in to have it seal behind me.  I went to the side panel on the wall and tapped on the interface: “Training.  Pistols.  Master Mode.”<br/>   I stood in the center of the room and took a deep breath as I closed my eyes.  “Simulation will begin.  Ensure there is no one else in the room but yourself.”  I looked at the one-way glass wall at the door to see the burned side of my body, then I heard, “Begin.”  I saw a paper Sectoid in the reflection, making my hand instinctively reach for the pistol at my thigh, draw it smoothly, and shoot without hesitation.  As the Sectoid picture was burned, I quickly turned as I heard whirring, aimed, and fired to hit a Chryssalid; a large purple insect that enjoyed digging into people with its claws.<br/>   Then I saw two cameras pointing at me, and I rolled out of the way to avoid the beams of light.  I heard another machine and quickly got up on one knee and aimed to see a XCOM soldier.  My finger froze, and I looked up to see a Floater on the ceiling.  I jumped back to avoid another beam of light and fired.  I continued to dodge beams of light and shoot at the paper aliens until I heard, “End of simulation.  Results:  Fifty out of fifty aliens.  Zero out of ten operatives.  Hit by two out of thirty-three shots.”<br/>   I panted as I put away the pistol.  Suddenly a beam of light was shot out from one of the cameras, and I automatically jumped to the side.  I gasped as I realized that I just moved without thinking, but… I saw the beam of light left a scorch mark on the blue floor.  I walked up to the door and clicked on the interface, but there was a buzz: “Incorrect passcode.  Please try again.”  I angrily punched in the number, but then there was a dying drone as the interface shut down.<br/>   “What the-”  I suddenly heard, “Master Mode activated.”<br/>“What-”<br/>“Begin.”<br/>“Wait, stop!”  I quickly ran out of the way as I dodged the incoming beams of light and drew my pistol.<br/>   I stood at the one-way glass and yelled, “Hey!” and banged as hard as I could, “Anyone out there?!  Let me out!”  I looked and quickly ran again as more beams of light were shot at me.  I saw a Thin Man paper aim at me with the camera hidden behind it, and I quickly fired to hit it directly.  I quickly shot at the one-way glass, but it only left a black scorch mark.  I only focused on staying alive and getting rid of the paper targets before they shot at me.<br/>   As I began to pant, I heard, “End of simulation.  Results:  Fifty out of fifty aliens.  Zero out of ten operatives.  Hit by zero out of thirty-three shots.”  I quickly jogged up to the interface to see it was still blank, then I went up to the glass to see myself, and angrily banged on the glass.  “HEY!” I yelled.<br/>“Master Mode activated.”<br/>“… Der’mo,” I breathed.<br/>   I continued to dodge and shoot, reloading my pistol for the fifth and the last time now.  As I finished the last of my ammo, I gripped the gun in my hand before thrusting it back into the holster.  I didn’t know how long I was in this simulation, but it wasn’t ending.  As I began to slow down and pant heavily, my right arm was burned and I cried out as I saw blistering from darkened skin.  I began to tremble as I realized what would happen if I didn’t get out of here.<br/>   I’d eventually get shot and maybe killed, but how?  These beams of light were supposed to be harmless.  I cried out again as my right ankle was grazed and I fell onto a knee.  Shit!  I quickly covered my head.  Don’t hit me.  Just don’t hit me.  Don’t hit me!  I heard multiple shots, but none of them were stinging me.  I slowly looked up to see the pale purple dome encasing me and making the shots disappear.  I sighed as I panted and caught my breath.<br/>   I suddenly heard banging on the other side of the glass, and I quickly ran up and called, “Hello?  Hello?!” and banged against the glass.  “Jon!  Is that you?”<br/>“Kit!  Get me outta here!”<br/>“Hold on!  I’m trying!”<br/>“Well hurry it up!  This stupid computer’s trying to kill me!”<br/>   “Master Mode activated.  Begin.”<br/>“Aw blyat!” I yelled as I quickly ran out of the way of more beams; this time, they started to melt the floor.  I heard whirring and rattling as the door began to shift and saw fingers begin to pry the door open.  “Come on!” Kit yelled through the door.  I quickly ran up and helped him, both of us prying the door open.<br/>   Then I suddenly collapsed as my right thigh was set on fire and I fell through the open doorway.  “Fuuuck!” Kit said as he dragged me out and quickly closed the door.  I rolled onto my back and panted, with Kit sitting beside me and breathe, “What the hell… just happened?”<br/>“I don’t know,” and I groaned as I held my arm and leg in pain.<br/>“Jon!”  Kit exclaimed as I was lifted up and he said, “Come on man, let’s get you to the infirmary.”<br/>   “Oh boy.  And here I thought I’d be spared the trip, especially a treatment.”<br/>“Come on, let’s go,” and I groaned as I took a painful step with Kit and gripped my thigh.  Kit sighed, then he leaned forward said, “Get on.”<br/>“What?” I asked, bewildered, “Now way.  I’ll walk.”<br/>“Suit yourself.  But if you change your mind…”<br/>   “Yeah, like that’ll happen.”  As we took another step, my thigh seemed to be degrading as it got harder to just lift my leg.  Then I exclaimed as Kit suddenly squatted, making me lose balance, and he quickly slid underneath me and stood up to have me on his back.  “Hey, what the hell?!” I asked.<br/>“You’ll thank me later,” Kit replied as he began to walk.  This was embarrassing; a grown man like me being carried by another man.<br/>   I just stared at the ground passing beneath us as I silently let Kit carry me.  “Why so glum?”  I blinked as Kit looked back at me and grinned.  “No use bein’ down, eh?”<br/>“Yeah, whatever.  Like we’re on the same page.”<br/>“… So then, you think someone’s trying to kill you?”<br/>   “… Heh, so you are on the same page.”<br/>“Who do you think?”<br/>I wore a serious face with my tone as I said, “Well, including you, those guys at the infirmary knew; David, Laavi, and of course, Vahlen.”<br/>“I bet it’s that psycho bitch.”<br/>   “But maybe she’s not trying to kill me.”<br/>“Huh?  What makes you say that?”<br/>“She’s obsessed with my power.  You think she’d risk getting me killed?  No, I think she’s just trying to pressure me.”<br/>“Pressuring you?”<br/>   “I’ve refused multiple times to go through the Psi Labs, but if I find myself needing it, say, from unexpected threats… And I happen to use my powers and find them useful…”<br/>“Whoa, what?  She’s pretty sly.”<br/>“She’s a scientist, what did you expect?  And I’m just another specimen she’s trying to examine; preparing me for her experiments.”<br/>   “Well, you can count on one thing.”<br/>“What’s that?”<br/>Kit looked back at me and said, “That’s not gonna happen.  Not while I’m around to stop it.”<br/>“… But I’m starting to think, that’s it’s less and less of a choice, and more of what has to be done.”<br/>“…”</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   When we entered, a nurse immediately looked at us, then called, “Doctor!”  Kit let me down, and I carefully stood up, putting a hand to my thigh and arm as Dr. Laavi and Vahlen ran up to us.  “What’s going on?” Dr. Laavi asked.<br/>“He got trapped in the training room,” Kit explained.<br/>“What happened?” Dr. Laavi asked.<br/>   “… I was training,” I replied, “when I got locked in the simulation room.  Then the light beams became more harsh and, well…”  I lifted my hand from my thigh and arm to show the charred flesh.<br/>“Alright, come here,” Dr. Laavi said as a nurse helped me to the bed across from Wolf’s, again.  I sat quietly as my arm and leg were examined, then David walked up and said, “Geez, back already?”<br/>I gave a smirk and replied, “Yeah.  I missed you guys.”<br/>   As David pressed white gauze to my left cheek, I flinched as it stung and I leaned back.  “Come on, hold still,” she said as she continued to clean my face.  I sat still again and said, “Huh, didn’t know I had one on my face.”  I stifled as another nurse cleaned my arm and gently dabbed the red flesh.  “Damn,” Kit said, “That’s nasty.”<br/>   “Yeah,” I replied, “But luckily it’s on my messed-up side.  A scar doesn’t really stick out on an entire layer of scar tissue.”  A white bandage was placed on my cheek, and bandages wrapped around my arm.  “Okay, now lay on your side,” the nurse said.<br/>“Yeah.”  I lay down on my left side to have the hole in my pants cut open to reveal the horribly burned, black skin.  I suddenly felt cold alcohol on my arm and I asked, “What, you gonna stick me with something?”<br/>   David held up a needle and replied, “Just something to ease the pain.”<br/>“… Right.”  I let David give me the injection, and I exhaled as I realized how tense I had been.  When my leg was finished, David said, “Okay, you’re good to go.”<br/>I sat up and Kit asked, “You okay?”<br/>“Yeah,” I replied, “Doesn’t hurt much now.  Probably because all the nerves are fried.”<br/>   “No, I mean, are you okay?  Mentally?”<br/>I closed my eyes and replied, “Yeah, I think so.  Good thing I got the practice, otherwise I would’ve certainly been screwed.”<br/>Vahlen walked up and asked, “Mind telling us what happened?”<br/>   “I told you,” I said as I glared at her, “I got locked in the simulation room.  I probably wouldn’t be here if Kit didn’t get me out.”<br/>“How did you get locked in?”<br/>“The interface stopped working.  The system was stuck on Master Mode.  Excluding my training, it ran three times until Kit got me out.  By then, it was on its fourth run.”<br/>   “Three times?” Dr. Laavi asked.<br/>“Well, four if you count the actual training I wanted.”<br/>“Four times in the Master Mode simulation…”<br/>David asked, “What’s this simulation?”<br/>   “It’s a chamber designed to test a soldier’s skills,” Vahlen explained, “It uses paper targets and lasers to simulate various combat situations.”<br/>“Really?”<br/>“The objective is to shoot as many aliens, prevent firing at XCOM operatives, and avoid getting hit by the lights from the lasers.”<br/>   “Yeah,” I added, “Except it wasn’t light.  They were actual lasers by the third run, as you can tell from my leg.”<br/>“… So you ended up back here,” I heard.  I looked up to see the curtains around Wolf’s bed shift as he peeked out from behind them and breathed heavily, his face pale and strewn with sweat.  He was steadied by David as he swayed and she said, “Hey, you shouldn’t be up.”<br/>   Davis sat Wolf down on his bed and drew back his curtains.  I walked over and asked, “How you doing?”<br/>Wolf scanned me, then replied, “Better than you,” and he kept a hand on his chest.<br/>“It feels weird, doesn’t it?”<br/>“Yeah.  How do you make it stop?”<br/>   I sighed and said, “Okay, well I just kept my hand on my chest, closed my eyes,” and I put my left hand to my chest as I closed my eyes, “and just feel my energy flow.”<br/>“Your energy?”<br/>“You use it to ease your body… in a way.  For example, how Asia refers to this energy as ki.  It’s the same concept.”<br/>   “… Whoa,” Wolf said, “How are you doing that?”<br/>“Huh?” I asked as I opened my eyes and held my hand out, “Like I said, just concentrate.”<br/>“Jon,” Vahlen asked, “What was that?”<br/>“What?”<br/>“When you put your hand to your chest, it was radiating with energy.”<br/>   “Huh?”  I looked down at my hand, then I replied, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”<br/>“I wonder what happens if you use it on Wolf.”<br/>“What?” Dr. Laavi asked.<br/>“I don’t know what’s happening,” I said.<br/>Vahlen said, “Just try using it on Wolf.”<br/>   “Are you serious?” but then I looked to Wolf, who was barely staying awake, then I got down on one knee and was face to face with Wolf.  “Just scream if it hurts,” I said as I slowly raised my hand to Wolf’s chest.  I closed my eyes as I felt the hot shirt damp with heat.  I took a deep breath, and let the energy flow.  “… Amazing,” Vahlen said.<br/>I opened my eyes and looked up at her as I asked, “Huh?  What is?”<br/>   I took my hand off Wolf’s chest, and Vahlen said, “Interesting.  It seems the power dissipates when you’re not focusing.”<br/>“Maybe it disappears whenever he’s about to see it,” Dr. Laavi joked.<br/>Wolf stood up and asked me, “Could you show me, how to do that?”<br/>I stood up with Wolf and asked, “Are you alright to be standing?”<br/>   “Yeah.  Actually, I do feel better.”  He put a hand to his chest and replied, “it doesn’t feel as bad.  Whatever you did really helped.”<br/>“You sure it’s not just in your head?  Not like I did anything special.  If you’re feeling better, then just make sure you don’t get worse.”  I yawned as I stood up and said, “Man, I need to have a nap,” and I groggily walked to my bed.  Then I felt my balance give out, and I landed on hard concrete.<br/>   “Oh…” I groaned as I slowly stood up.  I brushed the dirt off my armour, and looked around to see it was nighttime, standing in a street lit by orange.  I recognized these streets, this city.  Then I heard a scream, which made me turn around and hold up my rifle, and it was quickly followed by a screech.  I saw the store that Grandmother and Grandfather owned, the front display glass broken.<br/>   I breathed slowly as I treaded up to the store, pressed my back against the wall, then turned to point my gun and scanned the front.  I gasped as I saw the red splattered on the ground.  I quickly jumped in through the broken window, stepping on glass to have it crushed, and felt my breathing become more cold and ragged as I continued.  One of the aisles was knocked over, crushing a Sectoid that leaked yellow.  I heard clattering come from the side room and I aimed at the door.<br/>   I put a hand on the door handle, then I roughly opened it to have the door swing wide open with a ‘bang’!  I slowly stepped into the dark hallway, going deeper into the dark room until I saw the red creeping out from the side.  I froze as I saw the blood continue to crawl out, and I was paralyzed.  Come on, move.  Move!  I took a few more steps in, and my gun dropped as I stared wide-eyed in horror at the sight.<br/>   Grandmother was face down in the pool of blood and Grandfather was lying on top of her with his insides spilling out from the side.  “No…” I said as I knelt and put my gun down.  I rolled Grandfather over, who had his eyes closed with blood trickling from his mouth.  “No, no,” I said as I rolled and picked up Grandmother, who had a deep gash across her face and her face frozen in horror.  “No!  No…” I quietly sobbed as I put a red hand over her eyes to close them.<br/>   Then I heard a faint whispering which made me go mute and quickly pick up my gun.  I quickly pressed my back against the wall by the doorway and waited.  I took shallow breaths as I tried to calm myself down, still caught staring at their dead bodies before me.  I closed my eyes tight as I buried everything.  No.  I’m not sad.  I’m angry.  I’m angry that I couldn’t save them.  That they had to die and I didn’t get there in time.  But most of all…<br/>   I found myself growling as I opened my eyes in anger and looked up to see a tall dark figure.  “Such anger… Such power,” I heard, “It will be ours.”  I stared up in horror, then saw the hand stretch out for me, making me cry out in a startle and run to the next room.  I quickly pivoted and fired at the figure, but they remained unscathed.  I tried to reload, but my gun was jammed.  “No!  Come on!  Not now!”<br/>   “It’s ours…”  I gasped as I opened my eyes and saw the faint green glow in the darkness.  My mouth was so dry, and I could barely keep myself awake.  I looked to see the tanks of people lined up at my sides again.  I still felt the bands holding me down on the table.  Then I looked down to see all the tubes in me.  I was shocked to see all the tubes of multiple colours, some looked electrical, all carrying different fluids.<br/>   I began to shake and panic as I tried to rip them out, but then I heard a faint hiss and looked to see an Ethereal.  I hyperventilated as I saw three of the gather around me, then disappear, and reappear again.  If I could use my power, any of it, it had to be right now.  Right now!  Work!  Do something!  Kill them, break me out, do something!  Then I watched one of them hold a large syringe with a thin needle and bring it to my arm.<br/>   “No.  No!  NO!  You stay away!” I screamed, making the Ethereal recoil, then my head was forced forward.  I fought to wrench myself away as a mask was strapped over my face and I yelled, “You let me go right now you sons of bitches!  Right now!  I’ll tear you apart!”  I saw my vision beginning to haze, my body going limp, and the mask on my face hissing.  I quickly held my breath, even if it was just to stay awake a second longer.  I felt my arm sting and I screamed again as it dug its way into my veins.<br/>   I felt myself rolling around and swinging my fists as I continued, “You bastards!  Stay the hell away!  Stay away!” and I gasped as I sat up in bed.  I continued to groan as I realized what happened; it was just a dream.  I quickly checked both my arms, then I lifted my shirt to see no tubes, and I sighed as I lay back and continued to pant.  I was high and alert as I lay trying to process what I had just seen.  Then a bright light was flashed into my eyes and I heard muffled voices.<br/>   “… try to get him a sedative… Jon?  Jon are you okay?”  I wasn’t sure what to do, what to think.  I just sat and I was stuck in replay on what I had just gone through.  I continued to take heavy breaths as I just kept staring.  I flinched as I felt something warm touch my arm and how cold I was.  I suddenly sat up and pushed myself to the back of the bed and looked to see Dr. Laavi and a few other nurses.  I shielded my eyes from the brightness of the lamp beside me and I scanned the room.<br/>   “Jon?  What is it?”  I suddenly found myself pacing along my bed, from the wall where the head was to the foot.  “Hey, hey,” a nurse said as she stepped in front of me, “You’re safe, okay?  You’re gonna be fine.”  I stared at my shaking hand, and I blinked to feel my eyes sting, but I don’t care.  I continued to shiver and look around, but why am I looking around?  What am I looking for?  I was soon sitting back on my bed, and I heard Dr. Laavi and the other staff talking.<br/>   “Here,” a nurse said as she came up to me, “This will help you sleep.”  I felt the cold cotton and I quickly grabbed her hand to stop the needle.  I stood up and let go of her as I said, “I don’t need it… Thanks though.”<br/>“Are you sure?  You’d still be pretty lucid-”<br/>“I’m fine,” I said more forcefully, then I sighed to dissipate the anger and continued, “Just go.”<br/>   That was the second dream?  Or the third?  The third time I was on their ship, and I hated every single moment of it.  “What were you dreaming about?”<br/>“… A horrible koshmar.”<br/>“Koshmar?”<br/>“It… It wasn’t pleasant.”<br/>   “Try to get some rest,” Dr. Laavi continued as I lay on my side.  I lost track of when the lights went out, and lay for what seemed like an eternity.  I closed my eyes, then I reopened them and wondered what time it was.  I checked my watch to read 5:30 a.m.  Did I fall asleep again?  I can’t remember.  What happened last night?  I remember fragments of a commotion, but it’s all hazy.  I turned onto my back and stared at the ceiling, then I turned onto my side and closed my eyes.<br/>   I reopened them to see bright lights and I heard, “Good morning.”  I sighed as I sat up and rubbed my eyes.  “Man, I feel like I was awake the whole night.”<br/>“I wouldn’t be surprised,” the nurse said, “Especially with what happened last night.”<br/>“Oh…”<br/>“Do you remember anything?”<br/>   I held my head as I tried to remember and replied, “No, not really.”<br/>“I though so.  You’ll be able to leave this afternoon after Dr. Laavi comes by and checks up on you.”<br/>“Check on me?  About what?”<br/>“Just… making sure you’re okay.”<br/>“… Right.”<br/>   I stood up and stretched my arms, then I walked into the bathroom at the end of the room.  I used the toilet and flushed, and as I washed my hands I suddenly saw flashes of red, making me reel back and look down at my hands.  For a moment, I saw, I felt, the blood on my hands go sticky, then it disappeared just as quickly.  As the water continued to run, I focused on its steady stream and I slowly turned off the faucet.<br/>   I dried my hands and walked out of the bathroom, trying to keep myself calm after what I thought I saw.  I sat on my bed with my arms on my knees as I hunched over and lost myself in my thoughts.  I’d seen that blood somewhere, but when?  I remembered a dark room, two bodies, a dark street.  “Hey Jon,” I heard, making me look up, and Dr. Laavi sat across from me and asked, “How are you?”<br/>“I’m… I’m not fine.”<br/>   He looked up and asked, “Why’s that?”<br/>“I saw blood,” and I rubbed my hands.<br/>“What?  Where?”<br/>“It was all over my hands… I saw blood, but it wasn’t blood, it was just when I was washing my hands.”<br/>“Any other times you’ve seen this?  The blood?”<br/>   I hesitated, then I said, “I think so.  I know I’ve seen it before, but…”<br/>“How long did you see it?”<br/>“Only a flash.  It went away pretty quick.”<br/>“How did you feel when you saw it?”<br/>“I… Well I was shocked.  I’m washing my hands to see blood.  Not exactly a common sight.”<br/>   “Right.  Well, have you had any problems with blood?”<br/>“No.  I mean, when I’m out on the field and I see blood, I’m like, ‘Oh shit,’ but I don’t panic.  This… This was different.”<br/>“What do you mean?  How do you know?”<br/>“I was scared.  I don’t get scared from that kind of stuff.”<br/>   I looked away as I tried to organize my thoughts, dig through my memory.  “What happened last night?” I suddenly asked.<br/>“You don’t remember?”<br/>“No, afraid not.”<br/>“Well, you had a severe night terror.”<br/>   “… Was it from a bad dream?”<br/>“Well, night terrors are different because they’re usually a lot more… surprising.  It’s like a panic attack in your sleep, and you rarely remember what happened, much less what you dreamed about.”<br/>“I know what it is.  Or rather, what it was.”<br/>“Can you tell me?”<br/>   “Well, no.  I only remember that I remember the dream, but not the dream.  I guess it’s a bit confusing when I put it like that.”<br/>“Okay.  Do you recall any other times this happened?”<br/>“Twice.  First time I woke up after the last mission with Wolf, and the other time it was with the hypnosis.”<br/>   “Wait, you had a dream during the hypnosis?”<br/>“I think so.”<br/>“What did you dream about?”<br/>“… I was in a ship.  One of the alien’s ships.”<br/>   I broke eye contact as Dr. Laavi stared directly at me and I continued, “It was horrible.  I was running away, but they caught me, put me back on some table for experiments.”  I suddenly remembered the dream from last night and said, “That was one of the dreams last night.”<br/>“One of them?”<br/>   “There was another one, before that.  Yeah…” It was all coming back to me.  “That was where I saw the blood.”<br/>“So, the previous dream, running away, that was during the hypnosis?”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>“Well, I suppose that’s not uncommon, and not entirely unexpected, but…”<br/>   “Yeah?”<br/>“Well, we were accessing your memories, so it’d make more sense if you had a dream of an old memory.”<br/>“You saying I made it up?”<br/>“No!  Not at all!  Just not as common is all.  I’d like to know more about it.”<br/>   I heard more whispering and I lowered my head as I brought a hand up.  “You okay?”<br/>“Doctor…” Wolf called as he sat up and winced.<br/>“What is it?”<br/>“Colonel… You can hear them too, right?”  I looked up at Wolf, who was holding his hands over his ears as he desperately looked to me.<br/>   Then I heard a high-pitched whining that made me cover my ears and groan in pain.  I could hear Wolf distantly screaming too.  After a few seconds, the whining began to fade, and I gasped as I took my hands off my ears and I heard Wolf moaning.  “You okay?” I asked.<br/>“C-Colonel…” Wolf shivered, “What’s happening?  I feel like I’m losing my mind…”<br/>   I looked at him and replied, “… I know.  And when it gets harder, you feel like it’s all hopeless, that it’s better to just… Just give up.  But it also makes living that much more precious.  You learn to enjoy every good moment, all the small ones too.  And it makes it all the more satisfying to kill every single son of a bitch alien out there to make it stop.”<br/>   Wolf continued to shiver as a tear ran down his face and said, “If it’ll stop this, I’ll kill every single one of ‘em.”<br/>“You and me both.”</p>
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<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I walked up to Wolf at the bar in the lounge and asked, “Hey, how you doing?”  He glanced at me before taking another sip of his beer and replied, “Been better.”<br/>I sat down beside him and said to the bartender, “Just the usual,” and I continued to Wolf, “Anything bad yet?”<br/>“… I’m moving things.”<br/>   “… Okay.  What do you mean?”<br/>“With my mind.”  He slid away his beer bottle, then he held out a hand.  I leaned over to watch the bottle shiver and rattle as it began to slid back towards Wolf.  When the bottle reached his hand, he brought it up and took another gulp.  “Sometimes I use it without thinking about it,” Wolf said.  He looked at his hand and continued, “It’s getting stronger too.  I’m not sure what to do with it.”<br/>   “… Just be careful.”<br/>“What?”<br/>I looked at him and said, “Be careful.”  My black mug was placed down in front of me, and as I took it in my hands, I explained, “Your powers are greatly influenced by your emotions.  Take care not to let them control you,” and I finished with a chug of my milk.<br/>   “… Has it happened to you?”<br/>I continued to drink back my mug until I finished it, then I took a breath and replied, “I got mad.  And I made someone’s glass explode.”  I looked at Wolf and said, “You could end up hurting someone, like I did.  Don’t make the same mistakes,” and I patted him on the back as I stood and left.  I walked across the empty lounge, and into the small enclosure that displayed the Memorial Wall.<br/>   I stood in front of the wall, looking at the pictures of each of The Fallen, and recalling their names, who they were, when they died, how they died…  I looked down at Sofia’s open photo album, and saw all the memories as they flooded my mind.  “Jon,” Sofia called.<br/>“… What?”<br/>“Come on!  You don’t have to be so grumpy.  Try smiling for a change.”<br/>   “…”  My head went up in surprise as something hit me nose and I heard, “There you are, looking down again!”<br/>I said, “Come on, cut it out,” and I found myself smiling.  Then she began to giggle, and I went into a chuckle as she laughed to her heart’s content.  She brought up the wheelchair and asked, “You think you can manage the trip?”<br/>   I stood up on my own from the infirmary bed and said, “Even more than you think.”  We both walked to the lounge and everyone cheered as I walked in.  I held out my arms and said, “I’m back.”<br/>“Yeah!  Look who’s finally out!” Hank said.<br/>“We can get it started now!” Kit added.<br/>   “Wait!” Sofia said, “Right before we do that, I wanna take a picture of us!  Greg!”  We looked to see the bartender walk out from behind the bar, and Kit asked, “His name is Greg?  I thought it was Tim.”<br/>“Come on, be nice,” Sofia said as she walked up and handed Greg her camera.  Sofia had her arms wrapped around me and Greg said, “Say cheese!”<br/>“Cheese!” everyone, except for me, said.<br/>   As Greg took more pictures, Sofia sighed as she said, “So, tomorrow’s the last mission, huh?”<br/>“… Yeah,” I said.  The Temple Ship Assault.<br/>“And you just got out of the infirmary too.”<br/>“It can’t be helped.  They need the best out there.”<br/>“Just, promise me you won’t get yourself scraped up.”<br/>   “Heh, I know that.  It’s easier for me.  I’m the sniper.”<br/>“Mmm… You know, I was thinking, after this… maybe we could leave.”<br/>I looked down and asked, “Huh?  And do what?”<br/>She looked up at me and asked, “Seriously?  I thought you would’ve caught on by now.”  I blinked as she said, “I want to be with you.”<br/>   “Be… with me?  Why?”<br/>“It’s the whole reason we’ve been together like this for so long!  You really are clueless, aren’t you?”<br/>“Huh?” and I went dumb.<br/>“It’s because I love you!”  My eyes widened in surprise as I heard the camera click again.  I wasn’t sure what to say, but it felt…<br/>   “Huh?  What’s the matter?” Sofia asked, “Why are you crying?”<br/>I blinked to feel the tear run down my cheek, then I heard Kit say, “Quick!  Take the picture!  This is a rare sight!”<br/>As I heard the camera click again, I quickly covered my eyes and said, “I… It’s just… I haven’t felt like this,” and I clenched and unclenched my fists, “I just… I’m not sure what to say.”<br/>   Sofia giggled as she asked, “Well, do you love me?  With everything you’ve got?”<br/>“What?  Of course I do.”<br/>“Good!  Then after this, let’s get married!”  I blinked and Hank and Kit hooted as they clapped hands and chanted, “Do it.  Do it.  Do it!  Do it!”<br/>“Are you sure?” I asked, “Do you really love me that much?”<br/>   “Of course silly!” Sofia said, “That’s why I’m asking!”<br/>“Well…” I began to smile and I replied, “Okay.”  Sofia screamed with excitement as she jumped into me and wrapped her arms around my neck.  I held her up, and we were suddenly kissing.  I blocked out the guys’ hoots and laughter as Sofia and I shared that moment for the longest seconds of our lives.  I remember back at that moment, I was thinking; this is what it means to be alive.<br/>   I thought, ‘Finally, I found my pack.  I belonged.  Now I could…’  I still can’t find a way to describe my moments with Sofia into words.  Simply put, they were the best moments of my life.  It didn’t seem like anything could go wrong after making that promise to each other.  Now; now I just feel broken, torn and beat up, my dreams with Sofia shattered.  I was losing it; my purpose in life.  I can feel it slipping away each time I think of her, think of my father, and look at myself in the mirror as what I am.<br/>   I was suddenly nudged forward and I looked to see Kit say, “Hey!” and grin as he gave a small salute.  I turned to him and asked, “What is it?”<br/>“You’re not busy, are you?” and he looked to the open photo album.<br/>“No.  Why?”<br/>“Dr. Laavi and Vahlen need you, now.”<br/>   “Huh?  Why?”<br/>“It’s Wolf.”  I looked to the empty bar and checked my watch to realize I was standing for two hours.  I asked, “Did something happen to him?”<br/>“Well… you’d better come see for yourself.”  He motioned for me to follow, and we both ran.<br/>   When I entered the infirmary, I could see why Kit was at a loss for words.  I saw Wolf sitting in the corner of the room with his arms over his head, and Vahlen said, “Wolf, just calm down, otherwise it’ll get worse.”<br/>“No, please,” Wolf said as he held out a hand, “Just stay back.”<br/>I saw Vahlen take another step as she started, “We have to-”<br/>   “I said stay back!” Wolf yelled and a wave of purple sent everyone staggering back.  The beds and carts rattled and supplies clattered to the ground.  Wolf growled angrily as his eyes glowed purple, then faded as he held his head and pleaded, “Just leave me be.”  Dr. Laavi slowly backed up, then he looked to me and quickly walked up.  “Good, you’re here,” he said.<br/>“What’s going on?” I asked.<br/>   “We were doing a follow-up examination.  Vahlen asked if she could participate, and…”  I looked to Wolf, who was surrounded by a pale purple dome, and I just walked past Dr. Laavi in silence.  I stepped up, making everyone part way and I said, “Wolf.”<br/>Wolf looked up as I called to him and I asked, “What’s happening?”<br/>He shook his head as he replied, “You can’t.  You won’t make me.  I won’t do it.”<br/>   “Just settle down.  No one’s making you do anything.”<br/>Wolf looked to Vahlen and said, “She wants me to.  She wants me to… go through horrible things.”<br/>“That is a misconception,” Vahlen said, “I told you we could help you.”<br/>“I don’t want help.  I never asked for it.  Never asked for this.”<br/>“Wolf,” I said, “I’ll make sure you’re not forced to do anything.  Believe me, I know.”<br/>   Wolf stared down at his hands and asked, “Have you seen?  I mean… have you really seen… what they do?  What happens when you’re inside those coffins?”<br/>“They’re chambers,” Vahlen corrected.<br/>“That’s enough,” I said.  I continued to Wolf, “Yeah, I do.  I’ve seen what it does.  What it did… to my fiancée.”<br/>   Wolf gasped, and everyone else stared at me in surprise as I said, “That’s right.  Sofia and I… When I saw what it did to her… But she was strong, and she never let it bring her down.  You think you’ve experienced suffering?  Well I assure you, she’s felt the sharpest of that blade, and so have I.  We can’t allow ourselves to be brought down by that.  I said to you, ‘you and me both.’”  I had been slowly taking one step at a time towards Wolf, who said, “Stop.  Just stop.”<br/>   “Why?”<br/>“Because I’m dangerous.  I can’t… I didn’t mean to… I just can’t control it.”<br/>“… Neither can I.  But that’s okay.  We just need to learn.”<br/>“How?”<br/>   “I can help you,” Vahlen abruptly said again, “The trials in the lab will allow you to fully harness your powers and you will gain more mastery over them.”<br/>Wolf asked, “… Is that true?”<br/>“… Yeah,” I replied, “But it won’t be easy.”<br/>“Why haven’t you done it?”<br/>   “Well, I’m afraid of it too.  That if I rely on their power instead of my own, I’ll just become one of them.  But I also learned that I could use it to protect my comrades.  I can’t be afraid anymore.”<br/>“… I don’t know what to do with this,” and Wolf stared down at his hand, “This thing… whatever it is… There’s only one way.  To make it a part of you.”<br/>   Wolf looked up at me and asked, “What about you?  I can’t do this alone… And I don’t think you can either.”<br/>I blinked and gasped as I processed what he said.  I held my head down as I replied, “I’ve been alone for a very long time.  That changed when I met Sofia, Kit, and everyone else here.  I don’t want anyone else to feel that same pain.  I’ll be with you, every step of the way, so if you fall, I’ll be there to pick you up.”<br/>“Colonel… Thank you…”</p>
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<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I felt every muscle in my body shake with weakness as I was led into the Psi labs by the scientists.  “Nervous?” I heard Vahlen ask.  I was silent, then I saw Wolf walk in with his head down.  “Hey,” I said to him, “We’ll get through this.”<br/>He looked up at me with hopeful eyes, and gave a faint smile as he replied, “Right.”<br/>“Alright, let’s get set up,” Vahlen said.<br/>   Wolf and I were both laid back into the metal chambers, then strapped in with the metal bands inside.  I took a deep breath, then I looked up to see everyone watching from the observatory, and that was when I saw Shen; his face seemed to be mixed with disdain and pity.  Then darkness flanked my vision and swallowed me, until the only thing I was aware of was my own heavy breathing.  I continued to take deep breaths, fighting to stay calm, stay sane.</p><p> </p><p>   I gasped as I felt myself suffocating, unable to breathe; like I was being choked.  This coffin, it’s burying me alive.  No.  I know why I’m here.  I need to do this.  He’s doing this too.</p><p> </p><p>   “Jon?  Jon!”  I grunted as I forced myself to open my eyes and saw nothing but darkness.  I lifted my head and opened my eyes wider to see the faint green glow.  I moaned to find myself back on the table on the ship.  “You’re awake!” Nikolai said.  I gasped and began to quake in fear as I saw my arms and legs restrained again.  “I know,” he continued.  “We need to get out of here.”<br/>   I heard a faint whisper and looked to see an Ethereal stand over me.  “Jon?”  I took shaking breaths, feeling my mind crumble away from fear and panic, and I cried out and sobbed as I fought the restraints.  Then I froze as I felt the pallid hand on my face, and my face was brought up to the Ethereal’s eyes.  I continued to shake and tried to look away, but I was caught staring deeper and deeper into the Ethereal, as if I was about to just disappear.  “Jon?  Jon, no!”  I could hear Nikolai continue, “Jon, stay awake, you hear me?!  You need to stay awake!  Don’t fall for-”</p><p> </p><p>   I suddenly felt sharp pain throughout my body, cutting into my very bones and draining the life from me.  It hurt too much to cry out, and when I tried, there was no sound; not even a breath.  I felt my body become detached from me, if that was possible.  Then I suddenly felt myself move on my own, as if I was made into a doll and used as a puppet for the maker’s delight.</p><p> </p><p>   I suddenly heard a hiss as a wave of cool air washed over me, and I gave a weak moan as I felt myself fall forward and hit the ground without feeling the pain.  I took a strained breath, struggling just to stay awake, and I felt my fingers twitch in an attempt to move.  I heard muffled voices and my head rang, making my mind spin and I began to lose sense of orientation until I saw a face.  Sofia.<br/>   I kept my eyes open just to keep staring at her face when it suddenly disappeared and I heard, “He’s still with us… Jon.”<br/>“… Ahhh,” I breathed.  I couldn’t even speak; only a rasping breath came out.  I was stuck staring at figures standing over me and hazing as they moved and talked from a distance.  I felt myself being sat up and I tried to keep my head up as I leaned forward.<br/>   I looked up to see Vahlen writing on her clipboard.  Another scientist came up to me and asked, “How many fingers?” and stuck two, or four fingers in my face.  I just looked away and exhaustion and said, “Goa waay…”<br/>“What?”  I moaned as I closed my eyes; I literally felt like shit.  “Can you stand?” I heard, and I was being pulled up.<br/>   I felt my entire body tremble with weakness before collapsing back onto the ground, and I heard, “He doesn’t look so good…”<br/>“… I don’t understand… I’ve never seen anyone this bad.”<br/>“… Come here Jon.  Let’s get you up,” and I felt myself lifted up and I sat back in a chair.  I kept my head down and my eyes closed in exhaustion, but I was still awake to feel and hear everything around me.<br/>   “Wait,” I heard Vahlen say.  I heard her walk up and felt my head lifted.  A bright light flooded my left eye, then my right, but I couldn’t do anything about it except stay limp.  “Oh my,” she said.<br/>“What is it?”<br/>“His eye.  It appears to have… changed.”  I saw light flood my right eye again as my head was lifted and my eyelid forced open.<br/>   “We have to examine this,” Vahlen said.<br/>“Hold on.  Look at him.  He’s not even conscious.”<br/>“Yes, alright.  We’ll let him rest for a few days, but we need to find out what’s happened to him.”<br/>“… I thought this was supposed to help.”  Wolf.  “It didn’t help him.  I’d say it made him worse.”<br/>“He just needs time Corporal.”<br/>   “He needs rest,” and I felt myself being wheeled down the halls.  “… Alright, you can rest easy now,” and I was helped up and laid back in a bed.  I sighed as I laid back and relaxed.  I opened my eyes to ask, “How long?”<br/>“What?”<br/>“… How long?”<br/>   “Ten days.”<br/>“Ten…” and I sighed as I covered my eyes, then I looked up at the ceiling.  “… What’s happening?” I asked, “Seemed like Vahlen’s excited to study me.”<br/>“Don’t worry about it, just rest.”  I unwillingly took his word; I used up the little energy I had.  I sank back in the bed and fell into darkness.</p><p> </p><p>   “… Jon.”  I shuddered as I felt the cold air shock me and I opened my eyes to look into the Ethereal’s mask.  I didn’t feel scared staring into it’s dark mask.  In fact, I didn’t feel anything.  I just stared blankly as the Ethereal asked, “Do you understand us?”<br/>I took dry gasps before breathing, “What do you want with me?”<br/>“We saved you.”<br/>   An anger bubbled from within me.  “No,” I replied, “You just kidnapped me.”<br/>“They were trying to kill you.”<br/>“Who?”<br/>“Those humans… They tried to kill you, before you became too dangerous.  They feared your power, and decided to end you before they were endangered.”<br/>   I turned away and replied, “I don’t believe you.  I wouldn’t be betrayed like that.”<br/>“Even by your own friends?  Take a look for yourself.”  The table was tilted forward and I saw a shard of a mirror held up and I gasped as I stared in horror at the hole in the center of my chest.<br/>“This is what your ‘friends’ did to you.”<br/>“… What did you do to me?”<br/>   “We saved you.”<br/>I began to shake more, clenching my fists tighter, then I yelled, “Just what do you want with me?!  What are you trying to do?!”<br/>“We want to show you.  We want you to join us.”  I felt the pain in my chest grow, making me breathe faster, and the pain multiplied.<br/>   “Jon...”  I looked to see Nikolai standing off to the side.  Nikolai, help me.  I looked to him with desperate eyes, and he continued, “I’m sorry.  I don’t think we have a choice anymore.”  I felt the table lean back slightly, then a mask was put over my face as I heard, “Let us show you…”<br/>I gave a muffled scream from underneath the mask, and the gases began to choke me again.  “… Why do you fight?  Such strength… use it for a greater good.”</p><p> </p><p>   I opened my eyes, and I sat myself up, still in a daze.  I stared down at the blankets on top of me as I replayed the vision in my head.  The truth.  What was the truth?  What was real?  The moment slipped away and I forgot what I was thinking about.  I blinked to pull myself out of whatever trance I had just gotten trapped in.  I looked down and flexed my hand, then I looked around to see a few nurses cleaning or making deliveries.<br/>   I put a hand to my chest, remembering the dream again, and I quickly peeked under my shirt to see unbroken skin on my chest.  I sighed as I fixed my shirt, but I was still caught wandering around in my thoughts.  Why did I keep seeing that place?  Being held prisoner?  “Jon.”  I looked up to see Dr. Laavi, and I must’ve still looked out of it, because he continued, “You alright?  You look dreadful.”<br/>“I…”  I was at a loss for words.  How did I feel; right here, right now?<br/>   “I don’t know,” I finished.<br/>“Oh, well that’s not good.  You seem to have been under the weather for a while now, right?”<br/>I just shrugged my shoulders, and Dr. Laavi asked, “Any numbness or pain?  Anything feel out of the ordinary?”<br/>“No, not really.”<br/>   Dr. Laavi suddenly took out his light and shone it into my eyes; I didn’t really care if the light bothered me.  “Okay, now look at me.  Straight into my eyes.”  I looked up at him, but I found myself staring past his face.  “Hey,” he said as he held out a finger, “Focus on my finger,” and he brought it closer and closer to his eyes before bringing it down.  I found my eyes averting again, then he sat right in front of me, making me back up, and he said, “Tell me something interesting about yourself.”<br/>   I glanced at him to see he was looking directly at me, and I looked down at my hands and asked, “How is that relevant?”<br/>“Just wanna have a chat with you.  See if I can get you out of this, feeling.”<br/>“Feeling?”<br/>“Well, do you like how you feel?”<br/>   I shrugged again and replied, “Kinda.  I don’t feel really worried, or upset, or anything.”<br/>“You want me to tell you something?”<br/>“If you want.”<br/>“So, people are always surprised when I tell them I’m Canadian.”<br/>“Well then they’re just close-minded.”<br/>   “Do people guess you’re German right off the bat?”<br/>“You know I’m Russian.  And besides, my hair throws ‘em off a lot.”<br/>“Why’s that?”<br/>I sighed and shook my head lightly as I replied, “Because it’s different.  Average people don’t like different; they want normal.”<br/>   “Why do you say that?”<br/>“Because people like to be in control.  That’s why they like patterns.  Normal is just a predictable pattern that they can control, take advantage of.”<br/>“What about you?”<br/>“What about me?”<br/>   “Do you like patterns?”<br/>“Patterns are boring.  But I do use them.  Makes everything easy.”<br/>“Like what?”<br/>“Shooting off heads.”  I fingered the blanket as I continued, “I must sound pretty dark to you, huh?”<br/>   Laavi stayed quiet as I continued, “The aliens are the same as humans; they have reflexes, follow certain behaviours, and it all falls into place.”<br/>“You’ve shot people?”<br/>I stared at Dr. Laavi and asked, “You think I became a marksman from practicing on aliens and paper targets?”<br/>   “So you’ve killed people.”<br/>I sighed again and said, “Just read my file.  You already know enough about me,” and I stood up from my bed when I heard, “Including those three boys?”<br/>I stopped, then I replied, “To this day, I still don’t know what happened.  Think what you will.  I’m going to the Barracks.”<br/>   “I don’t recommend that.”<br/>“And why not?”<br/>“Well, have you taken a look at yourself?”<br/>I turned around and asked, “What are you talking about?”  Laavi picked up a mirror and handed to me.  When I saw myself, I nearly dropped the mirror as my hands went weak.<br/>   My right eye was now gray, instead of the usual white, with its amber iris and black pupil.  “What the… Blyat?” I asked, “W-what is this?”  I looked up and asked, “What did you do to me?!”<br/>“We don’t know.”<br/>I lowered the mirror and ran a hand through my hair as I stared at the ground and I asked, “Was it from the labs?”<br/>   “You did get it after coming out.”<br/>“I thought it was supposed to help.”  I glared at Laavi and asked, “Why did this happen?!”<br/>“Look, Vahlen’s going to find out what’s wrong with you-”<br/>I chuckled as I turned away and said, “She’s done enough.”<br/>“She could fix you.”<br/>   I was stuck on a fence; should I let them find out what’s wrong, with the chance they could undo it all?  Or do I play it safe before they can do anything else stupid?  “Who knows?” I asked.<br/>“You mean…”<br/>I looked at Laavi and asked, “Who else knows?”<br/>   “Uh, Vahlen, the other scientists; they’re all talking about you.  Shen… Wolf.  Who knows if they’ve told anyone.”<br/>I looked back in the mirror to fixate on my eye and I said, “I don’t really wanna walk around with ‘this’ on my face.”  I sighed as I closed my eyes, then I only opened my left eye, keeping the right one closed.  “I’ll be in the Barracks if you need me,” and as I turned and walked away, Laavi asked, “You feel weak or faint?”<br/>“I’m fine,” I finished as I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked out.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   As I walked into the lounge, I heard, “Jon!”  I looked up, making sure my right eye was closed tight, and I saw Kit at the billiards table with Hank and Jerry.  As I walked up, Jerry said, “Well, well, looks like you’re out of the infirmary yet again.”<br/>Hank said, “I’m sure it was just a scrape, right Jon?”<br/>   “Yeah,” I replied.<br/>Hank wrinkled his face and asked, “You okay dude?”<br/>“Yeah, why?”<br/>“You just seem a bit… tired?  I dunno.  I’m probably just being crazy.”<br/>I replied jokingly, “Not the first time.”<br/>   “How were the labs then?”<br/>I took a moment before replying, “It was just like Sofia said; you just lose your sense of time.  Hell, you don’t have any kind of sense.”<br/>“Not good, eh?”<br/>“No.  Any of you guys see how Wolf is doing?”<br/>   “He’s been pretty good,” Kit said as he struck the cue ball, “He seemed to be more worried about you.”<br/>“… He tell you anything?”<br/>“He said you got the worst of it.”  Kit looked up at me and asked, “Something happen?  What’s wrong with your eye?”<br/>   They all looked at me as I stood, then replied, “It was supposed to help.  The labs.  It was supposed to help me control… whatever it is I have.  But it did something else too.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“… It doesn’t matter.  What matters is getting it fixed.  Apparently Vahlen wants to fix it, but I’m afraid she’ll screw it up worse, you know?”<br/>   “You lose your eye?” Jerry asked.<br/>“… I wish I did.”<br/>“Come on,” Kit said, “It’s not that bad.  Look on the positive side.”<br/>“What positive side?”<br/>“Well, you’re not dead.  And you didn’t get any uglier.”<br/>   I put a hand to my right eye, then I said, “Whatever this is, it was a mistake.  I never wanted it.”  I slowly opened my eye as I lowered my hand and said, “As if being Psionic wasn’t enough.”<br/>“Oh…” Kit said.  I glanced at them all quickly, then I looked away and said, “I don’t know what it means, or if it can be fixed.  All I know is, I’m gonna do everything I can to make sure it doesn’t get worse.”<br/>“Uh, yeah.  I think that goes without saying,” Kit said.<br/>   Jerry knocked Kit on the head and said, “Come, don’t be so blunt.”  I sighed and closed my eyes, then opened my left eye as I kept the right one closed and said, “I’m trusting you guys not to tell anyone else, not even the Commander.”<br/>“Whoa, what?” Kit asked, “The Commander doesn’t know?”<br/>“Vahlen will tell him, or someone else.  I’m just worried about how everyone will react, and I don’t need that now.”<br/>   Hank nodded and replied, “Whatever you say, we’re here.”<br/>“Thanks.  Now then, I’m gonna get a drink.”<br/>“More milk?” Kit asked tauntingly.<br/>“… Shut up.  Besides, I haven’t eaten in ten days.  Could use something.  You guys want anything?  I’ll treat ya’.”<br/>   “Hell yeah,” Hank said, “I’m getting me a sirloin.”<br/>Jerry added, “I’m gonna have some ramen with pork.”<br/>“Hey, don’t tell me.  Tell the cook,” I said as I gestured to Greg.  As we all ate at the bar, I heard the doors swing open and heard a group walk in.  Hank looked back and said, “It’s for you.”<br/>“Yeah, but I’m eating,” and I drank down my cold soup.<br/>   “Jon,” Vahlen said, “Good to see you’re up and around.”<br/>I put down my bowl, turned around, and said, “Hey doc.  You mind telling me what the hell happened while I was inside that metal bin?”<br/>“That’s what I’m here about.  Oh, you’ve just eaten?”<br/>“Yep,” I said proudly as I sat back with my arms folded across my chest.<br/>   “Well we can still talk.  Your case is a bit more… different from the rest of the soldiers we tested.”<br/>“Heh, nice way to put it,” and I turned back around to drink down my mug.<br/>“If we can find out what happened, we can fix you.”<br/>“And what guarantee do I have that you won’t screw up?  That you won’t make it worse?”<br/>“You don’t.  And we can’t guarantee your safety as to what happens to you if we fail.”<br/>   I looked around to see the lounge was empty, save for my friends and the group that walked in.  I turned around, looked into my empty mug, and asked, “What’s happening to me?  Just give it to me straight.”<br/>“Without evidence or study, I don’t know.  If I had to venture a guess?  Your genes aren’t being expressed normally, as a result of the stress from the Psi labs, and you could keep expressing your genes abnormally.”<br/>   I turned around and asked, “What the hell does that mean?”<br/>“You’re turning… into one of them.”<br/>I slowly turned around and said, “And this is just a guess, so… bullshit.”<br/>Kit gripped my shoulder and asked, “Hey man, is she serious?”<br/>“She’s just trying to scare me into being her lab rat.”<br/>   “How do you know nothing else will happen?” Vahlen asked, “You need to let us examine you.”<br/>“Yeah, and you’re gonna try to cut me open like all those other aliens.”<br/>“That is not our intention.”<br/>Hank said, “Jon, if she’s serious, you’re in deep shit.”<br/>I looked at him and asked, “You don’t think I know that?  How do I know she’s not gonna get me drowned in it?”<br/>   “Look,” Vahlen said, “We promise we’ll try to keep it non-invasive.  We’ll tell you what we’re doing and if you don’t like it, you can call quits, anytime.”<br/>I turned around and folded my hands as I said, “Let me sleep on it.”<br/>“Of course.  But if you do decide to go with it, don’t eat for the next twelve hours.”  I listened to the group leave, then Greg asked, “Everything okay?”<br/>   “… Fine,” I replied as I put down the bills, “Thanks for the grub.”  I sat down on one of the sofas, wore the glasses from my belt bag, and picked up a Sudoku book.  As I filled in the numbers, Kit sat down on another couch with his arms spread to the sides, and he asked, “So what’s the plan?”<br/>“… Still thinking.”<br/>“Come on, I know you.  You would’ve told her to shove it up her… well, ya’ know.”<br/>   I chuckled and gave a light smirk, then Kit continued, “You’re actually afraid.”<br/>“I am not,” I said in a serious tone.<br/>“Then why are you putting it off?”<br/>“You heard the witch.  Twelve hour fast.”<br/>“Whatever you say.”<br/>   There was another moment of silence before Kit asked, “Are you sure you’re up for this?”<br/>“No choice, is there?”<br/>“… Is that what you meant?  When you said it was less and less of a choice?  That it was something that had to be done?<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>   “Do you at least care what happens?”<br/>“I guess.  I mean, I don’t want it getting worse.  I just don’t want to care anymore.”<br/>“Huh?  Whadya’ mean?”<br/>I sighed as I stood up and said, “Never mind, it’s nothing,” and I put down the book and said, “I’m gonna take a nap,” and I walked into the hallway.<br/>   I walked into my room and locked the door behind me before heavily leaning against it.  Then I stood up and opened my closet and knelt to unlock the steel box.  I opened it to see the handgun that was laying inside, then I locked the box and closed my closet.  I sighed as I laid back with my hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling, then I slowly closed my eyes, and let the darkness take me.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I hear a distant voice calling me.  “… Jon?  Jon.  Jon!”<br/>I stir, trying to move, unable to move, and I ask, “Who’s there?” but it comes out as a mumble.  I cracked open my eyes to see blurs of light and dark.  I blinked to clear my vision, but it wasn’t much better.  I could make out a figure and saw a blurred Vahlen ask, “Do you…?”<br/>“W-what?”<br/>   “I said, do you know where you are?”<br/>I looked off to the side, seeing the metal floor, and asked, “What time is it?”  I slowly looked around to see scientists and a couple of military police.  “You’re in the Gallop Chamber,” Vahlen continued, “Do you know how you got here?”<br/>I looked up, and I shook my head as I muttered, “Oh no…”  Then I asked, “Can you fix me?”<br/>   “… Maybe.  We’ll try our best.”<br/>“… Then do what you need to do.”  I was soon lifted onto my feet and managed to walk, each of my arms taken by an MP, and I glanced back at the Ethereal Device as I was led out of the chamber.  I was walking through the halls, with Vahlen trailing, and into the laboratory.  “Just in here,” Vahlen said as she took the lead and showed us to a room.<br/>   I immediately knew where I was going to be held as I followed and saw the Alien Containment.  I’m a human, so why?  Why am I being put in there?  I guess, I must really be that dangerous.  “Leave him here,” Vahlen said as she brought up a stretcher, “Just let him sit.”  The MPs let go and I hid my relief as well as I could.  I sat up on the stretcher and Vahlen asked, “You didn’t think we were going to treat you like we treat them, did you?”<br/>   “…”<br/>“Jon, I’m only going to say this once, and you only need to hear it once.”  She put a hand up to my face and made my eyes meet hers as she said, “You’re a human.  We’ll treat you like one.”  I almost said something, but I couldn’t think of anything to say, so I just gave a quick nod.<br/>“Good.  I’ll run through what we have in mind.”<br/>   “What happened?”<br/>“You were sleepwalking again.  Don’t worry.  An EEG is part of our examination.  We’re going to take scans of your brain, your eye, take some pictures as well.  And… well, we can start with that.  Sound good, Colonel?”<br/>   “Yeah,” and I sat with my legs spread apart and my arms resting on my knees.<br/>“We’ll start now.”<br/>“Right,” I replied.<br/>“Come with me and we’ll begin.”</p><p> </p><p>   I was dressed in a white shirt and pants as I went through the tests.  By the time white pads were stuck all over my forehead for the EEG, I was ready to close my eyes.  A few pads were stuck under my shirt to my chest, and I asked, “How long is this gonna take?”<br/>“A few hours, maybe longer,” Vahlen said as she walked up, “If you fall asleep, that’s even better.”<br/>“Why’s that?”<br/>“We can monitor your brain activity while you sleep; see what’s going on in that head of yours.”<br/>   “Not much to see, apart from the occasional woman.”<br/>“In fact, we encourage you to sleep.  That’s why we’ve kept you up.”<br/>“Seriously?” and my eyes began to droop.<br/>“Sleep tight,” and Vahlen disappeared.  I struggled to keep my eyes open, but closing them, even for just a moment, felt awesome, especially since I was lying down.  If I fell asleep…<br/>   I closed my eyes for the sweet sleep to embrace me, but then I suddenly found myself restless, urged to move.  I opened my eyes groggily to see the green glow of the dark ship.  “… No,” I said my eyes opened in horror.<br/>“… Have seen?” I heard.  “You are strong indeed.  Perhaps… too strong.”  I looked up to see the metal bands had gashed my wrists as I tried to slip out of it, break it, anything.<br/>   I was suddenly met with the Ethereal in my face as it asked, “Why do you fight us?”<br/>“… You started this,” I said, “Not us… You fired first.  You…” and I suddenly found myself panting in exhaustion.  The Ethereal took a step back and said, “I see… then we’ll just have to work that much harder,” and it suddenly held up a syringe.<br/>“W-what are you-”<br/>   “Try to relax.  You will see our ways after our, persuasion.”  I saw the syringe come closer and I said, “No, no.  No!” and I grunted as I let out a wave of purple that sent the Ethereal flying back.  I suddenly felt my head slammed back again and I saw the Ethereal slow itself down as it fell and delicately placed itself onto its feet.  The Ethereal seemed to storm up to me as it came with the needle and thrust it into my neck.  I became paralyzed with pain, and I heard, “Why we still want you alive is beyond me…”<br/>   I moaned as the pain grew, then I screamed as panic overtook my body.  I felt waves of desperation flood my mind as the pain coursed through my body and knew I was going to go insane.  I tried to break off the metal bands; even thought it’d be impossible, I still struggled, still hoped, even thought I knew it was useless.  So why?  Why did I even bother trying?  I screamed in agony again as I heard voices chatter around me, holding me down.<br/>   I growled as I forced my arms, feeling the metal pry off, and roared as I tried to break free.  “Sedate him!  Now!”  I saw people in white coats holding me down as one of them brought a syringe.  “No.  No!” I yelled, “I don’t need it!  Keep it away!” but the syringe was already plunged into my arm.  Everyone stepped back as the nurse pulled away the syringe with the depressed plunger.  I growled as I sat up and said, “Why did you… I didn’t,” and I gasped as my vision went to the side and I became disoriented.<br/>   I felt myself pushed back into the bed, but I waved my hand to swat away any people and said, “Dammit… why’d you…”  As I tried to sit up again, my body refused to move, and I slowly lifted an arm and said, “Whoa… my arm is really heavy…”<br/>“Jon, you okay?”  I looked up to see Dr. Laavi, and I replied, “Fan-fucking-tastic,” and I chuckled as I said, “Man, I feel kinda… weird.  Yeah, that’s the best way to put it.”<br/>   “Okay, just get some sleep.”<br/>“No,” and I remembered, “I don’t wanna sleep.”<br/>“Why not?”<br/>“I just took a nap.  Besides, I feel great!”<br/>“Just go to sleep.”<br/>   “Look, if I go to sleep, I’ll just see them again.”<br/>“Them?”<br/>“Yeah, you know… the dudes…”<br/>“What happened?’ I heard Vahlen ask.<br/>   “Oh,” I said, “Hi!” and I waved to have my hand drop in exhaustion, making me say, “Oh… der’mo.  You guys really made me jelly, didn’t you?”<br/>“What did you give him?”<br/>Dr. Laavi explained, “Well, we tried the mild ones, but they weren’t working.  This one’s his third.”<br/>“What?”<br/>   “Yeah.  Normal sedation wasn’t enough.  He overpowered us each time.  Now, well…”  Both of them stared at me, and I asked, “What?”<br/>“Jon,” Dr. Laavi said as he sat down on the bed, “You said you see… dudes?”<br/>“Huh?  Uhh… Oh yeah, them.  Annoying bastards.”<br/>“Who are they?”<br/>   “They’re uh… the bad dudes, you know?  Those ugly ones we’ve been fighting?”<br/>“The aliens?” Vahlen asked.<br/>I clapped my hands and pointed at her as I said, “Yeah, she’s got it!”<br/>Vahlen asked Laavi, “How long is he going to be like this?”<br/>“A few hours, with his metabolism.  Although, this’ll be useful.”<br/>   “Why’s that?”<br/>“He’s a bit more, talkative.  And not as touchy about it, you know?”  Soon, Vahlen sat down and Dr. Laavi asked me, “The aliens, you dream about them?”<br/>I narrowed my eyes and said, “Oh, I see.  You wanna see them too.”<br/>“Uh… sure?”<br/>   “Well, too bad.  I don’t know how it works.  I just go to sleep, and there they are.  Just like that.”<br/>“You see them all the time?”<br/>“Uhh… I dunno.  I kinda just, see them.  Anyway, why do you care?  We’re supposed to blow their heads off, or let Vahlen just deep-dive into their guts.”<br/>“Well, you seemed to surprised from your sleep.”<br/>   “Yeah.  One of them stabbed me.  I mean, how rude is that?  They only get to do that because I’m tied down.”<br/>“They stabbed you?  Doing what?”<br/>“Probably using me as a guinea pig.  But if it’s a dream, I can just make myself free,” and I clenched my fists as I finished, “Then I can bash their faces in, and bathe in their blood.”<br/>   “… Okay.  Well, you can just lie back and rest.”<br/>“Yeah, sure, whatever,” and I fell back in my bed.</p><p> </p><p>   I opened my eyes to have the light burn my eyes, making me turn to the side and rattling my brain.  I gave a moan as I made out my environment.  I found myself drawing up the covers, but I continued to feel cold and shiver.  I sat up and groaned as my headache got worse.  Come on Jon, you’ve had worse.  Those winter exercises up in Northern Russia; that was brutal.  This is nothing.  This is nothing.  This is-<br/>   “Hey,” a nurse said, “You’re awake.  How are you feeling?”<br/>I blinked groggily, before looking around and asking, “Where, am I?”<br/>“You just finished an EEG.  You were resting.”<br/>“My head is killing me.”<br/>“Here, some ibuprofen,” and the nurse held out a pill and a glass of water.<br/>   I put the pill in my mouth, drank down the water, and asked, “Am I done?”<br/>“A doctor should be here in a few minutes.  I’ll call,” and as she walked away, I stared at her back; Sofia was more my type.<br/>“Ah, Jon,” I heard, and I looked to see Dr. Laavi walk up and continue, “How are you feeling?”<br/>“Got some pills for my headache.”<br/>   “Do you remember anything from yesterday?”<br/>I held my head and replied, “No, not really… Lemme think about it.”<br/>“It’s alright if you don’t remember.”<br/>“No, I do, it’s just a bit, fragmented.  You mind filling in the blanks?  It’d really help.”<br/>“Well, we had to sedate you.”<br/>   “Yeah, I remember that,” and my thoughts blurred between the needle in my arm and the Ethereal stabbing me. I rubbed the side of my neck, and Dr. Laavi asked, “Sore neck?”<br/>“Not much.  I remember Vahlen was there.  Did I talk weird?”<br/>“A bit, but not much.”<br/>“Hmmm…” and I suddenly remembered what I said.<br/>   “Yeah, you told us,” Laavi said, sensing my realization.  I sighed as I buried my face in my hands and heard, “These are the same night terrors?  With the aliens?”<br/>“… Yeah.”<br/>“Do you remember the dreams?”<br/>“I… I don’t want to talk about it.”<br/>   “Why?”<br/>“It feels so real.  Talking about it just makes it worse.”<br/>“Just take your time with it.  It will help.”<br/>I sat up and said, “Never mind that.  When am I gonna start?”<br/>“Huh?  You mean with Vahlen?”<br/>   “Yeah.  The sooner we finish, the sooner I can get back to normal.”<br/>“Jon, remember.  There is no guarantee that you can be fixed.”<br/>“I know, but… If there’s any chance, I wanna take it.  I have to.”  I clenched my fists as I finished, “I’ll do whatever it takes.  I will get back to normal.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   “Can you use your powers?”<br/>“What?” I asked.<br/>Vahlen repeated, “Your powers.  I was wondering if you had gained some more control over it.  Wolf was able to gain his mastery over it almost immediately.”<br/>I stared down at my hands and said, “I could try.”<br/>   I stood up from the infirmary bed, my left hand overtop of my right, and I closed my eyes and focused.  I grunted as I felt the power refusing to flow, and I opened my eyes to see nothing.  I focused much harder and used more energy; I could feel the air grow heavy around me.  I had no choice but to release the pressure as my arms burned and I gasped as I bent over and caught my breath.  I held out my hands again and tried, but it was the same; nothing.<br/>   “I don’t get it,” I breathed, “I was okay before.  So why is it…”<br/>“…”<br/>I sighed as I stood up and replied, “Well, at least I don’t have to worry about losing control.  Or at least, as bad as before.”<br/>“Don’t worry about it too much.  We’ll be doing an MRI scan of your brain next.”<br/>   “Whoa, wait,” I said as I took a step back, “You guys did remove all the shrapnel from me, right?”<br/>“Don’t worry.  I consulted with Dr. Laavi.  We’ll isolate the scan to just your head.”<br/>“So… I still have some?”<br/>“Unfortunately, but they’re all in your abdomen and chest area.  Also, they shouldn’t be magnetic.”<br/>I took a deep breath, then I replied, “Okay, then let’s do it.”<br/>“Alright.  First, we’ll give you gadolinium intravenously to see your blood vessels more clearly.”<br/>   “Okay.”<br/>“Let’s go.  We’ll do it in the room.”  I followed Vahlen to a room with the MRI, where a couple of doctors were already preparing.  I sat down on the table and held out my arm for one of the doctors to swab and stick a needle in.  “Alright, any fear of tight spaces?” the doctor asked.<br/>“No.  And besides, I heard these were fairly quick.”<br/>   “Yep, but MRI’s can be scary for some people.  It does make a lot of noise, so don’t mind it.  If you get uncomfortable, just say something and we’ll be able to hear you.”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>“And stay completely still.  Even talking if you can help it.”<br/>I nodded and the doctor continued, “Alright, just lay back, and relax.”<br/>   I laid back, holding onto the intravenous to make sure it wasn’t being tugged, and I watched the doctor stand over me and ask, “Good so far?”<br/>“Don’t worry.  I don’t need to hold your hand.”<br/>“Okay.  Anything comes up, just speak up.”<br/>“Right,” and I watched the table slowly slide in and bring me inside the small tunnel, stopping at my shoulders.<br/>   I sniffed and heard, “Alright, now keep very still.”<br/>“I know, I know.”  I breathed slowly and calmly in the dark tunnel as the machine slowly hummed and whirred around me.  I kept my eyes fixed on the ceiling of the tunnel as the machine continued to whir.  Then I suddenly heard a loud bang, almost making me flinch, but I just held my breath in surprise.  I slowly exhaled and inhaled through my nose, the loud noises continuing.<br/>   I sniffed lightly as I felt my nose beginning to run; I hope the test won’t take too long.  Now that I think about it, I haven’t seen or talked to Wolf since the Labs.  I coughed as I felt something run down the back of my throat and I heard, “Jon, you okay?”<br/>“Actually, there’s-” and I coughed again as I felt the table slid out.  I sat up and immediately felt the blood rush make me dizzy.<br/>   I asked, “Could I get a tissue?” I wiped my nose and said, “My nose is a little runny,” and I looked to see the bright red on my hand.  “Jon?” I heard as my head began to ring and I became more dizzy.  I kept a hand under my nose to catch the blood and heard, “Do you feel dizzy?”<br/>“I… don’t feel so good,” and I felt a wave of nausea pass over me.  A tissue was handed to me, which I took and I groaned as I leaned forward to make the ringing stop.<br/>   Then the ringing slowly subsided and the nausea went away.  I wiped my nose to see the red had stopped, and I straightened up and said, “Man, that was not fun.”<br/>“Are you okay?” a doctor asked.<br/>“Yeah, I’m fine now.”<br/>“Okay.  Well, we’ve finished the MRI.  We should get some tests done to make sure you’re fine.”<br/>   “Don’t worry, I’m fine.”<br/>“Here,” the other doctor said as he took out a pen and notebook, “Write your name.”<br/>“What?  Why?” I asked.<br/>“It’s a test.”  I took the pen and pad, and I pressed the pen down onto the blank page.  My name, is Jon Volkov Ryumin.<br/>   As I moved my hand, it felt… weird, or stiff.  As I wrote my name, my hand refused to move the way I wanted and ended up as a scrawl compared to how I normally wrote.  After writing ‘Jon Volk’ I just scratched it out and started over.  I glanced up at the doctors, feeling their eyes on me, and I wrote my name again more quickly.  It wasn’t much better, but I handed to them and said, “See, I’m fine.”<br/>They took the pad, looked at it, and one of them said, “This isn’t your writing though.”<br/>   “What?  How do you even know what my writing looks like?”<br/>“You have good writing.  I’ve seen your signature on your medical forms.  Not like this.”<br/>“Well, I feel fine.  Isn’t there another test I could do to show I’m fine?”<br/>“Catch,” and the other doctor suddenly tossed the pad to me.  As the book hit my stomach and fell on my lap, I swung out my arms; obviously way too late and not even close to grabbing the notebook.<br/>   I just sat in silence, then I replied, “Okay, fine.  Maybe there’s something that needs tweaking in here,” and I tapped my head, “but I still feel okay.”<br/>“We’ll just put you on observation for overnight.  Don’t sweat it.  Sometimes the magnetic fields of an MRI can do this to more sensitive people.”  I was walked back into the infirmary, and I said, “I feel like, I’m never gonna get out of this place.”<br/>   “Hmm?  Why do you say that?”<br/>“There’s always another reason; whether I get hurt or it’s to run more tests.  There’s always something keeping me here.”  As I sat down on my bed, the doctor asked, “You need anything?”<br/>“… Pen and paper maybe.  I can write stuff, and draw.”<br/>“Here, take mine,” the other doctor said as he gave me his pen and notebook.<br/>   “Thanks,” I said as I took it.  When the two left, I immediately began to write it all down:</p><p>I can do it.                                     I can’t do it.<br/>I know I can do it.                        I can’t do it.<br/>I just need to try.                          I can’t do it.<br/>I believe it’ll get better.               I can’t do it.<br/>I still have hope.                           I can’t do it.<br/>I still have dreams.                       I can’t do it.<br/>But what if I falter?                      I just can’t do it.</p><p>Get me out of this.  Make it stop.</p><p>I won’t hesitate.                            I have to do it.<br/>I have nightmares.                        I can do it.<br/>I don’t look forward to anything. I can do it.<br/>I know it won’t get better.           I can do it.<br/>I don’t want to try.                       I can do it.<br/>I know I can’t do it.                      I can do it.<br/>I can’t do it.                                  I can do it.</p><p>   As I began to scrawl in the last of it, I sensed someone walking up and I immediately tore out the page.  “Hey.”  It was his voice.<br/>I blinked and said, “Wolf, hey.”<br/>“Heard you were in here.  You good?”<br/>“Yeah.  I’ve been meaning to talk to you.  At least, once I got out.”<br/>“Wow, you getting out that soon?”<br/>   “You’d be surprised.  Nothing’s wrong with me.”<br/>“So, what did you wanna talk about?”<br/>“In the labs, when we got out… what exactly happened?”<br/>Wolf sighed and replied, “Yeah, I figured you’d ask about that.  When we came out, it had been ten days.  I was conscious when I came out, you weren’t.”<br/>   I chuckled and asked, “Did I just flop onto the floor or something?”<br/>“Come on, it scared us.  You were pretty out of it, and…”<br/>“Yeah, I know,” and I put a hand to my closed right eye.<br/>“… Vahlen wanted to run tests right then and there.”<br/>“I know.  I remember.  You stopped her.”<br/>   Wolf looked away and shook his head as he said, “This… this isn’t right Colonel.”<br/>“I appreciate what you did.”<br/>“… Is that why you’re back in here?  You’re letting her?”<br/>I looked off to the side and replied, “It’s getting worse.  I’m not saying the labs had anything to do with it, but they certainly didn’t make it better.  If that woman can find a way to fix me through all this, then I’ll let her do it over and over.  Anything to get me back to normal.”<br/>   “Colonel, if I know anything, it’s that no one is normal.”<br/>“Yeah, you’re right.  What I meant was… I just want to be a human.  Not one of those aliens.”<br/>“Does Vahlen have any ideas on what’s happening?  Or why?”<br/>“She thinks that I’m changing.  That the labs stressed me… I dunno.  This shit’s a bit too messed up for me to wrap my head around, ya’know?”<br/>   “Yeah.”<br/>“What about you?  I heard you’re doing well.”<br/>“Oh, yeah.”  Wolf held out his hand to make a small purple orb and said, “I can control it a lot better now.  What about you?  Did the labs at least pay off?”<br/>“I dunno.  Maybe I just need to try harder, but it hasn’t worked for me.”<br/>   “Let’s see.”  I held out my hands and focused, but nothing.  I sighed as I sat back in dizziness and said, “No luck.”<br/>Wolf held a hand to his chin and said, “Well, it feels like it’s being held back a lot more.”<br/>“Feels like it?”<br/>“Well, if the labs gave us more control, wouldn’t that mean more restraint on the power?”<br/>   “I suppose, but…”<br/>“And didn’t Vahlen also say our power was dependent on our will?”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“You know, our will to fight; to live.  Have you forgotten about it?”<br/>“No, I just… didn’t think it was important.”<br/>   “Have you been feeling out of it?”<br/>“Of course not,” I snapped, “I’m fine.  I’ve always been fine.”<br/>“Well…”<br/>“What?”<br/>   “I mean, you’ve been through a lot of shit.  You lost the person you loved, you’ve been scarred, and now you have a power you have no idea what to do with.”<br/>“You don’t need to give me the highlight of my failures.  I know what they are.”<br/>“They’re not failures.  They’re unfortunate events in your life that you’ve had to go through.”<br/>“Unfortunate?  I had my chances to prevent what happened, but I was too weak.  I treat them as failures because that’s what they are.  How would you know anything about it?”<br/>   “… I know what it’s like, to lose someone.  One second they’re right beside you, holding your hand,” and Wolf held out his hand out to his side, then clenched it as he finished, “Then they’re just… gone.  You may have made a promise to them, or yourself, that you’d keep them safe.  Seeing how helpless you are, that’s what makes you afraid.  That’s what makes you think you can’t save anyone.”<br/>I laid back and finished, “I suppose, but that doesn’t mean we can’t keep trying, can we?”<br/>“… Yeah.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I slowly opened my eyes as I looked down the barrel of my rifle and to the burning flames of the crumbling building from another rooftop across the street.  “Contact,” I said as I saw the Mutons run out of the side of the building and behind a dumpster and car.  “No visual,” Jerry said, “Gotta get up closer.”<br/>“I got ‘em,” I said.<br/>   “Negative,” the Commander said.  “You’re our eyes.  Never know when we might need you for a bigger one.  You got this David?”<br/>“Aye, aye,” she said as she ran up and aimed at the Muton behind the car.  I watched her aim and fire the plasma to burn through the car and hit the Muton, sending it lying in a puddle of green-gold goo.  I suddenly heard chittering and looked around the darkness of the rooftop.<br/>   I made sure there was no access, at least no easy access.  I jammed the rooftop door and destroyed the ladder, but I suppose they could find a way to climb.  “Commander,” I asked, “You got anything on my six?”<br/>“No, why?”<br/>“Just wanna make sure I’m not leaving myself open.”<br/>   “Don’t worry, I gotcha covered,” I heard Kit say, “Sam, check to make sure he’s safe, eh?”  I heard Sam chirp and beep as he flew up and lit up the roof with his light.  “Good,” I said as I turned back to the building and saw shadows.  “I’m moving up,” Hank said.<br/>“Hold on,” I said, “Got something.”  As I scanned the streets, I saw the Muton move back further into a side street.<br/>   “He’s pulled back,” I said, “Watch yourselves.  I don’t have any eyes.”<br/>“Got it,” Hank said as he walked down the street with his cannon up.  “I’ll try to see if I can flank ‘em,” Kit said as he ran across the street in front of me and continued to the end.  I breathed and said, “There doesn’t seem to be any.  What are they waiting for?”  Then, we all heard Sam suddenly chirp rapidly and whir loudly behind me.<br/>   I gasped as I quickly turned around to see a thin figure dash through the darkness.  “Der’mo!” I said as I swivelled around to bring my rifle out and immediately shot a Thin Man as it ran along the ledge.  I saw Sam fly up and shoot rapidly behind a vent.  As a screech was let out, I suddenly heard a bloodcurdling call, immediately registering what it was.  “Commander, did you hear that?”<br/>“What?”<br/>   “… Berserker.”  I heard a loud bang and looked to the locked metal rooftop door.  Another rattle as it bent and barely held.  “Get outta there man!” I heard.<br/>“No use,” I said, “You know these bastards are pretty persistent.”  There was a crash as the door was ripped open and I saw the red mass of muscle and armour walk out and roar as it pounded its chest.  I aimed quickly, but carefully, and I fired to send the Berserker reeling back.<br/>   Then the Beserker stood in place, and I stood frozen, waiting for it to fall.  I said, “Uh, you can fall anytime now.”  The Berserker suddenly leaned forward and growled in anger.  I gave a disheartened smile and said, “Well blyat.”  The Berserker roared and charged right at me.  I stood calmly, then I quickly jumped and rolled to the side, letting it run straight through the roof ledge and down into the streets.  I quickly stood at the edge to see the Berserker had landed unscathed and fixated on David.<br/>   “Run!” I yelled.  I quickly put my gun on my back, drew a knife from my belt, and jumped off the rooftop.  Even if I missed, it was still a 20-meter drop.  I managed to land on the Berserker as I stabbed my knife into its shoulder; one of the worst mistakes I made.  The Berserker angrily threw me off and sent me crashing into the street.  My head began to ring as I tried to see, tried to move, but my body refused.  I forced myself to open my left eye and I saw the Berserker a few paces from me.<br/>   It held out the metal claws in its hands, my knife was lost, and I knew I was royally screwed.  Then I saw the Berserker’s head knocked forward and saw the shot came from David.  I realized what she had done, as she stood with her face mixed with fear and bravery.  The Berserker roared and turned to charge at her.  It pounded its chest and charged.  No.  Not again.  “NOO!” I yelled as I immediately got up and dashed as fast as I could towards the Berserker.<br/>   I screamed as I tackled it from behind and sent the Berserker crashing into the ground.  When the Berserker fell, it fought to get back up just as fast; I couldn’t let it.  I angrily flipped the Berserker onto its back and held it down with one hand and pummelled it with my other hand.  I gave a few good heavy punches before it pushed me to the side and we rolled a couple of times.  Everything was a rush as I saw the Berserker sitting on top of me and raise its claws.<br/>   I quickly brought its arm back around it to stab it in the shoulder.  I breathed as I forced the Berserker off me and rolled it onto its back again.  I gave a few more hefty punches before I was thrown off.  I wasn’t sure what overcame me, but I landed on my fours and growled angrily.  The Berserker sensed my bloodlust and hit its chest in response as it gave a roar that would’ve rattled anyone to their bones.  I just roared as I built up the power in my body and charged.<br/>   We both ran at each other, the Berserker charging at me with its claws swinging wildly.  I quickly jumped over it, grabbed its shoulders as I went over, tucked myself, and used the momentum and my strength as I landed to throw the Berserker.  The earth shook as the Berserker landed heavily as a mass.  I flipped it onto its back, pinned its shoulders with my knees, and began to beat it senselessly, almost hypnotically, with both of my fists.<br/>   Soon, the Berserker stopped moving, then it’s head was just a pile of reduced meat, but I just kept going.  I didn’t even acknowledge the pain my own body, my fists, were feeling; I didn’t care.  Why were these bastards still fighting?  We destroyed the Temple Ship, and yet… Wasn’t it enough?  They already killed so many, destroyed so much, and I’m sick of it.  “Jon!  Stop!”  I felt myself pulled off and my fists no longer softening the Berserker.<br/>   “Get off of me!” I yelled.  What was I doing?  I fought whatever was pulling me with its iron grips, and I continued, “Get off!”<br/>“Jon!  It’s dead!  Enough’s enough man!”  I collapsed back, feeling myself fall on someone else, and panted as my hands shook.  I slowly held up my hands to see green goo and red trickling in between.  I felt a pat on my shoulder and heard, “You good?”<br/>   I sat up to let Kit crawl out from underneath me, and I replied, “Yeah.  Sorry.”  What was that?  I looked to the dead Berserker; why did I do that, and why didn’t I stop?  “Everyone okay?” I heard.<br/>“We’re fine Commander,” Kit said.<br/>“What just happened?”<br/>“Berserker.”<br/>   Jerry walked up and roughly pushed the Berserker corpse with his foot, then he looked at me and said, “Damn, you did a fine job, Jon.”  I gave a mock salute as I continued to take deep breaths, then I quickly stood up and brought up my pistol as I saw movement in the alleyway.  Then I saw my pistol quiver, and I quickly realized my hands were still shaking.  I quickly shook them off, sending drips of blood, and Kit said, “Hey!  Watch it!  Don’t want your liquids on me.”<br/>   I replied mockingly, “Oh sorry, did I get any on you?”<br/>“Come here,” David said as she walked up.<br/>I waved a hand and said, “Save it for when we’re dying,” and I peered down the street as I put my back against the brick wall of a building.  “Jon.”  It was Vahlen.<br/>“Yeah?” I asked.<br/>   “I highly recommend washing off that Berserker’s blood.  If it enters your bloodstream it is highly possible you will contract a blood infection.”<br/>I looked down at my hands, and I replied, “You’re telling me this now?  Anyway, no use.”<br/>“Nonsense.  The sooner the better.”  I quickly unscrewed my canteen and poured the cool water on my hands, ignoring the stinging pain of the broken skin.<br/>   “How’s it look?” Vahlen asked.<br/>“It’s kinda… red.  You know, blood.”<br/>“I mean the skin.  Are there any signs of irritation?”<br/>“I don’t think so.  Kinda hard to tell in this light.  I’ll be fine.  We’ve still got a few more of these bastards to deal with.”<br/>   I peeked around the corner to see the Muton in the shadows with its back up against the wall.  I saw it aim at me, and I quickly turned away and ducked to have plasma whiz past my head.  “Enemy spotted!” I said as I quickly swapped to my rifle and aimed.  I suddenly saw steam in the small alley, and I said, “Sh*t.  Got low visibility here.”  I took out one of my scanners, a small metal ball, and quickly rolled it down the alley.<br/>   “Anything?” I asked.<br/>“… Got him,” Bradford said, “He’s down the next corner.  Be careful.”  As I entered the white cloud, I blinked hard as my eye began to dry out.  As I walked further, I opened both of my eyes and I suddenly sensed it.  I quickly aimed to my open right and fired, sounding a dying screech.  “Good work,” Bradford said, “Seems you got all of them.  Sweep the area and you’re clear for extraction.”<br/>   I slowly put a hand to my ear and replied, “Aye aye.”  I walked down the alley and stood over the dead Muton; I had shot it clean through the head.  I put a hand to my right eye and quickly closed it before I walked back out to the street.  It wasn’t like I could see that Muton, but more like I could sense it; like I knew it was there.  “Jon!” Kit called, “You good man?”<br/>I waved back and replied, “As always.  Got a clean shot.”<br/>   “Nice!” Hank said as he walked up and we bumped fists.  I looked to the Berserker and Jerry said, “That wasn’t as clean.”<br/>I replied, “As long as it’s dead it doesn’t have to be,” and I walked down the street and continued, “Come on, let’s do as Control said.  Gotta make sure there’s nothing else crawling around here.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I held out one of my hands as I let David wash away whatever crap was plastered onto it, making me wince.  I asked, “Hey, go easy on the scrubbing, will ya’?”<br/>“Alright, then don’t shred these up so bad.  You only get two of these in a lifetime.”  She washed the other hand as Laavi and Vahlen walked up.  “Let me see,” Vahlen said as she nudged past David and suddenly put a needle to my hand.<br/>   “Whoa, blyat!” I exclaimed as I tried to pull away my hand, but Vahlen’s grip was iron.  She stuck in the needle and drew blood from a vein, making me freeze in surprise and pain.  Laavi put a piece of gauze on my hand as I asked, “What the hell?!”<br/>“Relax Colonel, you’ve been through worse,” Vahlen said as she tapped the side of the vial.  David and Laavi were bandaging my hands as I asked, “What do you even need my blood for?”<br/>   “Making sure you’re in good condition, of course.  Don’t want you to get sick.”  I gave a low growl as I looked away and replied, “Whatever.”<br/>Laavi said, “Man, does this hurt Jon?” and he held my bruised hand up.<br/>“I’m fine.  Just patch it up as best you can.”  When the two were finished, I groaned as I rotated my shoulders and flexed my hands.<br/>   I sighed and replied, “God, I must be getting old if that Berserker got the best of me.”<br/>“You should be more careful,” David said, “You didn’t have to do that.”<br/>“Of course I did.”<br/>“I’m not weak.”<br/>“I know.  I just…”<br/>   “What?”<br/>“Forget it.  I’m gonna get some grub,” and I walked out of the infirmary with my hands clenched in fists.</p><p>
  
</p><p>   In the middle of the night, as Greg closed the bar, I found myself standing in front of the Memorial Wall, just staring.  Sofia.  Then static flooded my mind as I saw the green glow in the darkness.  I put a hand to my head, then I slowly brought my hand back down to stare at the bandages and clenched it into a fist.  I didn’t fail today.<br/>   I protected them, and I would gladly make the same choices over again.  “Hey Jon, you should tuck in,” Greg called.  I stood in silence for a moment before replying, “I’ll be fine.  You go on.”<br/>“… Alright.  Goodnight then.”</p><p> </p><p>   Soreness.  That was what I felt when I shifted on the couch, and my face twisted slightly as I stretched my body and rotated my neck.  Both felt like they were wrenched and almost numbing with pain.  I heard shuffling and looked to see Greg opening.  “What happened to sleep?” Greg asked.<br/>“… I did.  And I feel like shit.”<br/>“Nothing a little protein can’t fix.  Want anything in particular?”<br/>   “Whatever’s fast.”  I looked to the Memorial Wall, and at Sofia’s photo album; as if I was reaching for something I could never have.  “Here,” Greg called as he put out a plate.  I walked up to see a plate of three eggs, kolbasa, dill, and tomatoes, all in a single pancake on the plate.  “Oh, wow,” I said.<br/>“Yeah, yeah, just eat.”<br/>“Thanks.”  As I ate, Greg said, “So, I heard you took on a Berserker bare-handed.”<br/>   I swallowed and replied, “I shot it first.  Then I stabbed it.  Not entirely bare-handed.”<br/>“Still, I heard you did a number on it.  Don’t know many guys who would do that, much less pull it off.”  I drank down the tea that came with the meal and said, “Yeah, and look how it turned out,” and I held up a hand as I kept putting food in my mouth; I didn’t realize how hungry I was until I actually tasted and ate my meal.<br/>   “Be more careful next time then, eh?” and Greg patted me on the shoulder as he walked into the back.  When I finished my breakfast, I sat back and sipped my tea when I saw a scientist walk in.  I looked away as I pretended not to notice, put my money on the counter for Greg, and walked to my room.  “Colonel Ryumin?” the scientist called, but I had already closed the door.  I opened my closet door, stared down at the metal box, then I closed it and went to my desk to take out a book.<br/>   I soon heard a knock, which I ignored, then it was suddenly opened and I spun as I growled, “What do you want?”<br/>“Oh, sorry.  Bad time.”  It was Kit.<br/>I sighed and replied, “No.  I was expecting someone else.”<br/>“Huh?  You mean him?” and Kit pointed to a man who stuck his head in.<br/>   I groaned and asked, “What is it?”<br/>“It’s Vahlen,” the scientist said, “She wants to see you.”<br/>“Why?  You find anything?”<br/>“Dr. Laavi wants to see you too.  They’ve been… discrete about it.”  I walked out my room, locked it, and said to Kit, “I’ll catch ya’ later.”<br/>   “Kay,” he replied as I left him in the hallway.  I said to the scientist, “Come on.  We haven’t got all day.”<br/>“Oh!  Right,” and he ran up and we both walked out.  When I walked into the Research Labs, I saw Vahlen turn from a screen, and I said, “Hope you found something.”<br/>“We did, but mostly it’s from your blood work.”<br/>   “What about it?”<br/>“Well,” and Vahlen turned back to the large viewing screen, and I followed with my eyes to see three sets of DNA helixes.  “What is it?” I asked.<br/>“A comparison.  Similarities and differences between the alien’s genome and ours.”  She gestured to the one on the left and said, “The difference in their genome and ours is about 3%, but on a genetic level, that’s greater than the difference between apes and humans.”<br/>   “Okay.  So?”<br/>“So, that’s why your DNA is… interesting.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“Our overall difference between the aliens is greater than 45%,” she said as she pointed at the DNA in the middle, then she gestured to the one on the right and finished, “Your genome differs only by less than 1%, and only an overall difference of about 15%.”<br/>   I walked up to the slowly-turning helixes on the screen, then I asked, “So what?  Am I not human?”<br/>“That’s the thing.  The similarity of genomes between any two people is 99.9%, you are no exception, but at the same time…”<br/>“I’m pretty similar to ‘them’.”<br/>“Exactly.”<br/>   “But if I’m similar to them, how the hell am I still… mostly human?”<br/>“You are human Colonel, no doubt about that.  You just possess more… genetic variance that ties you closer to them than most other humans.”  I sighed as I turned away and covered my eyes as I held my head down.  “This…” I said, “… isn’t what I was expecting.”  I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to hear instead; that everything would be alright, that this could be fixed, or that it was normal.<br/>   I soon brought my hand down and asked, “So what now?  What can you do?”<br/>“Well, we can’t change a genome.”<br/>“So…” I opened my right eye and gestured to it as I asked, “I’m stuck like this?”<br/>“I’m sorry Colonel.”  I looked down at the floor, then I turned away and said, “I’ve had enough of this,” and I stormed out of the room.<br/>   I soon found myself on the second level of the Hangar, where I stood with my arms on the rails, staring down at the cave floor that was now further away.  “I usually find you on the lower levels,” I heard Kit say.<br/>“…”<br/>“So, what’s the verdict?  Can they fix your mug?”<br/>   “… No.”<br/>Kit leaned with his back against the rails and replied, “Huh.  Well, at least you look more badass.”<br/>“I’m a goddamn freak.”<br/>“Hey, come on man.  It’s not your fault.  Besides, it’s okay to be different.”<br/>“…”<br/>   “Come on, let’s go.  We’re gonna go and hang out in the city.”<br/>“They’re letting you go out?”<br/>“Yeah, it’s been a while.”<br/>“I don’t know.  I’ve never been good in public.”<br/>“You don’t need to be.  Come on,” and I reluctantly followed Kit.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   As we rode from the base in a jeep and into the city, Jerry asked me, “So Jon, they gonna let you keep your good looks?”<br/>“Yeah.  Apparently they can’t do anything about it.  At least they can’t make it worse.”<br/>“True,” Hank said, “At least you’ll be more intimidatin’ to those aliens.”<br/>“And to everyone else.  Why are we even going into town?”<br/>   “I wanna see if they’ve got any new games.”<br/>“Really dude?”<br/>“I might check out a few clothing stores,” Kit said, “I need to see if I can get a new headband, cause this one is dead.”<br/>“I thought it died a long time ago.”<br/>   I watched a few cars drive by as we entered the city, then into the busy traffic of the day.  “Man, I’m always bewildered when I see cities like this,” I said.<br/>“Too much of a townie?” Kit joked.<br/>“Shut up.”<br/>“Alright,” Kit said as he turned the jeep hard and into a city square.<br/>   I nearly exclaimed as I gripped onto my seat to regain my composure.  The car halted, then Kit turned back and proudly said, “We’re here.”<br/>I ran a hand through my hair and I said, “Holy hell man, take it easy on the steering, will you?”<br/>“Like you can do better.”  We all got out of the car and I immediately looked around to see a fountain, other parked cars, and multiple people all walking around.<br/>   The cities always seemed so big; so noisy.“Hello, how are you all today?” a new voice said.<br/>“Good!” Kit replied.<br/>“Are you new around here?”<br/>“Sorta.”<br/>   “I thought as much.  You know, we have a nice quiet park where the elderly enjoy the atmosphere and play tennis in our courts.”<br/>“Huh?” I asked as I turned around to see the young man.  He immediately struck me as someone who was supposed to be in charge of tourists; he had a clipboard with brochures, wearing a bright blue t-shirt, and a lanyard around his neck.<br/>   “Oh!  I’m sorry.”<br/>“Huh?  What?” I asked.  As Kit snickered, I soon registered what was going on.<br/>“Please forgive me,” the man continued, “I just saw your hair and face, and I…”<br/>“Tch, whatever,” I said as I slammed the jeep door closed and jammed my hands into my pockets as I turned my back and walked away.<br/>   Kit walked up to my side and said, “Well that went well.”<br/>I ran a hand through my hair to try to hide it and asked, “Remind me why I’m out here again?”<br/>“To have fun out here.  Come on, it’ll be great.  We can go shopping, watch a movie, get sick on Chinese food.”<br/>“Uhh, okay.”<br/>   “Anything you wanna see out here?”<br/>“Nothing I can think of.”<br/>“Well… oh dude, your belt bag.”<br/>“Huh?  What about it?” I asked as I looked down at it.<br/>“Dude, that thing is more dead than my headband.”<br/>   I examined it more carefully to see the worn edges, the broken zipper, the straps barely holding by bundles of string, and a patch of cloth sewed on by Sofia.  “No,” I said, “I’m not getting rid of it.”<br/>“What?  Relax man.  I’m sure we could find a place where they could make it look… less dead.”<br/>“… Yeah, I suppose that would be nice.”<br/>“What do you carry in that thing anyway?”<br/>   “None of your business, that’s for sure,” I said light-heartedly.<br/>“Okay, now I’m curious.”<br/>As we continued down the street, I quickly pointed and said, “Clothing store.”<br/>“Where?” Kit immediately said as he looked around.  “Oh, do they have-” and Kit gasped as he said, “Yes they do!”<br/>   We watched Kit run across the street and quickly walk into the store.  “Oh boy,” I said, “Better make sure he doesn’t get too excited.”  I looked both ways, then quickly dashed across the street, with Hank and Jerry following.  We walked in to see Kit pick up a blue headband with black designs, then look to us and ask, “Whadya’ think?” as he put it up to his forehead.<br/>“Improvement from that sweat rag you have right now,” I replied.<br/>   “Hey, come on,” and Kit pointed to the red headband as he continued, “This headband and I have seen a lotta action together.”<br/>“Blue was more your colour anyway,” Hank said, “Not to mention it’ll match the armour.”<br/>“True.  Red looked good on me while it lasted.  Anything catch your eyes?”<br/>“No,” I replied.<br/>   “Kay.  Well let’s see if they can do anything about your bag then,” and Kit pointed to my belt bag.  We walked up to the register, and as the cashier rung in the purchase, Kit leaned in and coolly asked, “Hey, you happen to know where I could get this fixed?” and he held up my belt bag.<br/>The female cashier blushed slightly and replied, “Oh, well, I would recommend a new one.  I wouldn’t know of any stores that would do repairs like that.”<br/>   “Any haberdasheries?” I asked.<br/>“Sorry, a what?  You can buy a new one here if you’d like.”<br/>“No, forget it.  Thanks anyway,” and I took my bag from Kit.<br/>As we walked out, Jerry asked me, “Why keep that old thing Jon?  You should buy a new one.”<br/>“No way,” I replied as I strapped the bag around my waist.  “This bag was a gift.  I’ll be damned before I give it up.”<br/>   “From someone special?” Kit asked as he winked at me.<br/>“It’s not from Sofia,” Hank said, “He’s had it since he came here.”<br/>“Yeah,” I replied, “Not from her.  It’s from back home.  It was a birthday present.”<br/>“Your dad?” Kit asked.<br/>“No, it was…” and I remembered what happened when I got home that day.  “… My grandparents.”<br/>   I quickly began to walk and said, “Come on, where else we going?”<br/>“Game shop!” Hank cheered as he followed.  Hank bought three new games, and I knew the nights would become loud.  Jerry led us to a giant shopping centre, which seemed to be just as big as the city.  As we walked around, Jerry said, “Hey Kit, you said you wanted to get sick on food?”<br/>“Chinese food man,” Kit said, “And I mean sick from all the grease of it.  So bad, but so good.”<br/>   “I know a good ramen shop.  Makes their noodles by hand.”<br/>“Whoa, seriously?” Kit asked.<br/>“That does sound good,” Hank said.<br/>I replied to Hank, “Careful, you’re drooling.”<br/>“Let’s go!  I’m starving.”<br/>   As we walked to the ramen shop, I saw we were in another small market, and I asked, “Just how big is this place?”<br/>“Mmm, pretty big,” Jerry said, “I’ve known about this place for eight years, and I still haven’t seen everything it has to offer.”<br/>“Damn,” Hank said.<br/>   As I followed, I suddenly felt the world slip away and heard whispering.  I looked to see a small shop selling charms, lucky cats, and that was when I saw the bracelet; it was strange.  I was caught staring at it and recognized it from somewhere… but where?<br/>I suddenly felt a hand slap my back and Kit ask, “Interested in something?”<br/>“No, it’s nothing.”  I looked back one last time as the whispers continued before rejoining Kit and the others.<br/>   We stood in front of the ramen shop and I heard loud gunshots that made me flinch.  “What the hell?” I asked as I looked around, “Where’s the fire?”<br/>“Relax,” Jerry said, “They’re just making the noodles.”  I looked to see an old man stretch out long strands of dough, bring them together, and bring them down onto the flour board to make a loud ‘smack’!  I breathed a sigh of relief and said, “Man, we’ve been in the fire for too long.”<br/>   “Well, let’s get some ramen then shall we?” Jerry said as he rubbed his hands and took off his earbuds.  “About time,” I said.<br/>“Come on.  It’s rude to have them in when you’re ordering.”  Jerry walked up, then the young man called, “Next!”<br/>Jerry walked up and replied, “I’ll have the special.”<br/>   “Alright.  Twelve dollars, sixty cents.”  Jerry handed his twenty and took the change, then he got a number and walked past us.  “Next!”  When my turn came, I replied, “I’ll take the number two with pork.”<br/>“Yeah.  Ten, eighty.”  I took out a ten-dollar bill and a one dollar bill, which the cashier quickly took, punched in, then handed me my change and replied, “Thank you.  Next!”<br/>   I walked to the table where the guys were sitting, then I heard the whispering.  I looked around, then I cautiously sat down, and Kit asked, “You okay?”<br/>“… I don’t know.”<br/>“Speak your mind,” Jerry said.<br/>“It’s probably just me, forget it,” and I sat back and stared down at my hands.<br/>   With the chatter going on around us, Jerry finally said, “Oi, Jon.”<br/>“Huh?  What?”<br/>“You ever gonna do vocals for me again?”<br/>I gave him a skeptical stare and said, “Seriously?  I told you, I was only doing it once.”<br/>“Yeah, and it was fucking music man.”<br/>   “Yeah, and soon Hank’ll be on drums and Kit on rhythm.”<br/>Kit interjected and said, “I… can actually see that happening.”<br/>“Yeah!  A band!” Hank said.<br/>I quickly waved my hands and said, “Whoa, I was just joking guys.”<br/>Kit replied, “Come on, with you on vocals, we’ll get everyone!”<br/>   “Okay, it was just that one time at the barracks.  Never again.”<br/>“We’ll need a catchy name,” Hank said.<br/>Jerry asked, “How about Army Men?”<br/>I said, “Aren’t we a little too old for this?”<br/>   “The only one that looks old here is you,” Kit joked, “I still can’t believe that guy in the square thought you were an old man.”<br/>“Hey, don’t even get me started.”<br/>“Or maybe Terra Nova?” Jerry continued.<br/>“Those are horrible names.”<br/>   “You got any better ones?”<br/>“No, because I’m not gonna be a part of the band.”<br/>“What?  Come on dude,” Kit said.<br/>“Number 34!” the cashier called.<br/>Jerry stood up and said, “I’ll be back with my ramen,” and he left.<br/>   “It could be a guilty pleasure thing,” Kit continued.<br/>I made sure my point was emphasized clearly by saying, “Dude, I don’t sing.”<br/>“Then what about-”<br/>“I was drunk and in a very generous mood.  Unfortunately, I’m never gonna get both again.”<br/>“It was a good gig though,” Hank said.<br/>   I covered my face and replied, “God, I don’t even wanna think about it.”<br/>“Number 37!”  I stood up and said, “I’ll be back.”  I walked past Jerry, who had a gleeful look on his face as he headed back to the table.  The cashier handed me my tray, which I took with my left hand underneath and my right hand steadying it.  “Number 35 and 36!”<br/>“Oh yeah!” Hank said as he stood up, “Let’s go Kit!”<br/>“Yeah, yeah, coming,” and Kit rose.  I pulled apart my chopsticks and said, “Well, good eating,” and I picked up a few of the thick noodles.  Kit and Hank quickly returned and said, “Hey, don’t start without us!”</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Chapter 26</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   As we ate, Kit said, “Oh man, this is way better than Chinese food.”<br/>“You mean American Chinese food?” Jerry asked.<br/>“Yeah.  This is the good stuff.”  I had to agree with them, this was pretty good; the broth had circles of oil glistening on top, with pieces of pork laid out and topped with green onions, all hiding the thick chewy hand-made noodles.<br/>   As I finished, I drank down the broth, then I sat back satisfied.  The others did the same, then Hank asked, “Anyone up for game night if you’re not busy?”<br/>“I was gonna train,” I replied, “Do some cardio.”<br/>“What?  Come on.  Got the new Gears game.  Do some co-op.”<br/>“We do that in real life.  Minus the chainsaws.”<br/>   “I’ll play with ya’,” Kit said.<br/>“I’m gonna play some guitar,” Jerry said, “Been a while, and my fingers are getting itchy.”<br/>I joked, “Man, you guys are gonna keep everyone up.”<br/>“Since when did we even get real sleep?” Hank asked.<br/>“True.”<br/>   Kit rose and said, “Let’s get going then.”<br/>“Yeah,” and as I rose, I suddenly felt the room spin and my right eye began to throb.  I grabbed onto the edge of the table as I quickly regained my balance and put a hand to my eye.  “Whoa,” I said as I chuckled, “That was close.”<br/>“You okay?” Jerry asked.<br/>   I heard more whispering, which I ignored as I replied, “Don’t worry, I’m just… imagining things.”  But then the throbbing became worse, and I gripped my eye tighter.  “Dude, you’ve been saying that the whole time,” Kit said, “You’re not fine.”<br/>The pain slowly subsided and I quickly brought my hand down as I continued, “No, I’m good now.  Promise.”<br/>   “… ‘Kay.  But if you need to, just say something, okay?”<br/>“Don’t worry.  I can take care of myself.”</p><p> </p><p>   As we rode home, Kit asked, “You still have a good time?”<br/>“You bet!” Hank said.<br/>I replied, “I’m surprised.  I enjoyed this slightly more than I expected… I didn’t think I’d enjoy it at all.”<br/>Kit smiled and said, “See?  There ya’ go.”<br/>   When we drove into the base, a couple of soldiers ran up and said, “Colonels!  The Commander needs you all!”<br/>“Huh?  Why?” Kit asked.<br/>“It’s the city!  It’s being attacked!”<br/>“What?” I asked, “We were just there!”<br/>   “It happened just a few minutes ago!  We need to get inside, now!”  We all ran inside the base and to The Barracks.  We immediately saw the Commander, who said, “Ah, you four, perfect.  I take it you’ve heard?”<br/>“You bet,” Jerry said, “Tell us what to do.”<br/>“Sorry Colonel, but no explosives.”<br/>   “What?” Jerry asked, “You’re serious?”<br/>“The city is densely populated.  We can’t afford any stray fire, down to the last bullet.”<br/>“You’ll definitely need us snipers, right?” I said as I stepped up.<br/>“Yes.  You and Wolf.”  The Commander turned to Kit and said, “Colonel, you and Sam work effectively as a pair.”<br/>   Kit stood straight and tall as he replied, “We won’t let you down sir.”<br/>The Commander nodded, then he said, “David will be your medic.”<br/>“Will she be enough?” I asked.<br/>“She’s got three medikits now.”<br/>“That leaves one left,” Hank said.<br/>   “Yes.  I’ll be sending out Yin.  You know your places.  Get ready.”<br/>“Sir!” we all said as we saluted.  As The Commander left, Hank patted Kit and me on our backs as he said, “You come back now, you hear?”<br/>“You bet,” I said, then I looked to Kit and said, “Let’s get going.”  Kit nodded, and we both went to the war room.<br/>   We quickly ran and entered to see everyone else was almost done prepping.  I quickly threw on my carapace armour when Kit said, “Jon, you’re not supposed to wear carapace.”<br/>“Huh?” I asked as I put down the armour and checked my phone: “Skeleton suit.”<br/>“Are you kidding me?” I said, “I told The Commander I hate that suit.”<br/>“Well, The Commander said he’d try.  Jon, people’s lives are at stake.”<br/>   “…”  I put on the skeleton suit, but I was glad I still got to use my SVDK.  As I finished prepping, I looked to everyone and asked, “You ready?”<br/>“You bet,” Kit said as he tied on his new headband.   When we all boarded the Skyranger, it immediately rose and took off, leaving everyone gripping the benches to stay standing.<br/>   “Sorry guys,” we heard Bradford say over the radio, “But we need to hurry.  There’s an alien terror attack in progress.  There is strong civilian presence, so take care to avoid any casualties.”  The Skyranger seemed to land almost as immediately as Bradford said, “Evacuation of the city and cutting off affected areas are still in progress.  Save as many as you can.  Godspeed.”  We stepped out to see the fires of the streets blending with the evening light.<br/>   “I’ll get up to a roof.  Wolf, come be my lookout,” and I began to separate.<br/>“Hold up,” Yin said.<br/>“Huh?  What?”<br/>“I’ll scout ahead.  Make sure it’s clear before you guys move.”<br/>“… Right.”<br/>   We all watched Yin run down the street and hide behind a car, then move up to the side of a building.  “… I see a few civilians inside the building,” Yin said over the radio.<br/>“Be careful,” Kit said, “They could-”<br/>“Sh*t!” and we all heard the chittering.<br/>“Aw hell,” I said, “That better not be what I think it is.”<br/>   “Colonel,” Yin said, “There are some weird… insects.  They’re moving fast.”  We heard glass shatter as one came out of the opposite broken building, and I quickly aimed and fired to have a large purple insect screech and fall dead.  “Chryssalids,” I said, “Watch yourselves.”<br/>Kit said, “Sam, are there any more?”  Sam slowly hovered to the building where the Chryssalid came from, then Kit said, “Moving up,” and he ran ahead.<br/>   “You get to the roof,” I said to Wolf, “I got you from down here.”<br/>“Okay,” and Wolf ran to the side of a building and shot out a hook.  I watched him grapple up to the roof and say, “What the-”<br/>“What is it?” I asked.<br/>“There are civilians up here.”<br/>   “Can they get down?”<br/>“Can you send up your harness?”<br/>“Sure.”  I walked up and shot up my hook where Wolf climbed up, and I held the rope tight as I saw the first civilian slide down.<br/>“There’re couple more up here,” Wolf said.<br/>“Copy.”<br/>   “I’ve got movement!” Kit said.  I quickly looked to Kit, who was crouching by the window, then I looked to see one survivor jump down and another slide down from the top.  “Yin!” I said, and I gestured to Kit, “Cover him now!”<br/>“Got it!”  Yin moved to the other side of the van and said, “On Overwatch.”<br/>I looked to David and said, “David, get the center.”<br/>   “Aye-aye,” and she got behind a car and said, “Bring it on.”  Then I heard more chittering and warbling, and I said, “Oh, this is not good.”  I suddenly heard a scream from down the street, then another one inside the building Kit sat by.  “I’m going in,” Kit said.<br/>“Kit, wait!” I called as I reached out with my arm.  I growled and looked up as another civilian jumped down and I asked, “Wolf, is everyone down?”<br/>   “One more Colonel!”  I looked back to the building Wolf entered, then I heard gunfire and Kit said, “Oh sh*t…”  I saw a civilian run out and back towards the Skyranger.  I saw Sam fly in after Kit and heard more gunfire.  “Yin,” I asked, “What’s happening?”<br/>“Sorry Colonel, no eyes.”<br/>“Wolf?  David?”<br/>   “Negative,” David replied.<br/>Wolf said, “Uh… He’s behind a-  Oh shit.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“Oh, never mind, he got it… Oh fuck…”<br/>“What?!”<br/>   “It’s a Chryssalid… and a Sectopod.”<br/>I gasped, then I frantically asked, “Are all the survivors down?!”<br/>“Yeah-” and I quickly retracted my hook and dashed down the street.  “Colonel!  Be careful!” Wolf called.  As I ran, I heard Kit yell, “Get offa me!”  I ran to see a Chryssalid chewing on his left arm, and he quickly brought his shotgun up to blast off its head.<br/>   Then I saw the Sectopod aim, and I yelled, “KIIIT!” and I raised my rifle.  ‘TANG!’  I looked to see the Sectopod veer, but it still launched its missile to send up a wave of dirt and wind that blew me back.  I coughed as I slowly stood up, then I called, “Kit!  Kit!”  I ran into the building and froze when I saw the roof and wall were reduced to rubble in a pile of debris.  “Kit!” I yelled, “KIT!”  I quickly blinked and opened both my eyes; I needed to find him with everything I got.<br/>   Then I slowly looked to the pile of the destroyed building, and I said, “No… No,” and I felt myself on the verge of tears.  I quickly shook them away and sprinted into the pile as I began to claw my way through all the crap.  I breathed heavily as I dug, even as my hands burned.  Then I saw the yellow tuft of hair.  I dug out larger armfuls faster to see the blue bandana and saw Kit was facedown in the rubble.  “Kit!” I yelled as I dug him out to his middle.<br/>   “Kit,” I said, “You with me bud?  Come on, wake up.”  I put a hand to his ashen face, but he wasn’t moving.  I quickly checked his pulse and breathing, but I couldn’t find traces of either.  I quickly pulled Kit out and dragged him out into the street.  “David!” I yelled, “Get over here!”  I laid Kit down and patted his face as I said, “Come on man, stay with me.”  David ran over and asked, “Pulse or breathing?”  I shook my head and she immediately knelt down and began CPR.<br/>   I slowly staggered up and said, “Kit… please.  Please wake up.”  I heard a whirring behind me and more rubble fall; the Sectopod.  I felt a calamity stir from inside me, my body becoming hot.  They killed them; Sofia, and now Kit.  The bastards.  I hate them.  I’ll never forgive them.  Never forgive…  I gave a low growl as I hunched over and slowly turned around.  “You…” I said.  The Sectopod stopped and squatted, aiming at us.<br/>   “You…” I repeated as I turned around completely to face the Sectopod.  “YOU!” I screamed as a wave of purple burst from me and sent the Sectopod into the wall.  I gave a roar as I dashed in, jumped into the air, and brought both my fists down to destroy the machine.  I suddenly heard a guttural roar, watching myself turn around and run into the streets.  I saw and heard everything come out towards me.<br/>   I roared to send out pulses of purple that sent them to the ground, and I immediately dashed up and beat them all to death or shot them in the head with my pistol.  Soon, I was left looking around, surrounded by bodies covered in goo.  Then I heard a whirring and looked to see another Sectopod march down the street.  I growled, my pistol now empty, and I angrily shoved it back into my holster.  The Sectopod remained cold and calm as it squatted down and aimed right over me.<br/>   “I’ll never forgive you!” I yelled again, “I’ll kill every single one of you!”  I suddenly held up my left hand to have a bright purple bolt form.  I gave another guttural roar as I threw the bolt with all my might to have it pass cleanly through the Sectopod.  The Sectopod whirred and crumpled, but then behind it, the street exploded to send a gust of wind back towards us.  “I hate you!  I HATE YOU AAAAAAAALLL!”  As I finished, I found myself hunched over as I panted both in anger and exhaustion.<br/>   “Hey.”  I froze as I heard the voice continue, “What’re you doin’ man?”  I slowly turned around to see Kit leaning on David as he stood holding his chest with an exhausted face.  “Kit…” I said.  I suddenly felt all the anger fade and I said, “Kit…” and I felt myself on the verge of crying again when Kit asked, “Is it time for the water works already?”<br/>“Shut up,” I replied as I quickly turned away, “I don’t cry.  You know that.”<br/>   “Right.”  Kit looked to a corpse and asked, “So, what’s all this then?  You have a tantrum while I was taking a nap?”  I suddenly found myself hugging Kit and reply, “I’m just glad you’re back you bastard.”<br/>“Yeah, got it,” Kit said as he patted my back.<br/>I stepped back and said, “Let’s get back then.”<br/>“You bet!”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Chapter 27</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I grunted as I opened my eyes and couldn’t move; I couldn’t even turn my head.  I looked around with my eyes to see I was in the infirmary, and I saw a nurse stand over me with an I.V.  I moaned and asked, “Where… am I?”<br/>The nurse gasped and called, “Doctor?  Doctor!” and she disappeared from my view.<br/>“Nice to… see you too,” I said as I strained myself to stay awake.<br/>   I tried to get up, but I couldn’t even lift my head.  “Hey, hey, take it easy,” I heard.  I looked to see one of the doctors from the MRI and I said, “I can’t move.  What’s going on?”<br/>“You’ve been in a coma for four days.”<br/>“Four days?” and I flinched as I tried to sit up and my muscles burned.<br/>“Don’t,” the doctor said as he put a hand on my shoulder.  “You’ll need full bed rest until you can get on a semi-solid diet.”<br/>   “What?  Just what the hell happened to me?”<br/>“Your body is showing signs of extensive exhaustion and overexertion.  Guess you went overboard by a ton.”<br/>“I see.”  As I struggled to keep my eyes open, the doctor said, “Good, you’re getting sleepy.  Get as much rest as you can.  It’ll speed your recovery.”</p><p> </p><p>   “… When will he wake up?”<br/>“He needs rest… not for a while.”<br/>“We… some questions…”  I groggily opened my eyes to continue hearing the blurred voices, and I asked, “What are you blabbering about?”<br/>“Jon,” I heard Vahlen say, “Are you alright?”<br/>   “I… I think so.”  I grunted as I made the back of my head lift off before I fell back in exhaustion.  As I lifted a hand from underneath the covers, Dr. Laavi put a hand down on top and said, “Stop moving.  Just rest.”<br/>“Well, I’m a lot better than before.  I couldn’t even turn my head.”<br/>“That bad?” Vahlen asked.<br/>   “Never mind about me.  How’s Kit?”<br/>“He’s fine,” Dr. Laavi replied.  “Recovered and back on duty.”<br/>I breathed a sigh of relief and replied, “Good.”<br/>Vahlen suddenly asked, “Jon, what happened out there?”<br/>“Huh?”  I looked up at the ceiling as I recalled fragments of running around and stomping in heads, and said, “That’s right.  I just, went all out, didn’t I?”<br/>   “It was more than just ‘all out’.  You’ve managed to get yourself bed-ridden from unleashing large amounts of psionic energy.  How did you do it?  I thought you had a hard time using your powers after the labs.”<br/>“Well, I guess it’s not hard now.”<br/>“This is serious.  Do you have any idea of the magnitude of your actions?”<br/>   “Huh?  What are you talking about?  You say that like I destroyed the city.”<br/>“You might as well have.”<br/>“Vahlen,” Laavi snapped, “That’s enough.”<br/>“What?” I asked firmly.  “What did I do?”  I heard paper rustle, then Vahlen stood over me as she held up a page of the destroyed city sector.<br/>   She put another picture in front of me and asked, “Ring any bells Colonel?”  I saw a road that had a massive crater that stretched to the surrounding streets with buildings barely left standing.  “I… I did that?” I asked, wide-eyed with horror.<br/>“Yes.”<br/>   She changed the picture and I saw all the carcasses of aliens; they were all mauled beyond recognition and only identifiable by their bodies and armour.<br/>“That’s enough,” Laavi said as he pushed away the pictures.  “You weren’t let in here to make his condition worse.”<br/>“You said…” I started, “You said if I did your experiments, I’d be able to control this.”<br/>   I glared at Vahlen and asked, “Is this what you meant by control?”<br/>“… No.”<br/>I just sighed as I laid back and closed my eyes, then I said, “Get out of here.  And don’t come to me about your problems anymore.  I’m done with you.”  How did this become such a cluster cuss?  I would’ve liked it better if my powers didn’t work at all after the labs; they just got more OP’d.<br/>   There’s gotta be a way; a way to get rid of this, get back to normal.  “… We will guide you.”  I froze as I heard the whispering continue, “So skilled with the Gift… Much more than we’d initially expected.”  No.  Go away.  I don’t want you, and I don’t want any other poor bastard to be a part of your toy collection.  I will kill you.<br/>“You will seek power… You just need to see the truth.  Open your eyes.”<br/>   I opened my eyes to find myself quite lucid, and that was when I found myself back in the darkness of the ship.  The green tanks seemed to be empty and the only source of green light was from the floor.  “They tried to kill you,” I heard, “We saved you.”<br/>“… Why?  Why me?”<br/>“You are the result of our past, and now you will lead us to the future.”<br/>   “… What do you want?  What do you want from me?”<br/>“We want you.”<br/>“My friends… they’ll come for me… and you’ll be sorry.”<br/>“Even when your friends are the ones that did this to you?”<br/>“…”<br/>“I guess we’ll have to keep going, until you see…”<br/>   I gasped as I blinked and opened my eyes, then I slowly lifted a hand to my face.  “About time you came around.”  I looked to see Kit in a t-shirt, his left arm bandaged, and I asked, “Your arm… Is it okay?”  He held it out and flexed his hand as he replied, “It’s fine.  I thought I’d finally get some attention, but you got hurt too.”<br/>“Heh, sorry if I took the spotlight.”<br/>   I brought an arm to my side to push myself up, and Kit quickly helped steady me up.  I asked, “So, did you see what I did?”<br/>“Yeah.  You were like friggin’ Hulk.”<br/>I rubbed my head and replied, “Sorry.  It’s just… I thought you were dead.”<br/>“Yet here I am,” Kit said as he beamed and spread out his arms.<br/>   I gave a light chuckle and replied, “Yeah.”  Then I sank back into my pit, making Kit ask, “Problem?”<br/>“… I’m not gonna get better.  I’m gonna get worse.”<br/>“Huh?  You mean… Hey, what you did, we get it.  I would’ve done it too.”<br/>“Yeah, but… how long is it gonna be until it’s not just aliens I’m gonna be killing, but other humans?  Or you?”<br/>   Kit slapped a hand onto my shoulder and said, “Hey, don’t think like that.  You’d never do that.  You may not know yourself, but I do, and so does everyone else.”  I took a breath as I pulled back my covers and moved with difficulty.  “Are you sure you should be trying that?” Kit asked.<br/>“I can’t let my body sit around any longer.  I want to move.”  As I tried to stand, my legs shook and I fell back onto my bed.<br/>   The pain in my legs numbed the feeling of my feet on the ground, and Kit came around to the other side and said, “Just keep resting.  You’re not ready.”<br/>“Like hell,” I replied as I glared at him, “I’m going to do this.”<br/>“… Not alone, you’re not.”  As I stood, Kit brought my arm around his neck and we both stood.  Kit grunted, “Damn, you’re heavy.”<br/>   “So are you.  You have any idea how hard I had to pull to drag your ass to David?”  I slowly took my arm away as I stood on my own and panted, then I stood up straight and said, “See?  I can stand.”<br/>“Okay.  You gonna sit back down now?”<br/>“Hey!”  We both looked to see another doctor run over, and I quickly fell back into my bed, my hands behind my head, and asked, “What?”<br/>   “I thought we made it clear that you need bed rest.”<br/>“I am getting bed rest.”<br/>“So you weren’t trying to run away?”<br/>I scoffed and replied, “Doc, I can barely stand.  How am I gonna run?  Don’t worry, we won’t cause trouble.  The worst you’ll see is a missing wheelchair.”<br/>   “Just stay in bed.  We can start you on physiotherapy after your examination.”<br/>“Hey, I don’t need therapy.”<br/>“And you won’t need it, if you pass the examinations.”<br/>“What kind of examinations?”<br/>   “Eh, probably just a follow-up on your physical.  Make sure there’s no permanent damage to your muscles.”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>“And maybe a mental check-up.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>   “Well, psionic soldiers go through a lot of changes.  We just wanna make sure you’re okay.”<br/>I scoffed again as I laid back and replied, “I don’t need that stuff.  It’s too much work.”<br/>“Come on man,” Kit said, “Maybe it’ll be good for you.”<br/>“If you want something to help me, get me a Sudoku book or something.”  Kit suddenly tossed the book onto my lap and said, “There ya’ go!”<br/>   I stared at the book, picked it up, then I said, “Pen.”  The doctor handed me one, which I took, and I clicked it out as I said, “I’ll be busy for… an hour or so.”<br/>“Kay,” Kit said, “I’ll catch you later.”<br/>“Yeah.”  As I wrote in the book, the doctor said, “Hand me your arm.  I need to change your I.V.”  I stuck out my right arm as I continued to write in the book with my other hand.<br/>   “Your writing’s gotten better, I see,” the doctor continued.<br/>“It’s always been okay.”<br/>“See what a little rest can do?”<br/>“Please.  I’m getting better because I’m not meant for a bed.”<br/>“Well, I’ll leave you to it then,” and the doctor left.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Chapter 28</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   In the examination room, I huffed as I lifted the three-pound weight with my right hand, and the doctor immediately took it out of my hand and wrote on his clipboard.  I sighed as I flexed my hand; I couldn’t lift any heavier weights like I used to.  “Alright, left hand,” the doctor said as he looked up from his clipboard.  “Start from the lowest weight.”<br/>“Yeah, yeah,” I said as I took a one-pound weight into my hand.<br/>   As I lifted heavier weights, my arm began to shake when I got to eight pounds.  The doctor took away the weight and said, “Okay.  I guess you’ve still got some recovering to do.”<br/>“Yeah right,” I replied.<br/>“Come on, don’t be like that.  You could lift twenty pounds with your left arm on a good day.”<br/>“Tch, I’ll get better.”<br/>   “Alright.  You can just wait here and someone else will be with you.”<br/>“Just make it quick.  I wanna get out of here.”  As the doctor left, I sat down on a chair with my hands behind my head.  As I sat back and relaxed, the door opened and I saw Dr. Laavi walk in and ask, “How are you feeling today?”<br/>“Fine.”<br/>   He closed the door and looked at me as he asked, “Fine?  You didn’t seem fine the last time we talked.”<br/>“What can I say?  I had time to think.”<br/>“So then, how do you feel?”<br/>“I told you, fine.”<br/>“Well… can you tell me something interesting about yourself?”<br/>   “… I thought I did tell you.”<br/>“No.  We… kind of sidetracked last time.  So tell me, is there anything interesting about you people wouldn’t know?”<br/>“…”<br/>“Is there anything you’ve wanted to know about yourself?”<br/>   I knew where this was going.  “You’re talking about something that’s been left behind in the past,” I replied, “Forget it.”<br/>“Can you?  After all, wasn’t it when it started for you?”<br/>“… No, actually.”  I looked Laavi straight in the eyes and asked, “Do you really want to know?  Are you that desperate to see what’s wrong with me?  So you can find out if you can fix me?”<br/>   “I’m not looking to fix you.  I’m looking to help you fix yourself.”<br/>“… If you’re all that insistent on bringing the past back up, fine.  It doesn’t matter to me.  Let’s open up these old wounds then, shall we?”  I sat back and said, “I’m not sure how old I was; maybe five or six.  I came back from hunting with my father.  I showed him what I thought was a magic trick.”<br/>“Magic trick?”<br/>   I held out my left hand, then I slowly let a faint purple orb form.  Dr. Laavi blinked and stared in awe at the orb until I slowly clenched my fist to let the orb disappear.  “He wasn’t proud,” I replied, “Or mad.  Just, worried.  I had never been around children my age much, so I didn’t think it was strange until my father told me what the world was like; how it can be.  I’ve seen his words come true as I grew.”<br/>“And what did he tell you it was like?”<br/>   “That it can be painful for those who aren’t viewed as normal.  Seen as ‘different’ or ‘special’.  The world would only see a deviation from the norm.  Whether it’s corrected…”  I gave a light scoff as I closed my eyes and continued, “Actually, it did happen once.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“I was able to keep my powers hidden for most of my life.  But from time to time it’d show itself; whether it was through emotion or by my own will, someone got hurt.”<br/>   “Is that what happened to those three boys?”  I sat in silence with a hand to my chin as I thought back to that moment.  “… They had it coming,” I replied, “Their little gang was nothing but a nuisance.  They died because they were fools.”<br/>“Do you think they would’ve attacked you if they knew?”<br/>   “They would’ve succeeded in killing me.  If they knew, they would have fear.  Fear… it’s a powerful and dangerous tool.  It starts wars, changes people into cold killers, and it can turn friends against each other.”<br/>“Is that what you think of the world?”<br/>   “I know it is.”  I met Dr. Laavi’s eyes and continued, “If people knew who or what I really was, they would have come to fear me.  The fear would fester and grow until they decided enough, and get rid of me.  It’s human nature to fear the unknown, because we’re not rational creatures; we always act on emotion, and we always will.”<br/>“… I never would’ve taken you for someone who spoke like this.”<br/>   “Yeah.  I guess it’s a part of me I don’t bring out much.  Then again, I don’t like to show it either.”  I looked off to the side and asked, “Are we done yet?  I wanna go train.”<br/>“One last question.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“Are you afraid?”<br/>   “Huh?  What kind of question is that?”<br/>“You said it yourself; fear makes us do terrible things to each other, that we’re emotional creatures.  So, do you have any fear?”<br/>“… No.  I’m a soldier.  I can’t afford to be afraid.  What’s there for me to be afraid of?”<br/>“Maybe losing a friend, dying, failing a mission-”<br/>   “I’m not afraid of any of that.”<br/>“Why not?”<br/>“Because I’m not gonna let it happen.”<br/>“It already did.  What about Sofia?  Are you just gonna forget about her?”<br/>“Don’t,” I said.  I was standing up.  “Don’t bring her into this.  She has nothing to do with it.”<br/>   “What if it happens again?  Are you going to be able to accept it with your mindset?”<br/>“It’s not gonna happen again.  I can’t let it.”<br/>I went for the door when Dr. Laavi said, “We’re not finished.  What do you mean ‘you can’t let it happen again?’”<br/>I kept my back turned as I said, “I can’t let it happen again.  I can’t watch it again.”<br/>   “Jon, I can’t imagine how hard it is, but sometimes you can’t control it because it’s life.”<br/>“… I know.  That’s why I hate it.”<br/>As I grabbed the door handle, I heard, “Jon.  Don’t.”<br/>“… I’m sorry, but… I’m bringing this to an end,” and I opened the door and walked out.</p><p> </p><p>   I stood on the third level of the Hangar, staring at the cave ceiling that was far away, and the floor that was equally far.  I let the draft of the cave brush through my hair and I went back to what happened to those boys.  I slowly opened my eyes to see flashing lights, and I carefully tried to push myself up, but I was being crushed.  “Hey, easy,” I heard a voice say in gruff Russian.<br/>   I heard the pipes thud as they were lifted off me, and I groaned as I slowly rolled onto my back and breathed.  “What are you doing here?” the voice continued as he shined his flashlight on me.<br/>“W-what?” and I shielded my eyes.  I saw a police officer kneel down and ask, “Why are you out here?”<br/>“I… I don’t know.  I was walking home then…”<br/>“Okay, well we need you to come with us.”<br/>   I saw the sky was dark, the orange street lights were on, and I asked, “Wait, what time is it?”<br/>“Don’t worry, it’s not too late.”<br/>“No, I need to get home,” and I quickly stood up, then I groaned and folded as my back and ribs ached.<br/>“Come on, take it easy.  Those pipes were pretty heavy.”<br/>I looked around and asked, “Where-” then I saw the blood splattered ground and more police.<br/>   I stared wide-eyed in horror and asked, “W-what is that?”<br/>“We were hoping you could tell us.”<br/>I turned to the officer and asked, “What?”<br/>“Come on, let’s get you out of here first,” and I was led to one of the cars.<br/>As I got into the back seat of a police car, I asked, “What time is it?”<br/>   “It’s quarter past six,” and the door was closed and he got into the front seat with his partner.  As we drove, I asked, “Am I under arrest?”<br/>“Just try to relax.  Nothing’s definitive right now.”  As we drove, the other policeman asked, “You’re Ryumin’s kid, right?”<br/>“Yeah,” I replied.<br/>“How’s your old man?”<br/>   I looked down as I replied, “He’s okay, I think.”<br/>“I heard he was sick.”<br/>“The doctors… don’t know.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“He’s not getting better, but they don’t know why.  They need more clues, so…”<br/>   “Just waiting, eh?”<br/>“Yeah.”  The car stopped and both officers got out, then one of them opened the door for me.  Soon, I was sitting in an office cubicle, all treated, and with a cup of tea in my hands.  “Are you okay?”<br/>I looked up in attention and asked, “Huh?”<br/>“What do you remember?”<br/>   I looked off to the side and replied, “Not much.”<br/>“I know.  This is a bit rough, but we need you to recall it, anything.”<br/>“Well… I was cutting through the yard on the way home.”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>“Then… I was trying to run.”<br/>   “Why?”<br/>“Those guys.  They were chasing me, and… I remember something, I don’t know.”<br/>“You can tell me, it’s okay.”<br/>“I think it was a gun.”<br/>“A gun?”<br/>   “Yeah.  I don’t remember the make though.”<br/>“It’s alright.  So, the gun, then what?”<br/>“I… It happened pretty quick.  I was on the ground, crushed by those pipes.  The rest is blank.  I don’t know what to say.”<br/>“It’s okay.  You’ve did good.”<br/>   The policeman closed his notebook and continued, “I’ll have someone take you home, get some rest.”<br/>“Thank you, but I’ll be fine on my own.”<br/>“You sure?  You were injured.”<br/>I drank down the tea and replied, “No, I’m good.  But if there’s anything you need, just give me a call.”<br/>“Right, thanks for everything.”<br/>   “Sure.”  When I walked out of the police station, I ran down the streets and back home.  I quickly took out my bicycle, turned on the lamp, and pedalled as hard as I could.  I remembered how the wind stung my face and my chest heaved with pain, but I kept going; I had to.  Soon, I reached the small hospital we had and jumped off my bike to park it.  I opened the door and panted as I walked in, drawing everyone’s attention towards me.<br/>   I walked up to the receptionist, who said, “Ah, Jon.  Are you here to see your father?”<br/>“Yes sir.”<br/>“Are you okay?  You’re later than you usually are.”<br/>“Yeah, my bad.”<br/>“Go right ahead, but make it short, it’s quite late.”<br/>   “Yes sir,” and I quickly walked into the back.  I walked into room 5 and saw my father, who stared at me as if he was waiting.  “Jon,” he said as he reached for me, “Come here.”<br/>I walked up and he said, “You’re not usually late.  Did something happen?”<br/>“…”<br/>“Come on son, don’t lie.”<br/>   I blinked, and I replied, “If I told you, you’d be ashamed.  I’ve done something horrible.”  My father slowly sat up and put his hands on my shoulders as he asked, “What is it?”<br/>“… I… I’m not sure, but… I hurt someone.”<br/>“Did you mean to?”<br/>   “No, of course not!” I suddenly said.  I quickly took a breath to calm myself down and continued, “It was Marco and his friends.  He had a gun and-”<br/>“A gun?!  Are you alright?”<br/>“I’m fine, but…”<br/>“What is it?”<br/>   “I think, I ended up killing them.”<br/>“… Is that why you were late?”<br/>“The police questioned me, but they don’t know how they… and I’m not sure either…”  My father was silent, then he said, “Take off your sweater.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>   “I said take it off.”  I sighed and unzipped my sweater, then peeled it off to reveal the thin lines on my right shoulder and my tricep.  “Remember when you did that?” he asked.<br/>I put a hand to my shoulder and replied, “Yeah, I do.  You don’t have to remind me.”<br/>“I’m making sure you don’t go back there.  You remember what I told you?”<br/>“… It doesn’t help.  It won’t fix anything.  That if I wanted change, I have to do it myself.”<br/>   “Learn from your mistakes so you can better yourself.  Don’t do it all over again.”<br/>“I know.”  I gripped my shoulder and looked at it; the lines were faded, but they were still there.  I pulled down my t-shirt sleeve and kept a hand over them.  I only told Sofia, but it was once, and I cut off that discussion.  I knew it wasn’t good, but I did it anyway.  I only wish my father didn’t find me when I was doing it.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Chapter 29</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   “Jon,” I heard Vahlen say.<br/>I quickly turned around from the Memorial Wall and asked, “What?”<br/>Vahlen walked up and said, “I heard you can use your powers more freely.”<br/>“… So?”<br/>“We were wondering if we could-” and I began to walk away.<br/>   “Hey, I wasn’t done!” she said.<br/>“I stopped listening.”<br/>“Jon.  I thought you said you’d do anything to be normal again.”<br/>“… I can’t be normal again.”<br/>“You don’t know that.  We could find a way to fix your eye, or at least make it…”<br/>   “No.  It’s too late.  Physically, I could go back to being normal, maybe, but how I live?  It won’t ever be normal.”  I stared down at my hand and said, “I’m stuck with whatever power this is, and all it’s good for is as a weapon.  You can’t change that.”<br/>“But, don’t you still want to try?”<br/>   I glared at Vahlen with my one eye with all my might as I asked, “Try for what?  Being somewhat normal?  No.  I’d rather live the rest of my life while it’s not messed up enough.”<br/>“Why do you keep thinking we’ll make it worse?  How do you know we can’t make you better?”<br/>“That’s the point!” I yelled.  “I don’t know, and it’s tearing me up!  I can’t take it anymore!  Just leave me be!” and I stormed into my room.<br/>   I angrily slammed the door to my room and sat on my bed as I put my hands to my head and panted.  What do I do?  “… We can fix you.”  I gasped as I quickly stood up, then I went to the metal box in my closet and pulled out my gun.  “What do you want?!” I wanted to yell, but I didn’t want anyone to hear me.<br/>“We can give you what you want.  Bring you back to normal.”<br/>   “… How?” I asked.<br/>“We made you.  We can fix you.”<br/>“Why the hell should I listen to you?”<br/>“… We know where she is… The one you long for… The Other.”<br/>My eyes widened as I gasped, and I asked, “Sofia?”<br/>   “… She is with us.”<br/>“Is she alright?”<br/>“… She needs you.”<br/>“W-what?”<br/>“She needs Another to resonate with.  Come to us.  We will find you.”<br/>   “…”<br/>“What’s wrong?  Don’t you want to save her?”<br/>“… I’ll save her alright, after I kill you all.”  I threw my gun into my closet and ran out my room.  I dashed past Vahlen, who was talking with Wolf, and headed straight to Control.  I had to tell The Commander; Sofia was alive.<br/>   As I ran in, I called, “Commander!  I have news!”  Everyone looked my way as I walked up to the Commander and said, “Sir, Sofia’s alive.”<br/>“What are you talking about Colonel?” Bradford asked.<br/>“Sofia… she’s still alive, but she’s in trouble.”<br/>“How are you so certain?”<br/>   How would I explain it?  That I’ve been hearing them talk to me?  “I…” I started, “Sort of like how Sofia found the Temple Ship with the Ethereal Device; by hacking into their communications.”<br/>“How?” the Commander asked, “Have you been using the Ethereal Device?”<br/>“No.  I guess I don’t need it.  Anyway, she’s alive.  We have to find her.”<br/>“How could they have gotten Sofia?” Bradford asked.  “This could be a trap.”<br/>   “I’ll go alone if I have to.  We have to try.”<br/>“Settle down Colonel,” the Commander said.  “Of course we’ll do everything we can, but we need to make sure we’re ready.”<br/>“Well how long is it gonna take?  Sofia might not have that time.”<br/>   Bradford said, “We have no idea where to look.  What to expect.”<br/>“I do.  Remember the Alien Base Assault?”<br/>“What?  You mean the one in Mexico?  That’s impossible.  We cleared it.”<br/>“There… There’s another one.”<br/>“What?”<br/>   “Commander,” a technician at a desk called, “We’ve found something.”  Bradford walked up to the computer and asked, “What is it?”<br/>“I’m not sure, but it looks like…” and the image was put up on the screen.  There was a grey compound in the middle of a white landscape.  “Where is this?” Bradford asked.<br/>“Alaska,” the man said, “It just came in from the satellites.  It’s not registered in any database or records.”<br/>   “That’s them,” I said.  “Look at that.  They just built themselves a new one.”<br/>“They’re not gonna give up, are they?” Bradford asked.<br/>“When can we check it out?”<br/>“That’s for the Commander to decide.”  We waited for the Commander, then we locked eyes and he said, “Go get ready.  I’ll send you the details over your phone.”<br/>   I smiled and said, “Yes sir,” and I quickly went to the armoury.  As I ran into the armoury and took out my rifle, I felt my phone vibrate and quickly opened it.  I grinned as I put on the Carapace armour and equipped my laser pistol.  “You pumped?”<br/>I looked to see Hank, and I replied, “You bet!”<br/>“Cool.”  I watched Kit and David walk in, then Jerry, and I said, “Guess they’re sending us all out, eh?”<br/>“Of course,” Kit said.  “We won’t fail this mission.”<br/>   Jerry said, “Careful Kit, don’t get too cocky.”<br/>“I just hope we don’t see any Chryssalids,” Hank said.<br/>“Why?  You scared?”<br/>“No.  I just don’t want Kit getting bit again.”<br/>“Shut up,” Kit said, “It won’t happen again.”<br/>   Wolf suddenly ran in and said, “Hey.  Sorry I’m late.”<br/>“What?” Kit asked, “I thought Sam was gonna be here.”<br/>“Same, but it’s been updated.”<br/>I checked my phone and I replied, “Damn,” and looked to Wolf as I continued, “They probably want you using your powers more.”<br/>“What about you?”<br/>   “I’ve got my reasons.”  I stood up with my rifle slung on my back and said, “Let’s go quick.  It’ll be a four-hour flight.”  As we boarded the Skyranger, Kit asked, “Anyone know what the deal is?”  Wolf looked to me and asked, “You want to tell them?”<br/>I looked away and replied, “You be my guest.  I’m gonna get some shut-eye.”<br/>“… He thinks Sofia’s there.”<br/>   “What?” Kit asked as he stirred from his seat.  “Really?”<br/>“The Colonel got the intel.  Judging from what we know about this base, it’s possible.”<br/>“What?  Since when did you get this ‘intel’?” Kit asked me, but I remained silent.<br/>“… He heard them,” Wolf said.<br/>“What?  Are you okay?”<br/>   “…”<br/>“Hey,” Kit said as I felt myself jerked.  I opened my eyes to meet Kit’s as he said, “Look, you’re not the only one who cares; the only one who wants to save her.  We all have that drive, okay?”<br/>“… Are any of you willing to lay down your lives for her?”<br/>“Of course!  She’s a comrade!”<br/>   I glared at Kit and replied, “I mean it.  Cause this is what can happen to you,” and I gestured to my scarred face, “Or have you forgotten that?”<br/>Kit let me go and sat back, then he replied, “I do mean it.  I don’t care if I’m ripped apart by… whatever.  I’m ready.”<br/>I looked ahead and said, “If the mission goes right, it won’t have to come to that.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Chapter 30</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I panted as I ran down to the end of the hall and stood at the door.  I pressed my back against the wall and said, “Clear so far.”<br/>“… In position,” Kit said.<br/>“Copy.  I’m gonna open it.”<br/>“Roger.”<br/>   I quietly deactivated the energy door and peeked in to see two Sectoid Commanders.  “Contact,” I whispered.  I slowly put out my rifle, startling the Sectoid Commanders, and they ran off to the sides.  “Blyat,” I said, “Those little bastards wanna play hide-and-seek.”  I stuck out my rifle further and aimed.  One of the Sectoid’s heads was barely visible.  I put my finger on the trigger and took slow breaths as I said, “Target in sight.”<br/>   “Alright, stand by,” the Commander said, “Kit, you got a better shot?”<br/>“No.  But I could do a Run-And-Gun.”<br/>“Not until we know that hall is completely clear.”<br/>“I can throw out a scanner,” Wolf said.<br/>“Alright.  Do it.”<br/>   I heard the scanner grenade beep and clatter as it was thrown and watched it roll out; nothing.  “We’re all clear Commander,” Wolf said.<br/>“Alright Walker, go,” the Commander said.<br/>“Aye, aye,” Kit said as he ran through the opposite door and ran further down the hall and his back against a pillar.  He faced both Sectoids as he aimed and fired his shotgun at the one that had appeared on my blind side.<br/>   “Oh yeah!” Kit said as he quickly reloaded.<br/>“Ryumin,” the Commander asked, “Can you take the shot?”  I fired to have the Sectoid thrown back, then I reloaded and replied, “Yes.”<br/>“Alright, advance,” The Commander said.  I watched Jerry and Hank run up, then David, and I took up the rear.<br/>   “Alright, this looks like the final chamber,” Bradford said, “Be careful.”<br/>“If anything, they should be careful of us,” I said as I aimed at the energy door.  David silently opened the door, and we ran in one by one.  As I took up the rear, I asked, “Where are they?”  Then I looked to the sides and saw the green glow of the surgery tanks.<br/>“Oh God,” David said, “You don’t think she’s in one of them, do you?”<br/>   I almost argued, but then I took a breath and replied, “No.  These guys are lab rats.  Sofia’s the equivalent of a VIP.  They wouldn’t just leave her in one of these; she’s much stronger than that.”<br/>“Got something,” Wolf said as he aimed ahead.<br/>“Where?” The Commander asked.<br/>“He’s barely visible.”<br/>   “Can you get him with Mindfray?”<br/>I saw Wolf lower his rifle, his face filled with doubt, then he replied, “Yes sir.”  Wolf took a breath as he put down his rifle, then he put a hand to his head and projected the purple energy.  We watched the energy travel, hit something, and we heard a screech as something fell to the ground.<br/>“Nice,” I said.<br/>   I advanced to the middle of the platform ahead to overlook a lower level and across to a computer.  “Is this it?” I asked.<br/>“Don’t let your guard down,” Bradford said.<br/>“You don’t have to tell me twice.”<br/>“… SSssshhaaaa…”<br/>   “What?” I asked.<br/>“What?  No one said anything.”<br/>“Never mind.  It’s nothing.”<br/>“…Eeeefffrrrrroooo… ssuuujjjjeeeh…”  I shook my head and forced myself to look down my rifle when I heard Wolf ask, “You okay Colonel?  Your breathing changed.”<br/>   “You hear anything?”<br/>“… I think so.  I thought it was just me.”  There was a roar and I suddenly saw three Muton elites.  “Ahh, der’mo!” I said.  “Muton Elites!”<br/>“I got them,” Jerry said, and I looked to see him haul his rocket launcher.<br/>“Whoa, easy there,” Bradford said.  “Vahlen and Shen might be able to pull information out of their computers.”<br/>   “We’re here for Sofia.”<br/>“Jerry, do as they say,” I said.<br/>“You too?  I thought you liked my fireworks.”<br/>“Save it!  We haven’t found her yet!  What if she isn’t here?!  The computers might have information!”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>   I sighed, then I looked and said, “Alright, I’ve got clear shots on all-” then I suddenly saw a faint glow behind them.  “What the-” and I saw a tall figure appear.  I sighed, then I said, “Well blyat.”<br/>“Ethereal too?  Damn,” Hank said.<br/>“We can take ‘em,” David said as she raised her rifle.<br/>“Then let’s dance,” I said as I put my finger on the trigger.<br/>   “Go for it,” the Commander said.  I aimed, then I fired, but then my rifle shifted and I made a clean miss.  “What the hell?!” I exclaimed.<br/>“Jon!  Behind you!”  I turned to see a Sectoid Commander bleeding from its head.  The Sectoid from before; it was still alive.<br/>“Didn’t I kill you?” I asked.  The Sectoid chittered as the energy continued to radiate into me, and I had a hard time moving.<br/>   “No, you don’t,” I said, “You’re not the only one who can do that.”  As I pushed back, the Sectoid struggled, then I sensed another power, much stronger, come into battle.  I grunted as I held my head and looked back to see the Ethereal was focused on me.  “Goddamn you…” I said.  “Goddamn you all!”  The energy only became stronger and I groaned as it began to overwhelm me.  “Jon!  Jon!”<br/>“Colonel!” Wolf yelled.<br/>   I groaned and fell onto my knees as I saw flashes and heard, “You will never find her… Unless you join us.”<br/>“… No,” I strained.<br/>“Haven’t you had enough of the ones who are always failing you?  And while you waste your time with them, she suffers…”<br/>   “… Jon.”  I gasped as I recognized that rasping voice.<br/>“Sofia?” I asked.<br/>“Jon, please.”<br/>“Sofia.  Sofia I’ll find you, I promise.”<br/>“Please… come to me.”|<br/>   Then I suddenly saw images; a pale, thin person strapped down on a table, barely awake, suffering.  I saw the band of white hair; no.  “If you want it to stop, come with us, now.”<br/>“… I…”  The Sectoid in front of me suddenly exploded as it was shot, making me stumble back and I heard, “Jon!  Snap out if it, will ya’?!”  I looked to see everyone struggling to fight against the Muton Elites, and I quickly brought up my rifle and aimed.<br/>   “You do this, and there is no turning back,” I heard.<br/>“… Please.  Just spare them.”  I fired and dropped the first Muton Elite.  “They’re my friends,” I continued as I reloaded and aimed at the second Muton Elite.  I pressed the trigger to drop the second one, then I saw the third one was taken out by David.  I aimed at the Ethereal and said, “Just go.”<br/>“… We will have you,” then the Ethereal suddenly disappeared.<br/>   I felt the power again as I saw another image; I was standing in the snowy field, watching the Ethereal walk into the veil of snow and wind.  “You will come to us, won’t you Jon?”<br/>“…”  I fell back and held my head as I panted and processed what just happened.  Where am I?  “Jon!” I heard as Kit ran up.  “You okay?”<br/>   I just sat with my head down and my eyes closed as I continued to process, then he tapped my shoulder and said, “Come on, let’s go.”  I opened my eyes to see his hand out at my side, but I stood up on my own and walked past him without another word.</p><p> </p><p>Gunfire.  <em>“Hurry,”</em> I heard the voice call.  <em>“We must hurry.”</em>  I groaned as my chest continued to stab with pain and everything was out of focus.</p><p> </p><p>   I wore a hardened face and steeled my mind and heart as I packed my bag in my room.  I crept out and went to the armoury, lifting my rifle off the rack.  I sat on the bench with resting against me and on my lap; did I really want to do this?  No, I need to do this, for her.  I gripped my rifle and slung it on my back.  As I walked to the entrance, I heard, “And where are you going?”<br/>“… Out.”<br/>   “Where?”<br/>“Around.  Go back.”<br/>“… Why?  Why won’t you let us help?  Why do you keep pushing us away?”<br/>“I…” I stood with my back turned, tears welling up in my eyes as I clenched my fists.  “I don’t want you to get hurt.”  That’s what I wanted to say, but I couldn’t find the motivation to get it out.  “Goodbye,” I said as I continued to walk.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0031"><h2>31. Chapter 31</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Hey all.  This chapter can be a bit confusing, since a lot happens.  Feel free to ask questions for clarification, but as more chapters are uploaded it may or may not make sense.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   The green lab and the smell of chemicals was starting to come back to me.  <em>“No!  Not yet.  We’re almost there.”  </em>I felt a cold hand caress my face as they continued, <em>“Almost… We’re out of time now.”</em></p><p> </p><p>   “Jon!”  I looked up to see a cliff to my left, the area nothing but barren dirt and tufts of dried grass.  That’s right; I left.  It was all so hazy and distant, it almost feels like it never even happened.  A dream.  That’s right, it all felt like a dream.  I couldn’t believe what was happening; I was just on autopilot.  I slowly turned back and opened both my eyes to see them; Kit, Hank, Jerry, Wolf, and David.  Of course they came.<br/>
   My head tilted slightly to the side as I said, “Oh.  It’s you.”<br/>
“Yeah, of course it us!  Who else did you think it would be?” Kit growled.<br/>
“Maybe an assassin.”<br/>
“Shut up!  Just come home!”<br/>
“… I thought you said you were ready.”<br/>
   “What?”<br/>
“To save her.  You said you’d lay down your life.  Now that it’s come to it, I’m the only one going through with it, as always.”<br/>
“You think she’d want you to do this?”<br/>
“She needs me to do it.  I didn’t expect you to understand.  If you’d just seen what I’ve seen, but even then…”<br/>
   I slowly began to turn away and Kit yelled, “Hey!  HEY!  I’m not done talking!”<br/>
“Well I’m done listening.”<br/>
“What’s happened to you?!  You hate them!  Every single one of ‘em!  And now that’s it’s come down to this, you’re going to them?!”  The fools.  I found myself laughing as I covered my face, and I replied, “Of course I still hate them.”<br/>
   “But then why-”<br/>
“Why am I going to them?  Simple.  They can fix me.  Then I’ll save Sofia, as a human.  When they’ve nothing else to offer, I’ll rip them apart.”<br/>
“… So that’s it then?”  I heard Kit’s voice weaken as he continued, “You’re just gonna let them do this?  What happens after then, huh?!  Do you even care?!”<br/>
   “… Nothing happens after.”  I stared up at the grey sky and continued, “I’ll live, and continue living.  Just living.  I don’t care anymore, and I don’t want to.”<br/>
“Quit being stupid and come back!”<br/>
“… How could you understand?”<br/>
   I turned back around and asked, “How could you possibly understand what it’s like?!  To grow up knowing you’re different, still believing you can be normal, only to have it be some cruel joke?!  You think I asked for this?!  I didn’t!  I didn’t choose this; not me, not Sofia, not Wolf, not anybody!”  The air around me suddenly bellowed outwards and sent up a wave of dust.<br/>
“Colonel, we’ll save her as a team!” Wolf said.  “Why do you always insist on being alone?!”<br/>
   I took a step to the cliffside and looked at the waters as I replied, “Because I’m meant to be.  Ever since I learned what I had, this power, I knew it wouldn’t do any good.  I’ve never been able to be loved by many, or love them back.  Those that have, I’ve lost, and I’m sick and tired of it.  And unlike you, I’m actually going to do something about it.”  I turned away again and began to walk away, then I heard, “Jon!  Jon, stop!  JON!  I’m begging you!”<br/>
   TANG!  I took another step and stopped, then I slowly turned around for the last time to see Wolf with his rifle held up, looking away and crying.  I looked down to see I had already brought a hand up to the hole in my chest; a clean hit.  I gave a light exhale as I gave a faint smile, then I said, “Whadya’ know?  You actually did it.”<br/>
   I felt the pain with my next breath, my chest growing heavier and more painful with each second quickly.  It wasn’t as slow as I thought it’d be.  I suddenly fell onto a knee and watched the red drip, tasting blood in my mouth.  I saw them move and I held up a hand and stood up, staggering towards the cliff edge.  I looked out to the waters and said, “Nice job shooting me… but you really should make it a…”<br/>
   I swayed as the wind blew and I felt myself leaning forward.  “JON!”  As I fell, I watched the blue grow closer and closer, the wind wrapping around me as I fell freely.  If I could stay in this moment, then there was nothing tying me to this earth; nothing mattered, I didn’t care, I didn’t feel, and there was nothing.  As it became darker, slowly suffocating me and bringing me down further, the cold enveloped me; I was dying.<br/>
   As I began to close my eyes, I suddenly saw purple; not just a colour, but a glow.  I slowly turned and peered weakly to see something come towards me, or was I moving towards it?  As I looked closer, I saw a large orb that was a beautiful warm, light purple.  I reached towards it, and that was when I recognized it.  “Sofia…” I mouthed.  It became too cold, too hard for me, and I let my eyes close and body continue to sink into the dark.<br/>
   Then I felt myself fall; I felt an arm released as I leaned forward, then the other.  Something caught me as I fell forward and I coughed as I struggled to breathe and tried to stand.  Whatever it was, it was wrapped around me and trying to hold me up, but I couldn’t stand.  My legs were too weak and wouldn’t allow it.  “<em>Jon!</em>  <em>Jon! </em> Jon!” I heard faintly.  I continued to cough and panted to feel my chest heave painfully and I continued to hear, “I gotcha man, I got you.”<br/>
   Kit?  I put a hand to my chest to feel the bandages.  That’s right, I got shot.  “See?” I heard the Ethereal whisper, “This is what they did to you.  They tried to kill you.”<br/>
“No!  Jon!”<br/>
“They forsook you.”  I looked up and found myself kneeling on the floor of the dark ship, and I saw Kit and David held back by two Mutons.<br/>
   “Finish them.”  There was a thudding noise as I saw my SVDK in front of me, and I looked up to my side to see the Ethereal say, “Kill them.”  I slowly grabbed my rifle, stood up, and glared straight at Kit.  “Jon!” Kit yelled.  “Whatever they did, fight it!  They’re lying!”<br/>
“They’re the ones who are lying.  Kill them!”<br/>
I looked up to the Ethereal once again and said, “I understand.”<br/>
   I smoothly raised my rifle to Kit, and fired to knock a Muton back as I hit it in the head.  I quickly reloaded and fired to hit the second Muton, then I heard, “What are you doing?!  They tried to kill you!”  I immediately turned and drove my fist into the Ethereal’s body, making it crumple down, and I said, “If you thought you could trick me like that… then you really are scum.”  I leaned in and growled, “They’re my friends; I know them.  They would never put a bullet in my back like that.  I enjoyed your little puppet show, but I’m gonna have to end it.”<br/>
   “Wait!  Stop!  No-” and I brought up my rifle and fired again to blast off the Ethereal’s head.  As the Ethereal’s body fell into a puddle on the floor, I panted and lowered my rifle, then I looked to Kit and David, and I asked, “What happened?”<br/>
“… Well,” Kit started, “You were taken, after that Cyberdisk stunned you.”<br/>
   I stood stunned as I recalled that mission, and I asked, “So… everything after that… it was just,” and I looked to the surgery table behind me.  “Come on man,” Kit said as walked up and took my arm.  “Let’s go home.”<br/>
“… Yeah.”  I took his hand and said, “Also, I wouldn’t mind if you told me what went down.”</p><p> </p><p>   I actually had a much harder time walking than I thought.  My rifle was slung over my back and I kept a hand on my bandaged chest while my other arm was wrapped around Kit’s neck.  “Hey,” I asked, “I know you guys didn’t shoot me, but then how did I get this?” and I gestured to my chest.<br/>
“Huh?  Just what have you been high on?  They were doing a bunch of fucked up shit to you.  Who knows what they did.”<br/>
   “Thanks.”<br/>
“Don’t worry.  We’ll get you checked out back home.”  As we walked up to the Skyranger, a harness was thrown down, which I strapped on and tied on a rope.  I sat back as I let myself be pulled up, and I looked up to the Skyranger, leaving the alien base behind.  I grunted as I was pulled up by Hank, who said, “Hey, hey, look who we got here!”<br/>
   I groaned as I rolled onto my back and panted.  “You good bro?” Hank asked as he patted my shoulder.  I quickly realized how much pain my body was in, and I replied, “Not really.  Feels like I was in a blender.”<br/>
“Are the others back?” Kit asked as he climbed in.<br/>
“Not yet,” Hank replied.  “But they should be here in a few.”<br/>
   As Kit climbed in, he looked down at me and asked, “Hey, wanna go strap down?”  I honestly didn’t feel like moving.  “You go ahead,” I said.  “I… kinda wanna lay here for a bit.”<br/>
“Come on, don’t be like that.  There’s a bed in here for you and everything.”<br/>
“Come on, I don’t feel like-” and Kit picked my up by the shoulders and began to drag me.  I groaned as Kit said, “Come on, almost there.”<br/>
   As I was laid down, I heard, “Colonel!”  I looked to see Wolf run up and say, “Thank goodness you’re okay!”<br/>
“Eh, not really.  So…”<br/>
“What?”<br/>
“Did you get Psionic powers?”<br/>
   “What?  How did you…”<br/>
I laid back and said, “At least they got that right.”<br/>
“What?”<br/>
“Never mind, it’s nothing.”  I heard the last pair of heavy footsteps walk up and I looked up to see Jerry say, “Glad we found you at last.”<br/>
   “Yeah, nice to be back.”  Kit hauled me up and said, “Come on, let’s get you on the bed.”  I laid back on the blankets and let Kit put on the straps.  I felt the Skyranger lift, then I asked, “How long was I gone?”<br/>
“… About a month,” Kit replied.<br/>
“Huh.  And you said it was from the last mission when I got tased?”<br/>
   “Yeah.”<br/>
I groaned as I laid back, and Kit asked, “What’s wrong?”<br/>
“My head’s trying to wrap around this.  It felt much longer.  It was like, two, three months?  Man, I can hardly even remember it at this point.”<br/>
“Just get some rest.  We’ll deal with it another time.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. Chapter 32</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   “About time you got out.”  I looked to see Nikolai stand over me with his hands in his pockets, and he gave a grin.  “Good to see ya’ back!”<br/>“… You… That’s right, you…”<br/>“Hmm?  Me what?”<br/>“I should’ve known.  You… You were never there.  All that time I was in there, you were gone.”  Nikolai sighed, then he said, “I suppose I should let you get up, so wake up.”<br/>   I slowly opened my eyes, then I coughed as I felt the dryness of my mouth and throat.  My abdomen and chest pierced with pain as I coughed, making me fold as I coughed, and I slowly rolled onto my side.  “Jon,” I heard.  “You okay?  Here, try to drink something.”  I blinked and saw David hold a cup to me.  I took the cup, seeing the bandages on my wrists, and drank down the water to wake up a bit more.  I gasped and shook off the grogginess, then I asked, “What’s going on?”<br/>   “We’re back at base,” David explained.  “You’ve been out for a few hours.  You should try to get some more rest.”<br/>“No,” I said as I sat up.  “Just show me my charts.”<br/>“Huh?  I’m not-” and I reached to the foot of my bed and grabbed the clipboard.<br/>“Hey, no!” she said as she tried to take away the clipboard.  “You should get more rest.”<br/>   “I’ve had enough sleep,” and I flipped through the papers to see a lot of data that seemed like another foreign language.  I went to ‘Summary:’ and read, 'Acute malnutrition and sleep deprivation as prisoner of war.  Patient has signs of surgery on multiple areas on body, as well as signs of treatment.  Scans for future evaluations.'<br/>“Alright, give it here,” I heard as the clipboard was taken away.<br/>   I looked to see Dr. Laavi and asked, “You plan more tests?”<br/>“Not for a few more days,” he replied.  “Your body’s still too weak.  We need you to recover.”<br/>“I feel fine,” and I pulled back the covers as I held my right thigh.  I rubbed the area to feel bandages, then I asked, “Guess those freaks did a lot to me.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>   “The aliens.  Ugh, gotta sweat it off,” and I stood from my bed.<br/>“Whoa, time out,” David said as she steadied me.<br/>“No.  I’m hungry.  Gotta get something to eat.”<br/>“How are you standing?”<br/>“On my legs.  Later,” and I headed for the door when David grabbed my hand and said, “We’ll go together, and get you dressed in more normal clothes.”<br/>   I looked down at the hospital clothes, then I replied, “Fine.”  As I took off my shirt and wore a new one, I saw more bandages on my right arm, then I shook out the shirt I was given and began to slip it on when Dr. Laavi said, “Wait.”<br/>“Huh?” and I kept myself frozen as the shirt was on my head.  I felt him unwrap the bandages on my chest, then I took off the shirt and asked, “What?”<br/>   “It’s gone,” Laavi said as he peered at the center of my chest.  I took a step back and put a hand to the bare skin, and I asked, “What’s gone?”<br/>“The surgery marks.”<br/>“… Right.”  I quickly slipped on my shirt, then I said, “Yeah, putting on pants.  So, go away.”  Dr. Laavi stepped out of the curtained room that surrounded me and the bed.<br/>   As I finished dressing up, I stared at the bandages on my wrists, then I slowly took the end and unwrapped it to see my wrists were undamaged.  As I rubbed my wrists, I drew back the curtains and stepped out to say to David and Laavi with my arms wide open, “See?  Recovered.”  Then I saw the bandage on my left arm and unwrapped it to see it was also normal.  I threw the bandages back onto the bed and said, “Alright, I think we can-” and Laavi suddenly took my wrists and examined them.<br/>   Then he took my left arm and lifted it as he looked around it and said, “Impossible.”<br/>“… You having fun there?” I asked.<br/>He looked up at me and asked, “How’s this possible?”<br/>“Huh?  What?”<br/>“Your injuries.  They’re non-existent.”<br/>   I stuffed my hands in my pocket as I turned away and replied, “What can I say?  I guess I’m just that awesome.  David, we going or not?” and I waved for her to follow as I began to walk.  As I stepped out of the infirmary doors, David walked up to me and asked, “Aren’t you worried?”<br/>“About what?”<br/>“How all your injuries healed in just a few hours?”<br/>   I shrugged and replied, “I don’t know how bad it was.  I wasn’t exactly given a mirror during all this.  All I know is I’m starving.  So let’s get something to eat.”  As I walked into the lounge, the chatter in the lounge began to die down as everyone began to look towards me.  I glanced at everyone, then I put on a face that said, “I don’t care” as I walked up to the bar.  I sat on a stool, making Greg exclaim, “Oh my God!”<br/>   “Well, not quite,” I replied.<br/>“You’re alive!”<br/>I looked off to the side, then I replied, “Yeah.  Why wouldn’t I be?”<br/>“We all heard you were taken.  Are you alright?”<br/>“Not exactly.  I’m starving, so I’ll take whatever you can cook up as fast as possible.”<br/>   “So… seafood’s okay?”<br/>“Okay, anything except that.”<br/>“What’s wrong with seafood?” David asked.  “It’s delicious.”<br/>“Then you obviously don’t know the Colonel here,” Greg replied.  “He hates-”<br/>“Okay, we get it,” I said quick.<br/>   “It’s good to see you back,” and Greg patted me on the shoulder as he walked into the back.  I turned to David and asked, “People thought I was dead?”<br/>“Well, we’ve heard that people who are taken are usually experimented on and killed as a result.”<br/>“Oh come on!  What about Anna Sing?”<br/>“Well, she escaped while they were trying to take her.  Also, it was within days of her kidnapping; you were gone for an entire month.”<br/>   “Whatever.”  As I sat back, I heard murmuring voices, then I heard, “He’s probably some kinda freak now.”  I turned and glared at one of the men on the couches, making him turn away from me.  I began to rise when my hand was grabbed, and Wolf said, “Don’t.”  I looked at the man, then I huffed and sat down again.  “When did you get here?” I asked Wolf.<br/>   “Just now.”  As I rubbed my hands, Wolf said, “Relax.  You’re making them more nervous.”<br/>“Like I care.”<br/>“They’re not even talking.”<br/>“What?” I asked as I looked at Wolf.<br/>“What are you guys talking about?” David asked.<br/>   Wolf explained, “Those are their thoughts.  If they’re strong enough, they can be heard.”<br/>“Ugh, that sounds annoying,” I replied.<br/>“Just ignore them.”<br/>“Ignore what?” David asked.<br/>“Nothing,” I said to her.<br/>   Greg walked out and said, “Here you are,” and he put down a plate of syrniki, sliced kolbasa, and an omelette with vegetables.  “Enjoy,” Greg said.  Then he asked Wolf and David, “Anything for you two?”<br/>“Just some orange juice,” David replied.<br/>“Nothing for me,” Wolf said.<br/>   As Greg poured David her glass, I asked Wolf, “So what do you do?”<br/>“Ignore them.  Hope they don’t bother me.”<br/>“Seriously?”<br/>“Hey Colonel,” I heard another soldier say as he wrapped his arm around my neck.  “So, it’s true, you’re really back,” the soldier continued.<br/>   I pushed off the soldier’s arm as I replied, “Yeah?  So?”<br/>“So, how did you survive?  Did you escape?”<br/>Another soldier said, “I heard they still found him while they were probing him.”<br/>“Really?  So he’s been used as their little experiment?”<br/>   “Hey, watch it,” I said, “You’re talking to a Colonel.”<br/>“I bet they put some kinda tracker or mic on him so they can keep watch on all of us.”  One of them suddenly yelled in my ear, “Hey!  You hear us in there?!” then I was slapped in the back of the head, and the men began to laugh.  I found myself growling as I was held back by Wolf.  “Let me go!” I yelled, “I’ll tear them apart and teach everyone here what happens when you piss me off!”<br/>   “Colonel, calm down!”  I began to drag Wolf as I walked towards the group of soldiers, then David yelled, “How is he still moving with all of us holding him down?!”  I continued to growl as I tried to charge towards the group of taunting soldiers.  Kit was suddenly in my face and greeted, “Hey!” and he pet my hair.  “Kit, get outta the way.”<br/>“Come on, your meal’s getting cold.”<br/>   “I’ll enjoy it cold after I teach those guys a lesson.”<br/>“I’ll take care of that.”  The soldiers suddenly screamed as they were lifted by their underwear by Sam.  Kit grinned and snickered as he asked, “How do you like Sam’s new upgrade?  He can lift up to seven hundred pounds now.”  He looked back to me and asked, “Okay?”<br/>   I glared at the soldiers, who were dropped onto the floor clutching their asses; I only wish I got the chance to do that.  “… Fine,” I replied.  As I walked back to the bar, I realized how many people were trying to hold me back; there was Wolf, David, Greg, and another soldier.  “All you guys couldn’t stop me?” I asked and gave a chuckle as I walked past them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. Chapter 33</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I sighed as I groggily sat up in my bed, then looked around to realize I was in the infirmary.  That’s right; they wanted me under ‘observation’ before they could let me free 110% without worry.  I yawned and realized how sleepy I still was, then I laid back down and closed my eyes.  “Jon?”<br/>“Hmm?”  I opened my eyes to see Dr. Laavi, and I sat up and asked, “What?”<br/>“You sleep okay?”<br/>   “I need some more.  Feels like I haven’t gotten any sleep.”<br/>“Well, we need to run a few more tests today.”<br/>“On what?”<br/>“See if there are any more signs of surgery or experimentation, so we’re doing a full body scan.”<br/>“Right.  If you find anything weird, remember to pull it out of me,” and I laid back down.<br/>   “Come on, you’ve been asleep for twelve hours now.”<br/>I quickly sat up and said, “Sh*t!” and I quickly made sure the curtains were drawn and got dressed.<br/>“What’s wrong?” Laavi asked.<br/>“I’m supposed to be training.  Gotta get back into shape.”<br/>“Don’t worry about that.  We have exercise sessions all planned out-”<br/>   “I’m exercising with the guys.  Your sessions are boring.”  I quickly tied my shoes, then I waved as I said, “Later!” and tried to run when my arm was suddenly grabbed.<br/>“What if you end up making it worse?” Laavi asked.  “We don’t know if there’s anything wrong with you yet.  Hold it off until we’ve at least done some preliminary screening.”  Geez, he was annoying.  “Fine,” I replied as I took out my phone and texted him, “Gonna be held up.  Doc wants to do tests.  Do whatever until I get back to you.”<br/>   I put away my phone and replied, “You got three hours.”<br/>“Alright.  We’ll start with an MRI.”<br/>“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute.  I don’t have any shrapnel in my body, do I?”<br/>“Don’t worry, they’re not magnetic.”<br/>“Oh, right.  You told me that.”<br/>“Huh?  When?”<br/>   “Oh, wait.”  I groaned as I realized how I was mixing up realities and replied, “Forget it.  Let’s just do these stupid tests quick.”<br/>“Okay.  First we’ll give you the dye intravenously.”<br/>I sighed and whispered, “Goddammit.”  It had to be needles.<br/>“What was that?”<br/>“Nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>   Dr. Laavi wore a serious face as he examined the scans with another doctor when the door suddenly opened.  Dr. Laavi turned and said, “Commander!”<br/>“At ease,” The Commander said, “I was just curious on how Jon is doing.”<br/>“You seem quite concerned.”<br/>“Of course.  I need the best in top shape to set an example for the others and show the world what we can do.  So, how is he?”<br/>   “I’m not sure,” Dr. Laavi replied as he turned back to the scans.  “We had more information with our first evaluation of him when he was first admitted.  He’s healed fast.  Too fast.”<br/>As Dr. Laavi put up another picture of a scan, The Commander asked, “What’s that mean?”<br/>Dr. Laavi pointed at the scans and explained, “This was when he was first admitted.”  He pointed to a cleaner scan and replied, “This is today.”<br/>   The Commander peered at the two scans, and said, “They’re completely different.”<br/>“It’s not just the scans.”  Dr. Laavi took down the photos as he continued, “He’s still mentally traumatized.”<br/>“How do you know?”<br/>“He’s been screaming… in his sleep.”<br/>   The Commander sighed and asked, “Does anyone else know?”<br/>“Just us doctors.”<br/>“Will you be able to help him?”<br/>“That depends on him.  He needs to want to get better.  Otherwise, it’ll be pointless.”<br/>“Well, what’s he doing now?”<br/>   “What he should be; being with his friends, being himself.  I recommend that Colonel Jon Ryumin is put on temporary suspension.”<br/>“We need every best man we’ve got.”<br/>“If you don’t, you will lose him.”<br/>“… Alright.  Then we’ll need some new faces around here.”</p><p> </p><p>   “… Forty-four… forty-five… forty-six… forty-seven…”  I grunted as the chanting faded out and continued to do pull ups with only my left arm.  “Forty niiinneee, come on!” Hank said as he shook his fists.  My arm began to shake as I slowly pulled myself up, then I yelled as I brought myself up past my chin, making everyone erupt and cheer.  I quickly jumped down and panted as I shook out my arm.  “Yeah!  That’s my man!” Hank said as he held up his right hand.<br/>   I brought up my right hand and we both clasped our hands as we slapped them together.  “Alright,” I breathed, “Five kilometer run?”<br/>“You mean three miles?” Kit asked.<br/>“I thought you were Canadian.”<br/>“Yeah.  I’m just messing you.”<br/>   “Alright, five for everyone, six for Kit.”<br/>“Whoa, hey.  Sorry, okay?”<br/>“Seven kilometers.”<br/>“Hey!  You’re not my boss anymore!  No more Officer of Hell!”<br/>“Ten kilometers?” I asked as I smirked.<br/>“No!”<br/>   I slapped Kit on the back and said, “I’m just joking.  I don’t even know if I can manage five.”<br/>“Well how about this?  If you can’t make it all the way, I’ll carry you.  Piggyback style.”<br/>“In your dreams.  Let’s go out!” and I led everyone out of the gym.  Soon, I had run outside with Kit, Hank, and Jerry.  I stood and looked back to see Wolf, Yin, and a few other soldiers had come out, and I asked, “You guys joining us?”<br/>   “Yes sir,” Wolf said.<br/>“Alright, but we’re not going easy.  Come on then, let’s go!” and I waved my arm to lead everyone around the base.  As we ran around the base for half an hour, I was still able to lead, then I glanced back to see a few of the soldiers dragging their feet.  “Come on!” I yelled.  “Just a little longer!”<br/>“How long have we run?” Jerry asked?<br/>I took out the counter from my pocket and replied, “About four kilometers.  Last stretch!”<br/>   When we finished, I took a few breaths and asked, “Everyone good?” and I looked back to see a few people bent over and panting heavily.  “Dude,” Kit breathed, “You’re not dying.”<br/>“Yeah.”  He was right, and I normally sucked at running.<br/>“What can I say?” I joked, “Maybe I’m just more awesome.”<br/>“Yeah right!”<br/>   I sighed and said, “Well, that was a good workout.”<br/>“I need a drink.”<br/>“Same.”<br/>Kit turned to the soldiers and announced, “Drinks on me for everyone then!”  Everyone cheered as we walked back inside.<br/>   In the lounge, I sat at the bar with Kit, Hank, and Jerry, drinking milk from my mug, and Kit asked me, “Finally having some beer now?”<br/>“Sure.”<br/>“I bet it’s just milk,” Hank said.<br/>“Shut up.”<br/>   “The Commander!” someone yelled.  I quickly put down my mug and joined everyone in saluting The Commander.  “At ease everyone,” the Commander said.  “I just came to see how our soldiers are doing.”<br/>The Colonels and I all replied, “We’re fine, sir!”<br/>“Ah, Colonel Ryumin…”<br/>I took one step out and said, “Colonel Ryumin, sir.”<br/>   “It’s good to see you well.”<br/>“Thank you sir.”<br/>“Take care of yourself, will you?”<br/>“Of course sir.”  Then the Commander went up to a group of soldiers and asked, “How about you?  Have you all been following orders?”<br/>   “Of course sir.”  It was the group of soldiers who pissed me off yesterday.<br/>“Good.  Make sure you all get along.”<br/>“Sir!”<br/>Then the Commander walked up to the bar and whispered something to Greg, and Greg nodded as he continued to clean the glasses.<br/>   The Commander turned to us all and said, “Well, everything seems to be in order.  Continue with your activities.  Oh, and you’ll be getting some new comrades,” and he walked out of the Barracks.  As soon as the Commander left, all the soldiers exhaled as then tension broke; even I took a deep breath as I relaxed.  As I turned back to sit down and drink my milk, I continued to hear the soldiers murmur, “Can you believe the Commander came here?  … I bet it was just to make sure the Colonel was okay… Does he know about yesterday?”<br/>   “Hey,” Kit said as he slapped me on the back.  “Nice poker face.”<br/>“Sure.”<br/>“Try lightening up, will ya’?”<br/>“How?  It’s the Commander.”<br/>“The Commander’s pretty cool.”<br/>“I’ll take your word for it.”</p>
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<a name="section0034"><h2>34. Chapter 34</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   “Why the hell do I have to sleep here?” I asked as I laid back in the observation room.<br/>As a nurse put electrodes on me, Dr. Laavi said, “We noticed strange brain waves while you sleep, so-”<br/>“Wait, you measured my brain waves?”<br/>“Yes, while you slept yesterday.”<br/>“Thanks for telling me.”<br/>   “We’ll try to make this the last day we hold you.”<br/>“Damn better be.  I like my room,” and I tugged my shirt to get comfortable with the electrodes.<br/>Dr. Laavi brought my hand down and said, “Just try to relax.  We’ll be right next door with the mic on if you need anything.”<br/>“Just peace and quiet,” and I laid on my back to stare up at the ceiling.<br/>   I slowly closed my eyes and focused on getting sleep, just resting, and doing nothing else.  After a few seconds of blank darkness, I suddenly I found myself sitting up and panting as I woke up.  A doctor suddenly ran in and asked, “Hey, you okay?”<br/>I ran a hand through my sweaty hair and replied, “Huh?  Yeah, why?”<br/>“Do you remember anything?”<br/>   “Huh?  What?  Did I do something weird?”<br/>“No, it’s nothing.  Is there anything you need?”<br/>I just laid back and checked my wristwatch on my right hand; ‘2:45 a.m.’<br/>“No, I’m fine,” I replied as I rubbed my eyes.  I suddenly closed my eyes and saw the Ethereal leaning over me.<br/>   I quickly opened my eyes and sat up, then I looked at my watch to read ‘6:23 a.m.’  I had enough sleep; I didn’t want to close my eyes again.  I blinked and suddenly saw the green glow of the dark ship.  I looked to the side to see the surgery table, then I saw an Ethereal standing a few paces from me.  Run.  Just run.  I panted as I ran down the dark empty halls, looking for a way out; there had to be a way out.<br/>   As I turned around a corner, I glanced back to see figures chase me, and I continued to sprint down the halls.  I quickly hid behind a corner to hear the footsteps run past me, then I felt the panic rise in me, make me heave for each breath.  What’s happening?  Where am I?  I just brought my knees up to my chest and buried my head down as I buried it all.  I felt something poke me as I heard, “Hey, you dead or something?”<br/>   I kept still and kept my head down, then the voice continued, “Hey.  I asked if you’re alive.”  A woman, and she had a weird accent.  “You wouldn’t happen to be that Russian sniper, would you?”<br/>“…”<br/>“You look like you were in the hospital.  So, what were you in for?”<br/>“Nothing.”<br/>   “Ah, he speaks!”<br/>“Shut up, just go away.”<br/>“Aw, come on.  What kind of doctor would I be if I left a patient behind?”<br/>“You don’t sound like one.”<br/>“Don’t need to sound smart.  Just need to have the brains when it matters.  Now get up.”<br/>   “…”<br/>The woman sighed and asked, “Would it kill you to look up?  It’s rude not to look people in the eye when they’re talking to you.”<br/>I heard another pair of footsteps run up, then there was panting and a voice said, “Jon, there you are.  What’s wrong?”<br/>   I suddenly felt anger and glared at the doctor as I yelled, “All of you just leave me alone!”  I put down one knee to stand up and walked past them.  I walked back into the infirmary and saw Dr. Laavi waiting for me as he asked, “What happened?”<br/>“Just get me my clothes.”<br/>“Are you okay?”<br/>   “Yeah, I’m fine.  Just let me leave.”<br/>“Okay.”  I began to get dressed in a curtained bed when I heard the doctor from outside run in and talk to Dr. Laavi.  As soon as I finished, I quickly slipped through the curtains to run into someone.  “Whoa, where’s the fire?”  I recognized the voice as the woman out in the hall, and I looked to see she was an Asian with dark tan skin.<br/>   “You are that sniper,” the woman said, “Ryumin, right?”<br/>“Do I know you?”<br/>“No, but you’re well known in the Russian army.  You can shoot without a scope from up to three hundred meters.”<br/>“Great, I gotta get going,” and I was about to leave when she suddenly grabbed me and put a hand to my head.  She peeled off something and held up an electrode.  “It was still stuck on you,” she said.<br/>   I scoffed and replied, “Whatever,” and I walked out of the infirmary.  I yawned as I walked to the Barracks and entered the lounge to see it was dead empty and silent; I didn’t even see Greg out and the bar was still locked up.  I slowly turned to the Memorial Wall and walked up to see the photo album was closed.  I slowly opened it up to the middle of the pages where Sofia had put in the last few pictures of us all together, smiling.<br/>   Even when I saw the picture, the smiles, I couldn’t feel the mood or how to make that same smile again.  As I stared down at the pictures, I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder as the Asian woman said in Russian, <em>“Here you are!  You reflecting on your feelings?”<br/></em>“…”<br/><em>“Come on, you can’t be this boring.”<br/></em>   I looked to her and asked in Russian, <em>“Don’t you have anything better to do?  Speaking of which, who the hell are you?”<br/></em>She saluted and said, <em>“Squaddie Hae Baek Yu, reporting for duty!”<br/></em><em>“You with the new group coming in?”<br/></em><em>“Yes.  So, I suppose I’m actually a Recruit.”<br/></em>   <em>“What class are you in?”<br/></em><em>“Support.”<br/></em><em>“And what’s your nationality?  You’re not from any Asian country.”<br/></em><em>“How do you know that?”<br/></em><em>“Your accent is a bit different.  You from Europe?”<br/></em><em>   “Yes sir, Volgograd.”<br/></em><em>“Ah, from the Motherland.  How is it there?”<br/></em><em>“Bright and cold.”<br/></em><em>“You know, you don’t seem very formal.”<br/></em><em>“With respect, we’re not here for formalities.  We’re here to fight.”<br/></em>   I gave a light smirk and asked, <em>“And you get away with it?”<br/></em><em>“I’m good at what I do.”<br/></em><em>“As a medic?”<br/></em><em>“That’s a side specialty.  I’m more of a smokes and guns girl.”<br/></em><em>“How are you with a gun?”<br/></em><em>   “I prefer knives.”<br/></em><em>“What?”<br/></em>Hae Baek suddenly pulled out a knife and threw it to hit the center of the dart board on the other side of the room.<br/><em>“Right,” </em>I said,<em> “So, you’re Russian.  What else?”<br/></em><em>   “Korean,”</em> and she walked to the dart board and pulled out the knife with ease.  <em>“I don’t think the Commander will let me use this, will he?”<br/></em><em>“Can you kill with it?”<br/></em><em>“Yeah.”<br/></em><em>“He’ll let you use it.”<br/></em>   As I began to walk away, she said, <em>“So the rumors were true.  You really are a lone wolf.”<br/></em><em>“What makes you think that?”<br/></em><em>“I can see it in your eyes.  You’re used to it.”  </em>I stopped, then I looked back and replied, “I enjoyed our conversation, but I need to be somewhere,” and I walked out of the lounge.</p>
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<a name="section0035"><h2>35. Chapter 35</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   As everyone heard the alarm for a new mission sound throughout the base, Kit took out his phone and said, “Gotta go!”  I quickly stood up from the couch and was about to follow when I checked my phone to see I wasn’t on the list of the assigned team.  “I’ll… catch you later,” I said to Kit.<br/>“Yep!” and he gave me a quick salute as he ran out of the lounge.  I sighed as I began to put away my phone when a new update came.<br/>   I quickly opened it to read, “Introduce new soldiers to XCOM.”<br/>I gave a light laugh and said to myself, “Babysitting.  Of course.”<br/>I put away my phone to hear, “Babysit who?”  I quickly turned around to see no one, then I quickly turned back around to see Yu poke my shoulder.  “Whoa, talk about quick reflexes,” she replied.<br/>“I could tell you were there.  So I guess you didn’t get assigned to the mission.”<br/>   “No, but I suppose it’s for the best.  Don’t want to get killed right off the bat.”<br/>“Right.  Well, where are the rest of the newbies?”<br/>“Probably in their rooms.”<br/>“Good.”  I walked down the halls and immediately heard chatter and noise from a few open doors.  I walked to the open doors to see new soldiers in small groups either drinking, playing cards, smoking, or a mix.<br/>   I cleared my throat to have the Squaddies look up at me, then one of them asked, “Can we help you?”<br/>“Have you checked your phones for updates?”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>“What’s your training schedule?”<br/>“In a few hours, why?”<br/>   “Well I don’t stick to schedules, so I’m changing it.  We’re doing it now.”  Everyone fell silent as they put down their cards, and the Squaddie talking stood up and asked, “Oh yeah?  And who are you?”<br/>“Sorry, guess I forgot to put on my jacket, Squaddie.”<br/>The Squaddie suddenly threw a punch, which I predicted and quickly moved out of the way.  I tripped the Squaddie’s foot and pushed him down to get him on his fours.<br/>   I immediately sat on his back, making him stay down, and I looked around at the surprised soldiers and said to the Squaddie below me, “You guys are raring to go, aren’t you?”  I looked around and said, “In that case, everyone, fifty push-ups.  If there’s no room, make it.”<br/>The soldier groaned and asked, “What?!”<br/>“Shall I make it eighty?”<br/>   Everyone immediately cleared their tables and got on any floor space they could find.  “And you,” I continued to the Squaddie I sat on, “Do your push-ups with me on your back.”  The Squaddie grunted and I could hear him breath through his teeth as he slowly went down and back up with me on him.  I watched everyone go down and back up a few times, then I said, “Wait a minute.  I forgot to count.  Start over from zero.”  Everyone groaned again and I said, “On my count.  One…”<br/>   Everyone went down and came back up.  “Two…”  Everyone went down and came back up, “Three, four, five, six…” and I watched everyone do the push-ups more quickly.  “Seven… Eight, nine, ten.”  By the time I counted to forty, I could feel the Squaddie beneath me begin to tremble.  I sighed as I stood up and continued, “Forty-five… Forty-six… Forty-seven… Forty-eight, forty-nine, fifty.”  I gave a faint smile as I watched a few of them fall down and pant.  I looked to Yu to see her slowly stand up and pant.<br/>   I said, “Alright.  Now that we’re nice and limber, how about a nice run?  Let’s go outside!”  As everyone got up and shuffled, I said, “Come on, look lively!  Or do we need to do some crunches to get our blood pumping a bit more?”  Everyone immediately perked up and ran through the base.  I quickly followed and we were outside in minutes.  “Everyone in lines of two!” I said as I stood with my hands on my hips.<br/>   As everyone lined up, I said, “You know what?  Let’s do some crunches anyway.  Everyone sit!”  Everyone sighed as they sat on the ground and laid on their backs with their knees up.  “On my count!” I said, “One, two, three, four!”  I watched everyone keep the pace, then I continued, “Five.  Six.  Seven.  Eight.”  I almost forgot how I loved driving the new soldiers, even back home.<br/>   By the time I counted to fifty, I said, “Man, I felt like I was almost droning.”<br/>“… You’re a real hard-ass, you know that?”  I looked to see it was the same rebellious Squaddie, and I asked, “What’s your name?”<br/>“… Dago.”<br/>“Well, Dago, do you know what training regimes are like in Russia?”<br/>   “I take it you didn’t do very well, considering your face.”<br/>I gave a smug smile and replied, “Yeah, but at least I got through it.  Fighting bears on mountain treks, shooting people for practice; it was the perfect training for someone like me.”  I announced to everyone, “Now, since you’re all new, I’m gonna make you do a three-kilometer run!  Half of what we normally do!”<br/>   “I thought you normally did five,” Dago muttered.<br/>“Alright, we’ll do five kilometers!  I’ll even run it with ya’!” and I gestured to everyone as I began to run ahead.  As I ran, I said, “Anyone who stays ahead of me gets the rest of the day off!”  I heard stampeding footsteps as I saw the soldiers begin to slowly inch ahead of me.  By the last kilometer, I surprised everyone by dashing ahead.<br/>   As I dashed I ahead, I glanced back to see everyone pushing themselves to go faster.  I grinned and ran further up ahead, reaching the front of the base and standing proudly with my hands at my hips.  As everyone bent over and panted, I said, “You know, we actually did eight kilometers.”<br/>Someone panted and breathed, “What?  Why?!”<br/>“Well if someone was keeping track, then we could’ve stopped.”<br/>   “We thought you were!”<br/>“Who am I, your teacher?  Come on, time for some gun training.”</p><p> </p><p>   As the soldiers all stared at me from the shooting booths, I said, “Shoot.”  I was standing in the firing range with my hands behind my back, looking at them all dead in the eye.  Then I saw Dago raise his rifle, his eyes filled with no emotion as he fired.  I immediately stepped aside, then I looked and said, “Good.  Now go on.”  Another soldier raised his gun and fired, and I just stood and asked, “Come on, you even aiming?!”<br/>   I heard another shot and I dropped to a squat as I said, “Would it help if I kept still?”  All the soldiers took turns firing one at a time when I heard two shots; one plasma heading to me from my right, and another from Dago to my left.  I quickly jumped and rolled to hear another shot, and I quickly rolled up and held up my hand to make the plasma suddenly stop in the air.<br/>   Everyone gasped as I stood up with my hand holding the plasma in place, then I curled my fingers into a fist to make the green light fizzle out and disappear.  I looked at Dago, and I saw the hate in his eyes; the blind hatred.  I sighed as I closed my eyes and said, “That’s enough for today.  Dismissed,” and I waved my hand.  As I stood with my eyes closed and my hands behind my back, I suddenly heard another shot, and I ducked and ran to Dago’s booth to tackle him to the ground.<br/>   I glared down at him as I rolled him onto his front to pin him, and I replied, “I said, ‘Dismissed.’”  I slowly got off Dago, who huffed as he stood and turned his back as he walked away.</p>
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<a name="section0036"><h2>36. Chapter 36</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   “Jon?  Jon~.  Come on, get up.”  Static.  I found myself walking through the dark, taking heavy breaths as I ignored the pain of my body weighing me down.  More static.  A flash of light; multiple lights flashing red and blue.  I continued to breath heavily as I stood slightly hunched forward in exhaustion.  I growled as I saw the figure come closer, then I took a step back and smoothly drew my pistol with my right arm to hold it upside down, my left arm hanging uselessly.<br/>   The figure held up his own gun, then I took another step back, and I finally went down on one knee to put my gun back into my holster.  I slowly stood back up on my weakening legs and turned around into the dark.  More static and I staggered.  I stood to catch my breath and keep myself standing, then I saw a light come towards me from behind.  I glanced back to be blinded, and I held up a hand to shield my eyes.  More figures came up, and I tried to retreat further, and they stopped.<br/>   I saw one of them come up more slowly and reach out to me.  “… Don’t,” I said.  “… Are you… gonna kill me?”  It felt right to ask, but why?<br/>“No,” and the rest of the words were lost in my mind as I took another step back.  Then a person was suddenly standing beside me, wiping off the red on my right hand.  “You’re hurt,” she said.<br/>   I blinked and saw Sofia, standing in front of me again.  “Sofia?” I asked.  “You… You’re alive…”  I didn’t know what to say, what to think, other than that she was in front of me right here, right now.  “It’s alright,” she said.  “Everything’s alright.  Everything’s gonna be alright.”  More static.  I soon found myself walking into an ambulance, then I looked down at my left arm to see the red that was dripping onto the ground.  It won’t move, I can’t move it, my arm.<br/>   As I was brought to a stretcher, I immediately sat on the bench and took my rifle off my back to place it by my side.  “Please, you have to lie down.”  I just stared at the stretcher, unable to see myself lying down on it.  I suddenly saw a metal table as my head thumped painfully, and I brought a hand to my head.<br/>   “You’re not doing too good Jon,” I heard Nikolai say.  “Not good at all,” and I thought I heard something else.<br/>“What?” I asked as I looked up.  A bright light was suddenly flashed in my eyes as I heard another muffled voice, then I heard, “What’s your name?”<br/>“My… name?” I repeated.  “My name… is…” and I felt my eyes slowly close as I exhaled and darkness filled me.</p><p> </p><p>   I lay in the darkness of the void, feeling nothing, seeing nothing, hearing nothing.  I guess I’m dying, and this time I don’t care.  They made it obvious; they don’t want me.  I’m just a bother, another problem, one of them.  Why refuse when it’s what they want?  But I can still feel it.  My body is still trying to fight it; fight to live, so that it can keep going, but I don’t want to.  “Come on Jon, don’t be like that,” Nikolai said.  “Come on, baby steps.  Move your hand.”<br/>   As I moved my left hand, I groaned as I felt the piercing pain radiate up my arm.  I slowly opened my eyes, but only the right one barely opened.  Am I still alive?  I heard the hiss of a respirator and the steady beep of a heart monitor, and I moved my right hand; no pain.  I slowly brought my right arm up to feel bandages around my head and over my left eye.  Damn it, not again.  I grunted as I tried to sit up, but then ended up coughing to feel pain in my right side.<br/>   I stifled and rolled onto my left side to pull up my hospital gown and see the white bandages on my right side.  What the hell happened to me?  Where am I?  My left arm was stiff and when I tried to extend it, it was frozen.  I looked to see my entire left arm was bent frozen and encased in white, held up by a sling.  I put a hand to it to feel the hard plaster; I had to be left-handed.  “Hey, hey,” a woman’s voice said gently, and I saw her.<br/>“Sofia?” I asked.<br/>   I blinked to see a brunette doctor, but it wasn’t her; it wasn’t Sofia.  “How are you feeling?” the doctor continued as she put her hand to my forehead.  Nikolai cackled and said, “Nice.  You got a lady!”<br/>“Where… am I?” I asked.<br/>“In a hospital.”<br/>“I know that.  Where?  What city, what country?”<br/>“I guess your speech and cognitive functions are okay,” she said as she took out a flashlight.<br/>   She shined the light in my eye, and I tried to shield it, tried to blink, but it all seemed to happen a few seconds late.  “Bit slow with the blinking, and the coordination,” she continued.  I groaned and growled before I asked, “Why am I here?”<br/>She sighed as she put away the flashlight and said, “You don’t remember?”<br/>I shook my head and looked away.<br/>   She replied, “We found you walking on an isolated road in the middle of the night.  You were badly injured, so we had to bring you to the city.”<br/>“What city?”<br/>“Toronto.  You’re in the Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre.”<br/>I looked at her and asked, “Whoa, wait?  What?”<br/>   “You had a badly broken arm and a fractured skull.”<br/>“… I’m in Canada?”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>I gave a light chuckle as I laid back, and the doctor asked, “Something funny?”<br/>   “My friend… Canadian.  He said he wanted to be in a hospital with a pretty doctor.  Guess I got lucky again.”<br/>I held my head in pain again, and the doctor said, “I’ve increased the amount of painkillers, but it might still be uncomfortable.  I wouldn’t be surprised.  We had to do a lot of work on you.”<br/>“Mmm,” I grumbled.<br/>“… Who did this to you?”<br/>   “Huh?”<br/>“How did you get hurt so bad?”<br/>“… I did.”<br/>Nikolai chuckled and said, “Damn, you actually said it.”  Shut up, and I turned in my bed to go back to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>   I found myself panting as I opened my eye, then I found myself with the urge to get up.  I groaned as I grabbed the side railing of the bed and pulled myself up, enduring the pain in my side.  I looked at my casted left arm, then I sighed as I kept myself sitting up; I didn’t feel like sleeping, I couldn’t.  I looked down at myself and realized something; if I’m in hospital clothes, how did they get the carapace armour off me?<br/>   I checked my neck to feel my dog tag necklace was gone.  I chuckled; that’s how they pumped me up with blood without killing me.  I looked around to see I was in a single room with a glass wall looking into the hall and curtains on the side.  I saw the nurses look towards me as their mouths moved, and I knew there was gonna be company.  I looked to the other wall to see there was a window, and I slowly moved to the side of the bed.<br/>   I took my left arm out of the sling and slowly stood myself up when I realized all the tubes and wires were still hooked onto me.  “Hey!” I heard as I was suddenly pushed down by a blonde male doctor in front of me.  “You shouldn’t be up yet!”<br/>I looked away and replied, “I’m fine.  Look, when can I get discharged?”<br/>“What?  Are you serious?”<br/>“I have places to be, stuff to do.”<br/>   “Well so do I, and it’s making sure you don’t die while you’re in here.”<br/>“Then can I at least get my phone?”<br/>“Battery’s dead.”<br/>“How?”<br/>“You’ve been in an induced coma for a week.”<br/>   I processed what the doctor just said, then I asked, “You’re telling me I’ve been there,” as I pointed to my bed, “For a week?”<br/>“Yeah, that is what I’m saying.”<br/>“Ahhh, blyat.”<br/>“What?”<br/>   I sighed as I brought my hand up to scratch my head when the doctor caught it and said, “I wouldn’t do that.”  I brought my hand to the bandages, then I replied, “Fair point.”<br/>“Anyway, how are you awake?”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“You were supposed to be under for a few more days.”<br/>   “I don’t like sleeping.  Anyway, bring me my phone.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“It can be solar charged.”<br/>“Huh?  They have that?”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>   The doctor folded his arms and asked, “Just who are you?”<br/>“Why do you want to know?”<br/>“Because I’m one of the guys that saved your life.”<br/>“Then you just wasted your time.”<br/>“What?”<br/>   “You heard me.  There was no point in saving me.”<br/>“… Is that what you meant when you said you did this to yourself?”<br/>“More like, I had it coming.  Except, I was left with the pain of living instead of a clean death.”<br/>The doctor suddenly grabbed me by my shoulders and said, “We worked our asses off doing our job to keep you alive.  If your job is dying, then by all means, go ahead and die.  Just don’t make us a part of it.”<br/>   “Don’t worry.  I don’t approve of collateral damage.”<br/>“… Who are you?”<br/>“…”<br/>“Who’s Sofia?”<br/>I said nothing, but I could feel the pain from inside show.<br/>   The doctor let me go and stepped back as he said, “I see.  I’m sorry.”<br/>“… Like you know anything,” I suddenly said, and I stood up and walked to the window.  The room was pretty high up, at least six floors.  “Hey, you should sit down,” the doctor said.<br/>“Why-” and as I turned around I spun too fast and suddenly found myself half collapsed onto the bed.<br/>   As the doctor shined a light in my eye, he asked in a muffled voice, “How do you feel?” and it was soon replaced with ringing.  I groaned as I tried to put my hands over my ears to stop the ringing, but it seemed like it was coming from inside my head.  I felt myself laid on the bed as I saw a nurse come in.  Everything became too dizzying, too exhausting to stay awake, and I blacked out.</p>
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<a name="section0037"><h2>37. Chapter 37</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   The cellphone in Jon’s armour rang, making a doctor pick it up and ask, “Hello?”<br/>“…”<br/>“Hello?” and the doctor heard the phone click as the line was ended, and the doctor looked to see the caller read, “The Fuzz.”  Then the phone chimed as it darkened and went dead.</p><p> </p><p>   I slowly opened my eye again, and I saw something in front of me.  I focused on the image to see movement, going back and forth.  I blinked and reopened my eye to see more clearly; another doctor with their finger in front of me.  I knew the drill.  They just wanted to see if I was conscious.  I followed the finger back and forth, then I turned and sighed as I woke up to find myself still stiff and sore.  “Hey Jon, how are you?”<br/>   I looked to see the Asian doctor and I asked, “How do you know my name?”<br/>“From these,” and he held out my dog tag necklace.  “Good thing you had it.”  I reached out for them to miss the doctor’s hand, and I blinked to see he was a lot closer than I thought.  He put the necklace in my hands and smiled as he said, “Seems you still have a long road to recovery.”  I watched the doctor walk to the window, and I asked, “Let me guess, you’re another doctor who saved my life?”<br/>   “Yes, but I also have other plans.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“I’m going to be working with you while you recover.  You see, I’m a therapist.”<br/>I gave a suppressed groan, then I asked, “What kind?  Physio?”<br/>“No, psychological.”<br/>   “I was hoping you weren’t that.”<br/>“Yeah, most of my patients say that.  But hopefully after we’re done, you’ll see people like us in a different light.”<br/>“I’ll be better when I can walk out of here.”<br/>   The doctor turned around and stepped up to me as he said, “I know you’re a soldier Jon.  Believe me, we had a hard time working on you, especially getting the armour off.”<br/>“You could’ve waited for me to wake up and tell you.”<br/>The doctor smiled and replied, “You try to have a sense of humor.”<br/>“I do have a sense of humor.  I don’t try, I don’t need to.”<br/>   “It makes you feel normal, doesn’t it?”  I didn’t know what to say.  By the time I realized it was my turn to speak, I replied, “Normal is boring.  I don’t need to be normal.”<br/>“You don’t need to be.  You want to be.”<br/>“You don’t think I’m normal?”<br/>“I know you’re in a lot of pain.  And you haven’t met a doctor who could make it go away.”<br/>   “Yeah I have.  They’ve been pumping me full of painkillers.”<br/>“You’ve learned to bury it, haven’t you?”<br/>“Kinda hard to ignore pain, you know?” and I held up my left arm as I continued, “Still hurts to move the fingers.  Then again, the whole arm’s been feeling a bit stiff.  Maybe it’s the cast.  Mind taking it off?”<br/>The doctor pulled up a chair and sat on it as he said, “You’re at the end of your rope.  That’s how you ended up here.”<br/>   “No, I just suck at taking care of myself.  I get hurt all the time; I fall down stairs, I trip over shit, you know how it is.”<br/>“And you lost someone, didn’t you?”<br/>“…”<br/>“It didn’t matter whether you got hurt, as long as they were okay.  So tell me, who did you lose?”<br/>   “Careful doc, you’re treading on dangerous ground.”<br/>The doctor leaned forward and said, “Well then, you’d be ecstatic to hear this is what I do for a living.  Maybe the subject’s still too heavy for you… Aren’t you bored in here?”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“There’s nothing to do, you’ve been lying in a bed for a week, and you’re not bored?”<br/>   “Well, I’ve been too busy chatting.”<br/>“What do you do with your free time?”<br/>“What do you think?  Like you said, I’m a soldier.”<br/>“I think you do what everyone else does.  Take a nice shower after work, watch some TV while you eat in the couch, spend time with your friends or… maybe with a lover…”<br/>   Kit… Jerry, Hank, and Wolf… Sofia…<br/>“You loved them, didn’t you?”  I realized I spaced out and blinked as the doctor continued, “The person you lost.  You must’ve really loved them.  They were your whole world.”  I looked down at my hands, fingering the plaster edges of the cast.<br/>“Back to lighter things.  There’s gotta be something you do outside of work.  Something you like doing.”<br/>   “… Sudoku.”<br/>“Sudoku?”<br/>“Yeah.  It… keeps me busy, I guess.  Gets my mind off stuff.”<br/>“Well, I’ll be sure to bring you a book then.”<br/>As I put my necklace over my head and let it hang off my neck, I asked, “Why are you talking to me like this?  About this kind of stuff?”<br/>   “Like I said, you’re in a lot of pain, and fixing that pain is my job.”<br/>“I’m in pain because I fell off a bridge.”  Then static; I suddenly saw the red rails, then I spun around and saw someone.  Next thing I saw was the sky and ground wheeling around me.  I was holding my head and the doctor asked, “Jon, are you alright?”<br/>“… Just leave.  Leave me alone.”<br/>   “I can’t do that.”<br/>I laid back and sighed as I replied, “Like hell you can’t.  Just walk out the door,” and I closed my eyes.<br/>“You remembered your injury, and you don’t seem too happy with the answer.”<br/>“… I don’t.  I don’t remember.  I just fell off the bridge, that’s all I remember.”<br/>“What bridge?”<br/>   I looked up and replied, “I don’t know.  It was in a forest.  A wooden one with metal rails.  They were red.”<br/>“In a forest?  Were you hiking?”<br/>“I-” I quickly caught myself, then I sighed and said, “I don’t know.”<br/>“… Okay.  I’ll let you rest.  But I’ll have you know, dinner is coming, so don’t go to sleep just yet.”</p>
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<a name="section0038"><h2>38. Chapter 38</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   The next day, I managed to walk out of bed and into an elevator.  I kept a calm demeanor as I pressed the button down and looked ahead as the doors closed.  I saw the numbers read “8… 7… 6…” and the numbers stopped at 4 to have the elevator ring and the door opened.  A doctor and a nurse got in with an old woman in a wheelchair and the doors closed.  We were all heading for floor 1.  As we rode down, I ignored the doctor and nurse looking at me.<br/>   “Excuse me,” the male doctor asked, “Are you supposed to be out?”<br/>“…”  The elevator rang, and I stepped out into a lobby with nurses, patients, and visitors.  I saw a garden from my room and I needed some air; the smell of disinfectant was getting to me.  “Whoa, hang on there,” the doctor continued as he grabbed my arm.<br/>I glared at him and replied, “Let go.”<br/>   I could see the fear in the doctor’s eyes, but he kept his composure and asked, “Why are you out?”<br/>“The garden.  I just want to take a walk.”<br/>The doctor relaxed and replied, “Oh, I see.  Well, we’re going out to the garden as well.  Would you like to join us?”<br/>“… Fine.  Show me.”<br/>   As we walked, I heard the nurse whisper to the doctor, “Wasn’t he the unidentified emergency patient?”<br/>“I think so, but I’m surprised he’s up and around like that.”<br/>“I heard he’s some kind of soldier.”  We came to a glass hall that looked out to cobbled paths leading to a courtyard with a fountain, all surrounded by trees and flowers, with benches scattered around the garden.  I walked out and squinted and shielded my eyes as the sunlight hit my face.<br/>   I looked back and held the door open for the old woman, doctor, and nurse.  I looked up at the blue sky to see a few clouds drifting.  I looked around the garden to mainly see elderly patients wandering around or sitting down.  I soon found myself sitting in front of the fountain, watching the water pour down, with the flowers and trees around me.  Suddenly, the old woman in the wheelchair came up and smiled as she asked, “How are you?”<br/>   “Okay, I guess.  But then again I’m in here because I got hurt, so… I guess in between.”<br/>The old woman chuckled and replied, “Well, be glad you’re still young, otherwise you can’t get better as quick.  I mean, look at me!”<br/>“You think I’m young?”<br/>“You certainly have that vibe.”<br/>   Okay… this was getting… interesting.  I replied, “Most people don’t get that impression.  I don’t exactly have the looks of youth.”<br/>“Oh please, white looks good on you.  And also, you look so rugged.”<br/>“I suppose.”  So, this was the culmination of my life; an alien experiment that everyone wants dead, but now here in a hospital garden with an old woman hitting on me.<br/>“Oh my,” she said as she put a hand on my shoulder, “You’re quite muscular, aren’t you?”<br/>   I looked up at the sky and replied, “You’d be surprised.”<br/>“Oh, Heather,” a nurse said as she came up, “I think Mr. Peters looks lonely over there.”  We all looked to the old man walking in the shade of a tree, then looking up and waving towards us.  “Oh, alright,” the old woman said.  As the nurse guided the old woman past me, she grabbed my wrist one last time and said, “I hope we can see each other again,” and gave me a bright smile.<br/>   I gave a faint smile back and replied, “Same.”  As the old woman was strolled away, I sighed as I sat back and looked down at my open hands.  I soon became lost in my own thoughts when something caught my eye.  I slowly looked to my shoulder to see a black butterfly with blue edges, resting perfectly still on me.  I blinked and wasn’t sure what to do.  I whispered, “Could you like, move somewhere else?”  The butterfly suddenly flew up, and I watched it flutter around to the side.<br/>   I sighed, then I saw it flap back and land on my casted hand.  “Really?” I asked.  I didn’t know what I was doing, talking to a butterfly.  If it truly could understand me, this would’ve been the equivalent of a middle finger.  I couldn’t swat it off; that’d be rude.  “Oh, a Blue Admiral.”  I looked up to see the nurse who wheeled away the old woman, and she carefully sat down beside me and continued, “You know, if a Blue Admiral lands on you, it means there’s someone who wants you to get better.  Or at least, that’s what we say around here.”<br/>   “Yeah.  Is there a way to like, get it off me without… pissing it off?”<br/>“Well, why do you want it off?”<br/>“I’m not a huge bug fan.”<br/>“You could bring her to the flowers.”  I slowly got up, lifted my casted arm, and brought the butterfly close to a bunch of orange flowers.<br/>   “Come on,” I whispered.  The butterfly kept still and stayed on my hand.  I slowly brought my hand closer to the flowers, then I slowly nudged a flower onto the butterfly.  Instead of flying away, it began to crawl up my arm.  I blinked; no.  I sat back and stared at the butterfly; yeah, <em>fuck</em> you too.  “Aw, that’s adorable,” the nurse said, “You’re lucky.”<br/>“If I was lucky, I wouldn’t be in here.”<br/>   “Come on, don’t be like that.”<br/>As I looked around and became lost in my thoughts again, I heard, “Are you really a soldier?”<br/>“Huh?”  I looked to see the nurse asked me, and I replied, “Oh, yeah.”<br/>“Is that how you got hurt?”<br/>   “Well…”<br/>"Jon!” a new voice said.  I looked to see the Asian doctor, and I stood up and said, “Oh, I was wondering when you were gonna show up.”<br/>“You had us worried!  Just going off… like…”<br/>   “Like what?”  I followed the doctor’s eyes, but he was still staring at me, then he quickly hid a smile behind his hand, and I glared at him and asked, “Something funny?”<br/>“On… your head,” he snickered.<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“Oh!  The butterfly’s on your head!” the nurse said.<br/>   Enough with the damn butterfly.  “Where is it?” I asked, “I’ll just slap it off.”<br/>“Wait,” the Asian doctor said.  Before I knew it, he took out his phone and there was a ‘snap’ as he took a picture.  I blinked and wore an unamused face as I asked, “Seriously?”<br/>“Come on, brighten up.  The butterfly’s just trying to make you feel better.”<br/>“I’m going inside.”<br/>   As I walked in, I heard, “Oh, there it goes!”  I turned to see the black and blue butterfly flutter away, then I gave a light smile as I stepped inside.  When we were inside, the doctor asked, “Why did you leave your room without any permission?”<br/>“I got bored.  And your garden looked nice.  Why?  You get worried?”<br/>“Yes, I did.”<br/>   I scoffed and I walked towards the lobby when I heard, “What happened?”<br/>I stopped, then I turned around and asked, “What?”<br/>“What happened to you?”<br/>“… Not here,” and I turned back around to stand in front of the elevators.  The doctor and I stepped into an elevator with two visitors, a nurse, and another doctor.<br/>   As the elevator emptied at the third floor and continued up, the Asian doctor asked, “What made you this way?”<br/>“… Everything.”  The elevator stopped at floor 7, then continued up with a janitor.  At floor 8, the doctor and I stepped out and he asked, “Everything?  You mean, you’re just like this because you’re you?”<br/>   We walked into my room and I turned around and replied, “What?  You thought I had some life-changing incident that suddenly made me this way?  I’ve always been like this.”<br/>“No.  What makes you think you’re different?  That you have to be alone?”<br/>“Because I am.  I have to.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>   “… You wouldn’t understand.  No one does, and no one can.”<br/>“Just tell me.  Help me understand.”<br/>“… I can’t.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Because you’ll be afraid.”<br/>   I stared at the doctor and continued, “You'll fear me, hate me, and soon, you’ll wish I was dead.  They all do.”<br/>“What?  What makes you that terrifying?  All I see is a patient who needs to be helped.”  The door slammed shut and the curtains suddenly drew themselves closed, making the doctor look in surprise.  “You really want to know?” I asked as I held my head down.  I could feel the power surging through me.<br/>   I looked to see the doctor stand frozen in horror, and I held out my hand as I said, “This… is my power.  My curse,” and I made the purple energy swirl in my hand.  The doctor took a step back and said, “You… You’re with XCOM.”<br/>I gave a smirk and asked, “So you know about it?”<br/>“I know about it, and now I understand.”<br/>   The doctor stood calmly and said, “You’re more than a patient.  You’re a broken man.”  My eyes narrowed as he continued, “I want to help you, but do you want me to?”<br/>“… I can kill with my mind, and you’re still here.”<br/>“It’s my job.  More than that, I’m not afraid of you.”<br/>“Why?  You don’t know what I can really do.  What kind of person I am.”<br/>   “That’s true, but I know you won’t hurt me.”<br/>“Why is that?”<br/>“People like you, they don’t kill unless they need to protect.  You kill with a purpose, otherwise it’ll destroy you.  That’s why when you lose someone, it’s worse than any kind of wound you’ve ever felt.  You feel like you won’t be able to protect anyone else, and it’s more painful when you lose another.”<br/>   “Shut up,” I suddenly said as I kept my head down.  “Just shut up.  What do you know about it?  How could you possibly understand?”  I felt the entire room shiver as I continued, “Do you have any idea what it’s like?  The pain of being alone?”<br/>“… I do.  Perhaps not as much as you, but I do.  I lost both my parents when I was still in school finishing my doctor’s degree.”<br/>   I glanced up as the doctor continued, “I kept going, but by the time I graduated, I couldn’t feel anything; there wasn’t any pride, or joy; no happiness.  No one to share that moment with.  It was a dark time for me.  It felt like everyone just forgot about me, or didn’t have time for me.”<br/>“How did you get out of it?”<br/>I looked up to see the doctor smile and say, “I had my sister.  And my friends.  They got me out of that dark pit, and I haven’t gone back into it since.”<br/>   “… I lost my father, my fiancée, and I nearly lost my friend who’s like a brother to me.”  I stared at my hands as I continued, “I suppose, you can understand that much.  But… I’ve killed people before it was my job, and I’ve made such stupid decisions.  Decisions that hurt me and the people who cared.”<br/>“Let’s start slowly, from the beginning.”</p>
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<a name="section0039"><h2>39. Chapter 39</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I still couldn’t believe I was talking to a shrink, this doctor, but I felt like I had to.  If it was gonna get me out of this, out of whatever I was trapped in, then I’d do it a thousand times over.  As I fingered my watch on my right wrist, ‘October 15  8:30 p.m.’, I heard the doctor say, “You have quite a collection of scars.”<br/>“… Yeah.”<br/>   “Are all of them from your service?”<br/>I gestured to my face and said, “This one, on half of my body.”  I put a hand to my side, still feeling the bandages, and I asked, “You guys need to dig around inside me?”<br/>“We found some shrapnel.  Didn’t think you’d miss it.”<br/>   “Thanks.  Guess you guys are good at what you do.”<br/>“You’d be surprised.”<br/>I looked out the window to the darkening sky and replied, “These scars, they hide the old ones.”<br/>“You’ve had previous scars?”<br/>   “Yeah,” and I slowly brought my casted hand to my right shoulder, “Right here.  Well, I suppose you can still see this one,” and I lifted my arm to see the thin line just on the side of my tricep.<br/>“How’d you get them?”<br/>I was silent for a moment before the doctor said, “Take your time.  Or we can talk about something else.”<br/>   “… I was young, and stupid.  I guess I haven’t changed much since then.  They were from when I did it to myself.”<br/>“So, you cut yourself?”<br/>“Yeah, don’t go mouthing it off to anyone.”<br/>“Confidentiality my friend.”<br/>   I chuckled as I said, “You’re the third person to know about it.”<br/>“Who were the first two?”<br/>“My father… and Sofia.”<br/>“Your fiancée?”<br/>   “Yeah.  Although, she kinda found out on her own.  She was clever, always caught on quick.”<br/>“Your father was the first?”<br/>“Yeah.  And I was gonna make them the only ones who knew.  What I did was shameful.  What was worse was he found me while I was doing it.”<br/>“How did he take it?”<br/>   “… He asked why I did it.  I told him it made it easier.  It just made me feel better.  I don’t know, I was just being stupid.”<br/>“You weren’t being stupid.  You were trying to deal with it in your own way.”<br/>“I promised him I wouldn’t do it again.”<br/>   I looked down at my clenched hands as I continued, “I promised him, right before he died, that I’d never hurt myself like that.  But now, I’m finding it harder and harder to keep that promise.”<br/>“Jon, I’ll help you keep that promise, okay?  Can you look up at me?”  I glanced up at the doctor, who stared at me with determination and said, “I will help you.”<br/>“…”<br/>   “Okay?”<br/>“… Okay.”<br/>“So, you got hurt a lot during your time.  Weren’t you scared of going back out and getting hurt again?”<br/>“Sure, a bit.  But, if I didn’t go out, and my friends got hurt, I’d be stuck wondering if I could’ve prevented that.”<br/>   “Your friends probably wonder the same thing when you get hurt.”<br/>“… I guess I never thought of it that way.”<br/>“You should protect your friends, but that also means you should protect yourself for your friends, don’t you think?”<br/>“I suppose.”<br/>   “So what do you like to do with your friends when you’re not working?”<br/>“Well, we went out once…”<br/>“Okay.”<br/>“And some guy thought I was an old man.”<br/>“An old man?”<br/>   “Like an elderly.  Honestly though, I don’t blame him.  I’ve got a messed-up face and white hair.”<br/>“Well, how’s your hair so white?”<br/>“I thought I got it from my dad; his hair went white at a pretty young age too.  We were both going gray by our late teens, early twenties.”<br/>“Wow, that is early.”<br/>   “Yeah, but I think it’s something else.”<br/>“Like what?”<br/>“… It’s complicated.  And probably confidential on my end.”<br/>“You’ve already shown me what you can do.”<br/>“True.  I think it’s the power.”<br/>   “Your power?”<br/>“Sophia had the same thing.  Part of her hair turned white.”<br/>“She had it too?”<br/>“Yeah, but unlike me, it suited her.  Made her more… badass.”<br/>“What do you miss most about her?”<br/>   “… One thing?”<br/>“Just anything.”<br/>I smiled to myself as I replied, “I miss her energy,” and I explained, “How she was always happy, talking to everyone, and how she smiled all the time.  It’s the only way I can remember how to smile.  What about you?  What do you miss about your parents?”<br/>   “… How they would be waiting back home.  Greeting me as I came through the door.”  I kept in my yawn, but my eyes were growing heavy.  “That’s enough for today,” the doctor said as he stood up from his chair.  “You get your sleep now.”  As he walked out, I asked, “Wait.  What’s your name?”<br/>“It’s Dr. Minh.”<br/>   “Well, goodnight doc.”<br/>“Goodnight.”  I laid and closed my eyes to feel the exhaustion put me to sleep in only a few minutes.  “Jon…”  I gasped as I saw the Ethereal leaning over me, staring at me with its cold mask, and I looked down to see the tubes all around me and snaking underneath the bandages.  I tried to bring my arms up, but they were strapped down by metal.<br/>   “Be still,” they said, “Be still, and just relax…”  I began to panic and continued to fight the restraints when I saw the needles.  “<em>Fuck</em>!” I hissed as I pulled with all my might until I thought my hands might rip off.  The needles came closer, then I yelled, “NO!”  I roared as a wave of purple blasted everything away from me, and I broke the metal bands.  I fell forward and gasped as I saw the wires and tubes still attached to me.<br/>   I frantically pulled them out and didn’t realize how painful it was until I saw the red seeping out from underneath the bandages.  I groaned as I continued to pull out the tubes, then I quickly stumbled away and stared at the metal table and the surgical tools beside it.  “How dare you…”  I looked to see the Ethereal get up and continue, “We offer to make you one of us, and yet you still resist…”  I was suddenly slammed onto my front and grunted as I was held down.<br/>   I could only watch the Ethereal walk up and say, “Now it’ll be much harder to get the sample.  You only did this to yourself…”  I suddenly felt something rip into my left arm, and I grunted as I held in my pained cries, but I felt it continue to burrow into my arm.  I could only lie in pain, crushed by whatever was holding me down as my left arm was cut open.  Then I felt another cut in my right leg, going deeper, making me freeze in pain and screamed in pain as I felt them cut to the bone.<br/>   I could barely hold back the cries, and I heard, “You did this to yourself…”  I was suddenly lifted and slammed back into the metal table and strapped in.  I found myself shaking as they said, “You are strong, but we can break you.”  I gasped as I began to control the pain, then I saw the needles put back into my arms and chest.  I clenched my fists as I tried to fight it, but I slowly began to close my eyes, then there was nothing but darkness.  “We will find you…”</p>
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<a name="section0040"><h2>40. Chapter 40</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I found myself sitting up in bed, staring off into space as I panted and tried to process what was happening.  Was it just a dream?  I’m still in the hospital, aren’t I?  I slowly brought my knees up to my chest and checked my watch; the time is eleven twenty-three p.m. and I found myself taking gasping breaths.  I looked outside to the hall, then I roughly waved my hand to make the curtains draw themselves.<br/>   Today is October fifteenth.  The time is eleven twenty-three p.m.  I kept playing the date and the dream through my mind as I sat with my head covered by my arms and resting on my knees.  I found myself rocking as I checked my watch again.  Today is October fifteenth.  The time is eleven twenty-eight p.m.<br/>“Jon?”  Today is… and I slowly registered the voice.  Who was it?<br/>   “Are you alright?”  October fifteenth… Time is… eleven twenty-eight…  I could still feel it digging into my arm and leg, and I gripped my right arm tighter.<br/>“Hey, hey, take it easy.  Just relax.”  I soon felt the pain grow on my arm as I let go, then I looked up to see red, and I let my head hang down as I said, “Damn.  I’ve done it again.”<br/>   I felt a hand on my shoulder as I saw Dr. Minh look into my eyes and ask, “Are you okay?”<br/>I looked down at the red on my left hand, the nails that had dug into my arm, and I replied, “No, I don’t think I am.”  I sighed as I covered my face with my clean hand and held back sobs.  What’s happening to me?  I thought I was alright.  I had to fall off the goddamn bridge.<br/>“Hey, it’s okay,” I heard as my back was rubbed, “Do you want to talk about it?”<br/>   I looked up to see the nurses, and I narrowed my eyes at them.  Dr. Minh immediately said, “I’ll be alright.  Leave us.”  The nurses walked out of the room, one of them opening the curtain a bit; probably to keep an eye on me.  I sighed and said, “They were right.  They did break me.”<br/>“Who?”<br/>“You know… I’m with XCOM, right?”<br/>   “Yeah.”<br/>“So you know who we’re fighting against?”<br/>“The-” I heard him hesitate, but I could sense him catching on, and he asked, “Are they the ones who hurt you?”<br/>“They didn’t put me in here, but… The reason Sofia’s dead, the reason why I’m suffering, why I’m taunted by these damn visions… It’s because of them.”<br/>   I slowly stood up from my bed and said, “I’ve talked about it.  Now go.”<br/>“You should get back to sleep.”<br/>“Not tired.”  I knew I had to, but I didn’t care.  My body would suffer, but my mind would be spared.<br/>“They saved you, didn’t they?  Your friends.”<br/>“Yeah, they did… and I almost shot them for it.”<br/>   “But they were glad, weren’t they?  Glad that they could still rescue you?  Not many soldiers can say that.”<br/>“Yeah, but the person right here can’t ever face them.  I can’t let them see…”<br/>“It’s not your fault, and it’s not their fault.  Something bad happened to you, but good things have happened to you too, haven’t they?”<br/>   “Like what?”<br/>“Meeting Sofia, the time you spent together.  Seeing your friends again and spending time with them.  Don’t spend time lost in pain, that you forget to bask in the sunlight of happiness.”<br/>“… I have to leave.”<br/>“What?”<br/>   “I have to leave.  I need my phone, now.”<br/>“Why?  We’ve just gotten you stable.  And you’re not fit for combat yet.”<br/>“I can’t stay here.  I’m just going to be a danger.”<br/>“You’re not a danger.”<br/>“You don’t understand.”<br/>   “Then explain yourself.  I won’t even let XCOM take you back unless they have my discharge papers that I have to write.”<br/>“… They’re going to come for me, and they’re gonna hit this place.  I can’t let that happen.”<br/>“Who?  How do you know?”<br/>“The aliens.  This isn’t XCOM.  They don’t care about collateral damage.  They’re gonna keep coming for me until they have me, again.”<br/>   “How do you know that?”<br/>I looked down and replied, “I… I’ve been seeing them.”<br/>“You mean like hallucinations?”<br/>“No, in my dreams,” and I looked down at myself to see flecks of red all over me.  I realized I had also ripped out all my I.V’s, and I sighed as I asked, “Do I really need those?” and I pointed at the I.V. bags.<br/>   “Only if you want to get better.  I heard you made quite a fuss in your sleep.  Like, you were trying to get something off.  Do you remember your dream?”<br/>“Unfortunately.”<br/>“Prisoner of war sounds a bit too dramatic.  How about just captive?”<br/>“More like experiment.”<br/>   “Experiment?”<br/>“They’ve been messing with me since… maybe even with my father.”<br/>“How do you know that?”<br/>“… Well-” and as I remembered what Vahlen said, I realized that was also from the alien’s simulation.  I groaned as I held my head, and Dr. Minh asked, “What is it?”<br/>   “Nothing.  Just, a bit confused.”<br/>“About what?”<br/>“What… What really happened.”  I explained, “I don’t know what they did, maybe some kind of hypnosis, but… I was in some kind of made-up reality they made for me.  I was stuck in it for three months or something, but only one month passed in the real world.  I’m just getting the two mixed up.”<br/>“… So, you’ve gotten out of their made-up reality for you, and now that you’re back you have a hard time separating the two, is that right?”<br/>“Yeah, basically.”<br/>   “I see.  I understand why you’d be frustrated.  You don’t want to be wrong, but at the same time it’s hard to believe everything was a lie.”<br/>“… How am I supposed to tell… what’s real or not?  How do I know all this… it isn’t just another dream?”<br/>“Well, why does it matter?”<br/>   “Why?  Because I kinda want to know if I’ll really die or not.  If whatever’s happening really matters.”<br/>“So you’re saying if it doesn’t matter, you’d just let yourself die?”<br/>“No, it’s… I just want what I do to actually make a difference.”<br/>“So you can’t make a difference if you’re not in reality?”<br/>“Of course not; it wouldn’t exist.  Like an idea, it just sits around in your head.”<br/>   “So you’re saying you want to know whether you can influence reality, and whether it can influence you?”<br/>“I suppose so.”<br/>“This is going to be a long talk.”<br/>“I’ve got all night.”<br/>   Dr. Minh sat back in his chair and replied, “I’ll try to keep up.  You won’t really know what you’re influencing because if the dream is vivid enough, real enough, you will perceive the dream as your reality.”<br/>“Yeah, I know that first-hand.  And asking others isn’t that much useful because if it’s all in my head, it’s just another projection.  Is there really a way to distinguish reality?”<br/>   “Well… why think there’s only one reality?”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“You talk about dreams being imaginary, and that only reality matters.  What is the reality you’re referring to?  Or rather, what it is based on?  Wouldn’t you say it’s based on our state of consciousness?  Of being awake, being aware of time and space?”<br/>   “Well, it was like that when I was in the dream, simulation, whatever.  The pain I felt hurt, the fights I fought, and the good times I spent with my friends.  It all felt so real, but now that I know it… it feels like it was just a waste of time.”<br/>“You said you had good times with your friends.  Was that feeling worth it, despite it being a fake reality?”<br/>   “… I suppose so, but it would’ve been better if it was real.”<br/>“Why is that?”<br/>“Because the real ones won’t know what the hell I’m talking about.  Like I said, it never happened.  I’m not able to share that memory, those feelings, because they never existed.”<br/>“Then, why don’t you make it real?”<br/>   “Huh?”<br/>“Go out with the friends you’ve talked about, go do what you did, and make it a reality.”<br/>“Will it be real?  Will it matter?”<br/>“It’ll matter in this reality, just as it did in the last one.”<br/>“Is there any point to it?”<br/>   “You try, and you don’t give up.  You keep living your life with your friends.  Every moment, every experience, embrace it all, knowing it’s real for you and the ones around you in this reality, in this life.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0041"><h2>41. Chapter 41</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   By the time the sun was coming up, Dr. Minh was asleep in his chair, and I was watching the sky become brighter.  That was when I heard the clattering.  I quickly turned and looked out through the half-drawn curtain to see the halls were empty.  I slowly walked up to the wall, stood behind the curtain, and peeked out to see the nurses and doctors frantically running around.  I looked out further to see they were moving chairs, beds, anything to block the stairwell.<br/>   “Jon, stay in here,” I heard.<br/>I looked to see Dr. Minh was up, and I asked, “Where’s my gear?”<br/>“We handed it over to the police.”<br/>“Der’mo.  Then I’ll have to do this the hard way.  But first, get me some pants.”<br/>“What?”</p><p> </p><p>   There was chittering as the aliens began to come up the stairs.  Suddenly, the barricade of furniture collapsed as a green blast of plasma shot through it and broke it down.  A few Sectoids ran in and took cover by the pillars.  The sound of breaking glass echoed down the hall, making two of the Sectoids move further to investigate it.  As the two moved up, I silently brought a scalpel into the third Sectoid’s neck and covered its mouth as I let it fall.<br/>   I quickly picked up its rifle as I shook off the yellow goo, then I came out and fired twice.  One of the Sectoids screeched as they fell dead, but the other was lucky and the shot missed it.  The last Sectoid chittered into the air, and I quickly fired again to have it fall dead.  I breathed and said, “Damn it.”  As Dr. Minh peeked out from one of the rooms, I yelled, “Don’t come out!  There’s gonna be more!”<br/>   I was wearing my green shirt and a pair of white pants from the hospital.  I held the plasma rifle close to me as I took out my phone and flipped open the case cover.  As I pressed down the power button, I was relieved when I saw it glow to life.  I quickly went into contacts and hit, “The Fuzz.”  The line rang, then there was a click as it was picked up, and I asked, “Where the hell are you bastards?  I’m being hit down here.”<br/>“… Jon?” The Commander asked, “Is that you?”<br/>   “Yeah.”<br/>“Where are you?”<br/>“The place where they make maple syrup, where do you think?”<br/>“You’re still in Canada?  Thank God.  For a while we thought they got you again.”<br/>“Give me some credit, I don’t make the same mistake twice.”<br/>   I heard footsteps and quickly looked out from behind the pillar I hid by, scanning the floor.<br/>“Where?”<br/>“Toronto, Sunnybrook Health Sciences Centre.  Just track my phone, it’ll be on.”  I quickly strapped my phone onto my left arm and slowly made my way to the room where Dr. Minh was.  He poked his head out and I said, “I need info.  Where are they?”<br/>   “Well, they suddenly appeared on the third floor.  They started to spread out, but we heard the police are making a perimeter on the ground.”<br/>“Fantastic.”<br/>“Are you gonna be alright?”<br/>“This is my job.  Are there any areas that can be locked down?  You’re all sitting ducks here.”<br/>   “Two floors above us, the tenth floor.  They’ve already locked down.”<br/>“How many people are on this floor?”<br/>“About twenty, maybe more.”<br/>“Can’t move that many people that quick.  We’ll have to have our own lock down here.”  The lights suddenly flickered, then went out and came back.<br/>   “The emergency generators,” Dr. Minh said.<br/>“It’s daylight.”<br/>“No, we need them to keep the machines going; respirators, heart monitors.  I just hope they leave that untouched.”  The lights suddenly died again, and I whispered, “Der’mo.”<br/>“The patients.”<br/>   I quickly looked to the stairs and said, “I’ll help you barricade this place, then I’ll go fix the generator.”<br/>“There’s no time, just go.”<br/>“Like I said, you haven’t seen what I can do.  Bring out all the empty beds, now.”  In a few minutes, four beds were wheeled up, and I said, “Okay everyone, stand back.”  I looked to Minh and said, “If you need to, use the guns off the dead ones.  Good luck.”<br/>   I hopped down a few steps, then I faced back and took a deep breath as I brought my hands up and made the beds moved into the staircase.  I grunted as I thrust my hands up to stack the beds into the staircase and block the stairs.  “I’ll have the power back in five minutes!” I called, and I ran off.  I quickly walked down the stairs with the light plasma rifle held up to my shoulder when I heard a frightened gasp.<br/>   I looked to see a couple of nurses behind a reception desk.  I walked up and asked, “What’re you doing out here?  Get into a room!”  I gestured for them to come out and said, “Come on.  I’ll cover you.”  I suddenly heard chittering and said, “Der’mo!  Now!  Come on!”  The nurses immediately ran around and I held up my rifle to see a Thin Man, and I quickly fired to send it to the ground and make a poisonous cloud.<br/>   “Hurry!” I said as I looked back to the nurses who ran into a room and watched with fear.  I sighed as I looked down the hall where the Thin Man came from, and saw the fire escape.  I held my breath as I ran around the cloud and down the stairs.  I panted as I managed to run straight down to the basement and heard the clacking steps of Chryssalids.  “Oh, it’s party time,” I muttered as I cocked the rifle and slowly stepped into the dark.<br/>   I looked around to see all sorts of equipment, then I heard sparking and looked to see the electrical line to the generator was chewed up, along with some alien blood.  I chuckled as I looked up and said, “Guess they played with the wrong toys.”  Then I looked ahead to see another generator, this one was torn apart.  The third one was unplugged, and I said, “Really?  Well, third time is the charm.”<br/>   As I plugged in the generator, the lights flickered as they came back on and I sighed as I turned around to see three Chryssalids, all spread around the basement.  They all looked to me and screeched.  I quickly dashed towards the exit as I fired at one of the Chryssalids at my side to send it veering to the side.  I hit away another one, then spun back and fired at it as it fell to the ground.  I quickly turned back around and a Chryssalid suddenly dropped down from the ceiling and blocked the exit.<br/>   “Blyaaat!” I shouted as I quickly turned around to look for another exit.  I quickly ran through the next door I could find, burst through it, and closed it behind me with my back.  I suddenly heard a scream and looked up to see a Thin Man run towards me.  I quickly held up my rifle and fired only to realize my mistake.  I hit the Thin Man squarely in the head to have its body continue to hurdle towards me before it exploded.<br/>   I went into a coughing fit as I tried to dodge the cloud, only to feel the door behind me bang and rattle from the Chryssalids bashing against it.  I pressed my back against the door with everything that I could, but I felt myself slowly slipping as the Thin Man’s poisonous cloud continued to work its way into my body.  I covered my face with my arm as I coughed, but it was already too late.  I watched myself slowly slump down as my body went numb and the door was about to open.<br/>   Everything after seemed to be a blur; I only saw the blue and green cloud of poison continue to float around me, then I saw something move through the haze.  I blinked to see white and moving figures as the ceiling passed my head.  Something pressed against my chest, making me gasp and cough for fresh air.  I heard people gasp in fear as I came back to life in a coughing fit.  I groaned as I tried to sit up and heard, “No, please, just rest.”<br/>   I blinked to see a nurse and a couple of doctors had put a needle in my chest.  “… No,” I said as I rolled onto my fours and panted heavily; I stared at the ground to watch it dance and even my arms were trembling.  “Just rest for a bit,” one of the female doctors said, “We barely got you back from that poison.”<br/>   “Right.  Don’t let anyone near it.”  I got on one knee and asked, “Is anyone hurt?”<br/>“Not that we know of,” another doctor continued, “We got most of the floors on lock down with security.”<br/>“Don’t go to any floors between the basement and tenth.”  Then I realized the basement; the Chryssalids.  I slowly stood up and found myself steadied by a doctor as he said, “You have to sit down.”<br/>   “No.  In the basement.  There are more.”<br/>“We blocked it as soon as we got you away.”<br/>I looked up at him and asked, “Do you even know what those are?  Those things can tear through metal like tin foil.  A door isn’t gonna stop them for long.  I’m the only one here who knows how to fight these things, so I’m gonna fight them.”<br/>   I suddenly felt my phone on my arm vibrate, and I quickly took it out and said, “You better be on your way.”<br/>“Hey buddy!  How you holdin’ up?”<br/>“Kit.  About time you bastard.”<br/>“Hey, you’re the bastard.  Who said you could visit my home country without me to give you a tour?”<br/>   “How long will you be?  We’re swamped.”<br/>“Mmm, another couple hours.”<br/>“Kit, if you don’t pick up the pace, there isn’t going to be a mission for you.”<br/>“Right, cause you’ll have killed them all.”<br/>“What?  You better-”<br/>   “Relax.  I’ll see you when it’s over.”<br/>“Fine, whatever.”  I heard the doors smash open and the Chryssalids screeched, making me say, “Blyat!” and I quickly hung up and put my phone back on my arm.  I saw everyone retreat from the barricaded basement door, but the Chryssalids were already moving quickly.  One of them jumped towards a female doctor, and I quickly fired to drop the already wounded Chryssalid.<br/>   There were two left; I saw a second one bleeding as it chased after a few of the patients, and I quickly fired twice, using the last of my ammo.  The Chryssalid avoided the shots, one of them grazing its leg, and it immediately turned and looked towards me.  I threw away the light rifle and held up my hands as I said, “Come on, bring it.”  The Chryssalid kept its head low as it hissed and glared at me, and I glared back at it and gave a low growl.<br/>   The Chryssalid gave screech before it charged towards me with all its legs, and I stood with my left hand held back in a fist; they better have made the cast extra-protective.  I yelled as I brought my fist hard into the Chryssalid’s face, grabbed its neck, and held it to the ground.  I quickly brought my fist down repeatedly until it whined and stopped squirming.  I heard a scream and suddenly felt stinging on my back as a Chryssalid jumped over me.<br/>   The Chryssalid was charging towards another nurse and leapt into the air; it screeched and came down.  I suddenly found myself in between the Chryssalid and the nurse, my casted arm preventing the Chryssalid from cutting through me.  “What is it with you bugs and chasing women?!” I yelled.  I suddenly felt the plaster begin to break as the Chryssalid forced itself onto me and raised another leg.  I quickly caught the leg with my free hand as it went for my middle, and I immediately felt the sting of its sharp barbed legs.<br/>   I was pushed onto my back, but managed to get my foot onto the Chryssalid as it tried to eat my face.  I groaned as the Chryssalid began to cut through my cast and into my left arm.  I was screwed.  Then there was the sound of metal as the Chryssalid was knocked aside.  I saw a doctor had swung a fire hydrant into the Chryssalid, and I said, “Thanks.”  I quickly stood up and brought both my fists down into the Chryssalid’s already broken head to make its legs curl in and go stiff.<br/>   I panted as I slowly stood up, covered in alien goo, and I quickly wiped it off on my pants.  I looked to the frightened people and asked, “Everyone okay?”<br/>“… What about you?” a nurse asked, “Your back…”  I looked to see red just out of my vision, and I waved my hand as I replied, “Whatever.  Anyway,” and I looked to the dead Chryssalids as I continued, “They don’t get easier to kill.”<br/>   I suddenly felt my phone vibrate, and I took it off my arm as I asked, “You finally here?”<br/>“No, still another hour.”<br/>“Are you serious right now?  Because I’m such a nice guy, I’ll see if I can sweep the area, get things a bit more calm.”<br/>“Sweet!”<br/>   “You’re buying me meals for a week.”<br/>“What- Oh, fine!”<br/>“Over and out,” and I hung up.  I looked to the frightened people, then I held up my hands and asked, “Anyone got a wet wipe?  This stuff is nasty.”</p>
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<a name="section0042"><h2>42. Chapter 42</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Man, I couldn’t believe how chicken the police were.  They come in after the hard work is done.  The only useful thing they did was sweeping and securing the area.  Half an hour passed, and I groaned as I sat down and kept my eyes closed for a moment.  Then I saw the green glow of the alien ship, making me quickly open my eyes and stand up.  I groaned as I felt the stinging on my hand and back, and I heard, “Excuse me?”<br/>   I turned to see a nurse say, “We should really treat you.”  I looked around to see the police doing their work, and I replied, “Make it quick.”<br/>“Right.”  I was brought to a bench on the side where makeshift examination table were made.  As I held out my hand, the nurse gently dabbed away the blood with disinfectant, making me stifle a bit.  “Here, hold this,” she said as she handed me gauze.<br/>   I held it in my hand as she said, “Can you take off your shirt?”<br/>I looked around at all the people, then I sighed as I replied, “Fine.  Like I said, make it quick.”  As I took off my shirt, I felt the nurse’s silence, and I said, “I know, it’s artwork.  No need to marvel at it for too long.”<br/>“No, it’s not that.  This might sting.”<br/>   “Huh?” and I groaned and bent over as I felt a horrible burning on my back.<br/>“Hey, take it easy!” I heard another woman say.  I looked to see another nurse run up and say, “I’ll help take care of him.”<br/>The first nurse said, “Don’t worry, I got it.”<br/>“I’ll treat his hand then, seeing how he’s still holding onto the gauze.”<br/>   I suddenly heard the familiar rotors of the Skyranger and looked out to see it land and have Kit walk out of it.  I said, “Der’mo, have to go,” and I quickly slipped my shirt back on and stood up to make the nurses exclaim.  “Wait!” the first nurse said, “You’ve exhausted yourself.  You have to rest.”<br/>“I got work to do,” and I walked past the nurses.  As Kit walked through the courtyard with a few others, I walked out and called, “About time!”<br/>   Kit gave a smile and replied, “Good to see you in one piece!”  Then Kit held up his phone as he replied, “Video call, from the Commander.”<br/>I blinked, and I walked up to face the phone and saluted as I said, “Colonel Jon Ryumin.”<br/>“At ease,” the Commander replied, “Colonel… good to see you alive.  What’s your status?”<br/>“The area is secure sir.  All hostiles have been eliminated so far.  We’re still sweeping for more.”<br/>   “I don’t think you heard my question Colonel.”<br/>“Sir?”<br/>“I said what’s <em>your</em> status?  How are you holding up?”<br/>“… I’m fine sir.”<br/>“Good to hear.  Come back on the Skyranger and return to base.”<br/>   “Yes sir.”<br/>“Get treated first.  You look like hell.”<br/>“Yes sir.”<br/>“That’ll be all.  Take care of yourself, and we’ll see you back home.”<br/>   I saluted again as the video ended, and I found myself getting light-headed and quickly put a hand to my head.  “Jon,” Kit said as he walked up.<br/>“I’m fine,” I replied as I waved him away, “I’ll be inside,” and I turned around to walk back in.<br/>“Looks like you got busted up pretty bad.”<br/>“Yeah, and I just got better.”<br/>   When I walked in, I immediately dropped on my front on one of the benches and mumbled, “I feel like shit.”<br/>“Aw, is someone sleepy?” Kit asked as he patted my shoulder.  I quickly inhaled as I pushed myself up and replied, “No, I’m not gonna sleep.”<br/>“Looks like you could use it.”<br/>   “No.  I don’t need it.”<br/>“Then I’ll at least get a doctor to patch you up.”<br/>“We can do that,” a nurse said as she and another female doctor rushed in and said, “Take off your shirt.”  I was helped in taking my shirt off, and the doctor said, “One of these is gonna need stitches.”<br/>I replied, “Like I said, make it quick.”<br/>   “Don’t worry.  We will, and it won’t be as painful.”  As the staff worked on me, I heard, “Jon?”  I looked up to see Dr. Minh, and I said, “Oh, hey doc.”<br/>“What happened to you?”<br/>“I’m fine.  I just finished my job.”<br/>“I heard you were leaving.”<br/>   I looked away and scratched my head as I replied, “Yeah.  My boss wants me back.”<br/>“You’re not in any shape to leave.”<br/>“Why is that?’ Kit asked as he stepped forward.<br/>“Who are you?”<br/>“I’m his commanding officer.”<br/>   I immediately replied, “Bullshit, we’re the same rank.”<br/>“Anyway, what’s the problem doc, seeing as he just handled a mission on his own?”<br/>“His left arm was severely damaged and he may get post-traumatic effects from his head injury.  It could happen while you’re transporting him and make his condition worse.  Besides, we have all the data on him so far.  He’s a patient in our hospital.”<br/>   Kit stood and rubbed his chin as he replied, “Well, what can I say doc?  We’ve got fine doctors of our own.  Isn’t there a way you could send the medical records over to us?”<br/>“Are you saying you’d risk your friend’s life?”<br/>I raised my hand and said, “I think that’s an exaggeration,” and then suddenly pulled back by the doctor as she kept working.<br/>   Dr. Minh suddenly looked at me and asked, “Then why won’t you sleep?”  Kit looked to me, his eyes reflecting worry, and I replied, “I’m not tired.  I don’t feel like sleeping.”<br/>“Really?  Because you’ve only gone with about two hours of sleep in the last twenty-four hours.”  My left arm suddenly pierced with pain, making me lay a hand on top of it as I replied, “What can I say?  I’m wired after fighting.”<br/>   “You okay?” Kit asked me.  The pain in my arm suddenly increased, making me cry out and bend over as I held my arm in pain.  “Here, let me see,” Dr. Minh said as he sat in front of me.  “Oh no, they broke the cast- Oh no…”  I looked up to see blood seeping from the crack in my cast, and the pain seemed to multiply.  I held back tears as the pain became overwhelming, and I took laboured breaths to hold it in.  “Jon, it’s okay.  It’s okay,” Kit said as he grabbed my shoulders, “Just shout if you need to.”<br/>   I growled, “Kit, just shut up,” and I groaned as the pain in my arm made it feel like it was being crushed.  “We need an operating room, now,” Dr. Minh said.  “Nurse!  We need transport to the OR, now!”<br/>“What’s happening?” Kit asked.<br/>   “His arm was badly damaged when he was brought in.  The bone from his forearm was sticking out when we got him.  I think the fight just made it worse.”<br/>“Well no shit.”<br/>“The screws may have just fractured more of his bones rather than keeping them together.  God, I was afraid of this.”<br/>   I curled up as I held my arm in pain, and heard, “Jon, just relax.”<br/>“Kit, just knock me out,” I growled.<br/>“What?” he asked.<br/>“Just knock me out!  It hurts so bad…” and I cried out and shivered as the excruciating pain doubled.<br/>“Hold on, this should help…” and everything soon faded from me until I lost track of my thoughts.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0043"><h2>43. Chapter 43</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I heard a respirator hiss and a heart monitor beeping again as I slowly opened my eyes to a white ceiling with soft lights.  I took a deep breath as I blinked and heard, “Hey, he’s awake.”<br/>“Jon?” another voice asked.  I felt my hand grabbed, and I looked to see Yu tearing as she held my hand.  “Wha…” I started, “What are you crying for?”<br/>“I… We were all worried.  They said there were complications,” Yu finished as she began to cry.<br/>   I was confused; it was like her sanity depended on me being alive, just like how I was with Sofia.  Why was she like this?  “What’s into you?” I asked under the oxygen mask.  “I didn’t take you for… someone who cried.”<br/>“I should be able to… especially when we’ve come to know each other so well.”<br/>“Colonel,” a man said.  I looked to see a man dressed in XCOM armour, who held his head down as he continued, “I’m… What I did… I’m sorry.”<br/>   Then I just suddenly asked, “Who are you?”<br/>He looked up, and I looked to see everyone gape at me, and I asked, “What?”<br/>“You don’t recognize him?!” Yu asked furiously as she pointed at the man.  I took off the oxygen mask and shrugged my shoulders as she asked, “How?!  What else did he do to you?”<br/>“Huh?  What-” and I suddenly saw flashes of the wooden bridge, me falling, and all the red flowing from me.<br/>   I held my head down in pain and put my hands to my eyes to blot out the images, and Yu asked, “Jon, are you okay?!”<br/>“Fine, just… Let me think for a bit, will ya’?”<br/>“Yeah, of course.”  I brought my left hand to my head to realize it was much lighter.<br/>   I blinked and looked to see the arm cast was gone, and instead replaced with thick bandages.  I flexed my hand, then I looked down to see I was in hospital clothes again, and I asked, “Did I get re-admitted or something?”<br/>“Surgery,” Kit said as he walked up.  “For your arm.”<br/>“Well they did a damn good job.”<br/>   “Yeah, well they are doctors.”  I tried to keep my heavy eyes open, making Yu say, “That’ll still be the anesthesia.  We’ll let you rest.”<br/>“No, I’m fine,” I replied as I sat myself up and asked, “When are we leaving?”<br/>“Soon,” Kit said.  “Doctors just wanna make sure you’re okay before you leave.”<br/>I sat back into the soft pillows and replied, “Figures.”<br/>   “Well, I brought you something to keep you entertained,” and Kit handed me a Sudoku book.<br/>“Appreciate it,” and I took the book.  “Now I’ve got medicine for boredom.”  I looked to Yu, who still held my hand, and I asked, “You still crying?”<br/>“No, I’m good.  I’m just glad you’re okay.”  I checked my watch to read, “October 17, 1:34a.m.”<br/>   “Damn,” I said, “If anything, you guys are the ones that should be sleeping, especially if you’ve been puppy-guarding me.”<br/>“Don’t worry,” Yu said, “We’re taking shifts.  Jerry and Hank just went to sleep in the Skyranger.”  This wasn’t good; I was on the brink of passing out from exhaustion and I didn’t want them looking over me if I flipped.  “I’m gonna get some more sleep,” I said, straining to keep my eyes open, “So… you can…”</p><p> </p><p>   “Jon?  Jon!  Jon, it’s okay.”  I gasped as I woke up with my arms swatting away at the air.  I suddenly saw everything I had just dreamt of; being back in the alien ship, running for my life.  I panted heavily and found myself trembling, but I wasn’t sure if it was from fear or adrenaline.  “Hey,” I heard as my head was lifted up to see Yu, Kit standing behind her, as she said, “You were having a night terror.  Are you okay?”<br/>   I sighed as I closed my eyes and rolled onto my side as I muttered, “Damn it.”<br/>“Jon.  Tell us what’s wrong.”<br/>“… I can’t sleep.  If I do… I just can’t.”<br/>I felt a hand on my back, and I replied, “Just leave me alone.”  I felt so pitiful, weak, exposed; I just wanted to disappear.<br/>   After what seemed like an eternity, I glanced up to see Yu, Kit and the other XCOM soldier still sitting.  Yu saw me and asked, “You need something?”<br/>“… You’re still here.”<br/>“Yeah, of course.”  I just turned back in my bed, soon hearing footsteps, then a butt was right next to my face.  I looked up to see Yu put her hand on my face and say, “The doctor was right.  You are sick.”<br/>   “Don’t say it like that.  You make it sound like I’ve got something contagious.”<br/>“… What’s special about me?”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>“What’s special about me?”  I was genuinely confused, but I stared blankly at her before looking away and starting, “Uhh, well…”<br/>   “Bastard!” she suddenly yelled as she pushed me out of bed.<br/>“Whoah!” I exclaimed, “What the hell?”<br/>She stood over me, seething and flaming red as she asked, “You’re telling me you don’t remember about us either?!”<br/>“Huh?  Us?  What?”<br/>   Yu grabbed me by the collar and shook me as she said, “You better damn remember!  I told you stuff and you told me stuff!”  I was left in a daze when she suddenly stopped and Kit said, “Whoa, dude, calm down!”<br/>Yu argued, “This guy loses his memory and forgets me?!  No way!”  As she let go of me, I feel back with my head still spinning, and I was picked up by the other soldier as he asked, “Colonel, you alright?”<br/>   I gave a light moan before I mumbled, “Whaass, goin’ on?”<br/>“Come on, let’s get you back in bed.”  As I was helped back in bed, the soldier said, “Guys, keep it down!  Otherwise-” the door suddenly burst open as someone yelled, “What’s going on in here?!”<br/>“I’ll tell you what’s going on!” Yu said.  She pointed at me and continued, “This guy doesn’t remember me as his girlfriend!”<br/>   Kit exclaimed, “I knew it!  Jon, you worker!”<br/>“What is happening?” I asked.<br/>“Seems like temporary amnesia,” Dr. Minh said as he walked up and held my head up as he brought out his light.  I squinted and looked away as he shined the light, but he kept my head in place and my eyes open.<br/>   When he was finished, I growled as I rubbed my eyes, and Dr. Minh asked, “Light bothering you?”<br/>“You succeeded in burning out my eyes.”<br/>“Photophobia.  You’re still suffering side-effects from your head injury.  Either the coma we put you in a week ago let you pass through the worst or it’s still yet to come.”<br/>“I hope it’s not the latter.”<br/>   “Depends.  What do you remember before you got hurt?”<br/>“I was at…” and my mind drew a blank.  “Doing… uh…”  I held up my hand and asked, “Gimme five minutes?”<br/>“You don’t remember the bar fight?” Kit asked.<br/>I folded my arms across my chest and closed my eyes as I replied, “I… remember a bridge, but that’s about it.”<br/>   “You mean from the mission?”<br/>“Sure,” and I put a hand to my head as the pain grew from thinking.  I continued, “I remember… something.”  I saw the Hangar Bay, looking down from up high, and I said, “I was at the Hangar, with Hae-Baek.”<br/>“Hae-Baek?”<br/>   “Me,” Yu said.<br/>“And,” I continued, “… him,” and I looked to the other soldier; he looked familiar.  Where did I see him?  Then I realized.  I clapped my hands and pointed at him as I said, “Oh!  You’re the one I sat on while you did push-ups.”<br/>“That’s right sir,” the soldier replied.<br/>   “Sorry, I don’t remember your name.”<br/>“It’s Dago.  Corporal Dago.”<br/>“Corporal?  Last I remember you were a Squaddie-” and I suddenly saw Dago walk towards me on the bridge.  “Jon?” I heard, but it faded out as I saw Dago snarl at me and we fought on the bridge.  The fight became flashes before I saw the sky and ground wheeling around as I fell.<br/>   “Jon?”<br/>I realized my hands were on my thumping head, and I slowly relaxed as I asked, “Huh?  What?”<br/>“Did you remember something?” Yu asked.<br/>“Something,” I replied, “But I have no idea.  It's hard to make out, like a broken movie reel.”  I rubbed my hands as they continued to tremble, and I looked out the hall, then around the room, and back out the hall; why did I feel so restless?  Like there was something I had to do?<br/>   Dr. Minh suddenly grabbed my shoulders as he looked at me and said, “Jon, just take a few deep breaths, okay?”  I sighed before I inhaled through my nose, then exhaled slowly.<br/>“Okay, good,” Dr. Minh said, “So, you’re having trouble remembering things?”  I shrugged, then Dr. Minh continued, “Try doing your Sudoku puzzles.”<br/>“Huh?”<br/>   “It’ll let me see how you’re doing.”<br/>“Alright, whatever.”<br/>“Start with the easiest.”<br/>“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”<br/>   Dr. Minh handed me a pen as I opened the book to the Easy puzzles.  I flipped past the previous puzzles that I had finished and looked to a blank puzzle.  As I focused, I found the numbers were blurred; my glasses.  I asked, “Do you still have my bag?”<br/>Dr. Minh replied, “We sent everything you had to the police station.”<br/>   I sighed as I held the book further away from me and squinted at the numbers.  I scanned through the boxes, but my thoughts kept going to something else; something dark.  I just wanted to sit here and think about how to keep fighting, to keep going on.  I sighed as I put the book down, and Kit asked, “What’s wrong?  You usually finish ‘em in five minutes.”<br/>“I don’t know,” I replied, “Just not feeling up to it.”<br/>   “Seven, zero, five, three,” Dr. Minh suddenly said.  We all looked at him as he repeated, “Seven, zero, five, three.  Repeat the numbers I just said.”<br/>I replied, “Seven, zero… three, five.”<br/>“Eight, six, four, two.  Repeat that.”<br/>“Is there a point to this?”<br/>   “Eight, six, four, two.  Repeat it.”<br/>I sighed and said, “Six, eight, four, two.”<br/>“Okay.  That’s it.”<br/>“So?  How’d I do?”<br/>“You did okay.”<br/>   As I sat back, I replayed the last few minutes; Dr. Minh said, “Eight, six, four, two,” and I said… it wasn’t right.  I immediately perked up and said, “No, it’s wrong.”<br/>Dr. Minh asked, “What’s wrong?”<br/>“You said… Eight, six, four, two, and I said… well it wasn’t that.”  Dr. Minh sat down and asked, “How do you know?”<br/>   “I went over it again.  It didn’t sound right.”<br/>He smiled as he replied, “Congratulations.  You’re getting better.”<br/>“Yeah, but there’s something else.”<br/>“What?”<br/>I brought a hand to my head as I replied, “I don’t know, but-” and I looked to my bandaged left arm; the cast was gone.<br/>   “Doc,” I said.<br/>“Yeah?”<br/>“My arm.  It’s not in a cast anymore.”<br/>“Yes.”<br/>“And I remember, it felt like it was being put in a grinder.”<br/>   I looked up at him and continued, “They said I was in surgery.  What kind of operation heals a broken arm in a few days?”<br/>“… We didn’t heal it.  You healed yourself.”<br/>“Uh, yeah, I think that’s what’s supposed to happen.”<br/>   “You healed a broken arm, expected to be in a cast for ten weeks, in only two.  Even more, the bone was sticking out of your arm when you were admitted.”  I blinked and looked down in surprise as I remembered what Dr. Laavi said; “Impossible.”<br/>“… It healed quick,” I said, “Unnaturally quick.  That’s what you’re saying, right?”<br/>“Yeah.  The pain you were feeling, it was your body expelling the screws we put in.”<br/>   “Screws?”<br/>“We placed them inside to keep your bones together, but they healed and it seemed like your body was trying to expel the screws.”  There was something else.  Something else I was missing.  I put a hand to my head to only feel a patch of gauze, making Dr. Minh explain, “Your skull fracture’s completely healed too.”<br/>   “… No,” I muttered as I held my head down.  “It’s not right.  That’s not right.”<br/>“Hey, you’re alive, aren’t ya’?” Kit asked as he put a hand on my shoulder.<br/>“No.  I…” and I suddenly felt something dark.  That’s why I was hurt so bad.  They were trying to…  “I need to think,” I said, “Leave.”<br/>Yu started, “Jon-” but I glared at her and said, “Leave.”<br/>   Yu and Dago walked out silently, and Kit whined, “Come on, me too?”  I looked off to the side and replied, “Yeah, just go.”<br/>“… Okay,” Kit said quietly as I heard him leave.<br/>“… Is it bad?” I heard.<br/>I looked to see Dr. Minh was still standing in the corner, and I asked, “You’re still here?”<br/>   “You remembered something, didn’t you?  It was how you got hurt.”<br/>I looked away and replied, “I remember the feelings, and the thoughts, but not the event.”  I put a hand to my head and growled, “If only there was a way to remember!”<br/>“… Want to have a session?  Talk about it?”<br/>“… Sure.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0044"><h2>44. Chapter 44</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   “Do you know what your first words were when you got here?” Dr. Minh asked me.<br/>“No, I don’t.  Was it embarrassing?  I hope I at least said something that made sense.”<br/>“You said, ‘Let me die.’”<br/>“… Heh, that doesn’t sound like me.”<br/>   “No, it doesn’t, does it?  But that’s what you said.  You were probably on autopilot, but that means you were telling the truth; you didn’t want to live.”<br/>“That’s not true.”<br/>“Then tell me, how did you feel?”<br/>“… I don’t remember.”<br/>“Hopefully after this, you will.”</p><p> </p><p>   I walked into Control to see Dago talking with The Commander, Bradford, and Dr. Vahlen.  “Hey,” I said as I waved and walked up, “You guys wanted to see me?”<br/>“Ah, Colonel,” The Commander said, “We wanted to talk about a covert mission in Canada.”<br/>“Canada?  You should send Kit; he knows more about the place.”<br/>“Well, this mission will be a bit, different.”<br/>   “Yeah, I got that impression when you said ‘covert.’  So?  What’s up?”<br/>Bradford said, “We’re aware that you were with a special unit back in your service with Russia.”<br/>“… What about it?”<br/>“You’ve been trained for special, unofficial missions, just like this one.”<br/>“And what is this mission?”<br/>   “We need to drop you into Algonquin to investigate disappearances in the area.  We’ve seen signs of alien activity around and have information on a structure, but we can’t pinpoint it.  We need you to search the area, find the structure, and infiltrate it.  And if you can, rescue any hostages.”<br/>“Right.  So why is this covert?”<br/>   “Well, some of our diplomatic relationships with Canada have been… tense.  Also, Canada has been experiencing high levels of panic.  We don’t want to make this public and add fuel to the fire, so to speak.  They’ve asked us to handle this discreetly.”<br/>“Okay, so what’s the team look like?”<br/>   “Dago is an excellent Assault soldier in close quarters, and Yu has often been useful in reconnaissance and intel gathering.  We’re trying to keep the team small.”<br/>“Got it.  This should be fun.”<br/>The Commander replied, “Be careful.  This is still going to be dangerous.  And remember, try not to attract too much noise where you are.”<br/>   “Yeah, yeah, just tell me when we leave.”<br/>“Thirty minutes.”<br/>I chuckled and asked, “On a deadline, eh?  Fine, but I expect some thanks when I return,” and I walked out of Control.  I went to the very top level of the Hangar Bay, still wondering; will I come back, or will it finally be the last one?  Whatever happens, it’ll just happen.  Simple as that.<br/>   “Jon.”  I looked to see Yu, and she continued, “Back here again?”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>“I know you’re having a hard time, but remember, you always have choices.”<br/>“Yeah, I know.  Thanks for putting up with me.”<br/>“I put up with it because I love you, you lug.”<br/>I gave a light smile and said, “Let’s get geared up, shall we?”</p><p> </p><p>   I took deep breaths as I walked through the woods and heard Yu say over the radio, “Everything’s clear so far.”<br/>“Copy.  Nothing on my end either.”  I suddenly heard branches snapping and some chittering, and I quickly raised my rifle and said, “I heard something.  I’ll check it out.”<br/>“Copy that.”<br/>   I crept up behind a tree, pressed my back against it, and slowly peeked out to see a pod and a Sectoid.  I slowly and quietly raised my rifle, aimed, then I suddenly heard plasma fired at me.  I quickly ducked and rolled out of the way, looking back to see the plasma burn the wood where my head was.  The Sectoid chittered and held up its rifle as it focused on me.  I quickly aimed again, but there was another shot of plasma from the unknown shooter, allowing the Sectoid to shoot at me.<br/>   I quickly ran and said, “I got a Sectoid and another unknown!  Taking fire!”  I kept running through the woods, making sure I didn’t trip on anything, and panted as I heard the noise fade behind me.  I panted as I quickly climbed up a hill and kept myself low.  I peered through the brush to see the Sectoid come into view.  I took aim again, then fired to have a resounding gunshot ring out.  “Enemy neutralized,” I breathed into the mic, “Now, that unknown-” and plasma burned through the brush in front of me.<br/>   “Ah, blyat!” I exclaimed as I ran further.  I put a hand to my ear and yelled, “Yu, Dago!  Come in!”  Nothing.  I repeated, “Yu!  Dago!  Anyone!”  I kept running as I came to an open bridge and a horrible thought intruded; it’s not about the mission, it never was.  “Jon,” I heard Nikolai say.  “You know why you’re really out here.”  No.  I held my head as I tried to get rid of these thoughts, but they kept coming.  I slowed down to a stop, standing on the middle of the bridge, and slowly took in the evening air.  I looked up to see the pink sky turning dark orange with traces of purple, the moon palely cutting through the clouds, and even a few stars had come out.<br/>   I sighed as I leaned on the red metal rails of the bridge, looking down at the stream and rock bank below.  It was maybe twenty meters, not as high as the Hangar Bay back at base.  I looked over further and continued to wonder; would it work?  Who’d clean up the mess?  Maybe it wasn’t real; maybe I’m just overthinking things.  They wouldn’t betray me.  I suddenly heard footsteps and turned and blocked with my rifle to catch a knife.<br/>   I looked to see Dago keep slashing at me, pushing me into the rails, and I quickly rolled out of the way.<br/>I jumped back and asked, “Dago?  What the hell?!”<br/>“… Sorry about that Colonel.  I was gonna make your death a quick one.”<br/>“What do you think you’re doing?!”<br/>   “What needs to be done,” and he held up his knife.<br/>“What?”<br/>“Come on.  You of all people should know Colonel; you’re too dangerous to be kept alive.”<br/>“No, you don’t understand!”<br/>“No.  You’re the one who doesn’t understand.  This isn’t some act of madness.  This is an order.”<br/>   I took a step back, making Dago jump and run along the rails to pounce over me, and I quickly rolled back onto the middle of the bridge.  I blocked his knife with my rifle again, and I asked, “Why?  Why?!  I know they wouldn’t; they wouldn’t!  The Commander; he’d never betray me!”<br/>“You just don’t want to see it, do you?  They don’t think you’re worth it anymore.  You’re just a nuisance, a danger; another one of the enemy.”<br/>   I gasped and blinked as I recalled those horrible thoughts.  They’re going to kill you; they don’t want you.  Dad was right; they’re afraid, they want to get rid of you.  You’re just a threat.  I suddenly lost my balance as Dago pushed me into the rails of the bridge.  I swung a fist, but Dago simply avoided it and hit me in the head with the hilt of his knife.  I could feel myself sliding over the rails of the bridge, but I still held on to them, and onto him.<br/>   “Why?” I asked calmly as I kept a grip on Dago’s armour.  “Just tell me.  Why?”<br/>“… Because it’ll be easier.”  As I heard him say that, I felt all the strength just sap from me, and I let go of his armour.  “… It’s okay,” I replied.  The sky and earth wheeled all around me as I fell freely, still gripping my rifle.  I could feel the cool breeze around me as I fell, and for a moment, it seemed as nothing else mattered; time was still.<br/>   Then I hit the ground to feel an instant of pain and multiple cracks.  I could only feel my head ringing as I lay on the cold, wet ground; the rest of my body numb.  It was like my body felt me give up, but then, how come I’m still alive?  “Dammit,” Nikolai said as he squatted next to me.  “Jon, get up!”  I slowly opened my eyes, but the vision in my left eye was blurred and I felt stinging as water flowed past my face.  I felt my hand twitch and tried to move, but my body sent daggers of pain screaming at me to stop.<br/>   Red.  All I could do was lay in silent pain and watch the red flow by me.  Was I alive?  Or was I stuck; only watching through the windows of a house on a rainy day?  I felt my arm shift.  No; I’m alive.  I slowly turned my head to have it thump in pain, then I pushed myself up slowly to barely feel anything.  My mind seemed like a broken television; only a few images with static to fill in the blanks.  Soon, I was walking down a dark road.  It was empty and seemed forgotten, unwanted, and I didn’t care where it went.<br/>   I suddenly heard, “Hey man- Whoa.”  I stopped and looked to see a young man in a truck, and I glared at him and asked, “What?”<br/>“You okay?  You… I can take you to a hospital.  Get you treated.”<br/>I just gave a heavy breath as I continued to walk, and the man called, “Hey, wait!”<br/>   I took another step.  If I was unwanted, where could I go?  Another step.  Is there, any place that’ll take me?  A place where unwanted things go?  Another step.  If they really don’t want me, then why bother?  I stopped and looked down at the gun in my side holster.  A place to die.  Yeah, that’s why I’m walking.  I’m searching, for a place to die.<br/>   Sirens.  I heard them coming from a distance away; did something happen?  Did someone get hurt?  Then flashes of red and blue lights appeared from down the road.  That’s right.  Now I remember.<br/>“… Don’t,” I said.  “… Are you… gonna kill me?”  That’s why I said that.  In the ambulance, I felt myself grow weaker, the people working to keep me alive, hurting me, and I said, “Please.  Just… let me die.”<br/>“Why?” a doctor in the ambulance asked.<br/>   “No one wants me alive… and I don’t want to go on living…”<br/>“… What made you this way?” the doctor asked as I stared at the hospital ceiling; I was waiting.<br/>“Let me die,” I said, emphasizing each word.<br/>“No, because we want you to live.”</p>
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<a name="section0045"><h2>45. Chapter 45</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I found myself crying in the corner of the room, holding my head, trying to keep myself together.  “Jon, listen to me,” Dr. Minh said.  “You still have friends; it’s not over.”<br/>“… I can’t…” I found myself saying.  “If they know, they’ll never… I don’t want them to know.  I’d rather die with them as my friends than live with them as my enemies.”<br/>“They don’t think that about you at all.  Your friends, they care about you.”<br/>   “… This power, it’ll try to hurt them.  I can’t ever let that happen.  I’m just a threat.”<br/>“Jon.  You’ve shown me what you can do.  You won’t hurt anyone unless you intend it, and you wouldn’t ever hurt your friends, right?”<br/>“…”<br/>“Like you always say; a way to protect your friends.  Use your power for that single purpose.”<br/>   I continued to cry as I kept my hands over my ears; I was stuck.  It was like I had fallen into some pit, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to come out of it.<br/>“Come on Jon, stand up.”  As I stood up with my head down, Dr. Minh said, “Close your eyes, take a deep breath.”  I sighed, them I closed my eyes and took a breath, then exhaled.  “Now focus on my voice,” I heard.<br/>   It was silent for a few seconds before I heard, “You look around, you’re standing outside your house.  Feel the breeze in your hair, the sun warming you up, and you’re walking.  Where are you going?”<br/>“… To town.”<br/>“Why?”<br/>“Dad’s there.  And so is Grandmother, and Grandfather.”<br/>   “You’re in your town, you meet your father, your grandmother, and grandfather.  What are you all doing?”<br/>“In Grandmother and Grandfather’s shop.  Just talking, and having snacks.”<br/>“You’re having a good time, what do you talk about?”<br/>“Hunting, and school.”<br/>   “… Now it’s late, and you walk home.  Your father takes you by your hand, and as you two walk, you look up to see stars.”  I looked up to see all the stars in the sky, and marvelled at the sight.  “That’s the beauty of nature Jon,” my father said.  “Make sure to keep it preserved for your kids.”<br/>“Dad… There’s so much I want to talk to you about.”<br/>“Hmm?  Like what?”<br/>   “My promise… I’m sorry.  I couldn’t keep it.”<br/>“… It’s alright.  Just don’t try it again, okay?”<br/>“Right… Dad?”<br/>“Yeah?”<br/>“… It’s nothing, never mind.  You already know.”<br/>   “… Open your eyes.”  I slowly found myself standing back in the hospital room, and Dr. Minh asked, “Better?”<br/>I blinked and replied, “Yeah.  What was that?”<br/>“I just guided you to your memories, made a simulation of sorts.  Just to make you feel better.”<br/>“Yeah, it worked.”<br/>   I sat down on my bed, and Dr. Minh asked, “How you doing?”<br/>“Okay, I guess.”<br/>“How do you feel, knowing the truth?”<br/>How did I feel?  I soon replied, “I don’t think, I’ll ever be the same.”<br/>   “You may be right.  You’ve been through a lot, but that pain is what separates you from everyone else.  It makes you stronger, and you have a choice.”<br/>“What choice?”<br/>“To understand others who have felt that same pain.  To protect others from having to experience it.  Or, you inflict it upon them.”<br/>   “… I’ll protect them.  Even if it means I have to take the pain, over and over again.”<br/>“Don’t you think it’s time?  To tell them?”<br/>“Maybe.  Just a small part of the story.  But for now, I’m gonna eat.  I’m starving.”<br/>“Breakfast won’t be for another hour.”<br/>“Are there any cafeterias or something?”<br/>   “Maybe your friends will bring you something.”  As he said that, Dr. Minh rose and replied, “I’ll be back.  You wait here, okay?”<br/>“Got it.”  As I sat on my bed, waiting, I suddenly remembered; “You are strong,” the Ethereal whispered, “But you are still mortal.”<br/>   I sat and closed my eyes as I saw the darkness of the ship, found myself back on the metal slab of a table, and looked up to see the Ethereal in front of me continue, “You will see it our way.”  I opened my eyes and looked up as I heard the door open, and saw Hank and Jerry walk in with Dr. Minh behind them.  “Hey, hey, hey!” Hank said, “Look who’s awake!”<br/>I gave a light smile and replied, “Hey,” and we clasped hands.<br/>   Jerry walked up, wearing his earbuds as always, and asked, “How have you been?  They’ve been treating you nicely I hope.”<br/>“Yeah, well it is Canada.”<br/>Hank replied, “You wouldn’t believe how excited Kit was when he found out you were here.”<br/>“Well it is his home country.  I can only imagine.”<br/>“Well, that too.  But he could also tell right off the bat that you were okay.”<br/>   “We were pretty worried,” Jerry said.<br/>I replied, “Right, sorry,” and I scratched my head as I replied, “I just have a knack for getting myself into trouble, huh?”<br/>“Damn right,” Hank said, “It’s a pretty bad habit.  This time, you didn’t even get back home.  It hasn’t been the same without ya’, you know?  Even Bradford and the Commander were working their butts off trying to find you.”<br/>   I blinked and asked, “What?  Really?”  I thought they wanted me dead; then again, they were probably just looking for a body.  But the way the Commander talked to me over the video call…  I continued, “I guess they would be.”<br/>“Of course,” Hank said, “They didn’t know what happened and everyone was flipping out.”<br/>“Flipping?”<br/>   Jerry explained, “During your last mission, your radio got cut and we lost contact with you.  I heard Dago had something to do with it, got chewed out a bit, and got sent here for you to confirm.”<br/>“Confirm what?”<br/>“Well… you’re supposed to tell us.”<br/>I sat back, then replied, “Hmm, maybe later.  Right now, I need breakfast.”<br/>   Hank said, “Yeah.  Kit and everyone else are already eating.”<br/>“Then let’s go join them.  I’m sure they’d like us to drop in.”<br/>“Wait,” Dr. Minh said, “One moment.”</p><p> </p><p>   Soon, I was walking to the cafeteria in a new white shirt and pants with my left arm in a sling.  “I still don’t get why I have to wear this thing,” I said as he held up my left arm in the sling, “It feels okay.”<br/>Jerry lowered my arm and replied, “He doesn’t want you to strain it.  Better to be safe than sorry.”<br/>“Eh, I suppose so.”<br/>   We walked into the empty cafeteria, save the table at the centre, where Kit, Yu, and Dago all sat, eating breakfast.  “Hey!” Kit called as he waved to us.  “Come on!  We got you something to chow down on!”  I walked up and took a seat across the table, then Hank and Jerry took either side of me.  As I heard the music from Jerry’s earbuds, I asked, “You listening to new music?”<br/>   Jerry looked at me and said, “Damn, you’ve got good ears.  Yeah, it’s awesome.”<br/>I chuckled as I sat back and took a plate with an omelette.  As I ate, I saw Dago staring off into space, his eyes deep in his thoughts.  I asked, “Hey, you with us?”<br/>“Hmm?” Dago asked as he looked up at me.<br/>“You seem bothered.”<br/>   Dago looked away and said, “Just, thinking.”<br/>“About what?”<br/>“The mission, what happened.”<br/>“What are you talking about?  Nothing happened.”<br/>“Huh?  What are you saying?” Jerry asked.<br/>   “I just fell.  Slipped into that ditch.”<br/>“Jon,” Yu said, “Dago confessed.  He pushed you off the bridge.  He tried to kill you!”<br/>“Really?” I asked as I scratched my head, “Well that’s a problem, ‘cause I don’t remember it that way.”<br/>“Colonel, stop,” Dago suddenly said.  “It’s okay.  Don’t pin it on yourself.  You’re always trying to do the heavy lifting on your own, but sometimes, we have to be able to carry our own weight.”<br/>   “… Then tell me, what made you do it?”<br/>“I told you; it was orders.  And I-”<br/>“No, not that.  Why did you talk?  If you were a good soldier, you would’ve kept quiet, carried out your mission.  So, why?”<br/>   “… What you said; ‘It’s okay.’  When there was an investigation, I found out more about what I’d done, who I really killed.”  Dago looked up at me and continued, “It was wrong of me to judge you based on someone else’s biased opinion, and to carry out their order like a dog.  What I did, it was attempted murder.”<br/>“When you talked about your orders, were you telling me the truth?”<br/>   “…”<br/>“Don’t lie.  I need to know.”  I had to.<br/>“… Yeah.”<br/>I held my head down, and replied, “I see… Thank you.”  I stood up, and Kit asked, “Where you goin’?”<br/>“Back to my room.”<br/>   “I’m done too.  I’ll come with you,” and Kit rose.<br/>“So will I,” Yu said.<br/>“Anyone else joining the wagon?” I asked.<br/>“Come on, we just care about you.”<br/>“You guys finish up,” I said to Hank and Jerry.  “I’ll catch you later.”<br/>   “You bet!” Hank said.<br/>I looked to Dago and said, “You too,” and I turned and walked away.  As I walked, Yu asked me, “Jon, how come you’re trying to cover for him?”  Even I wasn’t sure.  Maybe it was because he was just doing his job?  Or maybe it was because…<br/>“Did you want to?” Kit asked.<br/>   I stopped in the hall and turned to him as I asked, “Huh?”<br/>Kit had his head down, the shadow of the bandana hiding his eyes as he looked away.  “Did you want him to kill you?” Kit continued as he clenched his fists.  “Is that why?  Why you’re willing to forgive him?  Because he was willing to kill you?”<br/>   “… If it was for a reason like that, I should hate him.  Seeing as how I’m still alive, neither of us achieved our goals.”<br/>“So then, you were really…”<br/>I scoffed as I replied, “I’m not that desperate,” and I shoved my hands into my pockets as I started to walk, and I suddenly stopped when Kit locked his arms around me.<br/>   “Jon, please…” Kit said, his voice breaking.  “Just tell us.  Don’t just do it yourself, leaving us out of it.  Don’t leave us like that.  If you do… The feeling…”  Kit’s hands clenched into fists as he held onto me and finished, “It’s worse than dying,” and I could hear him softly crying on my back.<br/>“… Sorry,” I replied.<br/>   I felt Kit slowly let go as I continued, “I let my emotions get the better of me.  Knowing there’s someone out there that wants me dead, that the world’s better off without me; it’s enough to drag me back into that pit.  But, it makes me that much more antsy to show them who I really am; that I’m not some danger, an enemy, or an experiment.”<br/>   I turned to face Kit and finished, “I will always be your friend, to all of you.  Remember that.  I’d never do anything that would compromise any of you.  You’re all I have in this world.”<br/>“We already know that man.  We already know that.  And if you know us, it’s that we feel the same way,” and Kit finished with his head down and tears dripping down his face.</p>
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<a name="section0046"><h2>46. Chapter 46</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   As I tossed a rubber ball up and down in my left hand, the physiotherapist asked, “It feels okay now?”<br/>“Yeah,” and I caught the ball and gripped it as I continued, “Lot better than yesterday.”<br/>“Alright, let’s check coordination then.”  The physiotherapist stood in front of me and said, “Pass me the ball, towards my chest.”<br/>“Okay.”  I gave an underhand toss to have the ball sail through the air and let the doctor catch it.<br/>   “Good,” he said, “Now you catch it,” and the ball sailed through the air again.  I held out my hands, cupping them, and the ball just passed through my hands.  I picked up the ball and replied, “Guess it’s still not perfect, huh?”<br/>“You’ve made remarkable progress for your injuries.  It’s amazing what you’ve accomplished in just a few days.”<br/>   “Well, I can always do better,” and I continued to toss the ball up and down.<br/>“We’ve done enough for today.  If you want more, just go through the exercises I showed you.  They should be more than enough.”<br/>“Right.  Thanks.”<br/>“Come on, let’s get you back to your room.”<br/>   I was sitting in my room, working on my Sudoku book for a while, when the door opened and I looked up to see Dr. Minh.  “Hey there Jon,” Dr. Minh said.<br/>“Hey doc.”<br/>“So, how do you feel?”<br/>“Pretty good.”<br/>   I held out my left arm, now with only a patch on the side of my forearm, as I said, “I’ve regained most of the function.”<br/>“Excellent.  So, about our sessions.”<br/>“Yeah.  I like them, but I need to get back.”<br/>“Actually, your Commander has made a request, which I’ve accepted.”<br/>   “Huh?”<br/>“When you return, I’ll be coming with you.”<br/>I blinked, and asked, “What?  Really?”<br/>“I’ll be working as a psychiatrist not just for you, but other soldiers who might be struggling.”<br/>“That’s great.  So, when can we leave?”<br/>   “Maybe in another day.  We’re just waiting for the follow-up tests to come in.  You should be home-free after that.”<br/>“Cool.”<br/>“But, Jon…”<br/>I looked up and asked, “What is it?”<br/>   Dr. Minh stared at me and asked, “Are you ready?”<br/>“Yeah.  I mean Kit got my rifle and stuff back from the police.  Apparently, the armour was screwed up, but whatever.  I’ll be home and battle ready in no time.”<br/>“But, are you really okay with going back out into the field?”<br/>   I fell silent as I looked out my window and replied, “Honestly?  I have no clue.  I just have to hope I can do my best not to get hurt and protect my comrades.”<br/>“How do you feel about going back?”<br/>“I’m not sure.  Kinda excited.  Maybe a bit worried.”<br/>“What are you worried about?”<br/>   “Well, when I came back as a P.O.W, everyone thought I was dead.  I’m not sure how they’d react now, seeing as how I’m still a bit banged up.”<br/>“You look fine.”<br/>I gave a light laugh and said, “I know what they say about me, and my scars.  They think it’s badass, painful, but that I’m strong.  Unfortunately, the truth becomes muddled and blurred from the multiple times it’s told and passed on.”<br/>   “What is the truth?”<br/>“I got these scars because I was weak; too weak to protect myself, to save the woman I loved, and gave up on my strength.  I’m still weak, but I guess I still have to try, because they need me to.”</p><p> </p><p>   I took one last walk through the hospital garden in the late afternoon, enjoying the rays of the sun as it set lower and lower in the blue sky.  I sat down on the same bench by the flowers, and looked around at the other patients walking.  An old woman sat beside me and smiled as she said, “Hello again.”  I glanced at her, then felt myself looking away sheepishly and replied, “Hello.”  The same old woman from the last time I was here.<br/>   She grabbed my hand and held it in both hands as she said, “I see you’ve gotten your cast off.”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>“To think, it was only a few days too!”  As I continued looking around, the old woman began to rummage around her pockets when she pulled something out and put something in my hand.  I looked and opened my hand to see a wooden beaded bracelet with a small butterfly charm.<br/>   “There you are,” she continued.  “That way, it’ll always be with you,” and she looked to my shoulder.  No.  I looked back to see the black butterfly with the edges of blue, right behind my shoulder.  “Don’t be sad,” the old woman said.<br/>I looked at her and asked, “You think I’m sad?”<br/>   She sat back and looked ahead as she replied, “You remind me a lot of my husband.  He was always so reserved around others, but I always knew what was going through his mind.  You both have the same eyes.  Having seen the ugliness in this world, they’re filled with doubt, fear, and sadness.”  I blinked as I let the bracelet lay in my open hand, and the old woman continued, “When you come to be my age, you’ll look back and be proud of how far you’ve come.”<br/>   Then she looked at me and smiled as she finished, “So, don’t be sad, okay?” then she stood up and slowly shuffled away.  I stared down at the bracelet before sticking my hand in my pocket and I heard, “Hello.”  I looked up to see a nurse, and I asked, “Yeah?”<br/>“Thank you for protecting us during the alien attack,” the nurse said as she gave a quick bow.<br/>“I was just doing my job.”<br/>   “I don’t know many soldiers who’d throw themselves in front of someone like me,” and she held my bandaged right hand; it was warm.  She continued, “I admired your bravery.  I still remember how you shouted at those things to keep away from us.”<br/>I gave a smile and replied, “Yeah, well, if they’re gonna take over the earth, we at least can’t let them get our women.”<br/>“Then don’t let them.  Send them all back to wherever they came from.”<br/>   “Like I said, that’s my job.”<br/>“Good.  I hope you get out soon,” and she walked away.  I watched her walk inside to a group of nurses, all talking and laughing as they glanced my way.<br/>I sighed as I sat back and muttered, “If only they knew I had a girlfriend.”  I stood up when I realized my hand was still in my pocket, and drew it out to see I still had the bracelet clutched in my hand.  I slipped the bracelet on and stared at the butterfly, then I smiled and walked inside.</p>
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<a name="section0047"><h2>47. Chapter 47</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   As I stepped off the Skyranger and smelled the musty air of the Hangar, I heard clapping and looked to see everyone; all the soldiers, scientists, engineers, and even Bradford and the Commander.  I saluted as they walked up, and the Commander said, “Enough of that.  We’re all just glad you’re okay.”<br/>I put my hand back to my side, but I kept myself composed as I replied, “Yes sir, thank you.”<br/>“And this must be Doctor Minh,” the Commander continued and extended a hand to Dr. Minh.<br/>   Dr. Minh stepped out and shook the Commander’s hand.  “I look forward to working with everyone here,” Dr. Minh said.<br/>“Good.  Perhaps you could file your report on the Colonel here.  Our records are a bit shabby on what his status is.”<br/>“Of course.”<br/>   The Commander turned to me and finished, “You go and settle back in.  Spend time with the others and rest.”<br/>“Yes sir,” I replied.<br/>“Come doctor.  I will show you to the infirmary,” and Dr. Minh followed the Commander out.  I walked up to the soldiers, where everyone saluted me, and I said, “At ease.”<br/>   Kit walked up and said, “Took you long enough to get back.  How’s the arm?” and he looked to my left arm.  I held it up and replied, “Lighter without the cast.  But still got a hole in the arm,” and I put a hand over the gauze by my elbow.<br/>“I can imagine.”  I looked to see Yu standing at the front, and I walked up and said, “Lieutenant.”<br/>“Colonel, good to see you back.”</p><p> </p><p>   As Dr. Minh walked with the Commander, Dr. Minh suddenly heard, “Is he alright?”<br/>He looked up and asked, “Hmm?  Oh, yes.  For now.”<br/>“… Jon is one of our best, but at the same time he’s one of our most wounded.  I’m not sure how much more he can take.”<br/>   “He’s a strong man, but yes, everyone has their breaking point.  And it’s safe to say Jon has come close to his many times.”<br/>“You’ve helped him though.  He’s comfortable around you, I can see it.”<br/>“He’s broken, but he’s managed to put himself together.  I’ve just shown him where the pieces go.  His friends, his will to live, that’s the glue.  You’d be surprised how far we had to go to keep him alive.”<br/>   “… What happened?”<br/>“… From what I heard, he was walking alone, in Algonquin late at night.  He kept walking, but when we got him, he asked us to let him die.  He almost bled out in the O.R, had acute respiratory distress, two cardiac arrests, and almost had a stroke from his brain hemorrhage.  His body was basically screaming at us to stop, let him die.”<br/>   “What made you work so hard to keep him alive after all that?”<br/>“… I’d normally say it’s part of the job, but, when I saw the way he was dressed, his composure, what he carried; we all knew he was soldier.  I didn’t want his decision to be based on what he experienced as a soldier, but as a person.  I wanted to give him that chance; we all did.”</p><p> </p><p>   I found myself laughing as we all talked around the bar, having drinks, and Hank asked, “Hey Jon, you finally drinking beer for a change?”<br/>“You bet,” I said as I held up my mug and gulped down the milk.<br/>“Let’s see,” and Jerry brought down my mug to see emptiness.  “I bet you were just drinking milk.”<br/>“Then ask Greg.”<br/>   “Whoa,” Greg said as he held up his hands, “I don’t remember.  Don’t drag me into this.”<br/>“Pour him a beer then!” Hank said.<br/>“Alright, whatever you say,” I said as I held out my mug for Greg to pour.  He gave me a quick wink as he poured out the liquid into my mug.  I wasn’t going to drink beer; he was just pouring out apple juice.  He tipped out the bottle and said, “There ya’ go.  Drink up!”<br/>   “Thanks,” I said as I began to drink and heard, “Chug, chug, chug,” and I began to tip back the mug as I drank down the sweet liquid.<br/>“Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!”  When I finished, I put my mug down on its top and everyone cheered and patted me on the back.  I grinned and replied, “Told ya’.”<br/>   As I stood up, I suddenly swooned and said, “Whoa…”  I laughed and said, “Man, I guess I’m still a bit lightweight.”  What was going on?  I didn’t drink any alcohol.  Was it something else?  I heard more laughter and looked to see Kit and Greg high-five each other.  Kit said, “Dude, you think you just drank juice?”  A chill ran up my spine as Kit said, “I figured out your plan, so we double-crossed you and gave you a cocktail!  Apple-flavoured of course!”<br/>   “I even made it concentrated,” Greg said, “Just enough to give you a buzz.”<br/>I asked, “Seriously?”  I laughed and said, “You could’a just told me.  I would’ve drunken it.”<br/>“No you wouldn’t,” Hank said, “You’re someone who stays clean.”<br/>“You bet I am.”  I had to admit though, it didn’t feel so bad.<br/>“Hey, Jon,” Jerry said, “I’m gonna play some music, real music.  You wanna do some vocals?”<br/>   “I told you, it was only gonna be the one time.”<br/>Hank replied, “Yeah, and you rocked the house with practice and the show.”<br/>“What songs?”<br/>“Some Avenged Sevenfold,” Jerry replied.<br/>“Ohhh!” Kit exclaimed, “Yes!  Jon, please do it!”<br/>   “Are you serious?”<br/>“Yeah!  Get set up!”<br/>“Heh, fine.  What the hell am I gonna be singing?”<br/>“Here,” Jerry said as he tossed me his phone and said, “The Stage.  Listen to it.  You can read the lyrics while you sing.”<br/>   “Yeah right.  Give me five minutes.  I’ll memorize it.”<br/>“The song’s eight minutes.”<br/>“… Okay, ten minutes.”<br/>“You’re lucky I let you listen to so many of my songs, otherwise you wouldn’t know the lyrics so well.”<br/>“Yeah right.”<br/>   As I sat listening to the music, Jerry had brought out his black Fender Stratocaster; he was really serious.  How drunk were we that we were even considering this?  It didn’t matter to me; I was just enjoying the song right now.  When the song was on another loop, I looked over the lyrics, then I felt a tap on my shoulder.  I took out the earbuds and looked to have Jerry ask, “You ready to rock?”<br/>“Sure,” I replied as I gave a chuckle and stood up from the bar stool.</p>
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<a name="section0048"><h2>48. Chapter 48</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   I panted as I found myself sitting on the floor gripping the razor between my fingers.  I looked to see red on the razor, on my hands, speckled and splattered all over me, and felt it go dry between my fingers.  I saw the cuts all over my hands, my arms, and my legs.  “Jon.”  I looked up to see someone look down on me and ask, “What have you done?”<br/>“… I’m sorry.  I’m sorry.”<br/>   “I thought you were done with this.”  I looked up to see Dr. Minh, and I was sitting in the infirmary bed.  What happened to me?  I stared at the bandages wrapped all around me and Dr. Minh continued, “I told you, if you needed to talk, just say so.”</p><p> </p><p>   I gasped and panted as I opened my eyes and lay on my bed in a daze.  I could feel sleep calling me back, making me close my eyes, but I kept seeing the darkness, the red blood, and the cuts all over me.  I looked underneath my covers and put a hand to my arms, then my legs, and I sighed as I relaxed a bit; it was just a dream.  I slipped out of my warm bed to feel my head thudding and put a hand to the gauze patch that was still on the left side of my head.<br/>   I suddenly felt a hand grab my arm and moan, “What is it?  What’s wrong?”  I blinked and looked to see black hair and tan skin underneath the covers, and I remembered; Yu.  “Uh…” I started, “Just, gonna go out for a bit.”<br/>Yu suddenly sat up and yawned, then replied, “You seemed to be fussing a lot.  You okay?”<br/>“I’m fine, I just… I need some air,” and I stood up, but Yu held onto my hand.<br/>   She locked eyes with me as she looked up and said, “I won’t leave you alone.  I’m not gonna let you be alone.”<br/>I blinked, then I smiled and replied, “Oh, okay.”<br/>Yu glared at me and asked, “We’re boyfriend and girlfriend, we slept in the same bed, and you just say ‘okay’?”<br/>   “Wait, we slept together?”<br/>She chucked a pillow at me and replied, “We just slept together, we didn’t do it!  At least show some appreciation for it!”<br/>I held up my hands and replied, “Okay, okay!  Sorry, but… Could you be more quiet?  Everyone’s probably still asleep.”<br/>   Yu’s face was surprised and embarrassed, then she stood up and asked, “What’s wrong?”  I found myself rubbing my arms and checking myself, then I sighed and replied, “It was…”<br/>She put her hands on my shoulders and said, “I told you, you can tell me.  I just want you to be okay.”<br/>I looked away and replied, “I was, cutting myself.  Over and over.”  Yu brought her hands to my face and guided me back to her eyes as she said, “Don’t worry about it.  It was just a dream.”<br/>   Her face suddenly changed as she continued to stare at me, then she said, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t…”<br/>“… It’s okay.”  I put a hand to my right arm; should I tell her?  I suddenly said, “Don’t worry about it.  It isn’t something you want to know about.”<br/>“But, it’s something I need to know.”<br/>“If I tell you, you won’t see me the same way.  And I don’t want it to change anything.”<br/>   “It shouldn’t change anything.  It won’t.”<br/>“How do you know?”<br/>“Because I love you.  I love you for you.  It’s just another part of you.”<br/>“… Let me think about it,” and as I headed for the door, Yu stood up with me and said, “Hold on, at least get dressed,” and I looked down to see I was still in my shorts.<br/>   In a few minutes, I was walking to the Hangar with Yu holding onto my arm, and she asked, “Do you still not remember?  About us?”<br/>“… Sorry.”<br/>“… Well, you seemed to know last night, that’s for certain.”  She giggled and continued, “You never told me you were such a good singer.”<br/>   “Yeah, but my accent makes it hell.  Kinda embarrassing.”<br/>“I like it.  It added a nice ring.”<br/>“Wish I could remember.”<br/>“You don’t remember singing last night?”<br/>“Well…” and I thought back, vaguely remembering walking around and singing out as I got applause.<br/>   “Not really,” I replied.<br/>“I took some pics and a video.”<br/>“You can show me at the Hangar.”  As we sat on one of the higher levels of the Hangar, Yu pulled out her phone and played a video of me singing and Jerry playing his guitar.<br/>“Huh,” I said, “I really did sing.”<br/>   “You seemed excited to do it.”<br/>“Man, I must’ve been pretty hammered.  What did I drink?”<br/>“Some kind of apple beer I think.  You chugged it down.”<br/>“Oh yeah.  I thought it was supposed to be apple juice.  I’m gonna get some payback on Greg.”<br/>“Relax.  Not like you did bad.”<br/>   “Yeah, but… the last time I sang, I wanted it to be the only time.”<br/>“How come?”<br/>“Like I said, it’s embarrassing.”<br/>“… So, are you feeling better?”<br/>“Hmm, I suppose so.”<br/>   “That doctor that came with you, is he really helping?”<br/>“Well, he’s one of the few people who doesn’t piss me off, and he doesn’t get easily fazed by me either.”<br/>“What makes you think that?”<br/>“We talked, and he saw through anything I was doing.  He’s obviously been doing his job for a while.”<br/>“You seem to respect him.”<br/>   “He’s okay.”<br/>“That’s still pretty high, especially with your standards.”  I continued to stare off into the cave; should I tell her?<br/>“Jon, go to that doctor that came with you.  Talk to him.”  I looked at her as she continued, “If you can’t tell me, tell him, tell someone.  It’s really rattled you.”<br/>I hugged Yu and said, “I will, don’t worry.  I’ll go this afternoon.”</p><p> </p><p>   I stared at the entrance to the infirmary when Yu asked, “You that scared?”<br/>“I’m not scared.”<br/>“Well, you’re kinda gripping my hand hard.”<br/>I quickly looked down and let go as I said, “Sorry.”  I saw my hand was white and I could feel my muscles shaking with weakness.<br/>   “Come on, I’m right here with you,” Yu said as she grinned and took my hand again.  I blinked, then I nodded and replied, “Right.”  I put my hand on the door, then I opened it and walked into the infirmary.  As we walked in, a nurse walked up and asked, “How can I help you?”<br/>“I’m here to see Dr. Minh,” I replied.  “There’s something we need to discuss.”<br/>“Alright, I’ll just get him from the labs,” and the nurse walked away.<br/>   I began to rub my hands, then Yu held them in hers and said, “Your hands are pretty hot compared to mine.”  I slowly put my hands around her frozen hands; she was right.<br/>“Why are your hands so cold?” I asked.<br/>“Because I’m cold-blooded.  That’s why I’m such a ruthless soldier.”<br/>“Come on, that’s just talk.”<br/>   “Jon,” Dr. Minh greeted as he walked up.  “You needed to talk about something?”<br/>“Yeah.”  I looked to Yu, who was already at the door and said, “Good luck!” and vanished.  I looked to Dr. Minh, who asked, “So, what is it?”<br/>“… I still can’t sleep right.”<br/>“Oh, how many hours?”<br/>   “I don’t know, I got drunk.”<br/>“Then you must’ve gotten plenty of it.”<br/>“That’s not what I mean.  I don’t want to sleep.”<br/>“Why not?”<br/>“I had another bad dream.”<br/>   “Alright, come on,” Dr. Minh said as he walked to a bed and patted down on it.  “Let’s have our session then.”  I sat down, then Dr. Minh said, “Lie down.  You should relax.”  I tentatively began lowering myself when Dr. Minh suddenly pushed me down entirely by my shoulders.  “See?  Isn’t that better?” he asked cheerfully.  I gave a look of disapproval, then I laid back comfortably as he pulled up a chair and said, “So then, you must remember the dream if you knew it was bad.”<br/>   “… Yeah.”<br/>“So?  What did you dream about?”<br/>“… Cutting myself.”<br/>“Okay, keep going.”<br/>   “I was… I don’t know where I was.  I just looked down to see cuts all over me, red blood, and a razor in my hand,” and I held up my left hand as I continued, “You were there.  Saying that I should’ve gotten over it.”  I narrowed my eyes as I finished, “I… I’m afraid this dream is gonna be real.”<br/>“… Do you want it to be?”<br/>“No, of course not!  It’s just… I can feel myself slipping back into that time.”<br/>   “What did you feel in the moments as you were cutting yourself?”<br/>“I guess, at first pain, then…”<br/>“What?”<br/>“… Regret.”<br/>“Is that what you really felt?  Or is that what everyone else is saying?”<br/>   “…”<br/>“Jon, it’s alright.  Just, tell me how you feel.”<br/>“Some part of me feels relief.”<br/>“Is it because of how it makes you feel?”<br/>“It’s the crossroads.”<br/>   I continued, “The choice to live or die, I can feel it.  It’s in those moments that it feels the clearest.  There’s nothing to think about, and my body moves either to survive or just give up.”<br/>“… I see.  You feel like you have the most control then.”  My face hardened, then a part of me admitted it; he was right.  “Jon?  Do you agree?”<br/>“… Yes,” I replied.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0049"><h2>49. Chapter 49</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   Should I tell her?  I was still standing in front of the Memorial Wall as I kept turning my thoughts, deciding on what to do.  I suddenly felt an arm wrap around me and say, “Hey, how’d it go?”  Yu.  I turned to her and replied, “Oh, yeah.  It was good.”<br/>“So is it off your chest?”<br/>   “… Not quite.”  I took her hand and continued, “Come with me,” and I led her into my room.  As she walked in, I shut the door and locked it behind me.  “… I think it’s about time I told you.”  I sat her down on my bed, and she pulled me down with her and sat me beside her.  She gave a light smile, then I smiled back, and started, “I’m a real jackass sometimes, I know that.  A bit blunt, I keep to myself, and I’ve made mistakes.  When I was fifteen, I made one of the biggest ones.  It wasn’t a good time.  I cut myself to see if it’d make me feel better.  To figure out why I did that, I just end up back in that dark time.  I did it a couple times before my dad found me doing it.”<br/>   I gripped the faint line under my right arm and continued, “I wish I had never done it than have him find me like that.  I know I had problems if I thought that was going to help.  Back then, it felt like it did, but I was just hurting myself and my father.  I still have problems, I’m still working it out, but I’ve had a lot of help along the way.”<br/>   Hae-Baek brought her hand to my face, then she leaned in and we kissed, making me close my eyes.  When we broke, I opened my eyes as she said, “Thank you.  Thank you for telling me.”  Then we all heard the alarm sound throughout the base, and both Hae-Baek and I checked our phones, then we continued to kiss.  I became lost in my thoughts as I wondered what would happen next; I love her.<br/>   I imagined returning home to Russia, and get married; nothing fancy.  Get a house out in the country; not too big, just enough to raise a family.  Live a normal life and hunt, grow old, then die.  Yeah, that was the way to go, but for it to happen…  When we broke again, I asked, “Hae-Baek?”<br/>“Hmm?  Yeah, what’s up?”<br/>“When this I all over, I plan on quitting.”<br/>   “Really?  I suppose there’s been enough action.”<br/>“And… I want us to get married.”<br/>I saw her blink, then she said, “You’re serious.”<br/>“Yeah, but, do you love me?”<br/>She suddenly buried her head into my chest and said, “Of course.  Where do you wanna go?”<br/>   “I was thinking we could get a house in the countryside in Russia.  Get some Northern peace and quiet.”<br/>“That sounds great.  Not too big of a fling on the wedding though, right?”<br/>“You read my mind,” and we kissed again.</p><p> </p><p>   I sighed as I returned from a mission with Dago, Hank, Wolf, and David, and heard, “Jon!” and I saw Kit and Hae-Baek run up.  “Hey guys,” I said, “How’s it going?”<br/>“You okay?”<br/>I took off my radio as I said, “Of course.  Wolf and Dago did pretty good too.”<br/>   I saw Dago stare at the ground as he continued to the armoury, and I said to Kit and Hae-Baek, “I’ll catch you guys later.  Gotta take all this off,” and I gestured to my armour before walking away.  As we unequipped, I asked Dago, “How long are you gonna be down?”<br/>“…”<br/>I sighed and said, “Nothing bad happened out there, you did good.”<br/>   “… I can’t forgive myself, for trying to kill you.”<br/>“You’re not the first to try.  And besides, how you feel about it is enough.”  I stood up when I was finished and slapped his shoulder as I finished, “Come on, let’s get something to eat.”<br/>“Not hungry.”<br/>“Then I order you to at least have a drink with me.  Come on,” and I gestured for him to follow.<br/>   As we walked into the lounge, Dago walked behind me and we walked up to the bar.  I sat down and said, “Greg, I’ll have my usual, and…” I looked to Dago, who said, “Just a beer.”<br/>“Sure,” Greg said as he opened the cupboards to take out mugs.  When our mugs were placed down, I immediately began to drink down my milk, and Dago said, “Colonel?”<br/>“Hmm?” I asked as I put down my mug, “What?”<br/>   “… I’m thinking of leaving XCOM.”<br/>“Huh?  Why?”  Was he really still that bothered?<br/>“I can feel it; no one wants me here.  I’ve talked to the Commander about it.”<br/>I looked at him and said, “That’s just the same as running away.  You’re just gonna leave it at that?  If you really want to solve the problem, stay and prove yourself.”<br/>   “The Commander said the same, but no one trusts me after what I’ve done, and I don’t blame them.”<br/>“If you leave, that’ll clinch it.  Stay.  Stay and fight.”  I soon looked down and realized my hands were clenched, and I quickly relaxed and turned away from Dago.<br/>“… One more mission,” Dago said.  “One more mission, then I’m done.”<br/>“I’ll change your mind by then.”</p><p> </p><p>   I soon heard the clock chime, listening to it ring, and counting the number of rings.  “… Eight… Nine… Ten……”  It was getting late, and I was still standing in front of the Memorial Wall, staring at the open photo album.  “… How long are you gonna be out here?” I heard Hae-Baek ask.<br/>“… Long enough.”<br/>“Come on.  You’re supposed to get some sleep.”<br/>   I saw the dreams again and I clenched my fists as I realized, I can’t.  “I can’t,” I said.  “Every moment is a koshmar.”<br/>“Nightmares.  I know, and I wish I could just make them go away, but you have to sleep.  It’s not good for your health, especially since you’ve come back from your mission.”<br/>“… Okay.”</p><p> </p><p>   “AAAHHH!!”  I gasped as I opened my eyes and found myself standing in the middle of an abandoned street.  “AAAHHH!!” the scream echoed again.<br/>“Just hold on,” I suddenly said.  “Just hold on!”  Then I heard gunfire and I suddenly found myself running, but I was slow; what was slowing me down?  I looked to see someone’s arm wrapped around my neck as I hauled them up and continued to help them walk and half drag their weakening body.<br/>   Suddenly, a shot of plasma rang through and I saw blood spray out.  The man dropped beside me, and I quickly caught him, still keeping him up.  “Hey.  Hey!” I shouted.  “Come on!  Stay with me!”<br/>“… Colonel,” the man breathed as red trickled out of his mouth, “I’m… sorry.”<br/>“Hey, come on,” and I put a hand to his chest as I continued, “Come on.  Stand up!  We can still make it!”<br/>“…”  Then I saw his lips move, but I couldn’t hear him; too much chaos.<br/>   I looked down and recognized him; Dago.  My hands were still on his chest, trying to keep the blood inside him; keep him alive just for a few more precious seconds.  I felt myself scream.</p><p> </p><p>   I gasped as my eyes flew open and I lay frozen in fear.  I panted as I replayed the dream, over and over in my head; was that the future?  Is it going to happen?  How can I save him?  Can I save him?  I checked my watch to read 5:23 a.m. and sighed as I closed my eyes to try to sleep again.  As I expected, it was useless; too many thoughts were spinning around the horrifying images I had seen.  I walked out of my room in my t-shirt and cargo shorts and out of the Barracks.<br/>   I walked to the Hangar Bay and stood on the Second Level as I stared out into the cave.  I was running through the dream, trying to see if I could make it play out differently, end differently; save his life.  If it was the future, I’m going to make sure he doesn’t die.  Not me, not him, not anyone, ever again.</p>
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<a name="section0050"><h2>50. Chapter 50</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   As the alarm rang, I checked my phone and saw I was on the team; so was Dago.  I immediately ran to the armoury and quickly geared up.  By the time I was ready, Hae-Baek, Wolf, David, Yin, and Dago were checking their phones for their equipment list.  I watched Dago get ready, then I said, “Be careful out there.  All of you.”<br/>Dago looked up at me, then Wolf said, “Don’t worry Colonel.  We know.”<br/>   “… Before we leave,” I said as I held my phone, “Let’s take a picture.”<br/>“Huh?  Why?” Wolf asked.<br/>“Call it a ‘tradition’.”<br/>“What’s special about a picture?” Yin asked.<br/>I could feel my heart steel as I replied, “Wait until they’re all you have left.”<br/>   I continued casually, “Come on.  Selfie before we leave.  Especially since Dago said it’ll be his last.”  I held out my phone and let everyone gather around me as I said, “Kay, smile!” and I gave a smile as Hae-Baek gave a peace sign and grinned.  Dago and Yin smiled casually and David’s head was poking out from underneath.  I put away my phone, then I said, “Alright, we’re ready to roll out!”<br/>   When we rode in the Skyranger, Bradford came on and said, “The invaders have placed a bomb somewhere in New York’s City Park to inflict maximum destruction and panic.”  When he was finished, Wolf asked, “Isn’t a park a bit… I guess a soft target?”<br/>“Well, it’s a popular tourist attraction too,” I said, “It won’t just cause panic to the Americans.  It’ll cause panic to people worldwide.”<br/>   “Oh, yeah.  That’s true.”<br/>“Then we’ll just have to stop them,” Dago said.  In a few hours, we all stepped out of the Skyranger, and I saw we were in front of Carnegie Hall.  Then I looked at the park and said, “Aww... We have to look through all that?  This is gonna be a long night.”  I held my scanner and said, “Gonna get some eyes on the field,” and I threw the metal scanner into the park.<br/>   As the area was scanned, there was no movement, no bodies, no nothing.  I growled and said, “I’m gonna see if I can get some height from the buildings down the street,” and I headed out.<br/>“I’ll cover you,” Dago said as he followed.  As we moved through the dead, sectioned off streets, I kept running through the scenarios in my head; kill all the aliens, or run like hell while giving Dago cover.  All that mattered was that we all get out of this alive.<br/>   “You’re pretty quiet Colonel,” Dago said.  “Everything okay?”  I suddenly froze as I looked down the street and recognized it; from my dream.  “Dago,” I said.  “Get into cover, now.”<br/>“Hmm?  What is it?”<br/>“Just do as I say,” I repeated more forcefully, and Dago ran into an alley.<br/>I pressed my back against the wall of a building when I heard Hae-Baek say over the radio, “I found a power source.  Deactivating.”<br/>   “Copy,” Bradford replied.  As I heard chittering and whispering, Wolf asked, “Colonel, you hear that?”<br/>I replied quietly, “Yeah.  Keep on your toes.”<br/>“I’m throwing out a scanner.”  As the scanner revealed more of the area, I looked through the trees of the park to see a group of Thin Men, hunched over a body.  “Enemy in sight,” I replied.  “Ugh, and they’re doing… whatever the hell it is they do.”<br/>   “I can flank them from here,” Wolf said.<br/>“Copy.  I’ll cover you.”  As I raised my rifle and waited, I heard a shot ring out, making the Thin Men scatter while one of them fell.  I quickly fired, reloaded, then took another shot to drop the last Thin Man.  Then I heard running footsteps and looked down the street to see Mutons take cover behind cars and aim towards us.<br/>   Then one of the Mutons was thrown back as Dago shot out plasma and said, “Colonel!  Get some cover!”  I quickly smashed a window and jumped into the building I stood against, then I said, “I’ll move up and try to flank ‘em.”  I looked around to see I was in a diner and walked down the aisles with my head down.  I carefully moved to the next room and peeked out the window to see the other Muton hiding behind the car.<br/>   As I took aim, I heard crashing and saw two more Mutons come up behind me, entering the diner from the back door.  “Blyat!” I yelled as I jumped behind the counter and took cover from the fire, hearing glass break as they missed.  I quickly poked out and shot at the Muton outside, the bullet piercing through the glass and taking off its head.  I quickly ducked back down as more glass broke and I heard wood splinter.  “Colonel!  Get outta there!” I heard Dago yell.<br/>“What-” I started, but then I was suddenly thrown, the air knocked out of me, and everything went dark.</p><p> </p><p>   I groaned as I slowly woke up to my body being crushed, then I opened my eyes to see nothing but darkness.  I tried to move, but I only heard crumbling as I was kept immobilised.  “Colonel!” I heard muffled.  My radio must be broken.<br/>I breathed and asked, “Dago?”<br/>“Colonel!  Hang on!” and I heard more crumbling to soon see a sliver of light.<br/>   I slowly brought my hand up, then the light blinded me, making me shield my eyes, and I heard, “Come on Colonel!” and my arm was grabbed as I was ripped out of the rubble.  I groaned as I spilled out and held my shoulder.<br/>“Sorry, you okay?” and I saw a hand held out.<br/>I looked to see Dago, then I replied, “Yeah, thanks,” and I took his hand.<br/>   I felt more rumbling, then Dago said, “We’re pulling back to Carnegie Hall.”<br/>“Huh?  What about the bomb?”<br/>“We found the bomb, but it was a set up.”<br/>“What?”<br/>“We’re split from David, Yin, Wolf, and Yu.”<br/>   “What?”<br/>“Don’t worry, they’re fine.  They’re together, so they should be fine.  But without a Medic, we can’t afford to get hit.  We’ve been ordered to pull back.”<br/>I put a hand to my radio to feel the frayed pieces, then I asked, “That’s the order?”<br/>“Yeah.”<br/>   “… Well I don’t care.  I’m going after them.”<br/>“What?  You can’t be serious.”<br/>I loaded my rifle, making sure it was still working, and I began to walk when Dago said, “You still don’t trust me, is that it?”<br/>I stopped, then I replied, “No.  I just can’t abandon my friends.”<br/>   “Then listen to the Commander yourself,” and Dago held out his earpiece as he continued, “He’ll order you to come back.”<br/>“…”<br/>“Are you going to risk making things more complicated if you get hurt?”<br/>I looked to Dago; I would not let him die.<br/>   “Fine,” I said.  “Let’s get back to the hall.  I suppose we can provide support if they need cover on the way back.”<br/>Dago sighed and said, “Come on then, let’s get going.”<br/>There was more rumbling, and I asked, “What is that?  It’s been doing that the whole time.”<br/>“Shit.  I think it’s the Sectopod.  It might be coming back our way.”<br/>   “What?”<br/>“Run!” and he grabbed my arm and we both ran.  As I kept up, Dago let go of my arm and we both ran through the dark diner as we heard gunshots and breaking glass.  We both kept our heads down as bullets whizzed past us and debris was sprayed.  I peeked out the door, seeing the Sectopod behind the trees of the park, and I asked, “Think we could take it down?”<br/>   “I don’t wanna take that chance.  Commander?”  Dago put a hand to his radio, then he nodded and replied, “Understood.”  He looked to me and said, “We shouldn’t risk it.  Just retreat for now.  The others are gonna need cover fire when they come back.”<br/>“Got it,” I replied, “I’ll go out first.  We can cut through the park.”  I took a breath, then I dashed out and across the street to have bullets and plasma whiz by.<br/>   Then I saw the Thin Men waiting for me as I ran into the park.  I quickly raised my rifle and fired to kill one, dodged the plasma from another, then I saw another one fall back.  I looked back to see Dago fire as he followed.  I saw the Sectopod focus on us, and I yelled, “Dago!  Run!”  He was only halfway across the street when I saw another Muton appear beside the Sectopod and fire.  Dago cried out as he was hit in the side and fell forward.<br/>   “Dago!” I yelled as I quickly ran in front of Dago, aimed at the Muton, and fired to have it fall back.  Dago grunted as he put a hand to his side and stood up as he yelled, “Get back!  I’m fine!”  I looked to see red leak through his fingers, and I quickly wrapped his arm around my neck; no.  I immediately hauled Dago onto his feet and said, “We’re getting into the trees, now!”  As we quickly moved, an explosion staggered us and I saw the section of the park right in front of us was reduced to fire and ash, the trees nothing but burnt stumps.<br/>   I panted as I saw the Sectopod launch its rockets, aimed at us.  As the fire trailed, I grunted and held up a hand to watch the rockets hit a purple dome.  “Come on,” I said to Dago as we kept moving.  Dago gave pained breaths as he struggled to walk; he can’t die.  I can’t let him.  Another explosion sent us flying forward, knocking us into the ground, and Dago groaned, “Colonel, I’m just slowing you down.”<br/>“No!  Shut up!  We can make it!” but I looked and my barrier was gone.<br/>   I quickly picked up Dago by his arm and moved to see I was practically dragging him; he was barely able to stand.  As I struggled to lift him, I felt a bullet hit, and Dago screamed out.  I saw green plasma and red blood spray forward; even my body felt the impact.  I looked to see Dago’s face twist in pain as he fell onto his knees with a hole ripped through his chest.  None of this was like the movies, or the books where everything slows down; for me, it was happening too fast.<br/>   I fell onto my knees beside Dago, put my hands against his chest, but he was losing too much blood too quickly.  “… Colonel,” Dago rasped.<br/>“Shut up,” I said, “Shut up.  Save your strength.”<br/>“I’m… sorry,” Dago finished.<br/>   “No,” I said as my hands became plastered onto Dago’s chest.  “No… You can’t die.  I won’t let you!  I… I promised… I made you a promise!”<br/>Dago looked up at me with a peaceful look on his face as he replied, “It’s okay.”  Then I watched his eyes stray off into the night sky, and slowly close as he gave the longest exhale in life.<br/>   I was caught staring at his peaceful still face, then I got a hold of myself and said, “Hey, come on.  Come on,” and I gave him a light shake as I continued, “Stand up.  Stand up.  Stand up!” but he was unresponsive.  I began to cry uncontrollably as I held Dago in my arms, with nothing else coming to mind.  How?  I knew, but it still happened.  This was supposed to have ended differently; it should have ended differently.<br/>   I soon found myself screaming into the sky, crying for Dago.  Then I felt anger brim from inside, and I let my cries become roars of hatred.  I growled loudly, then roared to feel the energy surge through me.  I felt myself glide as I barred my teeth and charged into the street to face the Sectopod.  I immediately rushed in and suddenly moved past it to feel my hand tear through it.  There was a dying whir and an explosion behind me as I continued down the street.<br/>   This was… good.  I stared at my hand to see nothing but purple, brimming with power.  I could hear them all; crawling around, chittering in their speech, and I would hunt down every single one of them.  I exhaled as I moved and suddenly stood before three Thin Men.  I waved my hand to have a vortex of purple reduce them to crumpled bodies.  Then I looked to see the large bomb in the centre of the park.  I held out a hand to have purple envelop it, and I watched the green light fade.<br/>   Then I curled my fingers into a fist to have the machine crushed like foil paper.  I felt myself instinctively move as I heard gunfire to see two Mutons.  I let out my rage at once as I stabbed my hand through one of them, then I almost immediately stood in front of the last one to hold it up by its neck.  I watched the Muton flail and struggle in my arm; pathetic.  They were all pathetic.  They all deserve to die, by my hand.<br/>   As the Muton tensed in my hand, I heard, “You have yet to master the Gift.  Such reckless use of a great power-” and I let my power increase as I thought, <em>“I don’t need you,” </em>and as I send out my energy, the voices went silent.  The Muton in my hand went limp, the life sapped from it, and I tossed it aside with ease.  With this power, I could destroy them all.<br/>“COLONEL!”<br/>   I slowly turned my head and looked to see Wolf, Yin, David, and Hae-Baek.  I turned my entire body to face them, and let them feel my hatred; my power.  No words came to my mind, or was it something else?<br/>“Colonel!” Wolf continued as he walked up.  I suddenly roared as I swiped my hand to have a purple wave rush past Wolf and hit a building to the side, leaving a large scar across the bricks.  “I’m sorry,” Wolf said.  “I heard, and I’m sorry.  I’m sorry he had to die.”<br/>   I still didn’t feel anything except for the calamity still stirring inside of me.  I just lowered my head, then Wolf continued, “You’re not the only one who’s upset.  So stop this.  Stop it now.”<br/>“…”<br/>“… I told you; I know what it’s like.”<br/>   Wolf clenched his fists as I heard his voice tremble and say, “I had a sister you know?  She was four, almost five, and I was her big ten-year-old brother.  We were playing on the sidewalk, and she wanted to walk on the curb.”  Wolf held his hand out as he continued, “I held her hand as she put one foot in front of the other, balancing on the curb.  Then a car swerved off the road and hit her, and she was ripped from my hand.  When I looked to see what happened, I only saw pink sandals, from where she was just…”<br/>   Wolf’s head was down as he finished, “I know what it’s like, okay?  I was her older brother; I was supposed to protect her.  I should’ve seen the car, but I didn’t, and she died.”  I stood, processing that story, then Wolf locked eyes with me and finished, “But that hasn’t destroyed me; I couldn’t let it.  I had to be there for my parents.  They had already lost one kid; I couldn’t let them lose another.  Don’t you see?  We have to keep going for them.”<br/>   I suddenly felt myself fall forward and I panted as I caught myself on my fours and grasped the street underneath me.  “Colonel!”  I suddenly saw red drip onto the ground; it was from me.  I put a hand to my left ear and felt wet liquid, then I saw what I expected to see on my hand; red blood.  I saw hands bring my face up to see Hae-Baek, and I felt blank as she shouted at me with her eyes welling up.  I didn’t seem to hear anything, and she just hugged me as I sat on my knees, still blank.</p>
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<a name="section0051"><h2>51. Chapter 51</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   When I woke up and opened my eyes, the first thing I heard was, “Jon?  Are you alright?”  I slowly sat up and sighed as I brought up my knees and buried my head down.  “Hey, come on,” I heard Dr. Laavi say as he put a hand on my shoulder and gently shook me, but I couldn’t.  I can’t kill anymore.  I can’t let anyone else get killed.  Then I felt horrible, like everything inside me was falling apart; my sanity, my control, my soul.<br/>   I held my head as I began to spiral into darkness, crying in uncontrollable agony, and feel my mind crumble away.  “Jon.  Jon!  Jon!  Get ahold of yourself!”  What did they know?  What did any of them know?  I felt myself being shaken again and I spun to slap away hands and I yelled, “Don’t touch me!”  I angrily stood from my bed, and as I heard, “Jon, calm down!  Just sit down and let us help.”<br/>“I don’t need your help!” I roared as I swung an arm.<br/>   I glared angrily at everyone in the room, seeing the faces, but ignoring who I saw.  “What do you know about it?” I asked.  “What do you know?!”  After that, I couldn’t hear them.  All I heard was my own voice, grating against my throat and each sound giving me more fuel, more power.  “I could’ve saved him!” I continued, “How could you possible understand?!  I knew!  I knew!  I knew, and he still died!  I let him die!”<br/>   I was suddenly immobilized and immediately fought them off.  I looked around to see fear, and I continued, “You’re all the same.  You’re all the same!”  I staggered as I found myself going numb, and I began to slur, “You… You’re all… the same… Just watch… They’ll kill me right the next time… Just…” and I groaned as I fell onto a knee and felt myself lifted away.  I continued to fight, but my body was getting heavier and everything went dark.   I still felt myself fighting for consciousness as my body was held down and went still.<br/>   I opened my eyes to feel sluggish.  I stared at the white bed I lay in, the I.V.s in my arm, and I had to lay back again as my head weighed me down.  I tried to lift my arms, but I felt the weakness in my muscles and the heaviness on my entire body.  I growled and focused my power, only to have a knife stab through my brain.  I cried out and gasped as I fell back and closed my eyes to smother the pain.<br/>   I suddenly heard a door, and I lifted my head to see someone walk into the single room I was locked in.  “Jon,” a man said, “Let’s talk.”  Minh.<br/>“… Dago… Did you at least bring him back?”<br/>“Yes.  He’s been given a proper send off.”<br/>I sighed and closed my eyes as I laid back and relaxed.<br/>   “… What did you mean when you said you knew it would happen?”<br/>“… I had a dream,” I replied.  “I saw him; he was dying, and I was right beside him.  In both my dream and my reality I couldn’t save him.  I knew it would happen, so why?  Why couldn’t I stop it?”<br/>“Well, because it’s life.  Sometimes no matter what you do, there’s no changing its course.”<br/>“Does that mean there’s no point to life?  There’s just a set course for us all?  Just as Dago was set to die?”<br/>   “No.  We still make the choices that lead us to those outcomes, and we hope for the best.  That’s all we can do as people.”<br/>I turned my head to the side, facing away from Minh, and I twitched a hand as I asked, “Why am I… so heavy?  I can barely move.”<br/>“I’m sorry.  It was to make sure you wouldn’t hurt anyone, or hurt yourself.”<br/>   “… Yeah, you’re right.  That’s probably for the best.”<br/>“So is that how you feel as well?”<br/>“How I feel?  What do you think I’m feeling?”<br/>“Lost.  You want to be there to protect them, but at the same time you don’t want to watch them die.”<br/>“I don’t know what to do,” and I could feel myself on the verge of tears as I clenched my fists and buried my head into the pillow.  “I don’t know what to do…”</p><p> </p><p>   As I lay in my bed imitating sleep, I heard the door open quietly; too quietly.  When I heard nurses and Dr. Minh walk in, they walked in without a care to noise.  These were the sounds of someone being careful.  I listened to them walk up to the side of my bed, then stop; I could feel them standing over me.  Then I registered the heart monitor beeping faster beside me; sh*t!  I suddenly felt a hand clamp over my mouth, but I still opened my eyes calmly, and looked directly into the eyes of a masked doctor.<br/>   No; it was someone disguised as a doctor.  No, that wasn’t it either.  I had seen this doctor here.  The doctor held up a syringe and was able to stick it into my I.V. with one hand.  Was he going to?  Really?  I saw the doctor push down the plunger, then slowly pull out the syringe.  I felt myself getting hazy, struggling to stay awake, but I soon let it come.  As my eyes closed, I watched the doctor turn and walk away.<br/>   I heard noise immediately take over as my chest became heavy, but it was too late.  As I was letting myself slip into darkness, I saw Dr. Minh turn my head to face him.  I heard more yelling, and one of my eyes was opened wider, but it was still getting further away.  I felt myself exhale as I closed my eyes and let my body go numb.  Finally.  About time someone got it right; I was dying.  Then again, I probably shouldn’t be speaking so soon, considering how many times I dodged Death, or was forced out of the way.<br/>   I don’t know how long I was stuck in time, in the dark.  All I knew was I was getting uncomfortable.  Was this it to dying; nothingness?  Or was I stuck?  Was some part of me still tethered to life?  Just let go, please.  Let go- “Jon, no!”  I gasped and coughed as my lungs took in air and my dry throat cried for water.  Then I felt the heat, and the pain.  I screamed as I held my chest and felt my heart burning.  “Hold him down!  Sedate him!”<br/>   I continued to scream and I was prevented from writhing.  I panted as I opened my eyes wide open and saw multiple doctors and nurses all around me, working on me, forcing me to be alive.  “You want him to die again?!” another doctor yelled.<br/>“Jon!  Can you hear us?”<br/>I continued to groan and clutch my chest, then I replied, “Y-yeah…”  It was getting harder to breathe.<br/>   “Need to ventilate!”<br/>“Jon!  Just relax and try to hold still!”  It soon felt like I was trying to breathe through water, slowly suffocating.  Then I began to choke, but I was prevented from moving again as I saw a tube go into my mouth and felt it force its way down.  As I continued to fight, I slipped back into the dull darkness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0052"><h2>52. Chapter 52</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>   The noises I first heard was the hiss of a ventilator and the steady beep of a heart monitor, which slowly increased as I opened my eyes.  “Oh, Jon!” I heard Hae-Baek cry as she wrapped her arms around me and laid her head on my chest.  Then I felt the tube roughly slither out of my throat, making me cough and I heard, “Yeah, that’s it.  Doing great.”  As I felt the tube leave, I covered my mouth and coughed, making my chest ache and I put a hand to it.<br/>
   As I lay and breathed, I began to feel how much my body was burning and in pain.  “How do you feel?” I heard.<br/>
“… Like I’ve been shredded up.” I held my hand in front of me and touched the tips of my fingers as I continued, “Feels kinda tingly.”<br/>
“What do you remember?”<br/>
   “… Pain… And dark.”<br/>
“I’m sorry.  Someone tried to kill you.”<br/>
I sighed and replied, “They just can’t get it right, can they?”<br/>
Hae-Baek suddenly looked up and shouted, “That’s all you can say?!  Don’t you care about what would’ve happened to me, or Kit, or everyone else?!”<br/>
   “… Sorry.  I’m just, really confused.  I’m not sure what I want to do.”<br/>
Hae-Baek held her head back down and said, “Please.  Please live.  You have to live.  Because…”<br/>
I lifted my head in curiosity, and Hae-Baek took a deep breath as she said, “I’m pregnant.”<br/>
I blinked, then I stared bewildered, and I asked, “What?”<br/>
“I don’t know.  I don’t know how it happened, but… I’m pregnant.”<br/>
   “… And there’s no one else it could be?”<br/>
“Of course it couldn’t be anyone else!”<br/>
I suddenly rose and wrapped my arms around Hae-Baek to bring her into my chest, and I said, “It’s alright.  Everything’s gonna be alright.”<br/>
“I know.”<br/>
   “… Colonel,” I heard.  I looked and sat up to see the Commander at the foot of my bed.  I saluted, making the Commander reply, “At ease.  Colonel… you’re a good man, and an excellent soldier.”<br/>
“Thank you,” I replied as I bowed my head.<br/>
“That is why I’m going to dismiss you.”<br/>
I look up in surprise and breathed, “W-what?”<br/>
   “And Lieutenant Yu too.  I heard.  Congratulations.”<br/>
“No, wait.”<br/>
“Is there a problem?”<br/>
“I… How am I supposed to leave right in the middle of a war?  Especially when my friends are still…”<br/>
   “Even they advised it.  You’ve done your part Colonel.  Let us handle the rest.”  I closed my eyes and looked away in anger and shame, then I heard, “When you have healed and been checked out, you are officially dismissed from XCOM.”<br/>
I clenched my fists, then I replied, “Alright.”</p><p> </p><p>   Soon, I was alone with Hae-Baek lying down beside me in the hospital bed, and I asked, “Seems we get an early retirement.  What do you want to do?”<br/>
“… I was thinking a small wedding with just a few of our friends and family.  Not too big, ya’ know?”<br/>
“Yeah.  Invite as many people as you want.  I don’t have much family.”<br/>
“You will soon.”<br/>
   I gave a light chuckle, then I asked, “And after that?”<br/>
“You said a house in the country.  Any place in mind?”<br/>
“My hometown is nice and quiet.  A good place to raise the kid.  Good woods to hunt too.”<br/>
Hae-Baek nestled her head into my shoulder and said, “Mmm, sounds nice.”<br/>
I laid a hand on her middle and replied, “It’ll be perfect.”<br/>
   “So, how you gonna break the news to everyone?  I imagine Kit won’t be too happy with you leaving.”<br/>
“Don’t worry.  He’ll be too excited for the wedding.”<br/>
Hae-Baek sighed happily and asked, “What should we name our child?”<br/>
“You have any ideas?”<br/>
“I was thinking, maybe Keith if it’s a boy, or maybe Dustin?”<br/>
   “What if it’s a girl?”<br/>
“Hmm… How about you?  We need more ideas.”<br/>
“Alright.  How about Ingrid?”<br/>
Hae-Baek giggled and said, “That’s an interesting name.”<br/>
“It’ll be an interesting name for an interesting girl.”</p><p> </p><p>Six years later…</p><p> </p><p>   I breathed in the cold winter air deeply as I tied the bundle of wood and tied loops to have a makeshift rope backpack.  I walked back through the falling snow on the footprints I had previously made, keeping my eyes on the ground to follow them back home.  As I walked over the last hill and out of the woods, I saw the black car parked outside my small log cabin home.  I sighed through my scarf as I began to walk down the hill with the wood on my back.<br/>
   As I took out the key to my house, I heard the car door open and slam shut.  I quickly opened the door and walked in to hear, “Mr. Ryumin!  Please wait!”<br/>
“Go away,” I said forcefully as I immediately shut the door behind me.  I shook off the snow on my shoulders and sighed as I took off my boots and gently took off the firewood on my back.<br/>
   I brought the bundle to the fireplace across the living room, where I saw my daughter kneeling on top of the sofa and peek out the window from behind the drawn curtains.  I heard cooing and looked to see my son was in his playpen.  “Hey Rodaram,” I said as I knelt down to my baby son and brought my hand up to him.  As Rodaram grabbed my hand, I realized how cold I was, making him giggle as he held my fingers to warm them up.<br/>
   I looked at Rodaram’s white hair, then I looked to my daughter, who asked, “Dad, who are those people?”<br/>
I replied, “I guess you could say they used to be my bosses.”<br/>
“From work?”<br/>
“… Yeah.”<br/>
“But I thought you said you left work.  So why are they here?”<br/>
   “Well, I was good at my job.”  There was a loud thudding at the door, and a man called, “Mr. Ryumin!  Please!”  I heard Rodaram begin to fuss, and I instructed, “Dinadan, take care of your brother.”  Dinadan immediately jumped down from the sofa and reached for Rodaram in his pen.  I opened the door to see the two men in thick jackets stand in the cold outside air as one of them asked, “May we?”<br/>
   One of them was an average build, but the other was slightly taller than me and had more muscle.  Figured.  I stepped aside to let the two men step in, and I said, “Take off your shoes,” and I closed the door behind them.  As I walked into the kitchen, the two men followed and sat at the kitchen counter.  I looked in the living room to see Dinadan pick up Rodaram, and she saw me gesture to the hallway.  She immediately took Rodaram with her into the hallway and I heard their bedroom door close.<br/>
   I put on the kettle, my back turned to the two men, and I asked, “What do you want this time?”  I heard rustling of paper as I took out three mugs and saw an envelope placed on the counter, slid towards me.  I only glanced at it and replied, “I don’t need it.”<br/>
“Jon please, think about your children.”<br/>
I glared at the man and said, “Don’t you bring them into this.”<br/>
   I turned away to the cupboard to take out the tea leaves, and the man continued, “We’re not asking you to return to the field.  We want you to train the future generation.  The new soldiers of the Russian militia.  Surely you’ve heard.  We’re losing Earth.  With you and this new regiment, the tide can be turned.”<br/>
“…”<br/>
   “Don’t you want a future for them?”  The kettle boiled, and I turned off the stove to pour the hot water into the mugs.  I put in the tea leaves and let the mugs sit, then I sighed as I leaned on the kitchen counter and replied, “You fools don’t understand.  There’s a reason I left; why I was let go.”<br/>
“Like we said, we’ll ensure you see no field action, no immediate endangerment to you or your family.”<br/>
“… I don’t even need field action.  It’s in the details, see?  That’s what you guys always miss.”<br/>
   “But you’re the best.”<br/>
“And I had to give up a lot for it.  So much that when I-” My eyes pierced through the hallway to see a faint shadow, and I said, “Dinadan, don’t worry yourself.  Go on and play with your brother.”  The room was still as I kept my gaze on the hallway, and when I felt her presence leave, I looked back to the men and handed them their mugs.<br/>
   “Sometimes I just look at my gun, and I see it all again.”<br/>
“But you hunt.”<br/>
“With my father’s rifle, not that monster of a killing machine I used in the war.”<br/>
“We’ll provide you with anything you need; housing, health care, schooling for your children.”<br/>
“I’m doing just fine on my own.  Like I’ve said, I’m not interested.  If that’s it, then finish your tea and be off.”<br/>
   When the men left, I watched the black car pull out and drive off.  Then I looked to the counter to gather the mugs and saw the envelope was still lying there.  I picked up the mugs and washed them off, then I picked up the envelope and sighed as I stared at it.  “Dad?”  I looked to see Dinadan peek out from the hallway, and I walked over and said, “Hey little one,” and picked her up and held her.<br/>
“Why don’t they leave you alone?”<br/>
   “They just really want me.”<br/>
“Do they need help?”<br/>
“In a way, yes.”<br/>
“Then why don’t you help them?”<br/>
   “Because if I do, there’s a chance you won’t see me again.”<br/>
“You mean like Mommy?”<br/>
I gently stroked Dinadan’s long black hair, and held back tears as I replied, “Yeah.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hello!  Glad you made it to end!  Yes, there is a sequel.  No, it is not finished.  To be honest, I'm not sure if it will be finished, since I've been hitting blocks and had to edit a ton after I actually played XCOM 2.  But I did make a promise that as long as there was one person reading I would strive to finish the series.  It's been several years and the sequel is probably 1/3 finished, but the introductory content has remained the same throughout, so I may come around to posting that.  I hope you enjoyed this book, and I hope that once I publish the first chapter of the sequel you will continue reading.  Thank you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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